I’m still exploring the bizarre notes I seem to have left for myself on my phone. Most are ridiculous but I can still make some sense of them but today I’m sharing the baffling notes I left on my phone with no additional text that probably meant something at the time but are now secret codes I no longer have the decoder for that you may feel free to use as a band or cult name:
“Deviled Eggs Toilet Paper”
“Michelin Man Costume”
“Arthritis Hair Sake”
“Traveling windows?”
“CORN HOLE”
“Chicken Wax Restoration in Quickbooks”
“TARTER SAUCE TORSO KILLER”
“Hysterical Euphonia”
“Never leave the bookshop”
“GARBAGE SOCKS”
“Soybean burger: Elf Kidney”
“Learned how to sign an asshole with Judy Blume!”
“ACCIDENTAL CAT FUR MASK”
“Bitey/Stabby”
“If my wings keep falling off, staples?”
“Let’s do seagulls”
“T-rex helicopter”
“WELD DOG OUTFIT”
“Daddy long legs are friends”
“My socks are broken”
“Put new pantyhose on the cantaloupe”
“NOPE”
UPDATED: I kept looking at GARBAGE SOCK, thinking it was a note to make socks out of garbage and then I realized it was a typo from when I was reminding myself to buy garbage sacks but I’m keeping it because I’d totally join a cult called GARBAGE SOCKS.
UPDATED AGAIN: Victor reminded me that “Chicken Wax Restoration Quickbooks” was a very important note I made that I bought some restoration wax to shine up Beyonce the Giant Metal Chicken and I needed to mark it as a business expense. THIS IS ALL MAKING SENSE NOW.
UPDATED AGAIN: Hang on. Victor to the rescue again. I did not learn how to autograph buttholes with Judy Blume, apparently. I did a zoom with her once and there was a sign language interpreter interpreting us and she had to keep signing the word “asshole”, which I was apparently very entertained by because it looked like the hand symbol for “okay”. From now on when I’m dealing with an asshole I’m going to just do the symbol and be like, “okay!” but secretly know that I’m adding a silent “asshole” to every sentence.
UPDATED AGAIN: I put pantyhose on the single cantaloupe I was growing in the backyard a few years ago to keep bugs from eating it, although I had forgotten this until now. Past me was very smart. And confusing.