Last month I started sharing on twitter the weirdest thing that Amazon recommended to me each day and it’s a bit of a vicious circle because I look at strange shit and then Amazon is like, “Oh, is that what you’re into, weirdo?” and then it recommends more weird shit and then the people whoContinue reading “The most baffling things Amazon recommended.”
You know how Amazon recommends stuff to you based on stuff you’ve bought or liked? Well, here are a few things Amazon thought I’d like this month: A pillow with the words “HORSE PENIS” on it. It comes in eight different colors and on the bottom of the pillow it says: “The words ‘horse penis’Continue reading “Amazon knows me too well and it’s insulting and also costing me money.”
Um…Ow. Have you tried just rubbing them? Because they’re only going to retreat further if they see that coming. And no, I don’t care if you did “warm it up in the oven first”. Put it away, asshole.
This is the most awesome thing I’ve seen all morning. Not the fact that Amazon is selling uncooked headless rabbits that look disturbingly like freshly skinned kittens, but that the “sponsored link” on the cook-your-own-dead-bunny page is this: Awesomeness. (You can read “the awesomeness of Amazon, part 1” here.)
Wanna do something fun with me? Awesome, because I need help. Hailey has gone off to college and it’s left me feeling entirely unmoored. My therapist says that I need to fill the time that I had spent as the mom of a high-schooler with something positive for myself that is therapeutic and rewarding andContinue reading “I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m doing it. Please do it with me. (Not sexually.)”
Hello and welcome to year 12B of the James Garfield Miracle! “12B?” you ask, wondering if I’ve lost my mind. Yes to both. Because I don’t use the unlucky number so it’s 10, 11, 12, 12b, 14, etc. This makes perfect sense if you have as much untreated OCD as me. “Weird. But cool. ButContinue reading “Every year I say it will be the last and every year I am a damn liar. WELCOME TO THE ALMOST 14th ANNUAL JAMES GARFIELD MIRACLE!”