Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

I wrote a book and it only took me 11 years.  (Shut up, Stephen King.)

You should probably go buy it right now, because it’s filled with awesomeness.  And cocaine.  But only if you hollow it out and fill it with your own cocaine.  I’m not buying you cocaine.  Because I love you.

And that’s why you should buy my book.  Because I’m saving you from yourself.  And from cocaine.


If you want a signed copy you can order one from my book store, Nowhere Bookshop.  Just tell me what you want me to write when you order.

It’s also available at BookshopAmazonBarnes & NobleIndie Bound, Books-A-MillionAudible and iTunes and it somehow became a #1 NYT BestSeller the first week out.  I have no idea how that happened either.

In the UK you can get it at Amazon.UK, Waterstones and UK indie stores.

Book summary:  

For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris-Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut.

When Jenny Lawson was little, all she ever wanted was to fit in. That dream was cut short by her fantastically unbalanced father (a professional taxidermist who created dead-animal hand puppets) and a childhood of wearing winter shoes made out of used bread sacks. It did, however, open up an opportunity for Lawson to find the humor in the strange shame spiral that is her life, and we are all the better for it.

Lawson’s long-suffering husband and sweet daughter are the perfect comedic foils to her absurdities, and help her to uncover the surprising discovery that the most terribly human moments-the ones we want to pretend never happened-are the very same moments that make us the people we are today.

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir is a poignantly disturbing, yet darkly hysterical tome for every intellectual misfit who thought they were the only ones to think the things that Lawson dares to say out loud. Like laughing at a funeral, this book is both irreverent and impossible to hold back once you get started.

AUTHOR BIO: Known for her sardonic wit and her hysterically skewed outlook on life, Jenny Lawson has made millions of people question their own sanity, as they found themselves admitting that they, too, often wondered why Jesus wasn’t classified as a zombie, or laughed to the point of bladder failure when she accidentally forgot that she mailed herself a cobra. Her blog (www.thebloggess.com) is award-winning, extremely popular, and she is considered to be one of  the funniest women alive by at least three people.


Praise and advanced reviews:

“Even when I was funny, I wasn’t this funny” ~ Augusten Burroughs, author of Running With Scissors

“The Bloggess writes stuff that actually is laugh-out-loud, but you know that really you shouldn’t be laughing and probably you’ll go to hell for laughing, so maybe you shouldn’t read it. That would be safer and wiser.”
-Neil Gaiman, author of The Sandman, Stardust, American Gods and Coraline

“There’s something wrong with Jenny Lawson-magnificently wrong. I defy you to read her work and not hurt yourself laughing.” -Jen Lancaster, Author of Bitter is the New Black, Jeneration X, Bright Lights, Big Ass

“Jenny Lawson will make you laugh again and again – at things you didn’t even know were funny.  And what’s more, she can write.  What she knows about pacing, punchlines, setups and surprises could fill a book.  Lucky for us, it’s this one.  – Katherine Center, author of The Bright Side of Disaster, Everyone Is Beautiful, and Get Lucky

“Jenny Lawson is hilarious, snarky, witty, totally inappropriate, and ‘Like Mother Teresa, Only Better.'”
-Diana Vilibert, Marie Claire

“Jenny Lawson’s writing is nothing less than revolutionary.  Her humor is touched by humanity, her cynicism laced with self-deprecation. I say this without a hint of exaggeration: She may be one of the most progressive women’s voices of our time.”
-Karen Walrond, author of The Beauty of Different

1,060 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I preordered your book along with “Dick and Jane and Vampires” (yes it’s a real kids book) because it said at checkout that your book was often ordered along with the latest Harry Potter movie which I thought was odd. So now you have another interesting book to be paired with yours. You’re welcome.

  2. So how do I get an *autographed* copy?

  3. Good for you young one. Apparently occasionally being locked away for long periods of forced confinement were just what you needed to get it finished. I’m sure Copernicus is proud.

  4. I’m so excited it’s really here!!!! Not to sound real or anything, but you are SO my mentor. I blog because I can. My dream is to be published. I heart you.

    Karen Sanders recently posted Failed Send.

  5. SO, who plays YOU in the inevitable movie?….


  6. Deeeeeeeaaaaaaar Bloggess, I am torn here. I want to be sincere and I want to fit in on your big, wonderful piece on the bloggoshere. What I am torn about is that I freakin’ love you, from a distance, through the world wide wide, and not in a freaky way. I *want* that book. My only hangup is,…..sheesh, this should not be so hard. I am a Jesus lover, and I totally get that Jesus would seem like a zombie. And I love when peeps like Jim Gaffigan poke a little (or a whole shitload of) fun at Christians and the way Jesus would seem in just the human way, like when it was His birthday, what the heck do you buy for the Guy who dies on the cross for you? That’s all Jim’s, in case you are not a Gaffigan-kind of person and don’t know of his stuff. So, I really want that book, even though I have 5 other books, including and Anne Lamott book whom I also love, from a distance, that I have not finished in like, oh, say 3 years. I know. Stupid. But this internets pulls me in. But also, I can’t get the book if it really insults Jesus. Please don’t think I am too weird and ban me from your blog. I love commenting here. You have made more grooves in happy parts of my brain, so I must come back. But I want to be honest in all blog related matters. I mean, who would lie in a blog? That would make no sense because I feel that blogs are where everyone should really let all the shit-stained laundry out for everyone to see; ya know, the real truth. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the fucking too hilarious to not be true. Am I right? Anywhoooos, thank you, darling, for being funny-as-all-get-out you. And I still hope that asshole ovary is settling down. I’ll even shoot out a prayer if that doesn’t offend. James Garfield needs your ovary to heal ’cause no one loves him like you do.

  7. FYI, while adding your forthcoming book to my spreadsheet of “Books to Read” (yes, I have a spreadsheet to list books I want to read. Don’t judge me.) I accidentally typed “Jenny Lawsome”. HA! Get it! It’s punny. From now on I will always think of you as Jenny Lawsome. BAM!

  8. All the way down at the bottom of the world in New Zealand, I follow your blog. You are the best entertainment!! Love to get a copy of your book, but not sure if I can down here in the antipodes.

  9. Jenny,

    Will it be available for the Kindle?

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted You Had Me at Abnormal.

  10. 10
    Krishell Bigger

    Just ordered it for my Nook! Can’t wait to get it!!!

  11. I love you people. I made this page and forgot I left comments open. What a sweet surprise to see people actually looking.

    In answer to your questions, you can totally order it on Kindle. Just look on the amazon link.

    Also, I know it’ll be available in Australia so I’m guessing New Zealand will have it too?

    And finally, my guess is that Jesus would read this book and enjoy it in spite of himself, so I think you can buy it without feeling guilty. In fact, he’d probably give it to God for Father’s Day because he’s a giver. But God would already own it because I’m sending him an advance copy in hopes that he pimps it out to everyone. God is the Oprah of Heaven.

    Jenny the bloggess recently posted My cat ruined Christmas and this post..

  12. Hey, you seem to have quite a following here in lil ole NZ. Am off to the Amazon store to see if I can indeed get a copy sent here. I don’t think it’ll arrive in time for my mum for Xmas, so I might have to give her a card with Copernicus on it, with “I owe you one book, here’s a hug in the meantime…” That way I’ll also be able to read it before I give it to her (carefully, so as not to crease the spine). “Gosh, international post is slow isn’t it?” 🙂

  13. So, darling, wonderful Bloggess, you sooooooooooooo made my day by answering my question! Wow; I kinda feel like I met someone famous, a good famous person, like hmmmmmmmmm, well I love Mr. Rogers, but that is weird and he died. I don’t want to get political here, ’cause I already did the “discuss religion” thing. Let’s just leave it at the fact that you made my day, and you *are* famous, and you read my comment and answered. I am holding my jagged half BFF heart right now. Figuratively, of course. I am not *that* crazy. So I have a nook, and I will click on over to Barnes and Noble and see if your masterpiece is there. If not, Husband will have to share his kindle. Buying God a Father’s Day present would be pretty tough. It’s nice that you helped Jesus out with that. As always, you inspire, Bloggess.

    Franny recently posted What is this bloggy place?.

  14. I love love LOVE that Neil Gaiman is one of the pre-praiser/reviewers for this book. If there were a doubt as to whether I’d buy the book, it’s gone now!

  15. JENNY. JENNY. JENNY. Can I get an autographed copy + a mouse keychain? Okay thanks! – @CarrieCrain aka Wildcat’s Wife

    Wildcat's Wife recently posted My Holiday Decor has Gone to the Dogs.

  16. I’m still debating pre-ordering your book. I mean it comes out right before the whole end-of-the-world-2012-apocalypse thing and I’m afraid I won’t have time to read it before I die at the hands of my suddenly alive and demonic computer as I try to write one last blog post.

    Surely, you can understand this dilemma, right? I truly want time to enjoy your novel. And untangle my brain from what I am sure will be many brain tangling passages.

    Oh, hell. I don’t know what to do! I need your advice, Jenny. Help me make this decision…

    (You should buy it because then I can die as “best-selling author, Jenny Lawson” instead of “that weird girl who said ‘fuck’ a lot.” Plus, there’s no reason to be saving for retirement since we’re all dying anyway so technically you could buy several. Everyone wins. And dies. How terribly depressing. ~ Jenny, bloggess)

    Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity recently posted LMFAO Uses Light Show From One Of Our Local Residents On The AMA’s!!.

    Well. I’ve been sitting in the audience a long time. I’m overdue for a new car and a two-hundred-dollar toothbrush or sommat.

    Jett recently posted What then, when your whole life is scripted as apology?.

  18. I can’t WAIT to read it. I have so few heroes, but you are one of them. You’ve inspired me to blog again, and to enjoy writing again, and let it all hang out honestly, and you seriously just rock! And further, I love that you put the wrong year on the Christmas ornaments. That is something *I* would do, and I LOL’d at it.

    Can we put a rush on it? Pretty please? 🙂

    Jules recently posted Bum Knee… Appreciate Your Good Ones While You Have Them….

  19. How does one “accidentally forget”?

  20. Is it available in Europe?

  21. Are you going to do a book tour? Can you come to Minnesota?

    Lauraszoo recently posted jenny, the blogess.

  22. I had in mind that I was going to buy Amy Sedaris’ book, “I Like You…”, so I could get the super shipper savings with the other orders I got going on Amazon, but once you were compared with the likes of David Sedaris, Amy’s bro, which I’ve been using his book on tape for “Me Talk Pretty Some Day” to lull me to sleep at night( Not because it is dull mind you, far from it, but it’s one of the only books on tape I have, and I’m sick of the relax into sleep tape-boring! I love his personal stories of his life-I just put the volume on low, and I think it’s cool to have David reading to me sleep! in case you were wondering), I know now I have to get your book as well! I already use your blog to help me feel like I had some laughs in my hectic responsibility-laden life. You remind me of all the crazy friends I had back in the day, and all the crazy things we had done. Aahh! Those were the days! And thanks for the referral to the song, “In My Mind”. Fuck Yes!!

  23. Ok So why the hell is your book most frequently purchased with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (+ UltraViolet Digital Copy) (2011)? The paperback version maybe but not this one…….Anyway your blog has brought a lot more laughter into my life. I hope you do a book tour so I can come see you (in NJ) in person. Thanks to you my husband and hopefully husbands around the globe know to quake in their boots when they hear “Knock Knock Mother-fucker!!!”

  24. I can tell you without hesitation that this book is so not made for children. I had no idea why people buy it with Happy Potter, but I’d like to think that they want to hide the cost of the book from their spouse so they buy both at the same time and when their spouse asks what the bill is for they say “It’s for a DVD FOR THE CHILDREN. STOP QUESTIONING ME.” Either that or people just really like Harry Potter. I can’t argue with that.

    Jenny the bloggess recently posted Are there sweeter words?.

  25. Why do you call it ‘laughing yourself to the point of bladder failure’? The bladder is SUPPOSED to make you pee. That is not failure, but unmitigated success. The bladder, in this instance, WINS.

    In other news I WANT THIS BOOK SO BAD.

    Bladder: 1

  26. Okay okay okay okay…you’ve sold it to me. 😉

    Claire J recently posted Dreadlocks: 4 Years And Counting.

  27. I will absolutely buy your book, but I would especially adore having an autographed copy. You should do a book signing tour where people stand in line at the door to book store restrooms, they hand over their books through the cracked door, and then you hand them back through the door. You could even use stunt hands!

  28. releasing on my birthday!!!??? I know what i’m asking for… something else.

    Cannot wait!

  29. 29
    Cami aka @DJ_McInberger formerly known as @Sweets75

    My 17 yo son is getting a Kindle for Christmas. This means I’m going to download this on there and blow. His. Mind. It’ll be awesome. Then I can read it on his Kindle while his melted brain reforms and we can all go on about our daily lives. Double win.

  30. April seems so far away!

  31. Jenny,

    1. Your original post about Beyonce made a terrific “Happy 15th Anniversary” message to a friend of mine, who appreciates irreverent humor.

    2. I learned today that FB does not allow the phrase “Douche Canoe.” Who knew? 😉

    Merry Christmas — whatever year you think it is. 🙂

  32. I just added it to my To-Read (aka ­­Stuff I Want to Read, But Will Probably Never Actually Read) List.

    you should be honored.

  33. You have no idea how bad-ass it is to finally see this book coming out. Congratulations on making it to the long, grueling end of publishing.

    Now, when are you writing the next one? And it better not be a crappy contract filler a la Prince.

    Matthew McGarity recently posted Golden Grahams: The Currency of the Realm.

  34. Best Blogger ever, and I want the book!

  35. Just preordered at Barnacles and Buttholes (it’s not in a barn nor is it noble). Thank you, Miss Jenny.

  36. “She may be one of the most progressive women’s voices of our time.”

    Let’s pretend that never happened.

    Fine. I’ll still buy your book.

    Just don’t even start with progressive voices and shit.

    Hearing them is OK, though.

    The new meds are fantastic, eh?

    hogsatemysister recently posted Waco’s Capt. Buttface and the Pink House.

  37. So yeah I totally pre-ordered… I don’t want the kindle version tho because I want to leave it out in odd places for my friends to find and go “what is this?” and then maybe blow their minds a little. Then they wouldn’t think I was so weird for laughing uncontrollably and, when asked why, only being able to stutter things like “jjj-James Gar-gar-garfield!”. Or when I call someone a douchecanoe. They need to join the crazy side, where we also have cookies just like the dark side, but ours are better because we also have milk. I’ve never heard anyone advertise the dark side as having milk. And cows are pretty weird so it makes more sense they’d be with US. I mean, have you seen those udders?

    And I’d do just about anything for a signed copy. If I send a Beyonce to knock on random peoples doors would that get me one? How about putting my kid in a ballet dress and giving her a toy gun and putting her on top of a car, ready for the apocalypse?

  38. I just got a Nook Tablet for christmas and this is going to be my first big purchase! I am soooooo excited!

    Angelina recently posted Random Observation of the day....

  39. Oh my sweet fuck month of April you get here right now! It’s too long a wait!

    Chris Illuminati recently posted Photo.

  40. #1 recommended forum thread on Amazon for your book: Do you Know any great True Prison Stories?

  41. I am so excited about the douchecanoe tag.

    Also, YOU are a fucking rockstar, Jenny. I’m so happy for you.

    Maria recently posted I could listen to a three year old talk all day long..

  42. Can’t wait for your book to arrive in my mailbox! I ordered it immediately with instructions that the UPS guy leave it on my front porch, ring the doorbell, yell “Knock Knock Mother Fucker”, and then run and hide behind the shrubs to see me open the door. And then see me furiously happily squeal with glee! HA! =)

  43. Congratulations! I am so excited for you! Preordering as I type!

  44. I can’t wait to read this. And did I hear you say on Twitter that you’re recording an audio version? That will be awesome. You are such a rockstar!

    Susan (5 Minutes for Mom) recently posted Hello Canvas Holiday Photo Contest-Enter YOUR Best Photo.

  45. When can we expect the book tour? And please wear your dead wolf carcass while signing my copy!!

    Jenn @therebelchick recently posted Get Your Free Subscription to American Baby Magazine.

  46. I preordered your book as soon as it was available, and I absolutely cannot wait to read it… my husband is completely sick of hearing me talk about it.

    Him: How can you talk so much about a book you haven’t even read yet?
    Me: Because it is awesome. That is the kind of power this book has. Besides, it will come out just in time for your birthday. I will get you a copy.
    Him: My birthday is in August.
    Me: I am getting a head start. I am trying to be motivated. Stop trying to stop me!

    Christene recently posted Stuff I Did.

  47. I’m going to make my boyfriend buy me this book. Mostly because I don’t have a job, and partly because that’s what boyfriends are suppose to do..

  48. Bummed.
    Have been told you are the funniest thing since sliced bread. Read the bloggess, and was hooked. Saw that you had a book, and went to Kindle. Not available until April 2012! Isn’t that like bait and switch?

  49. who the hell are you????

  50. 50
    Michelle Lamar

    Jenny I am so excited for you. Will there be trucker hats to go along with the book tour? Even if there aren’t, I will still stand in line like one of those crazed shoppers on Black Friday to buy your book. xxoxoxoxox
    Michelle Jones Lamar (formerly known as WTM).

  51. Pre-ordered for my Kindle – looking forward to it!

  52. Jenny,
    I have a Kobo. I’ve already researched and Kindle books can be formatted to work on a Kobo, but I am technically challenged and would probably screw it up. Will your book ever be an EPUB for Kobo? If not, I guess I’ll have to go the old fashioned way and actually hold a book to read it because I soooo want to read this. Thanks!

  53. NEIL GAIMAN?!!! You got a review from NEIL GAIMAN!!!! Holy fuck.

  54. Welcome back, Happy New Year & Congrats….. Glad you are feeling better… Hate for your angst to entertain us… but you know it is part of who you are…

  55. haha Jesus isn’t considered a zombie because HE WAS TALKING ABOUT COMMUNION, you know, the little cracker and teensy weensy cup of grape juice? but Jesus DID like to mess with us that way haha… i can’t WAIT for your book!!!

  56. […] of himself holding twine, but I am confident that he will come through for her eventually. She has a book coming out in a couple of months, […]

  57. This book will be required reading for my staff.
    You’re my twin sister, separated by 13 months & a few miles, but deep down I know we share the same brain.
    Thank you for the 11 year journey to complete this book.
    You’re my hero for everything that you write about & I actually like you MORE now since I read your January 2nd blog.
    I can’t wait for this to come to my door & be waiting for me to share with the world. That is my calling in life.
    If you’re doing book signings somewhere in WI, IL, MN, IA – I’ll be there just let me know.

  58. You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey . You’ll never know dear how much i love you. Please dont take my sunshine away.

  59. Is it weird that cow’s vagina talk on twitter is what hooked me?

    Mayor Gia recently posted Mayor Gia Meme 2012!.

  60. DUDE. I totally preordered my copy this morning. It’s like I can read your brain or something. Or I’m IN your brain. Or something.

    PS – It’s comfy cozy in here.

  61. Can I just say how extraordinarily jealous I am that you’ve got Neil Gaiman’s name on there?

    Also? Totally love you. Thank you for you.

    Cheree recently posted Track 7 Brewing Company.

  62. –>I can’t wait to read your book. Congrats Jenny on getting it finished and published.

    Beyonce is so proud. I heard her clucking about it.

    WebSavvyMom recently posted Wordless Wednesday - Friends Across the Ages.

  63. Jenny, You are my idol. There are days I find myself laughing at the absurdity of life after which I immediately question my sanity. The tales you tell – especially the conversations with Victor – make me feel perfectly good about myself. Oh, I know I’m not sane by any stretch of the imagination but that’s what makes me me! Rock on with your bad self!!!


    p.s. You were part of the inspiration for me to start my blog: http://blognamedbrew.blogspot.com/ If any of the other commenters read this, please don’t judge me against the Jenny Lawsome (love it!) measuring stick. I will fail every single time. But I’m trying!

    Marci recently posted More food. But better this time!.

  64. Totally ordering this on my Kindle. Really hoping you do book signings in the future too. Though that means I will have to buy a second copy of the book. Which is fine, really. Because no one will be able to touch the autographed copy. It’s going on my shrine, right next to mini-Beyonce, my Star Trek USS Enterprise pizza cutter and other randomness my boyfriend doesn’t understand.

    NewMommyConfessions (@NewMommyConfess) recently posted My Kitchen Is Trying To Kill Me.

  65. I think I need to get one for everyone I know. If I mail it to you with a self addressed stamped envelope will you sign it and mail it back? or sign something and scan it so I can trace it in. or have Ferris mewler step on an ink pad and then walk on the first page? Either one really….

    addgirl recently posted Robots, Reflections and Resolutions..

  66. I put in my pre order with Amazon a while back and am waiting (not so patiently) for it to show up. I can’t wait to read it.

  67. I was looking at the “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought” section, because I figured I should spend all my holiday money on Amazon, and there’s “Hark! A Vagrant” by Kate Beaton, “Let’s Panic About Babies!: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, … Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being” by Alice Bradley and Eden M. Kennedy, Firefly – The Complete Series (Hi, Nathan Fillion!), and “I Can Do It Reward Chart: Blank Supplement Pack”.

    You have the best followers.

  68. So happy for you, Jenny! Congrats!
    This reminds me – I found Beyonce’s cousin acting as a greeter in a local restaurant. True story. I’ll send the photo.

    Kat recently posted Elements of My Parenting.

  69. Congrats!!!! I received the preorder for Christmas! So am very excited to get my hands on the book. I am just not fond of the waiting game! I suck at waiting patiently!

  70. Done! Hard copy, bitches!

  71. Wow, I’m excited! Will it be available is South Africa?

  72. how could anything you do suck? you’re jenny lawson.

    i cannot wait to sit on my couch and read your memoir. i won’t get off the couch until i finish every single page. i’m a slow reader, so this is saying a lot.

    congrats and kick ass!

    Simone recently posted Happy New Year... and you're laid off.

  73. i just pre-ordered my copy. caaaaaaaaan’t waaaaaait!!

  74. I cannot wait to read this book first and then get to be the one who recommends it to all my friends!!!

    Emily S. recently posted Plans change, yo..

  75. 75

    When is it going to be on Audible.com. I listened to Samatha Bee’s book while cleaning the house. I’m going to listen to yours while shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Don’t make me sit somewhere and read it! 🙂 xoxo

  76. 76
    Michelle Thornton

    Thank you for the ugly truths and superior humor and for connecting with so many of us that you will never meet.
    Your rantings feel like home to me. You are a freaken delight.

  77. 77
    Jen Navarrete

    I will be buying the physical book, because I’m really REALLY hoping for a book tour/autograph opportunity. (Key Largo is beautiful anytime of year! But Miami’s close enough too…just sayin’) I’m going though a very rough time right now, and your blogs, the funny and the inspirational, are bright spots for me. Thank you, again and again and again…

  78. 78

    Hey all – Pre-order of the book can be done here – http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Lets-Pretend-This-Never-Happened-Jenny-Lawson/9780399159015. And it ships for free to HEAPS of locations (including NEW ZEALAND!). Sign me up!!

  79. I want. I want so hard.

  80. I just received my necklace…Never give up…I too suffer depression and anxiety and am so excited to wear this every day in the hopes that people ask me about it and I can share with them my story. I blot at http://emchristianson.blogspot.com/2012/01/never-give-up.html and plan to purchase your book. I love your blog and relate in so many ways. Keep writing…Emily

  81. I am glad the author’s note said sardonic and not satanic because at first I read satanic and I did see a Jesus reference there, and it all got a little weird for me, but I realized the error of my ways, that I can’t read type this small, and that I need new glasses, probably bifocals. You go, Jenny Lawson, and I can’t wait to buy it.

  82. Just Pre-ordered!!!!

  83. Pre-ordered my copy yesterday. CANNOT WAIT! For other Kiwis wondering if it’s available in New Zealand, Book Depository have it with free worldwide delivery- huzzah! I even got you the link…. http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Lets-Pretend-This-Never-Happened-Jenny-Lawson/9780399159015
    Well done Jenny, you always make me laugh.

  84. awesomesauce! can. not. wait.


    Annette Baesel recently posted Enjoying the Bounty of the Market.

  85. I will be buying your book.
    I will probably be buying several.
    I will be doing this mostly for my hubster and two grown children.
    I will hand them the book. I will command them to read it.
    I will then say something like,
    “See. My Barry Manilow fetish and penchant for screaming at Always commercials seems pretty normal, now, right? RIGHT???”
    (Awkward pause)

  86. Someone who bought your book also bought a giant pack of toilet paper. Why does Amazon sell toilet paper?

  87. I’ll see your giant pack of toilet paper and raise you a Hagen Catit Design Fresh and Clear Cat Drinking Fountain AND a pack of Lactaid Fast Act Lactase Enzyme Supplements.

    I want to preorder the book but I want even more to run into my local Barnes & Noble and buy the first copy they sell. Happy early Birthday present to me. 🙂

    Kara recently posted Riley on Marketing and Food.

  88. Pre-ordered thru amazon!
    I did, I admit, look at the other books that folks also bought with LPTNH. (Only books listed for me, no other cool merch.) I am now considering “Animals Behaving Badly: Boozing Bees, Cheating Chimps, Dogs with Guns, and Other Beastly True Tales.”

  89. big congrats. can’t wait to read it. and of course, to pretend this never happened.

    Anna recently posted My reluctant experiment in going offline.

  90. I can’t wait for your book to come out.

  91. I discovered your blog when you put up the Found Snake sign. I laughed so hard I could hardly stop. It still makes me laugh every time I think of it. I would love a copy of your book, but I’m trying to figure out a way to have a bit of fun with my local library. I live in a very conservative community where your book would create LOTS of controversy. There has to be a way for me to get the library to order it without them knowing how awesomely controversial it will be. Mwah hah hah, this should be great fun! Thanks for your fabulous life, and for sharing your book with us.

  92. Jenny… you really need a review by Wil Wheaton. 😀

  93. Two things:
    1. I read the advance reading copy of your book (one of the perks of owning my own bookstore where, ahem, one could order said book) and plan to suggest it with every purchase, sort of like super-sizing an extra value meal. “Oh, I see you bought “The Sense of an Ending” by Julian Barnes, so you like understated poetic prose. I think you’ll really enjoy the bit in this book about the cow’s vagina.” See? It really works for everyone.
    2. Since I am a complete history dork, I have to point out that your paragraph about Abraham Lincoln dying because people put their grubby hands in his bullet wound sounded more like what happened to James Garfield. Lincoln – massive head wound
    Garfield – superficial back wound that proved fatal after being probed for months. It even inspired Alexander Graham Bell to invent the metal detector to find the bullet.

    Seriously, though? Loved the book.

    Jarek Steele recently posted Winter Institute Diary Entry # 1, wherein I confess my love for my profession.

  94. 94
    Chicken Buckaww

    Do you know if your book will be available is softcover? I pre-ordered it from amazon.ca (Canada) but hardcover is the only option. Any thoughts? I am crazy looking forward to it’s release. I have been very sick lately with no access to your site (tear) so I am counting the days for the book release so I have a travel edition of your stories.

    Thanks in advance.

  95. Tell me there will be a book signing tour. Please? Love you!

    Alison recently posted Welcome!.

  96. I bought your book from Amazon. You’re Welcome! Seriously looking forward to it!

    jennie jackson recently posted Too comfortable?.

  97. I cannot wait to read your book!! Mostly so I can stop doing drugs. Do you think that maybe you should come up with a marketing plan specifically for drug dealers? Like maybe how they won’t get put in jail for reading your book which will give them so MUCH MORE FREE TIME. Then you could be like, “Look Obama, I saved the world from the war on drugs.” And then they would have no choice but to make you president. I am a GODDAMN genius!! It must be all the drugs. You’re welcome. President Jenny Lawson. And instead of Marilyn Monroe singing you “Happy Birthday”, we could get all the drug dealers. Because they would be so thankful.

  98. I can’t wait to order your book. As someone who also suffers from the gruesome illness I find comfort in your blog in knowing I’m not alone

    Emily recently posted Now it's my turn to meltdown.

  99. Oh, I think commenter #27 has it absolutely right!!! A book tour with you autographing copies in the restroom. That, would be perfect.

    Will there be a way to get an autographed copy? Seriously.

  100. Will it be on kindle? Oh please? The hump on my back is finally going away, because I now carry around 87 books on a tablet… or in it…whatever

  101. Dear everyone commenting about Amazon or Kindles: how about sticking to places that have weird, wonderful, quirky staff who love books and reading? Right in or your near your own communities? In other words, INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORES. The places we’re determined not to let Amazon kill. You can even buy your e-books through them. To find your nearest (or to support any one of the amazing stores out there – Book People in Austin, who started the “Keep Austin Weird” movement, the wonderful Women and Children First in Chicago, Powell’s in Portland, Buffalo Street Books in Ithaca, A Room of One’s Own in Madison, Mood Makers in Rochester, NY, or heck, my Burlingham Books in Perry, NY, where I’ll have it on the shelf come April), just use the Indie Store Finder at IndieBound.org. Support independent stores everywhere!


  102. Chicken Buckaww, typically a paperback edition of a book comes out only if the hardcover sells well enough. A few publishers publish both types simultaneously, but not many.

    Ann Burlingham recently posted Live Music: Woody & company.

  103. […] friend Jenny has a memoir coming out soon. It is going to be amazing. It is going to get all kinds of love from all kinds of […]

  104. will you be doing a book signing tour?

  105. I was needing a good laugh today…nothing on tv, nothing I feel like doing, then i remembered “Aha!!!” with maniacal glee and went to your website …as I always do on these days. I guess it must be a lower day because I’m still down in the dumps. And then I saw your book in the left corner or your website and I thought, “Yes! Oh this is awesome! Just what I need!!!” but boo, it’s not out til APRIL! I’m not sure how I will survive waiting 🙁

  106. @ellen, if it’s on amazon (she states above), it’s available kindles. That’s where you get your kindle books.

  107. I just bought your book.
    April 17th. I feel like I am getting into another Twilight or Hunger Games series. 3 MONTHS!!
    I already have to wait months on end for other books to come out, then I have to wait for those books to be turned into movies and then wait for those movies to be released.
    I just thought you were better than those corporate assholes.
    Wait, you are. Which is why I am going to shut up now and wait patiently for your book.
    Until April 17th.
    Plus 3-4 days because I was too cheap to pay extra shipping.
    So really, like, April 21st. Or maybe longer because there could be a holiday somewhere in there or god forbid another national weather emergency.
    If that is the case, I will be convinced that the world is not going to end and that in fact, the world is just conspiring against me so that I cannot read your book.
    Which is kinda how I feel already.
    I am dragging, mostly because my boyfriend pissed me off tonight and by sitting here typing, he thinks I actually have a life and that I am not thinking about how pissed I am at him for being a tard bot.
    Lucky me, I am the only one who knows that I really don’t have a life. Well me and you and whoever else might, unfortunately, happen to scroll down and read this.
    Your biggest fan.

    PS This thing needs spell check.

  108. I just got my ARC through work (I work at an independent bookstore in Michigan), and am having flashbacks to visiting yooper cousins as a kid. Also, I keep snorting a lot on my lunch break, leading everyone in the office to ask “What’s so funny?”

    Basically? Brilliant and hilarious.

    Lincoln recently posted Thoughts on covering Dylan.

  109. PS. I will still be buying a hardcover, because books this fancy deserve to be in the best possible format. No paperbacks and none of that e-book bullshit.

    PPS. Is that one of your father’s taxidermys (?) on the cover?

    Lincoln recently posted Thoughts on covering Dylan.

  110. Pre-ordered at BAM, you’re there too.

    Kitt recently posted Month of Love Guest Blog and Giveaway: If You See Her by Shiloh Walker.

  111. Oh dear god there IS a Kindle version! But what the F am I going to do with the bookplate. If I put it on my KIndle it kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?

    JBMONCO recently posted All Roads Lead To-From-To Rome.

  112. Bloody hell I may have to get both the hard cover and the Kindle version. THANKS. And don’t tempt me with the Audio CD…is it really YOU reading it? Oh no you di’nt!

    JBMONCO recently posted All Roads Lead To-From-To Rome.

  113. Just pre-ordered. April 17 is actually my birthday, so happy birthday to me! And very heartfelt confratulations to you, Jenny. I am sure the book will be a wild success.

  114. Son of a bitch! I totally forgot I read this last night and wanted the book plate and preordered for Kindle. I think I’ll go cancel that and buy the paper one.

    Karen W recently posted Lake house laziness.

  115. I preordered for Kindle. I asked for a bookplate anyway. I don’t know if I’ll get it, but if I do, I’m going to put it inside some completely random old book so in like 1000 years archaeologists will be super confused.

  116. Jenny, I’ve been reading your hilarity for years, but I can’t get the signed bookplate because I live in Canada? We’re friendly here… Beautiful land, clean lakes, Rocky mountains, free health care, American retail stores, different coloured money, above average education, stable banking system, hockey, and Tim Hortons. Admit it…everyone wants to live in Canada! Yet, I can’t get a signed bookplate from my favorite blogger because I live in Canada? I’m pre-ordering your book anyway, but I hope you re-consider your love for your northern allies.

  117. So I pre-ordered your book with our big local book seller up here in the Great White North and I have to wait until early April! Gawd I hate waiting. Waiting is for, well….waiters. Also since I’m Canadian and apparently the book plate distributor people are still bitter we won the War of 1812 I can’t get a signed bookplate. Send more love our way.

    Kat recently posted Editrix rhymes with….

  118. […] going to get a prize, from THE INTERNET, I’d have picked a copy of Jenny Lawson’s upcoming book “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”.  Jenny is BRILLIANTLY funny and her blog, The Bloggess, is one of my favorites. Go pre-order her […]

  119. Yeah preordered! Because it occurred to me that I should try preordering it through my Nook rather than the B&N website. I’m new to this.

    Jenny, you are an absolutely beautiful woman! You look great! And so does Wolf Blitzer.

  120. Have to say, it’s at least 4 people that think you’re the funniest person alive! Pre-Ordered, and can’t wait to read it.
    PS, can you make a shirt with the rattlesnake sign? I would totally buy it, or a Poster, that might be better. You could do a collage on a poster 😀

  121. I got my hubby a Kindle Fire for xmas this year, and when he found out his gift was going to be pricey, he was all “IF IT IS EXPENSIVE AND CAN’T BE USED BY ALL OF US, THEN I AM RETURNING IT!!!!” An then I was all “YOU ARE A TIGHT WAD DOUCHE BAG!” Then he got the kindle on xmas day, and he loves it, and he sucks at sharing. To make a longs story longer.. Before I found out that he is a sucky sharer, I preordered your book on the kindle. He found out tonight that I ordered it, and is all mad that I will be hogging the kindle for a few days after it comes out. This is why I need to buy a tape recorder. Evidence is the only way to prove how right, smart, or innocent I am. Also, I might end up with good blackmail material. Probably the second choice is my best argument, since we both already know that I am never wrong.

  122. How much bribery would it take to get a bookplate shipped to Canada? I can see if I can find some strange taxidermied animals for you? Put a mini-Beyonce on a Canadian landmark and take photos?
    Send you my first born?

  123. I am highly anticipating your book, which “drops” on my birthday! This will be the best gift I’ve had in a long time. Keep up the fabulousness. I finally don’t feel so alone in my head…and I just realized I ordered a bookplate after I pre-ordered your book for my Nook. I think I’ll decoupage it onto my coffee bowl (not mug, bowl) so I can remember to read your book every morning.
    And, Happy Birthday Lisa! Were your birthdays always worked around Easter and the first day of Trout Season too?

  124. Pre-ordered! I am now giddy and cannot freaking wait until April 2whatever when it arrived!!!

  125. I went to review your book on Librarything, but it’s only available in the US. When will it be released to those of us in the rest of the world?

  126. i find it no coincidence that your book is being released on “National Cheeseball Day.”

    no coincidence at all.

    can’t wait!

  127. can’t wait for the book, i mean. not “National Cheeseball Day.” well, maybe.

  128. Okay, question? So what about those of us who pre-ordered the Kindle edition? No offense, but we’re feeling kinda left out of the whole “free, signed bookplate” thing. 🙁

  129. Can’ t wait. And I’m not sayign that just because i’m drunk. 🙂

  130. I just ran across your blog and have to tell you that you will be my first Blogger to follow. I don’t really get into the blogging thing, but you crack me up!!!! Thanks for the entertainment!
    Mai Lee

    Mai Lee recently posted UPDATED: Weasel algebra.

  131. Yea! just ordered your book from Amazon, Can’t Wait to hurt myself laughing…. again….

  132. I preordered this book.. I can’t wait to read it!
    Please open a Book Blog for when the book comes out!
    I would love to get online and laugh/share moments of this book!!
    And just a note: this world needs more Giant Metal Chickens and Stuffed Weasels!
    Thanks for bringing the fun back!

  133. Gutted not to be able to get a signed bookplate – due to being a reader across the pond in the UK – but SUPER excited to have pre-ordered your book. (I will totally have forgotten all about pre-ordering it when it arrives in the post so I am already excited about getting the best ‘surprise’ ever!) Yours in ardent admiration, the Accidental Londoner.

    Accidental Londoner recently posted An Accidental Londoner Abroad.

  134. Ooh! I pre-ordered from Amazon! Can I get a signed bookplate, too? Yay! 🙂

  135. I was going to order the Kindle version of your book, but decided to get the HC edition so that I can share it with my wife. <3

    brainwise recently posted Friday 80s Flashback for February 17, 2012.

  136. I wanna signed bookplate!!!!!! Ordering on Amazing… <–typo. I'm ordering on Amazon, but because you are Amazing, I believe I'll allow it. 🙂

    Rachel recently posted So, I write..

  137. Your click here to get a bookplate button is broke 🙁
    I need one since this is the first hardcover book I have ordered in almost 2 years.

    (Try again. It works for me and there are still a few hundred left so it hasn’t been shut down yet. ~ Jenny)

  138. I pre-ordered ages ago… can I get a book plate? Pleeeaaaasseeee?

  139. Jenny…..Do you have a schedule yet of book signings?

  140. Eeek! I just pre-ordered the book and the link for the bookplate won’t work for me either. Wah!!

  141. Are you getting an error message? Will it let you look at the link at all? It’s a google form and I can see it so you should be able to order. I see new names coming in. Just lemme know.

    Jenny the bloggess recently posted And then all of my fingers fell off.

  142. Hi Jenny-

    I just pre-ordered 2 copies of your book through Barnes & noble but the page to fill out for the signed bookplate won’t work? It keeps saying page not found 🙁 Are there still bookplates available?

  143. I preordered on Amazon, does that count? Can I get a bookplate?

  144. hello Jennie

    As I write this tears of intense sorrow are running down my face – I pre-ordered your book from Amazon.co.uk and they have just told me that they have cancelled my order as their suppler is not going to send them any copies! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? Us dodgie pale faces in Blighty need your wisdom too!


  145. sobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb! Why has Amazon.co.uk just cancelled my pre-order of your book? what can I do? Are there any other options for obtaining it outside of the US?

  146. Hi Jenny! I pre-ordered your book, which is kind of a cool thing, because when I do that, I usually forget I did by the time I get it and then it’s like whoa! Presents!
    I would love a book plate, and I can’t seem to press the button properly to get to where I show that I ordered it. I don’t know if *I* Have The Dumb, or my computer does…

    Grats on the book! Take care, you…


  147. Hi from the UK, Jenny. Long have I loved your blog. No-one can make me laugh (and sometimes cry) like you! So I pre-ordered your book in a frenzy of excitement! But amazon.co.uk have just written to say it’s been cancelled! If I’d had a camera I’d have got someone to take a picture of the moment that I married the Juanita Weasel pose with the Calculon ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooo!’ despairing cry in some kind of bizarre TV cartoon/vintage taxidermy mash-up. Can I please add my plea to those of the other bereft UK people above for advice on how to get hold of the book? I haven’t been this disappointed since discovering that William Shatner wasn’t real… 🙁

  148. Apparently the book wasn’t supposed to be available in the UK because no one had the rights to it but now Picador in the UK will be offering it so you’ll be able to reorder it again soon. It’s good that they caught it now rather than later, I suppose.

    Jenny the bloggess recently posted Dreams are assholes.

  149. Hooray! Thank you Jenny. That’s great news! [returns to waiting, interminably waiting…]

  150. 150
    Shonda Letourneau

    Pre-ordered your book in January, can’t wait to read it and would love the bookplate.

  151. 151
    danielle burbank

    will there be an audiobook as well?!! 😀

  152. sweet – cheers lovely – will be checking amazon daily till they pop your book back on sale – better still have Hamlet von Schnitzel on the cover!

  153. Can I get this in the UK? I pre ordered on Amazon and for some reason they have cancelled the order saying the book isn’t available to order?

    Vicky Frankland recently posted Trashing the Memory Palace.

  154. I think I pre ordered the book…my iPad closed my browser! Yes, I said iPad ERROR. It isn’t perfect. I wonder if the apple people will find this and remove it,,,

  155. I almost used zombies to teach my child about Easter, but I wanted to avoid a nasty note from the Christian daycare. I’m glad someone else is questioning the whole thing too.

    Ashley recently posted The birds and the tees.

  156. 156
    Lance Lankford

    I may be drunk or stupid (well, I’m actually both) but, when does the book actually come to my local Indie bookseller? As much as I love Amazon for the hard-to-find soft-core gay tv series (hello! Dante’s Cove) and other hard-to-find things (hello, Buffy action figures) I really like to buy my hardcover books from actual people. Plus, I can talk their ears off about the author and make them sell more books…
    Just looking for the release date so I can pester the locals.

  157. 157
    Susan Hertel

    i just finished readingan advanced copy of your book. I highly recommend it to people as I laughed out loud at Jenny’s bent outlook on life and zombies. Love your friendship with Laura.

  158. I’m going to win a copy of your book because I live in Canada! I’ll let you know if I do indeed win, and if I do, I will look for Nathan Fillion and whap him upside the head with it. I’ll be sure to wrap it in twine first.

  159. 159

    I so wanted/tried to pre-order this for my Kindle Fire. Amazon will not let me. I am deemed unworthy. (I think it is because I am Scottish.) They will however let me buy it once it is released?!?!? They just refuse to let me pre-order it. I have set an alarm on my Kindle to buy it as soon as it is released.

    Amazon can be as odd, random, weird, bizarre, and unfathomable as girls are.

    Unless of course they will not let me pre-order it for $12.99 because they are going to charge me $25.95 on release date and say I should have pre-ordered it. If this is what they do. I totally have them fathomed………….shallow…………..very very shallow.

  160. One of the perks of working at a book store (BAM) is that I get to peek at the advanced copies sent to the store. As soon as I saw the book with little mouse on the front today, I knew I HAD to read it. It is literally the most HILARIOUS book I have ever read in my life. Ever. Plus, it makes me feel a bit better about my own fucked up childhood, so thanks! (and thank you, dad, for never trying to make me eat my deer sweater..)

    I’ve actually only read the first two chapters. I can’t wait to finish it (I’m positive it will only take about a day. I CANNOT put it down. I advise those who have pre-ordered it to also invest in a pack of adult diapers.)

    I sincerely hope that you wander through Tennessee sometime for a book signing. I have the copy of your introduction letter to Books-a-Million that was tucked between the pages of the book. I am keeping it. I might frame it. It is a literary masterpiece! I only wish I could have it autographed. 🙂

  161. Dude. Your book is hysterical. I work at a bookstore and we get advanced reads of books before they come out. Publishers send books not yet published to get booksellers to read them and help sell copies when the book does eventually come out.

    Because of you I have a new daily concern about peeing my pants on the bus to and from work.

    Fucking awesome!

  162. 162

    YOU GOT TO READ IT ALREADY!!! And I can’t pre-order the darn thing.
    Amazon is getting a punch in their gentleman’s area.

  163. I was torn on whether to preorder or hold out until I am employed again. Then you said my favorite word “free” so I had to preorder to get my free autographed nameplate. Done and done! Now I get to eagerly await packages in the mail, which is my second favorite thing. Hooray!

  164. 164

    I’ve waited ELEVEN YEARS for this book and you start selling it 16 days after I get back from vacation? Wow, rude. It’s like I don’t even know you. I thought you would make sure it was avail to me early.

    Also, I’m still buying it, but maybe I won’t read it until I go on vacation again. Just to prove a point.

  165. *bookplate
    Bookplate not nameplate! Gah! Why do I try typing things within the first 2 hours of being awake.
    (this is a correction of my earlier comment because I am neurotic and this would have made me insane by the end of the day if I hadn’t at least attempted to make the correction)

    Daryk Masterson recently posted * this moment * 3-2-12.

  166. I love your blog and am so excited to see your book finally available for preorder.

    What an accomplishment! Congrats. I can’t wait to read it!

    Love & twine.

  167. What do I want with another book, Jenny? I already *have* a book. It’s awesome. I read it again and again, but mostly because my ADD-addled mind can’t help giggling at the pop-up characters when I open it up. Plus, I haven’t finished colouring it yet.

    Nevermind. I pre-ordered it – but only because you told me too. I like how being on the internet means I never have to make my own decisions. People tell me what to do and I do it. It’s fun. Right now I’m getting ready to help out this other guy whose father died. He needs help in transporting the bulk of his estate over here to Canada. So there’s that – plus I get to meet a celebrity! He’s the son of the Nigerian prince. How awesome is that?

    wolfshades recently posted Whirling and whirling.

  168. mine has been pre ordered for 3 months! can’t wait! i plan to read it on the toilet (a) bc i’m sure it’s filled with bathroom & vagina humor, (b) i’m not gonna accidentally pee my pants even alittle, not again.

  169. *cue meme photo* I don’t usually pre-order books… but when I do, it’s for the Bloggess so I can get a free bookplate.

    Kelly L recently posted Filler. Cream Cheese Filler..

  170. @theBloggess, I pre-ordered your book, unless I screwed up and ordered it three times, in which case, Mashfika! (Portuguese/Hawaiian exclamation meaning “more for me!” albeit probably spelled wrong.)

  171. Just leared that it’s “mais fica” and indeed means “more for me!” The Internet is magic, as we know from Matthew Broderick’s spoon!!

  172. Pre-ordered and eagerly awaiting it! With EXTRA eagerness, even.

    Betty Fokker recently posted A distinct lack of justice and mercy.

  173. This is my first ever comment on here and I’m kinda nervous.

    Just wanted to say that A) you are awesome B) though I follow you on Twitter and read the Blog, it was a tweet from a Canadian publisher which led me here, which, as a Canadian, I find kinda awesome (see A) and B) how do manage to find yourself amongst so many whose work I admire? You have Wil Wheaton collating paper, Simon Pegg holding Twine (which totally blew my mind as he is a Geek God to me until…) you got a freaking book blurb from Neil Gaiman! I’m literally gobsmacked. I dunno if you how you’re gonna top that, but I’m nearly certain you will.

    I’m way to poor to pre-order a book but I would love to read it. I will scout it at a book store once released if I have any unexpected knitwear sales or I’ll try and find it at the library. It has made my list of must reads which, because of my financial circumstances and love of physical copies of things, has become a difficult list to gain a space on.

  174. I just realized your book comes out on my birthday.
    Now I won’t forget to buy it…or have someone buy it for me.

  175. 175
    Dymphnasis AKA Mary

    If Hunter S. Thompson invented “Gonzo Journalism”, I would venture to say The Bloggess has forged the path in “Gonzo Blogging”.

  176. 176
    E M Foster

    I can’t wait to read it!!! 😀

  177. Still can’t find this for sale in the UK Jenny… Do you have any idea when it will be on sale over here?

  178. i am a bookseller and got an advanced copy. this is flat out hilarious in so many ways! laughed out loud so many times that i had to catch my breath! what a way with words… absolutely phenom!!

  179. I worry about my ability to consume this book — according to iTunes, it requires a “13th Grade reading level”.

    Matthew McGarity recently posted How the Dallas White Rock Marathon’s New Location Fails.

  180. 180
    Mike Woodhouse

    Amazon UK now seem to have a listing again. Paperback only, for reasons not explained.
    Expected in July and #76 in Books > Biography > Business & Finance just now. Probably with a bullet.


  181. I love the incredibly dramatic mouse on your cover. He reminds me of a terribly sick joke we played on our child shortly after her beloved hamster, Rosco, passed away. We were cleaning the garage and happened across a squished flat dehydrated mouse. Ooooohh. What do we do with it? Let’s spray it gold and make an ornament out of it! So our poor child comes home and bursts into tears because she thinks we have spray painted Rosco and hung him on a nail in our garage. (We told her he had run away. I guess the rat was out of the bag then, huh? )

  182. I fear getting this book. I am already forbidden to read anything that jiggles the bed because I am laughing so hard. But then sneaking off to a dark corner to read in the soft glow of my goofy-assed e-reader is an acceptable outcome (my preccccciiiiooooussssss). So it’ll happen. TAKE MORE OF MY MONEY DAMN YOU WOMAN.

    sean recently posted Sean’s getting artsy again. Had to happen eventually..

  183. I already preordered my book through amazon when u first told us about it, can i still get a wrist band????
    Ps I can’t freakin’ wait to read it and REALLY give my hubby a reason to think we’re both crazy as i read it and laugh like a hieana! hehehehehe Thanks

  184. I just went to Amazon to pre-order your book (and was excited that I could still receive a book plate – sorry about your hands falling off). I keep meaning to order it and forgetting…growing old, constantly forgetful, procrastinating or all of the above. What do you know? I ordered it way back in November!!! I actually pre-ordered TWO because I have to send one to one of my dearest friends who introduced me to you. Well, not you personally, your blog – namely Beyonce! Thank you for making me laugh, cry, gaffaw, reflect, snicker and remind my husband that I could have bought more towels! (I DO have a shopping addiction so he is lucky I haven’t bought my own metal chicken…or more towels for that matter!!!)

  185. Just ordered my copy and I’m excited to read it! I love reading your blog, and can’t wait to read your book. Filled out the form for my bookplate and goofed, putting tomorrow’s date. Hoping I can still get a bookplate to go with my swanky new book!

    Carol recently posted Don't Forget Pretzel!.

  186. I pre-ordered a couple weeks ago for the Kindle version. Am I too late to get a nameplate? If I am, I’ll only cry a bit. I’ll have the book and that’s most important.

    belle recently posted In Spite of a Certain Groundhog, Spring is Here. :).

  187. Is it too late to get a bookplate? I was only just able to pre-order. I can’t wait to get my book….

  188. Ok, so if I pre-order on Amazon, do I get one of the last-ever samples of your handwriting on a bookplate? 🙂

    Jane recently posted Chronic Pain and Catastrophic Medicine.

  189. $13.98 for hardcover, $12.99 for the Kindle edition. WFT?

    Ray Charbonneau recently posted Bear Pond Books.

  190. Ditto on the bookplate question!

  191. So very excited about your book!

  192. I don’t see the link to order the bookplate – is it too late? If so, my bad.

  193. Is it too late to order a bookplate – I don’t see the link.

  194. How do I sign up for the bookplate?!

  195. Jenny, Jenny, Jenny…How happy I am that you are a fellow Texan just up the highway and not too far from me! (But not in a stalker-y way. Well, um…not REALLY in a stalker-y way. Just sort of.)
    Anyway, please tell us you’ll have a big ol’ Texas book signing at your local DQ because if you do, I will totally be there to bask in your awesomeness! OH, and please bring Beyonce to said DQ book signing. I’d love to sit in her shadow and slurp down a Flamethrower and a Coke.

  196. Money being as tight as it was i FINALLY was able to pre-order a copy for a friend and myself. So two copies coming my way! How do I get a bookplate?

  197. 197
    Jennifer Gunn

    Ok, you got me. I was going to wait until it came out, but i have been worn down (in a good way) and preordered the book. Now I am going to bug you until I get it. I am horrible with presents. If I know I have one coming, I cannot think of anything else. Damn it. Now I need to go up my meds….

  198. I preordered and I am looking for that google form too 🙂

  199. Yes, help with the pre-order bookplate!
    I plan wrap it around my nook case for sure.

  200. Hey, are there any bookplates left? I just ordered your book and would love one if you have one. Otherwise, I’ll cope. I’ll just sit in the dark singing Beyonce songs…

  201. Hmm I pre-ordered the hard copy after contemplating whether or not I wanted the electronic or hard copy. I couldn’t decide! I wish we got an electronic version after buying a hard copy. Just like you get a digital version of your movie when you buy a DVD. Anyways… after finally making my decision I don’t see where to sign up for my bookplate? Can’t wait to laugh my ass off reading this book.

  202. The bookplates expired last week but if there are a bunch still left they may open it back up. I’ll keep you posted!

    Jenny the bloggess recently posted Excerpt of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir.

  203. Yay! Keeping my fingers crossed. I really hope that I have money in my bank account when we find out about the bookplates! 😛

    (also….it made me giggle that you said they expired. I’m picturing a big stack of moldy, stinky bookplates. hehe)

  204. oh man I thought I could resist this book, but then I read the HR excerpts and totally went and pre-ordered it right away. I’m always like that. Any freebie and I’ll miss the deadline by 3 days.

  205. I ordered the book just now!! Yea!! Hopefully, there are a few bookplates left!!! I can’t wait for the book to arrive.

  206. Just ordered your book and can’t wait to read it. Hope there are a few more bookplates left!

  207. I preordered and suspect there will still be bookplates but can’t figure out how to sign up for one…

    Mimi recently posted Bovine Beauty.

  208. Jenny,
    I just got back and pre-ordered your book, is it too late to sign up for the bookplate? I hope not :). If I still have time, can you please tell me what I need to do? Thanks!

  209. Totally just ordered your book and can’t wait to get it!!!!

  210. It’s a sign – I must buy this. The release date is my birthday! <>

  211. I just ordered! I can’t wait to get it!!! I would love a bookplate if they are still available!

  212. If there are still any bookplates left, I would love one! I just pre-ordered on kindle!

  213. Hi Jenny,
    Is it too late to sign up for a bookplate? And if it isn’t, how do I get about doing that? I am preordering on amazon.ca as i spe– type, and I hope that ordering from Canada’s amazon doesn’t affect this. I’m looking forward to getting my hands on the book! =)

  214. Just ordered and would like a bookplate too, please!

  215. Can anyone provide a link to sign up for the bookplate? I’ve searched all over this page and am not finding it anywhere. Already pre-ordered but want my bookplate! Thanks!

  216. I would love a bookplate if you’ve still got them – I ordered the book yesterday on Amazon. I enjoy your blog, I’ve told everyone I know about Beyonce. Can’t wait to read the book!

  217. Could you just send me a lock of your hair for me to craft into a creepyawesome bookmark for your book? Cause nothing would tickle me more. I’ll send you some of my hair if you want to swap, I mean, if you think a request for a iconic woman’s hair is too weird. Just saying.

  218. I just pre-ordered!!! If any of those wonderfully random yet still supremely awesome nameplates become available, I would love one!!!!

  219. Are there still any bookplates left? I’m such a procrastinator…it would probabaly take me 21 years to write a book!

  220. I preordered your book! Can’t wait! Pretty please may I have a book plate?

  221. Is it too late to get a bookplate? I just preordered on Amazon!!
    I wasn’t sure if I wanted it(not sure why, you are freaking hilarious), then the excerpt had me cracking up. So I went right to Amazon and bought it!

  222. I preordered a little while back and yet totally forgot about the bookplates — eep! (well, at least I remembered the important thing) If there’s still a few kicking around, I’d definitely love to get my hands on one. 😀

  223. 223
    Marisa DeWolfe

    I didn’t discover your blog until today and I just ordered your book…are there possibly any bookplates left?

  224. I just checked and for Aussie Bloggess lovers Angus&robertson are selling a paperback version, to be released 1/5/12!!!! Wahooooooooo 🙂

  225. Hi Jenny – who does the reading on your audiobook?
    And thanks for your awesome blog, always puts a smile on my face

  226. I can’t find the ridiculously hard to find link to sign up for a book plate.
    I didn’t think I was that stupid, but apparently…

  227. I pre-ordered your book a couple days ago, mostly because I love your writing and you make me laugh on even my worst days, but also because of Wil Wheaton’s tweet about Anne reading it and laughing. And every other good review I’ve already seen. You are totally rocking the first book thing!

  228. I just pre-ordered! I can’t wait! I hope there are still bookplates available. Your hand is probably cramping up at the thought of signing 50,000 more bookplates. But what did you expect? Probably that no one would be interested in your book and that you wouldn’t have to sign any… but that was just a silly thought now wasn’t it? Sign on girlfriend… Sign on! 🙂 Thank you for being such an excellent writer and inspiration!

  229. I just pre-ordered the book for my kindle (which will hopefully work by the time it comes out). Is it possible to still get a book plate for my kindle case? I did not see the link to sign up for one. Probably right in front of my face.

  230. Just pre-ordered the ebook version of your book from Barnes and Noble. I seem to be among the ranks that can’t find the signup link for the bookplate, though.

  231. CONGRATS!! I must tell you that you have become one of our office heros – and we’re all now clamoring for a chance to win a signed copy (we’re librarians and tend to geek out about stuff like that!).

    Sooo excited!

    Laura @ Casa del Hansen recently posted Do you like wine?.

  232. Ordered your book. Can’t wait. The excerpt made me pee. But just a little.

  233. I pre-ordered it for my Kindle Fire after reading the HR excerpt and promptly making my coworker read it as well. If there are any more bookplates around I’d love one. I can’t wait to read the whole thing! 🙂

  234. Crazy HR day and your excerpts made my day. I just preordered it for my Kindle….hpeing more bookplates are available. I am so excited about laughing out loud again!

  235. I pre-ordered a few days ago on Amazon. As you can see, I have a “happy” name. If I get a signed bookplate, especially if it said I was your new BFF, I could change my name to “ecstatic!” or even “uber ecstatic”. I’m not even sure where I sign up for said bookplate, so maybe I should just call it quits and become the first female dwarf to follow Snow White around. Maybe I need help. (I am referring to finding the site to sign up)

  236. I just finished this book about 5 minutes ago and I’m still snorting. With laughter of course. I can’t even tell you how funny this book was. I have never laughed out loud so much in a book in my life! I think I simultaneously snorted, peed my pants, spewed soda out my nose, and made everyone in a doctor’s office waiting room look at me like I was in need of a straightjacket. To anyone who hasn’t ordered this book already – GO DO IT NOW! I was lucky enough to win a copy on http://www.goodreads.com and I’m already salivating waiting for book 2. Jenny Lawson, you are my new hero!

    April recently posted Books, Books!!!.

  237. Because you said the winner will be chosen at random, I will save my witty comment for now. Only allowed a certain amount of those per day anyway. Blog is high-larious so looking forward to the book.

  238. Stayed up all night to finish reading it and laughed so hard tears ran down my leg a couple of times. A coupon for a box of Poise should be included with every copy. Or at least the Surgeon General’s warning needs to be printed – discretely, of course – on the jacket somewhere. Oh, and I wanna party with your folks.

  239. I have read not 1 article on your weblog. You’re a massive lad

  240. oooh oooh i want a bookplate! am I too late? i procrastinate a lot. and i’m lazy. but i did pre-order. or order. or something from amazon that was charged to my credit card. pretty please for a fancy bookplate?

  241. Am I too late for a bookplate? I don’t see a form anywhere on this page. Bummer. That’s what I get for procrastinating. I’m sure I’ll enjoy the book, even if it is totally devoid of bookplate awesomeness.

    Barbara recently posted I only need one!.

  242. 242
    Anthony D. Renli

    I am sad, as I most likely have missed the bookplate goodness.
    yet I am happy as I have just pre-ordered the book…

    Hmm…mixed feelings suck donkey balls.

  243. Ditto what the last few people said. Procrastination. Bookplate. Sad Panda.

  244. I just pre-ordered from Amazon, I am going to be all impatient and cranky until it arrives! I should have done it earlier so I could have a shiny bookplate, but I don’t like the cranky that ensues when I preorder things.

  245. 245
    Laurie Saling, Spokane, WA

    My aunt Roxie and I are convinced you are our “sista’ by anotha mothuh” and on that note, thought you’d appreciate this excerpt from an actual Groupon ad for trench coats I was checking out today.

    I immediately thought it good fodder for your blog (I included the link below so you can see for yourself). Hope you agree. If nothing else, it may make you smile … as your blog does for us:

    Black Rivet and Colebrook trench coats hug torsos in a European-inspired design that’s as timeless as a broken grandfather clock. The outer cotton-blend shell accents curves with a double-breasted front held snug against bodies by matching buttons. Wearers secure their coat with an adjustable belt that can be tied in a knot, fed through a belt buckle, or used as a makeshift lasso during emergencies.


  246. I’ve placed my pre-order. 🙂

    Matthew Miller recently posted Karl Giberson, Deception in the name of Chirst.

  247. I pre-ordered WEEKS ago! I really did. BUt am confused about how I get the bookplate? Does it just happen? Is it magic? Where am I supposed to input info? Gah….

  248. I found the doc. 🙂

  249. Congratulations, this sounds very interesting and a good read for sure.

  250. I finally saved up for a Kindle and pre ordered the book. Is there no more signed book plates? 🙁

  251. I pre-ordered your book today from Amazon, but I didn’t spot a place to request the signed bookplate. Did my eyes just skip right over that option??

  252. i just preordered your book from amazon… does this count as me requesting a bookplate?
    is there a linky i should click or something?

  253. I pre-ordered a book from Amazon this week….am I too late for a bookplate?

  254. 254

    I must know: will there be an audiobook version, and will you narrate it yourself? Please say yes! Pretty please with sugar on top?

    (Yes, and yes. You can preorder it now! ~Jenny)

  255. Salt Lake City always get f*cked when it comes to tours. Damn.

  256. Cannot wait to read your book. I esp. love the title….reminds of my last relationship. ZING!


    JJ Kearbey recently posted It’s Like a Buffet….FOR YOUR EYES!.

  257. Oh excellent, its released in a month, just in time for me to take it on holiday to Europe on my kindle 🙂 Awesome!

    Basketcase recently posted 20 Questions: March.

  258. 258
    Franca Bollo

    ACK! Corte Madera IS NOT San Francisco! Don’t make me drive over that damn bridge!

  259. Jenny, you should come to Bumpass, VA. Why? Because seriously, we live in a town (well…a small road with a post office and a stop sign) called Bumpass, VA. How can you go wrong? Or at least, maybe come to Richmond, VA, and us few residents of Bumpass will drive out there to see you.

    (Really….Bumpass…I can’t even give my address to people on the phone without them laughing at me. Honest to god, I was laughed at by a Verizon employee in West Virginia…because Bumpass.)

  260. 260

    Is there any chance I can still sign up for a bookplate? Because I’d love one…even though I pre-ordered the Nook version…

  261. 261
    pittsburgh fan

    Can you please come to Pittsburgh???!!! I love you!

  262. If you open the bookplates back up, please sign me up! Have your book all set to come from Amazon. Can’t wait!

  263. 263
    Ann Marie

    Too late for a plate? Pretty please…. I meant to pre-order sooner, but I’m lame. Sorry!

  264. Please come to Pittsburgh on your book tour so I can meet you! I’ll wear sweat pants and we can be chronically depressed and anxious together.

    Leah recently posted What to do when your significant other hates your friends.

  265. I can’t wait to read the book. I wish you were coming to Columbia, South Carolina!

  266. 266

    OMG! I just saw a review of your book in the magazine “Whole Living” as recommended reading. IT’S SO EXCITING!

  267. Dearest Jenny,

    We here in Boston–where you can’t swing a dead cat (sorry Posey) with hitting a Bloggess fan–are heartbroken–HEARTBROKEN, I tell you–that you will not be coming here on your tour! Outside of NYC, maybe, there is no better book town in the country. What can we do to get you to come to us? Stuff one of the Republican candidates for president (except Mitt, who I think has already been to the taxidermist)? Collate more blank paper (we have lots of it here)? Cryogenically freeze Posey when (or if) she finally passes? Whatever it is, we’ll do it. WE LOVE YOU!


  268. You are totally a Mover and a Shaker. True! It’s in my Goodreads email http://www.goodreads.com/newsletter/show/april2012?utm_medium=email&utm_source=Apr_newsletter

    Shawn recently posted Super hero name.

  269. I’ve preordered your book and plan to read it out loud at work, which will be awesome because I work in a 911 dispatch center and if anyone needs to be read to from a book that’s funnier than the Bible, it’s people who have had to call 911 in the middle of the night.

  270. are there those signed bookplate thingys available? because I FINALLY got to preorder my copy. and I WANT one if there are any left.
    either way I have a feeling I will have to buy depends to wear while reading it, because I have mommy bladder and last time I stole a dead body mattress I peed myself.. and this is bound to be FAR funnier than that.

    Arie Milne recently posted Easter is...

  271. Can’t wait for the book and book tour! Since you’ll be in L.A. that week, if possible, you should try to come out to the LA Times Festival of Books at USC (April 21-22). It’s an amazing event and may get you some additional (well deserved) publicity. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your blogs and for writing this book!

  272. Jenny, I just finally got a chance to pre-order your new book! Can’t wait to read it!! Can we get digital bookplates? 😉 love you and thanks for the laughs!

  273. Thanks for the bookplate! It came today. Waiting for Amazon to send your book. Can’t wait! I don’t live anywhere near where your book tour is going, but I wish you the best of luck and hope you have a great time.

  274. Hey, Jenny. I received an empty envelope from the Penguin Group today. I am pretty sure that it was supposed to include a bookplate with your lovely signature. I did the pre-order thing with Amazon on the day that you offered the bookplates in your blog. It appears that Amazon deleted my pre-order from my account and I just pre-ordered your book again. These two events must have been connected somehow….databases and programmers can be very mysterious. Hope that other Amazon pre-orders are still out there for other folks. Would nice to receive a bookplate in the future….perhaps when you are resting up from your outrageous book tour!?

  275. 275
    Dolores Gonzalez

    Jenny, thank you for the signed bookplate. Opening that envelope gave me a reason to smile for the first time in two days. I can’t express how much it means to me and how much I needed it today. Again, thank you!

  276. I pre-ordered your book in October and am heartbroken that I did not receive a book plate!
    🙁 sucks balls

  277. I just pre-ordered it! Sadly I have to wait a few extra days/weeks for it to be shipped to Australia.. Absolutely cannot wait to read it though 🙂 Thanks for introducing me to the phrase “douche-canoe” it really confuses people and is surprisingly usefull!

  278. I have been given cause for an alcoholic slushie thanks to you! I got to watch you startle the world on CNN discussing a Aombie Apocalypse Plan (or ZAP for short) and “lady gardens”, caught up on the article about the 5 mice and alligator (still spewing slushie out of my nose from laughing – thanks) AND I got my autographed book plate in the mail and I can rejoice that your suffering led to my happiness. Lets hope your masticating hand recovers or you at least learn to use the other one. Now I just need my book and my life is temporarily okay and the ass-hats of the world can bite me for a few days as I bask in my radiant joy.

  279. I’m completely sad- I preordered my book through amazon months ago, and it hasnt shipped yet! How will I begin to read it tomorrow? I had fully planned on going into labor (I’m 8.5 months pregnant) the minute I opened it, that way I would be almost uninterrupted while reading it. Now amazon is telling me I have to hold the baby in until the 24th- that’s poppycock.

    Gerri Willis recently posted Price List - Order Prints.

  280. Ipes! I ordered mine… if there are any book plates left… I’m confuzzled on how to pick one of those up…

    Meg recently posted Beautiful Bouquets.

  281. So I’m in China for work. It’s exhausting. I haven’t slept more than 4 hours a night for the last 10 nights I’ve been here. And worse than that, I just finished the last of 4 books that I brought with me on my kindle to keep me from going completely mad.

    And I look on my kindle today, and THERE IS YOUR BOOK and THERE IS A GOD BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO LOSE MY DAMN MIND if I had to reread The Hunger Games again.

    Your book and I are going to curl up with a fat glass of scotch tonight and get to know each other. Just, you know, not in a lady garden kind of way. Thank you for writing it, thank you for blogging, thank you for being you.

  282. I’ll be making my way to Target or Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy, but also found out my library is getting a copy as well 🙂

    Meg recently posted Kitchen Adventures: Buffalo Chicken Pizza.

  283. Bought the book last night. This is worth sharing, because I work at a bookstore and could just read it for free, but decided I was willing to shell out some money based on the sheer enjoyment I got from the book jacket alone.

  284. 284
    Stephanie Littleton

    Got my book yesterday and promptly poured a glass of wine and began ignoring my kids to read it. Love, love, love it, and I’ve decided that obviously we were meant to be bff’s seeing as how we’re both crazy and we live in Central Texas.

  285. I ordered a book plate waaaay back when but I have never heard or seen any sign of it since then. Are they still being shipped out?

    Gary recently posted News: Arms & Sleepers cancel shows and goes on indefinite hiatus.

  286. Ok, So my wife had asked you a while back if you could make a shirst with Coprenicus and “A hug is a strangle you haven’t finished yet.” all together on the same shirt. As the champ you are, you came through and it was the highlight of my christmas gifts and the delight of my spouse for having outdone me. Well, it’s time for a little payback. Her birthday is in August and I’m planning on giving her a copy of the book. I was wondering if there were any bookplates left?

  287. I got my pre-ordered book in the mail yesterday annnnd because I may be REALLY shitty at balancing my checkbook, even after spending 8 years in banking previously, the book really did just about cost the 45 dollars you mention at the end. It. Was. Worth. Every. Penny.

    I finished it already, because I could not put it down. I even read it to my 3 month old when it was time to give her a bedtime story annnnd because my doctor told me children start making memories at 3 months I am sure she will also write an awesome book when she is older about how I emotionally scarred her somehow with the awesome and probably not entirely appropriate for a 3 month oldness of the content.

    Anyway. Love you and your superfabutastic book. Write more! I will wait the next 11 years if I have to to read it….and…it might take that long for me to fix my wonderfully effed checking account.

    Dahlia's mom recently posted New Mom Fails # 2.

  288. Today I purchased the Nook version of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. While I was ordering it online, it dawned on me….THAT is what came in the mail on Monday….my autographed book plate sticker! When I opened the envelope on Monday and saw a standing weasel with a name scribbled on the paper, it seemed familiar somehow, but I didn’t know what it was. I thought that maybe it was a ransom note, but nothing was missing. So-o-o-o-o-o since our garbage pickup is at 7 a.m. on Wednesdays, and I was online buying your book at 3 p.m. on Wednesday, you can imagine how happy the local landfill is to have your autograph. I, on the other hand, am devastated. I would have loved to put the sticker on my Nook to keep forever.

    I still love you, Jenny!

  289. 289
    Jeanie Bennett

    I have been anxiously waiting for the book & was busy yesterday evening completing assignments early just to have this evening free to purchase it on Kindle and read to my heart’s content. You are the bomb!!

  290. My 2 year old son is going through Chemo treatements. I needed a laugh. I bought your book yesterday at Target. Thank you – I laughed!

  291. Best.Freakin.Book.EVER!!!!! I have laughed so much I may never recover. Thank you BEST FRIEND, Jenny! I can’t thank you enough! Now. Write another one. Please and thank you.

  292. I just got done reading the second chapter of your book and wanted to let you know that cleaning deer, having cisterns, occasionally poisoned/non-existent well water, having to boil water on the stove for a warm bath, raising wild animals (racoons, squirrels, and rabbits here) inside, having your dad use you for better “hunting” opportunities, and living down-wind of what we call “hog sheds” all happen in the rural midwest as well. Although still hilarious, I could identify (either because it happened to me or someone I knew) with your stories and didn’t find them particularly surprising or “what-the-fuck”ing. Although I’m not sure that will make you feel better about your childhood or if it just made me seriously question my entire upbringing. Way to go, Jenny, you just made me realize that I’m probably way more fucked up and weird than I already thought I was! 😉

  293. Eskimo kiss = Gunni (Goo knee)
    Is now Inuit & not Eskimo (just saying) I laugh so hard at the sorta karma that your dad woke up to, what a colorful life. The book is well worth the purchase & more.

  294. I hate your book. I took it to the hospital with me this morning and was sitting around in a waiting room with some really miserable looking people, and there’s me, trying to laugh silently while Gabi wakes your father with a dead raccoon because it seems rude to laugh out loud around folks who clearly did not win the lottery this morning, and soon I was wiping tears out from under my glasses because on top of the whole raccoon thing, I thought I must look like I was having some kind of seizure. And now, I am supposed to be doing about fifteen other totally important things that needed to be done by yesterday, but no. I’m lying around thinking, “Oh, one more chapter won’t be the end of the world.” But we all know how the world ends, don’t we? That’s right. *whimpers*

  295. Are the book plates all gone?!?!? I was offline for Lent and I come back and everyone is all “I’m getting a Bloggess book plate…” and I’m all… “crap.” So I think I’m being punished… maybe.

    It’s too late isn’t it?

  296. Hey Jenny

    My wife and I love your book. Bought it on our nooks on the 17th.

    My only problem is that the pictures in the ebook are really small. Anyway we could get the pictures posted in their full glory somewhere on here?

    Like the Beyoncé pics. They lose a lot being tiny and b&w. Glad I had seen those before on here.

    Buying the audio book next.


  297. I’m only halfway through and my husband is looking at me with white eyed panic when I pounce on him with all your wonderful gyms. But Honey! (I say) your step dad would’ve totally pulled off that roadkill puppet trick if your mom didn’t catch him!
    P.S. Although I’ve never worn a deer sweater I’ve seen many an animal hung in the garage or spread out on the nice clean dining room table for dissection. Almost makes me a vegan, if it weren’t for the stoic meat addiction (thank you Father!). I’m fairly certain my cat enjoyed the milk bath I sprayed out of my nose over your acid trip experience. No, you are welcome!

    Darla recently posted faith for the weary.

  298. I pre-ordered on Barnes and Noble for my Nook and still haven’t received the download 🙁 is there a problem with the electronic version release? I am really hoping to have it before I go into labor (I am 39 weeks pregnant) because it would be best the best thing ever to read in the hospital. Please, if anyone knows how to get it to work, let me know! I keep telling our little one to hold out till the book can be accessed but I don’t know how long she’ll comply…

  299. You just got me kicked off the “quiet car” on the train and I am loving it….Thanks for putting it on paper. I am spreading your book far and wide among my neighborhood of readers. YOU write Like I THINK! I am hooked. OK so I hope noone I know sees this… Get busy cause I am gonna need another book soon…only have a few chapters left! Thanks for the great book!

  300. I am reading, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”. In an early chapter you mention breaking your neck (rupturing a disk) while brushing your hair, going to the ER and having the docs hand you pamphlets about spousal abuse. They asked you what did you do that he broke your neck. Well, you are not alone. I “broke my neck” drying my hair with a towel. At the ER they asked my wife, “What did he do that made you break his neck?” She said, “Which time?” They gave me pamphlets about anger management. And they want to know why I like Darvocet so much.

    Can’t win.

  301. Hey!! Why is my last comment, “Awaiting moderation”? I didn’t say the F word (like you do, and I work in cursing like Picasso worked in oils). And I didn’t call Texans douche bags!

  302. Just finished reading your book and I absolutely loved it. I literally laughed until I cried, and then peed a little. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can’t wait for the next one!

  303. I should probably not have started reading this over dinner. I got rice in my nose.

    I’m only on page 89, because I have laughed myself into half a dozen asthma attacks so far.

  304. MY COPY ARRIVED THIS WEEKEND. I didn’t realize what it was at first, I was like, “oh, another Amazon package” so I didn’t open it for two days because I order way too much stuff from Amazon, and then, BAM! I opened it and there it was, in all of its pre-ordered glory. I have been waiting for this for a small eternity (so it feels) and I am SO! EXCITED! to dive in! yayyyyy!!

    Kelly L recently posted Why I've Considered Quitting the Internet.

  305. Im 16 and I’ve recently been seeing therapist and psychologist about my anxiety and I’ve also been reading ur book. I just wanted to thank you for helping me through everything latly. I tried to hide my anxiety for a long time and then I moved from a small Tennessee ( much like wall not like a real wall but the place ur from in the sense that it’s tiny and well we have a school, gas station, and mail place. And dirt….. And my child hood was a bit like urs well less blood….. ) but anyway uve helped me realize that im not the only one like me. Im not the only person that has severe anxiety…. And ur book has helped me look back at some of my worst anxiety related things and laugh at it rather than dwell on them than let them ruin me. I have a broken filter at times or I don’t say anything at all and im happy to find that im not the only one….. But back to earlier. I moved to new York and I’ve had multiple anxiety and panick atacks and I’ve bin getting a little better with the combination of xanex an ur writings. Im very grateful that u could share ur story and help ppl like me and let ppl laugh…. i tryed to edit out most of my rembleing… Just like u said in ur book about emails how its easyer than person to person is very much true or this conversation would have been odd and uncomfortable with my mind blurting out things that I can actually edit out on here like thing about my dog…. My sisters ocd and looks she gives me when I rant…. Thing about how my friends are semi understanding…. My fathers anxiety and my mothers ocd… Things about horese, birds,escalators,elevators,ladybugs and much more… Ugh what was I saying…. Oh ok well. But if u read all ur comments or not I can’t blame u if u don’t because that take slots time and ur on ur book thing and u need a ron for ur ermionie… And ur daughter and ur husband….. I hope u read this so u can know how much uved helped me. And how much uve mad me and my family laugh in hard times….. Byee

  306. I purchased your book on amazon the other day and it arrived on Friday. I tore open the package and exclaimed “I’m so excited!” My husband looked at me and said (in a very I’m so clever fashion) “Why because you got a book with a mouse on the cover?” I then went on a nice long speech about how awesome this book was and it was JUST a mouse, and on and on, hubby rolled his eyes and continued watching baseball. I began reading it and I read half the book. At several points I actually laughed out loud, but realizing it was 2 a.m. and my hubby was sound asleep next to me so I tried to stifle my laugh and it it turned into this horribly sexy muffled snort.

    Thank you Bloggess for helping me sound so sexy in bed!

    Love the book! can’t wait to finish the last of it today, then I will proudly display it on my bookshelf and encourage others to go buy it!


    Also, Blue Willow is letting me bring my own wine. Mmmmmm wine.

  308. 308
    Denise Blatnik

    Ummm Jenny? I don’t think I can read your book. I stopped breathing when I got to page 27………..I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t breath. There should be a warning label or something…………just sayin’! Also, my son keeps saying, “Jesus is a zombie!”. How do I explain that at religious education next Sunday? I’m feeling better now………….I may try one more page………….or finish the book. You rock!

  309. Okay, so I just finished the book. It reminds me of the bulletin board at college just before break, where you troll for someone to share gas with in order to make it the long distance home as cheaply as possible. After several hours of travel, you are sure that you have hitched a ride with a serial killer. More hours into the trip, you are sure this gal is going to be your BEST… FRIEND… EVER! After all is said and done, your book is kind of a hardback case of Stockholm Syndrome. It drew me in and mesmerized me until all of the information you shared sounded quite logical and even rational. Scary. And fun.

  310. I am in the middle of reading your book and I wanted to say thanks. I’m in the chapter about anxiety and not having girlfriends. Explains how I feel exactly. Most girls think if you don’t have girl friends it’s because you secretly want to steal their boyfriends or that you are untrustworthy. Nope, I’m just too random and socially awkward to get to rules and understand what to do or say.
    The little man in my head (a neurotic gatekeeper of my words) either lets every weird thing I think out or grabs everything and I sit there mute. Neither good for making friends.
    Although not fun to deal with, its nice to know I’m not alone in my whirling anxious head. I guess I am really alone in my head but my head has a missing twin? or something

  311. So I have no idea how your site ended up on my computer all the way here in Afghanistan but I am so fucking grateful it did. Perhaps it had some thing to do with rattle snake hugs. I have only know of your existence for 10 minutes but your book shall be mine very shortly. I think it may be the very thing to get me through this deployment. High-five Copernicus for me, every one should own a leper monkey and I’m sad I don’t. Any ways, thanks for your glory. Just wanted you to know from your newest fan.

  312. Jenny- Finished the book yesterday. Well, I finished listening to you reading your book to me yesterday. LOVED IT!! I’ve spread the word and already know of 4 people who have purchased because of my recommendation. I’ll be expecting a referral fee check in the mail. Thank you, in advance. Seriously… Thanks for writing this book. Loved every second of it. 🙂

  313. I just finished your book last night. After my husband kicked me out of bed because I was apparently shaking the bed because I was laughing so hard. I told him at least I was being quiet about it. And hey, I wasn’t the one showing our eight year old son pictures of strippers earlier. Hes SAYS it was logging macheinery. Yeah right! So I took my book to the living room. But I WON! (Somehow….)

  314. 314
    Jenny Savage

    I am determined to get my copy despite the USPS attempt to NOT deliver my book! I have already had to hide my book template you signed…my kids are obsessed with the “sticker” and want to adhere it to the nearest surface. I will be damned if my postal carrier won’t go down for this one…was delivered on Friday…but WAS IT??!! I never received it. I JUST WANT MY BOOK PEOPLE!!

  315. Hey…uhm. So this is a tetch awkward but…I pre-ordered your book through B&N and somehow in my innocence thought I’d get a blook-plate but it arrived today and I am plateless. Any advice?

  316. 316
    Elizabeth B

    I just got your book (and can’t wait to read it!), and also a very cute but completely empty envelope from Penguin Group, which I assume was supposed to contain a signed book plate, but sadly, it doesn’t. Also I don’t think I can make it to your book signing when you’re near Dallas in two days, which really, really, really sucks because I have this short list of People I Would Stalk if I Were the Stalker Type (don’t worry, I’m not), and you’re totally on it, but you’re also on my very, very, very short list of famous people I actually want to meet and perhaps even say things to. In fact you’re pretty much the only person on that list. Except I probably wouldn’t say anything because nobody can ever hear me and when I’m nervous I freeze up and can’t think of anything to say, and then people think I’m slow and do that thing where they tilt their heads and look at me all concerned and ask if I’m ok, and why don’t I smile? So you’re actually very lucky I can’t make it.

    Good luck with the rest of the tour! Should I contact Penguin Group about the book plate?

  317. Reading your (audio)book right now, and you sound JUST LIKE I imagined you would from your blog. Scary, isn’t it? LOVING the book… and your delivery is perfect (although you do sound like you have a bit of a scratchy throat, but I can totally identify with that, since I used to have to read my blind exhusband’s student’s papers to him when he was teaching).

  318. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time but have never actually commented. I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely loved your book. Thank you for all the times that you have made me laugh (and cry), and thank you for being so unapologetically yourself. I have several of your posts bookmarked for the days when I just want to curl up in a corner and hide from the world; thank you for being part of the reason that I don’t.

  319. I’ve never laughed so hard reading a book in my life! I can’t imagine anyone NOT laughing like crazy but find myself thinking maybe I’m crazy that I get this so much! Your gift is a God send~!

  320. Even though I had never heard of you, I bought your book because it has that cute mouse on the cover wearing a ruffled collar and cape and standing up on its little back legs, which makes it really super cute. I’m only on page 12 but I have a few comments/friendly suggestions:

    P. 1-2: I don’t think it’s that big of a deal that your dad threw you out of a moving car. MY dad threw me out of a moving TRUCK. Yep. One of those humongous 18-wheelers that you have to use a ladder to climb into. Like you, I grew up in Texas where, as I’m sure you know, throwing your offspring from a moving vehicle is horse-play, not child abuse.

    P. 10: I’m a member of PETA and I think it’s cruel to use hot glue on a deer. Hot glue can burn the sensitive skin of a deer and I bet rubber cement would work just as well*.

    P. 12: Regarding vomit, blood, and the use of bowls…your husband is WAY wrong. What planet did that bozo come from? But in my house, we prefer the term “barf bowl” to “vomit bowl”. It’s catchier and we found that it brings a bit of fun to a normally unpleasant subject. You should try it. Maybe your husband will be more receptive when he realizes how fun it can be to say “barf bowl”.

    As for the review from Jesus on the back of the book and specifically how to tell your hairdresser, Jesus, apart from the other Jesus… you could also note that the other Jesus couldn’t do a decent highlight job to save his life. However, I have heard that he did wonders with nails. (personally, I remain a bit of a Doubting Thomas)

    *I’m not really a member of PETA. But in case I ever join, what color bow do you use?

  321. 321
    Elizabeth B

    Penguin Group is sending me another envelope; hopefully one that is occupied by a signed book plate this time. 🙂

    I’ve only read one chapter so far but I love it and have already laughed my head off. Which makes it kind of hard to read the rest . . .

    That’s a bad joke. You’re welcome.

  322. This is only one of several thousand comments on your blog, but I felt I should share it just in case this is the message you need to hear today, just as you so often yours is the message people need. Not that what anyone else thinks matters, but in this case I happen to be right so listen up. You are a wonderful, hilarious, and inspirational person, writer, and AUTHOR, and you deserve every iota of praise and success you receive! Congratulations and much love to you, your family, your editor, and your fanbase.
    PS- I started laughing in the parking lot reading the back of your book!

  323. I accidentally stumbled across your book on Kindle cause hey its on the Kindle best seller list. Yay! I haven’t actually read your blog before. It must have been some horrendous oversight or weird censoring thing IDK. You might never read this so does it really exist? LOL. Have fun on tour and have a safe trip home! Oh and I laughed so hard that I think I ruptured a kidney so I am totally suing you for medical bills. HaHa JK. Or am I?

  324. I came by your website by accident, not really sure how I found it, was looking for ideas on PVC games and how to make them, so really not sure how I landed here, but I did share something on my fb page that I found on your site, and then I started reading about your book, and I cannot wait to be able to get it. So I landed here and printed the picture so I do not forget it and know what to look for when I go to B&N’s when I get paid. From everything that I have read from all your followers and fans, it is a Definate book on my list to read and more than likely on my daughters.
    Hugs and God Bless you for being able to write about all.

  325. Hi Jenny,

    Absolutely loved your book. Really…so many weird looks from strangers in restaurants and from my son in the living room when I would snort in laughter or spray wine across the table. My favorite mix of humor layered over the real pain of life. Check out my new blog, which you helped inspire..yeah, I credit you! Look forward to reading the rest of your writing and thank you for the laughs!


  326. Uh, forgot to lput in the blog name– am I new? http://www.sarcasticbastardtour.com


    Lily recently posted Welcome To The Tour!.

  327. Okay, so today I just found your everything. You, I guess. Got here from my pal bradmesser.com who claims to be recently hooked on you. He always finds good stuff and shares, as friends do. (I would say “good shit” — but then you’d think I was just trying to ingratiate myself with you stylistically, which is ridiculous because I don’t even know what ‘ingratiate’ means. Something to do with dry cheese over pasta I think.) THAT said, now I’m vamping, but only to concur with Brad that you are one addictive little vixen. Not you personally, though I could believe that. All the drug references have to be inspired somehow. Unless they’re gratuitous, which I believe is like ‘ingratiate’ only the dry cheese is free. So the next thing I guess is to bookmark you…aaaand…there, that’s done. As Harlan Ellison would say, you write a good stick. (You’d like Harlan, one of the original don’t-give-a-shit speculative fiction aces.) And…scene.

  328. Oh, and yes, since everyone asks, I’m also the next door neighbor to Dennis the Menace, who says HI, by the way. He’s 63 now.

  329. Like Lily above, I forgot to put in the link to our “blog” — which in this case is a comic strip: http://www.bigrockheads.com/
    NOW can I read your book?

  330. One last thing. I’m a geezer. So for your younger readers to fully grasp what I’ve written above, please just read every declarative sentence aloud as if asking a question. Upendings rule?

  331. I got to your blog and info on your book through onaclaireday.wordpress.com and can’t wait to read your book. How could I not with those first two endorsers being two of my favorite authors? Well played.

    Katy recently posted Beautiful Blogger Award.

  332. 332
    Crazy Cat Lady

    I adore you. I want to buy your book, but I can’t. I am stymied. I wanted a book plate, but I wanted a nook copy. And even though (I think) all the book plates are gone because I wasn’t paying attention, I feel like, if I get a book book, I could maybe someday get it autographed, even tho I was to afraid to go to the city to see you in New York. So I am paralyzed with dreams of a laminated book plate velcroed to the back of my nook driving even nuttier than i already am. Obsessed I tell you, yes, this concept.

  333. Well you did ask me to pretend with you. I DID! I’m kindof a writer in my own mind so I bought your book, started to read it, and got side tracked cause I figured “if she can do it why can’t I?” So I started. I also couldn’t think of a better title, so I kinda revised yours (aka added a word in all caps) I am also a fan of not getting sued, you wont sue me for that…I hope. Well I figured, if you saw this, you might wanna check it out. If you still saw this and didn’t wanna check it out I figured you might wanna know that your crazy childhood inspired me! lalala DUCKS CHICKENS AND IRONMAN

  334. Loving the book. Got really sad last night when I realized I’d almost reached the end. You have lived a truly wondrous life full of strange amazing and sometimes sad adventures. Thank you for sharing with us. You rock.

  335. Howdy! I just wanted to let you know that i finished the book last night. I would have finished it earlier if the bookstore had had it back in early march like i had wanted, but no, they said ‘uh we don’t have that yet’. I was not prepared to laugh as hard as i did since i don’t think i’ve ever almost died laughing from anything before. A heart attack probably would have occurred if it was even one page longer. You probably did research into just how much laughter a person could take before keeling over.

    Thank you thank you thank you <3

  336. I bought your book just now – thank you for making me laugh xx

  337. 337
    Kate a la katydidnot

    I was reading it tonight. And then I was laughing so hard I snorted. And then I laughed so hard I cried. And then my dog started barking at me because I was laughing so hard. And since she woke up to bark at me, she noticed our reflections in the windows (because it’s dark and I don’t have curtains) and she started barking at herself and my reflection self. And all the while, I was just laughing my ass off in an empty house, with a roll of toilet paper on my lap to blot my tears. The end.

    Undermedicated badger. Of course.

  338. 338
    Kate a la katydidnot

    “…but then the not-Thundercat started getting all shouty.”

    Best sentence ever. Ever.

  339. Soooooo happy we have this book available in New Zealand .. looking forward to reading it … and laughing out loud 🙂

    Love your blog and your posts make my day ..seriously ..

  340. 340
    Mike Procario

    I bought the audiobook for a long car ride. Bad idea, I laughed so hard at the chapter on Stanley the magic squirrel I was afraid I would drive off the road.

  341. 341
    Teresa C.

    My daughter and I attended your book signing in Houston and listened to you read between the dumpsters. It’s okay, when she was in high school, I took her to The Vagina Monologues. “Slow down!” is indeed good advice. My family would enjoy the audio version of your book, if you choose to send us one. Thanks.

  342. Love you. You are my daily ray of sunshine. Would love the book if chosen. Will still love you if not.

  343. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU for coming to MD!!! Cannot wait to see you! YAY!

  344. also why is font for uk cover so much cooler You just like the brits better :'(

  345. 345
    Jenni Lawson

    Um. Seriously I can’t remember writing this.? I must have because I work in HR, wear glasses, have one child and not that I’ve ever asked him a husband that is potentially long suffering, well he does tell me to grow up on a regular basis and often just leaves the room when I speak My dad has brought home sheep, goats, ducks trout to live in our pool, a horse but at least he has never used any as a puppet. Although when I was 17 my great aunt gave me a squirel hand puppet that looks like a second hand merkin – I’ve had a lot of good times with that squirrel and after 18 years I still have it

    Any way I plan to buy a gazillion of your/my books for birthday and Christmas presents and personally autograph them.

    Thanks for making the writing bit easy for me and my autoimmune diseases

  346. I love it! Blame everything on the autoimmune stuff! True– who can challenge it? Like,”Look, I’m sorry that I ddin’t pay that bill and the water got shut off again, but it is the INFLAMMATION! Jeez, give me a break!” I will be looking at the swollen joints in my feet a whole new way now.


    Lily recently posted The Little i.

  347. 347

    You really should create a “like” button linking to Facebook page for LPTNH that has all the information about the book. The only one I can find has absolutely no information on it. It also helps you fans link people to it when we mention it in a status update. If we link the one that exists now…people just come to a page that says “no information has been provided” and that won’t help anyone.
    It’s just a thought…but I really want lots of people to know about this book so you have the backing to do another.

  348. Jenny, girl you rock! You had me laughing at work (sneaking reading), at home in the bathroom, and late into the night under the covers. The style of writing is so personal and scattered and hilarious! You are very smart, smart-assy (spell check hates me too) as well as bat shit crazy! I LOVE your stuff,
    A fellow blogger and single 40-something Mom who is writing a book about sexual freedom and breaking bad while working full time, raising two beautiful kids and finding time for hunting cougar prey!

  349. You’re hilarious!!..very much enjoying the book you squeezed out of your torn vagina!!

    hargo recently posted Chunk Norris aka Carl.

  350. Here is my comment, I would really really love a copy of your book.

  351. That book is AWESOME! I’m ready for book two. No rush. Just whenever. Really. I mean, I AM out of stuff to read; but I don’t want to rush awesomeness the second. So, I’ll just sit here and wait. You just let me know when you’re ready for me to pre-buy/buy the next one. And you can use ‘Awesomeness The Second’ for your title. I won’t even ask for credit. Because you probably already thought of that title anyway. Because you’re awesome.
    BTW – my four year old critter recently discovered this word – it’s called awesome. As a result, I might be guilty of overusing this kind of annoying word. But, at least I’m not overusing coconuts. That was the last great word he discovered.

  352. 352
    Robin Jennifer

    Is there a way to get a signed copy if you live somewhere that is nowhere near civilization or a place where you’re going to be?

  353. Wow. I’m struggling to finish it because I keep laughing so hard that my contacts are floating around too much to read the text. So I have to pace myself. You know – read, wipe away the tears, read some more, press the damp Kleenex to my eyes and then remember that it hurts to press hard plastic against your eyeballs, cry because I’m an idiot who’s just scratched her corneas… it’s a grueling cycle. But totally worth it. I have over 20 years in HR, so of course everyone in the book seems totally normal to me, but you understand that. I’ve always said that for my “semi-retirement” I’m going to write a book called “You Can’t Make This Shit Up,” because, seriously, you just can’t. I figured I could let each of my friends have a chapter or two. Now I have to tell them all that you’ve covered the penis pictures and Mad-Libs applications, but there’s so much more fertile land to cultivate that I think we’re still okay.

    Thanks so much for this book. Brilliant. Seriously brilliant.

  354. I am totally loving your book. I feel so much better about my own psycological issues, Thank you so much!!
    My husband likes it too but is just less gushy about it.
    You are awesome & don’t ever forget it.

    Ps I’m glad I’m not the only person worried that my dead pet is going to turn into a souless zombee that is going to attack me. I seem to think it will happen at night which totally sucks since I get home @ 1am.

    Stay awesome: )


  355. […] Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Jenny Lawson – Um, have you read the story about the metal chicken?  The The Bloggess is a hoot.  Also thinking about getting the audio version of this to keep me entertained on my many drives to and from Charlotte. […]

  356. 356
    Brenda Neill

    I am totally loving this book and thank you for the autographed book! Your mom is a joy to work with! Your book has brought back repressed memories (lol) my dad used to bring home critters too (mostly alive) and he would say Do you want what’s in my hand or in my pocket? You never new if it was a baby rabbit or a horney toad! I’m only reading a chapter a day because I want to make the book last. Thank you Jenny!


  357. 357
    Mary LeBlanc

    OMG…..i can’t stop laughing! I read parts of your book to my husband and he is sure I see myself in your stories. He is in Houston all the time for work (oilfield) and we live in South Louisiana…..we will look for you….not in a creepy, stalker way, promise. I too, suffer with depression and it is baffling. I too, have a very sensible, objective husband and bring “excitement” into his sensible world. I too, have had words with my hubby after a dinner party argument with a client’s wife that what she was eating “WAS NOT A PICKLE”…..I was correct, but she was the client and i’m not supposed to argue with clients. I too, get lost and call him to guide me home (and I have nav system in my car). I have plenty of girlfriends but keep them at arm’s length except a few. and I have a fake feathered ROOSTER (before beyonce came to your door!) that each of my 4 kids move around the house at any given time. I noticed it hanging from the foyer chandelier after a baby shower with 80 guests…..and a deer mount in my living room that occasionally appears to change clothes, hats and even lets the rooster roost on his antlers from time to time. I am half way through the book and don’t want it to end. Thank you for keeping me entertained as I cater to my insomnia at 2 then 3 then 4 am.

  358. 358
    Lara J. Gibson

    I just spent the entire day listing to your audible version of your book and I LOVED IT!!!!!. Your randomness reminds me of conversions with my best friend and I would be love to be at a party with you to trade non-sequiters (cant spell that one)…. please write another one soon…in the mean time I’m going to go listen again and see if I can find that one thing that might offend me I haven’t found it yet…

  359. Thank you for this wonderful book! And you should thank me because I got it on Audible, which I understand earns more money for you. I went on Audible looking for memoirs to read for inspiration, as I fell there is one or more in me hiding somewhere struggling, despite my best efforts, to stay put. I was in a funk and taking my 46-year-old, failure-to-launch self too seriously. Thanks for helping me to lighten up and laugh out loud!

  360. Ok, so I’m halfway through, and I had to stop because I was laughing so hard I was crying. The diaper in the swimming pool thing totally happened to me, except the person walking into the room and then running away wasn’t a friend, it was a complete stranger…..I just can’t decide if I want to read faster to see what happens next or slower so it’ll last longer……plus, Neil Gaiman? I’m so jealous right now….I wish he had something that awesome to say about me……….

  361. Loving the book! It really should come with a warning though, that it’s not suitable to be read while breastfeeding – I laughed so much my poor baby had to clamp down really hard just so he wouldn’t be shaken off, and now my nipples really, really hurt.

  362. can I find it in Singapore??

    mothers little hleper recently posted how could I not write about the gusher.

  363. I love love love the book. I received it on Friday from Amazon and have been reading chapters as I get a chance through the weekend. I read today at lunch in the office kitchen and the girls reading Fifty Shades were giving me the stink eye because I was laughing loudly and wiping my eyes continuously over chapter – “The Psychopath on the Other Side of the Bathroom Door”. Then they also asked if they could read my book when I was done 🙂

  364. I just finished your book and I wanted to say “thank you”. Thank you for giving a voice to all of us who refer to Easter as Zombie Jesus Day. Thank you for so skillfully describing GAD and the social awkwardness that comes in group settings (who knew that discussing your abnormal fear of parasites isn’t “polite dinner conversation” and that telling others that you regularly Febreeze your grandmother while she’s sleeping is always met with absolute silence—likely at the brilliance of the idea). And thank you for letting me know there are others.

    As someone that feels that “stabby” is a legitimate emotion, I found myself nodding along and saying “yes, yes, I’ve totally done that!” Couple that with almost demented laughter and you’ve got yourself a real winner. My boyfriend hasn’t learned Victor’s face-palm and is still telling me how asinine my topics of conversation are. I think he refuses to see the lunacy of everyday life. His loss.

    Also, I’m in HR and have been for a little over a decade so I didn’t think “yeah right, way to take poetic license a little too far lady” with your peni (I believe that is, or at least should be, the plural of penis) picture story. We talk about you, us HR folks. On the SHRM HR Talk Boards. Just saying…

    So anyway, thank you. I enjoyed your book and will look forward to the next one.

  365. I have read this book and it is hilarious. I can’t tell you anything about it because I don’t want to ruin your journey of discovery into the mind of this fabulous woman. She makes me feel better about my own, shall we say, idiosyncrasies. I loved every second of it and it was worth every bit of the totally-not-forty-five-dollars that I paid for it!

  366. Hey there!

    We are excited to let you know that Let’s Pretend This Never Happened will be mentioned in an upcoming FabFitFun newsletter!!

    If you’re curious about us, FabFitFun (www.fabfitfun.com) is a website and free daily e-mail that uncovers the latest and greatest in fitness, fashion, beauty, diet and wellness. In partnership with E! News host and author Giuliana Rancic, FabFitFun reports on everything women need to feel happy from the inside out. FFF is optimistic, fun, cutting edge, funny and all about instilling confidence and power in women. It’s a daily dose of insider beauty tips, effective workouts, hot fashion trends, Hollywood diet secrets, nutritious recipes, confidence boosting fun, honest relationship advice and head to toe well-being.

    We launched less than a year ago and currently have over 135,000 national subscribers! Over the summer we also launched local editions in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York and we are so excited to be growing every day.

    If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact our editor, Katie Rosen at katie@fabfitfun.com.

    Thanks! Have a fabulous day!

    8474 W. 3rd St. #206
    Los Angeles, CA 90048
    Mobile: 310 429 7714
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    Your daily e-mail for a life well lived!

  367. I am reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir). I can’t read it in public or in front of anyone else because I have a terrible cackle and an occasional snort. Last night, I read the chapter about your magical squirrel. Needless to say, it was a good thing I emptied out my bladder first.

    I’m a librarian, so consider this the highest endorsement of your fabulous book. (Well, I guess if some celebrity, popular author or political figure enjoys it, then that would probably help you sell more copies…whatever.)

    niclib recently posted Really Incredible Reads.

  368. Thank you, Jenny Lawson. I just finished the book last night. I lost my job 3 1/2 years ago and am scraping by on SS, am 64 years old with no family except my cat, have suffered from GAD for 30 years and have been depressed and over-the-top anxious since Oct. 22, 2008 (trip to HR to be “let go”). I read reviews of your book and since I couldn’t afford to buy it I had to wait over a month on the library waiting list and finally got it this week. Yay! I laughed until tears were rolling down my face and my stomach was cramping (although the fact that I just had laser surgery on my gums a couple of weeks ago and can barely eat anything might have contributed to the latter). Thanks for making me happy for a few hours of my miserable life. I sincerely hope you write another book before I die which could be any day now since my family is not known for longevity. I’ve outlived everyone…..even my younger brother. So get crackin’ on the next one…. please. And God bless Victor. I’m really surprised he hasn’t divorced and/or killed you by now. Must be a helluva guy. You are AWESOMENESS PERSONIFIED.

  369. I downloaded your book onto my Kindle the other night. Only… made it through the first few chapters & decided to go buy it at the PX in the morning so I could have a hard copy. My 14 yr old son wanted the book also – so we argued over if we should buy 1 or 2 copies. He said he wanted his own. 2 copies later (really need to go buy the 3rd one so it isn’t all alone up there). I finished it – loved it. My 14 yr old has been laughing hysterically, which means my 13 yr old has now stolen my copy (yep-should go buy the last copy up there if it’s still there) and he is enjoying it as well. Only he said I am not bad-ass, because right before I read it I assigned The Red Badge of Courage for his Lit. I think he is boycotting it though in favor of your book 🙂

  370. I’m trying to read your book but the tears from laughing are causing a blur. Plus I’m trying to drink wine. Have you ever tried to drink wine while laughing your ass off? It’s hard and I fucking love wine!!!

  371. 371
    Lance M Hillier Sr

    Worth every penny of the $25.95 (+ Texas 8.25% commission) – so will not write snausages… Excellent – with a good chuckle every page and a belly laugh every other one – sometimes they mix, and me being half-Finnish, get confused… Relocated to Cross Timbers area 6 years ago today – and had heard of Wall before… Am enjoying your blogess [Blogess] highlights now… God Bless, and have a fucking GREAT Book Tour 🙂
    Lance aka: Moi/TexMonty and Cowboy on other forums….

  372. 372
    Brandy Martin

    I have just finished the chapter where you almost lost your arm vaginally. First of all, I’m loving your book. Secondly, I’m from San Angelo (totally spaced out on you being here in April) and once had to help castrate a goat in ag class. A memory I have tried unsuccessfullty to repress, thanks for helping me remember what should never have happened.

  373. Just finished “Let’s Pretend” and LOVED it! Saved me from a torturously boring 4-day conference! Took out your book everytime they stopping talking…and sometimes when they didn’t. Thanks!

  374. 374
    Shelley Dyson

    Jenni Lawson,

    Wow it’s like an Apocalypse of crazy people in here. I didn’t realize there were so many of us. Thank you Jenni Lawson for your book. Most people laugh because they have things in common with you. I too had an eccentric dad, and I do tend to worry how much he passed onto me, how my children see me, how I am affecting them and the generations to come.

    Here are the pages I laughed out loud at, like you are interested, and sitting there with baited breath and your book, but here goes, positive feedback right??: p 38 The Dangerous Thesaurus of My Father, 83 Engagement Story, 121 HR labia story and crazy keyboard story under it, 140 Getting lost conversation with Victor (could be bushes or horses, made me lose it, I get lost all the freakin time, and I too, have survived for 20 yrs on duct tape alone, instead of tools, a knife.) para on 242 discussing bodies on property and zombie apocalypse, 244 it is Hailey’s crack, how insulting of Alan to assume it was mine line, the who buried where line, dead neighbors make quiet neighbors, and homemade zombies planted nearby, lines. P245 when you screamed out Chalupa. P248 the last sentence describing the rabbit on your dogs forehead. 280 when you and Laura put the chicken @ the front door and walked away and Victor answered the door. pp 294 &295 the entire stuffed alligator incident.

    You have a way with words, and the entire book was funny (except the dog dying and the miscarriages), but the above was laugh out loud and time to put the book down and make a tea and grab my breath. Good for you in accomplishing this. I happen to love Jesus and know He loves you too. The way I see it, He deliberately put Laura in your path. I read your book in two days. I’m unsuccessfully transplanted to a farm. Yeah. So very much looking forward to the next book whenever, even if it’s another 11 yrs. Well worth the money I paid ($27.50 CDN). I am going to let my 16 yr old daughter read it too. In a couple of months I will reread the book out loud with a Texan accent. I’m Canadian. Should be fun. 🙂

    So sorry you are in physical pain 🙁


  375. I just got my Floridian mittens ( or hands since it’s way too hot for mittens here ) on the book, and I must say it’s worth everything my parents paid for it because I’m broke. And also a child. And probably shouldn’t be able to read and comprehend everything in that book. Including the drug you took for your finger. ( Methatrexate, correct? Hope I spelled that correctly. I had to take it for Leukemia. )

    Regardless, the book is amazing. Astounding, even! IT FEELS LIKE A UNICORN IS FEEDING ME STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM/ PEANUT BUTTER GELATO WHEN I READ IT. And I love every word of it.

    ( Sorry for caps lock awesome-rage. )

  376. 376

    OMGthankyou for the Best. Book. Ever.
    I bought the Kindle version last week. Then I bought a second for my sister. I’m headed to Target this afternoon to buy a hard copy. Hmm – make that TWO copies, because people are gonna want to borrow it & I’ll feel okay about lending it if I don’t have to worry that I’ll never get it back. Maybe I’ll buy three, actually, because wouldn’t this be an AWESOME book to set free in the world..?!
    Now I’m gonna check eBay to see if anyone’s selling their autographed bookplates…
    Oh – and Jenny? Thanks so much for the laughter, and mostly for the “I’ve found my tribe” feeling I found in the pages of your book & blog. It’s good to be reminded that depression lies.

  377. Wow – I attended the Gaithersburg Book Festival as another exhibitor and couldn’t help but become distracted while you were on stage. I was intrigued at 1) who was the lady with the large following; and 2) how was she able to make them laugh as hard and often as she did. Since I was an exhibitor myself, I didn’t have the pleasure to listen to your speech. But I was able to flag down a woman who walked swiftly past my table with your book in her hand. She barely had time to say your full name as she tried to beat the swarm of supporters to the book signing table where you would appear 5 minutes later. Naturally I decided to look you up, and I’m pleasantly intrigued at what I see. Your blogs remind me of the movie Julie and Julia. No need to say more than #inspiring. You are awesomely talented, or is it just that you are on the good side of lucky. Either way, I look up to you and I will be like you one day when I grow up. Hopefully then, my supporters will swarm through a future exhibitors table in hopes to get a glimpse of me. lol. I wish you the very best in all that you do. I throw that same luck my way too.

  378. What Erma Bombeck (of the 1960-70’s) could have written, except
    a) This is the 21st Century, and
    b) She died, so makes it hard to use a keyboard,
    I’d think…
    Your book is excellent, and I hope you make so much money on your book tour it makes your husband Victor happy he has such a talented wife, and
    ticks off the White House you are such a greedy person, when you should be donating most of your hard-earned gains, based on your talent and expression, ‘to the poor’, per them, especially lizard lips Anita Dunn…

  379. 379
    Michelle Beal

    I have to admit that up unil aweek ago I had never heard of The Bloggess . It was Hamlet that grabbed my attention and as I was completely baffled why a mouse would be dressed up as Hamlet …I grabbed the book so I could find the answer…
    What I got was …Strange looks on the Train when I laughed out loud enroute to work , elbow shoves and dirty one eyed looks from my husband telling me to keep it down as I Laughed hysterically in the middle of the night ( apparently men take it quite personally when you laugh in Bed!) and a FANTASTIC READ that had me laughing form start to finish ….
    Some serious Funny !!

  380. I tried finding your book at my nearest library and the closest thing they had was ‘Violent Weather Predictions 2000-2001: Countdown to Cataclysm’ by Jennifer Lawson. It’s out of date weather prognostication from Australia! (btw, the nearest library was the Univ. of Chicago; why do they even have this book?)

  381. 381

    Just finished your book and I am so sad it is over, I effing loved every word. I guess I will just have to keep rereading it until your next one comes out. Seriously my new favorite book; thank you for making me laugh so hard I almost wet myself in public.

  382. Just started reading the book and already I am in hysterics laughing because I too have had the domestic abuse spiel at the emergency room. Mine was not a herniated disc from enthusiastic hair brushing but rather a sprained neck/upper back from brushing my fucking teeth. The ER staff apparently didn’t believe my story and kept questioning my safety and even questioned my now ex-husband separately to see if our stories matched. Coincidentally he used to text me “beatings are coming” when he was on his way home from work and I kept threatening to show the ER staff the text messages which he did NOT find humorous at all. Anyway the point of my rant is that I find it comforting that I’m not the only one who injures themselves doing routine tasks and then is subjected to scrutiny over whether domestic abuse and violence is in play. So thank you for making me laugh…although I now have to take a tramadol b/c my back hurts.

  383. 383
    Mikel Mayfair

    I would love the UK version, that way I can imagine you saying “Y’all” with a british accent.

  384. Ridiculous is synonymous with Luxurious, right? I would LOVE the audiobook! Thanks, as always, for entertaining.

  385. I got your book as a gift and I nearly choked on my own tongue several times from laughing so hard and let’s face it, you should be thankful I didn’t because we all know that my angry spirit would track you down and blame you for sending me to an early grave.

    That said I’d love a copy of the audiobook!

  386. Oh please please PLEEEEEEASE may I have an audiobook??? I’ve already finished reading the printed version, but would dearly love to hear you tell your stories in your own voice as well.

    Robin recently posted What’s Better Than Ironic Mustache Wednesday?????.

  387. 387
    ivie nightshade

    I would just like to thank you so much for writing all this wonderful Bloggess amazing-ness. It makes me feel like there’s someone else in the world who thinks like I do, and I always know that when I’m having a rough day, I can come here, and laugh about stuff that I was pretty convinced only _I_ thought about, and a number of things that I hadn’t even thought of to think about yet.

    If we didn’t live so far away from one another, I would totally stalk you, but in a good way, not a scary going-to-kill-you way. More like a hey-you-wanna-hang-out-and-laugh-about-stuff-while-maybe-having-some-ice-cream sort of way. But I wouldn’t invite my husband. Because he, like Victor, spends a lot of time looking at me like I’m wearing a squid on my head and telling me I’m weird. Not that Victor does that to me. I’ve never met the guy. But it sounds like he does that to you. Which is the weird thing. Unless of course you _are_ wearing a squid on your head. Then it’s justifiable.

    Anyway, if we ever are in the same general vicinity, we should definitely hang out, because that would be an awesome conversation. Keep writing what you’re writing, please, so I can keep reading it. It’s better medicine than Ativan and anti-depressants.

    Thank you again for repeatedly making my day/week/month. I still sometimes think to myself, “Knock, knock, motherfucker!” and giggle out loud. Even in public.

    You’re the best. 🙂

  388. Yay! I just got a ticket for your Chicago visit. Completely forgot that Lit Fest was coming up. I’d love a copy of the UK version, otherwise I’m planning on picking up a copy at the fest 😀 See you there!

  389. 389
    Marc Genty

    Love the book. Love the blog. I really needed a laugh right at the time I stumbled on your book. Not physically. Now four out of five of us in my family are reading the book. I’m still in the lead but the others are gaining on me. We have the hardback and Kindle versions. Would love to have the audio version to make the collection complete.

    Seriously, thanks for the laughs. You’ve no idea how much they’ve helped.


  390. I really, really, really would LOVE to get a copy of the audiobook version! You crack me up and are definitely one of my favorite bloggers. I could easily see you & Victor as my neighbors. I GET you guys.

    I also have a 3 hour round trip commute that your audiobook would help to occupy mind mind during.

    Though you are probably not interested in it, I run across (not over) lots of road kill on my commute to & from work. They make me think of your taxidermied collection.

  391. 391

    UK version please. Enjoy the last leg of your tour. Then, go home and climb under a table for a couple of weeks. You deserve it.

  392. OMFG I’m reading your book & I go from laughing my ass off to having to put it down because my dh is bipolar & that one train wreck is more then enough! Holy Shit!

    Suzie recently posted Interesting way to propose.

  393. 393

    I’d love love love super love the audio but I’m cool with anything! Will hopefully see you in Montclair in June!
    I’ll be the one with the chicken. (Or something more unusual)


  394. I’d love a copy of the audio version of the book. Have a drive home to NY planned in a month and I have NO doubts I’ll be cracking up the whole way there listening to your book. Much appreciation and encouragement sent your way. Keep up the good work!

  395. 395
    claire a

    Would love the paper version but would also be happy with the audio.

  396. I just got a package in the mail a few weeks back. It was a second copy of your book. I wasn’t even sure I’d ordered one. Apparently I had. Twice. And now I’m going travelling (backpacking / hitch hiking for a few months) so all I really wanted was an ebook. Any chance of that?

  397. Uk book, please.
    More importantly …. Put the wig on erminonie!!!!

  398. UK? Because you always have something witty to say.

  399. 399

    OMG Jenny…I am reading your book and almost killing myself laughing. I have to put it down at times so I can breathe..I am doing that silent I cant get a breath laugh that is so frickin scary. Last Monday I was sitting in my Doctor soffice waiting room and laughing so hard I was choking and snorting. The other patients were giving me “THAT” look..you know the one. then tonight I was at work and had a few free moments..so out came the book…I again scared some people from the noises I made laughing…did I mention I am a psych nurse…it is NOT A GOOD THING to appear as crazy as my patients…I had other nurses trying to evaluate me !!!! I haven’t laughed this much since the late 80’s when Pictionary was popular and I couldn’t draw Florida without it looking like a funky penis.Please,please write another book…I will wait as long as it takes…thank you

  400. Hi Bloggess, it’s me. Although you probably can’t tell as I’m not wearing any make-up and I’m in my dressing gown and I have a rotten head cold. I bought your book last week in a very small country town and when I told the assistant that I was surprised to see it on their shelves, she couldn’t explain how it even got there. She hadn’t even heard of you, something I’m still coming to terms with. I don’t think that your book would have been appreciated in that place, so I did them a favour and bought it. In my absolute selfishness, I think I also need the Australian audio book. My head cold is preventing me from hearing things, so I’ll have to turn up the volume nice and loud, but I think my neighbours will appreciate that and then we can all laugh together at the funny bits in your book. And you know, I’m really interested to hear what you sound like with an Australian accent and I think it’s marvelous that you’ve gone to the trouble of catering to our accent. I bet it will be loud though – now wait, it’ll be loud because I’ll have the volume turned up to eleven, as that’s the only thing I can hear. Anyway, I hope you’ve been enjoying your tour. I’ve been telling all my friends about your book – and your blog – and just love all the lovely things your American fans have been presenting you with. Ok, bye x

    Adriana_G recently posted Week 12 ~ Something New.

  401. OMG! I would love a copy of the Australian audio book! Absolutely loving it! We have printed out Beyonce chickens living throughout our workplace!

  402. 402
    Bonnie Chapman

    I would love, love, love to receive a copy of your book, either Australian or UK version. Either would be fantastic! Hope you come to Denver!! Please, please come to Colorado! Two GREAT local booksellers in the Denver metro area: Tattered Cover in Denver and Boulder Bookstore in Boulder.

  403. 403
    Cathi in Texas

    I would love the audio version….pick me!

  404. I’m confused. Are Australian and UK foreign language books? I best go with the audio.

  405. Audiobook because I love to have near accidents from laughter

  406. 406
    Sandy G.

    Can’t decide between the whimsically fonted UK version or the audiobook. If I had to pick one, I’d love the audiobook.

  407. I would love the UK version audiobook. Are you talking in a British accent? Is it read by Hugh Laurie? (I think Hugh Laurie would be good at this sort of thing and with House ending he should totally do you a solid.)


    Tara Robinson recently posted Royal Weddings Need More Meth....

  408. 408
    gretchen diefenderfer

    Your book is amazing – I’m anxiously awaiting the next one. You sound a bit played out on the book tour. Are you taking good care of yourself? I’d love the UK version, and then I could lend out the US one I have, but otherwise I have to keep it nearby. Keeps my spirits up.

  409. 409
    gretchen diefenderfer

    Oh, yes I agree with Bonnie Chapman – come to Colorado!

  410. 410

    I NEED YOUR BOOK. Seriously. I need that Australian copy. Actually, really I need heaps of copies to distribute among everyone I know.

  411. 411
    Tommy "Robot Omens" Osborne

    A UK copy for me please.

  412. Loved your book! Recommended it for MEmorial Day reads- http://www.greatthoughts.com/2012/05/20-great-reads-for-memorial-day-weekend/.html

  413. Just finished reading your book and laughed out loud at so many parts – especially loved the HR instances! Please write another one real soon!

  414. Hilarious book. I only read one of your blog posts – the one about the chicken. Which was very funny but which didn’t suck me in. Now, after reading your book, I’m sucked.

    Now I know how to describe my own blog, “The Jenny Lawson of the Cancer set.” 🙂

    Oh yes, terminal cancer can too be funny. Just not for very long.


    ButDoctorIHatePink recently posted New Phases.

  415. Thank you for writing this book. I have never laughed out loud so hard or so many times at any other book. I’m going through a hard time in my life and your book has been an escape, a place to go where I know I will laugh for a while. And maybe learn some things about taxidermy.
    You’re awesome.

  416. I work in a book store and borrowed this book this week on a whim, because I enjoy small dead rodents in shakespearean garb, I think. Deep deep down. I’m not done reading it yet, but I’ve just gotten through Friends With Girls, and with the trouble associating with girls, and always comparing yourself to them, and the horror of dinner parties before that, and hiding in the toy box even before that, I had to stop for a bit and cry and hug my dog. Because you did an awesome and terrifying job describing all of it, and it’s funny but it also makes me wanna throw up a little, and I love this book so much already, it’s not even funny. How much I love it, I mean, not the book, because the book is hilarious. Yes.

    Anyway, thank you for writing it, and publishing it, because reading it makes me so happy and makes me feel a little less like a freak and I absolutely love it, and you by association.

  417. I would love any of them, but the audiobook (last time I specified audibook, guess I thought it was a book about fancy cars – haha!) would be abso-frickin-lutely awesome!

  418. Hi Jenny. I have only just recently begun reading your blog, due primarily to the near-hysterical adulation that Wil Wheaton showers on you pretty much every time I turn around, and I’ve learned that it’s generally just a good idea to do anything that Wil Wheaton tells you to do. And, well, all my life up to this point has now clearly been a tragic wasteland. But I suspect things will now start looking up. You are my special sparkly Princess of Awesomeness.

  419. You are my favorite person that I’ve never met.

  420. Jenny,
    This book is so funny…..I really needed it this past weekend…had to cancel an 20 year anniversary trip with my husband because my daughter was sick….you kept me laughing all weekend! And, I will note, it is very nice to see a family MORE dysfunctional than my own….

    PS…I love your discription of generalized anxiety disorder through your emails…it is exactly like that….

  421. There’s a special Australian version of your book???
    I want one now! It’s number one on my birthday/Christmas list.
    I know, I’m in my thirties and writing lists of requests for presents.
    My Mum reinstated the list idea after a number of disappointing rounds of gift giving.

  422. New to your blog, but bought the book anyway because I needed a laugh – GREAT decision! It worked. I didn’t realize until I read it that I actually KNOW those places – awesomeness. (Yes, – ness can be added to every word). Now I have a quote from your book on my FB page – (so like 12 more people might ask about the book). Even though I know you need money for more therapy, I’m giving the book to my 22 y/o daughter. (She also needs the money for therapy, but just doesn’t know it yet.)

  423. I haven’t laughed this much while reading a book since 1986. I remember because the name of the book was Screwballs by an author with the last name begining with an A. I had just started alphabetically working my way through the ficition section. And I remember that is was 1986 because it was the summer after the Royals won the I-70 World Series which was 1985. 26 years later…I’m only up to M.
    This makes me miss my good friend Karen, who burned herself ironing a shirt that she was wearing at the time. Jenny, if you ever move to SC I’m sure we could be fast friends.

  424. There should be a warning to not listen to the audiobook while grocery shopping. I think that everyone assumed that I had a nervous disorder because my laughs, when I am trying to hold them in, sound like a cross between an angry crow and a pit bull.

    The drawback of the audiobook, I sooo want to see the pictures.

  425. Just bought your book on kindle and started reading it. And figured you would like to know that armadillos carry leprosy. I’m just sad that Amazon won’t bill the purchase as 6 pounds of uncut cocaine.

  426. 426

    GeekMom is reading Lets Pretend This Never Happened for their online book club! http://www.wired.com/geekmom/2012/06/june-book-club-week-1/


    Love love loved the book. You rock.

  427. Dear Jenny –
    Three things…
    1/ Your writing is so funny i peed my pants reading it. You will be receiving the bill shortly.
    2/ i recommened your book to all my friends. ( please expect to be receiving their laundry bills soon.)
    3/ Thank you.
    Best Regards, ekinhk

  428. 428
    Jenny Schmids

    Forget 50 shades of ANYTHING!! Everyone should be reading this book!! It SHOULD come with a warning label that it should not be read in public places where sudden burst of laughter will get you odd looks, or be viewed as possible reasons for “intervention from appropriate sources”. It HAS caused my children to snatch the book from me and say “Oh for God’s Sake! It can’t be THAT funny..” (It should be mentioned that the are then reluctant to return said book).
    I had never read Jenny Lawson before…but WHEN, WHEN, can we get a second book (please do not say 11 more years)?
    Another Jenny (wasn’t 1970 a bitch for that?)

  429. I don’t think I’ve ever read your blog but I accidentally read your book and it was awesome. Suppressing the giggles while my honey was trying to sleep got me in so much trouble…. definitely adding you to my blog-reader.

  430. thank you Jenny Lawson for writing your memoir – cause i no longer feel alone and it is nice to know that someone else’s brain is just like mine

  431. The very first thing I did when I went to NYC last week (my first time, I’m from Holland) was buying your book. And I’m so extremely happy I did. It’s WAY better then Times Square.

  432. I went everywhere to find a copy of this book. My dad surprised me and brought it over to my apartment,which resulted in a very grateful hug and a ” I’m not saying you have to leave, but i will be reading and in my own little world from here on out”. I took this book EVERYWHERE. Laughed when it was funny and laughed/ cried when it was still funny, but in morbid fashion. I have since passed it on to a friend who had just informed me that her depression has took a turn for the worse. Thanks to your book, shes smiling again, and has convinced herself to begin talking to someone about everything. Thank you so much. I’m glad the world has people like you and your fantastic family.

  433. 433

    I’ve enjoyed 27 1/2 chapters of you reading your book to me, but I’m feeling a bit gyped. I don’t mind spending the extra $ on the audible book, but I don’t like not seeing the pictures you keep referring to. How’s-about you post them for those of us that are just getting to know you in the audible way. Pretty please with sugar on it.

  434. I am only on page four of your book and I am already cry-laughing. Just thought you should know.

  435. Trying to buy your book in Australia and having a hard time finding it 🙁

  436. Have you seen this story? It equates your book with hope. http://www.countingonrain.com/files/8e445dbb209e6b5aefd00eaf6e50b5ea-17.html#unique-entry-id-17

    You change lives.

  437. I read your book and realized that I found a woman who has had my childhood just add five siblings and a single mother! I must have three books worth just need help writing them! Loved your book.

  438. I got this for my birthday. My ex gave it to me. Now that is how you say you “pay attention.” 😉

    Thanks, Jenny. Time to re-read it. Finished it too fast 🙁
    When the book was about 10 pages far from over, I slowed down the reading, to make me stay in your world a bit longer. When will the next book come out?

    P.S. I have to say… TEAM VICTOR all the way. That man is one big geeky-teddy bear. However, it may be the cough syrup talking now. Bazinga!

  439. I finished reading your book last night. I savored it for a while, as I didn’t want it to be over because I don’t think I have ever laughed so much while reading a book.

    Thank you for sharing and helping me see that I am not alone in my quirkiness.

  440. 440
    Sherri Sinicki

    I started reading your book last night…I was fifty shaded out if ya know what I mean. I laughed so freaking hard I had to put my kindle down in fear of water logging it. I had to post on fb:I stayed up late last night…reading this and laughing so much I cried. Then I read it out loud to Ron (because he came down stairs to see if I was OK) and laughed so hard I cried AGAIN! I am only just past ‘Stanley the Magic Squirrel’ because I had to stop laughing out loud so Ron could sleep. This is by The Bloggess Jenny Lawson so there is some swearing…but if a raccoon named Rambo lived at your house and wore 80’s jams and attacked your sister..in a funny way…you might swear too.

  441. Apparently this is NOT the book to read when I’m supposed to be proctoring a test. I was really enjoying it, but felt like the entire room thought I was deranged or something when I was trying to be quiet. It’s hard enough trying to be quiet without being stabbed in the face by a night stalker. So, the book is awesome, but shouldn’t be read in a room full of wannabe nurses trying to pass chemistry. They just don’t appreciate it. It’s much better paired with a glass of wine on the porch.

  442. I have been reading this to my sons before bed (they are 12 and 10… and as a former news anchor I can edit on the fly. DON’T JUDGE!) My younger son admitted to me today that he equally feels sorry for Victor and wants to BE Victor so I feel my work here is done. LOVE YOU JENNY!

  443. That and you are not allowed to lock your suitcase.

    WTF, TSA.

    And airlines.

    You’re bastards.

    Rebecca recently posted Yesternight’s Workout:.

  444. Moral dillema… my local library says this: “321 holds on first copy returned of 67 copies” which means it’ll likely be next year before I can get my hands on a copy via library. So do I do the healthy social thing and wait? Or, do I do the bad environmental but good economical thing and buy?

  445. I never thought I would encounter someone with a childhood as fucked up as mine. In a good way, with all those life lessons. In my line of work, humor is the scaffolding of my sanity. I think that may be an original quote from me. I don’t know why I’m agonizing over what to type here as I’m sure you will never see this. So, thanks for the kick ass book and blog.

  446. I loved your book! Made me laugh till I cried. Are you somehow related to Maya Thompson of the blog RockstarRonan.com? Because although she is blogging for a different reason – her baby died of cancer at 3 years old – you both are foul mouthed ninja’s with machete’s! She is funny as hell on her good days and sad as hell on her bad days.

    And seriously, I need that fucking rooster for my husband! And I could not stop laughing at the HR jokes because I too worked in HR and we had a pile of “those” applications. 🙂

  447. Just finished reading – thank you and please write another one! And more pictures! 🙂

  448. Jesus Fucking God, I need sleep and your bloody brilliant, wet-your-pants, hysterical, totally empathise with it book is keeping me up. Stop being such compulsive reading, woman!
    Actually, I don’t mean that, and I am so glad I work in a bookshop (beautiful shop, in The Rocks in Sydney, Ariel – come visit) so I can sell it like a fiend. More people need to wet their pants. Well, no, they don’t, they need to read you and visit the bathroom frequently.
    This is meant to be a fan letter. Im sorry

  449. Hi, Jenny-
    Ok. I’m behind the times, but what else is new? I saw a book blurb in the NYT and then caught the Marfa story on CultureMap. I shall buy a book forthwith!

    My sister Terry Hayes (aka CancerDiva) is probably screaming with laughter from wherever she ended up in the cosmos… She’d be so proud!

  450. I just wanted to know, how come i can never meet someone like you in real life? When people say that im not outgoing or random, well honestly i cant muster up the word for it right now, but i just think to myself”they havent met my family……”. Is it weird for your family to “adopt” your friends? When any female in the house says “mine is bigger than your’s” or talk specifically in a certain tone of voice to speak for our dog?(we named her tahloula!) and whenever we talk about babies i have to mention, a baby being born into a wildfire? I write all this knowing ill look crazy,and probably wont get an answer back, but i dont care what people think, i love my family and its weirdness. If you read this, i have one question.(other than the above) When i say ‘boom-shawada’ what comes to your mind? Thank you if you read this! I love your book!

  451. I read Jenny’s book on a plane from Kona to SFO. I am a new fan. People kept looking at me strangely because I couldn’t stop laughing. My kids would ask me what was so funny. It’s not a book you can easily explain to elementary age kids. I teach them not to curse. It’s so just so funny. I didn’t want it to end. I can’t wait for the next book. Jenny, please don’t take 11 years next time.

    At last, I have found someone whose parents were as strange as my parents. I once posted on Facebook about swimming with alligators as a kid. My sisters responded that they never thought it about it that way. For parents out there, would you release wild animals into your home a’ la the Lawson household or let your kid swim with alligators? We used to sit on the swim platform in our local lake watching the alligators eat the ducks. That was our idea of fun. At least I now know of a family in Texas who’s weird antics are on par with my parents. The jury is out on the results of such child rearing tendencies. I’m not going to try it out on my kids. The alligators are going to have to feast on someone else’s children. At least Jenny is the funniest person I have come across in years! You go girl!!!!

  452. Hi, Jenny –
    I just finished your book and it was laugh out loud funny. You have a gift – thanks for sharing it with the world. It’s like Harry Potter without the magic, Hunger Games without the kids killing each other and 50 Shades of Gray without the kinky sex. (It’s not really like any of those books. I just said that because they’re successful movies and I thought maybe I could plant the idea in Steven Spielberg’s head to make your book into a movie and then your book would be even more wildly successful than it already is. You’re welcome.)

    Pam Waits

  453. 454
    Deb in Ohio

    I inhaled your book (while choking half to death laughing) and was truly sad when I finished it. Now I will have to read it again and again until you come out with book number 2.

    I wanted to let you know that you probably ruined my social life though. At the very least, none of my neighbors will ever look me in the eye again. Here’s the story. I was reading on my Kindle one night and came across your passage where you mentioned “horse enema fetish”. Seriously – how was I supposed to NOT google that?! It’s just not the sort of thing you hear about ever, so I wanted to know if it was a real thing. (I’m not gonna tell if it is or isn’t – I’ll let others endure the shame of looking it up themselves.)

    Well, anyway, the next day my neighbor came over for me to show her my Kindle Fire because she was interested in getting one. I showed her all the features – but when I went to show her the web browser, there it was open to my Google search for “horse enema fetish!” She didn’t say a word – to me – but I am sure she will tell the whole wide freaking world what an insanely twisted creep I am, even though I really am not at all. I didn’t get an opportunity to tell her that it is really all just your fault!

    Now I finally get your title, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”, because that is exactly how I feel right now!

  454. 455
    Jenny Taylor

    I just finished Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and I have never laughed so hard and so much while reading a book! It made me remember many similar experiences in my life that I had forgotten.
    Like when my daughter(at age 10) and I uncovered the cremated ashes of the previous owner of our home in the backyard flower garden. The ashes were in a plastic bag with her name on a card inside the bag. This plastic bag was then in a hard plastic box. My husband placed the box in the garage and we called her grandson, who still lived in the area, and he asked if we would open the bag and sprinkle her in the garden, as that had been her request. We did as he requested, but our daughter would not water the garden without shoes on because she did not want to get Mrs. Tolley between her toes.
    Your dog burial story reminded me of when my friend’s small dog, Gracie, died and she buried him in her backyard. She called crying one day for help because her large dog, Joe Frank (named for her dead husband who she was sure sent this dog to her) had dug up Gracie and was rolling her dead body around the yard like a ball. We went over and buried Gracie deeper and placed large rocks over the grave. Luckily there were no vultures around!
    Anyway, thanks for a really good read and for all the great memories!

  455. So, I was browsing in a book store, picked up your book, didn’t have a clue who you were or what your book was about. I opened it to a random page which just happened to be the chapter titled ‘My Vagina is Fine, Thanks for Asking!’ That was it – the chapter title appealed to my sense of humour although not everyone agrees with my sense of humour but obviously there are plenty of nutters in the world like me because you’ve sold so many books.
    Cracked up laughing and have read it twice so far. Thanks for making the everyday boring things so much fun.

  456. Enjoyed your book BUT really bothered by the inaccuracy of getting your arm stuck in a cow vagina, BECAUSE you stick your arm in the cow’s RECTUM (or ass) to guide the inseminator tool into the vagina and cervix. How did this error get past your editors?? Anyways, just wondering if any other readers caught this. Thanks for a few laughs, (and tears, and head shaking). If you actually read this I’ll be surprised but I couldn’t help myself from commenting– I was surprised that girl from crazy- small-town anywhere (i’m from there, too), could make it BIG in the world- God bless the internet.

    (Thanks! If you read the appendix in that chapter (the one where I talk to my principal) I talked about why why didn’t do rectovaginal insemmination in the 80’s in Texas. They do it that was now though. ~Jenny)

  457. 458
    Cathy Williams

    Just finished the book & absolutely LOVED it! I laughed out loud so many times my kids got really irritated with me…it was great…to laugh & irritate them! I totally get your sense of humor & hope to see another book sooner than later. For now…enjoying your blog.

  458. Just got this book and almost started crying because the first chapter was so funny. I then took it to everyone I knew and made THEM read the first chapter because I didn’t think they would understand if they didn’t witness the awesomeness for themselves. I, however, love the blog and can’t wait to see MORE of your written wit as I continue to read your book. (I’ve been looking forward to it since your trip to NYC on 9/11 that you tweeted about!)

    When reading the reviews on here, I have to say that this is my favorite because it encompasses exactly how I feel about your stuff and why I love it so much:

    “The Bloggess writes stuff that actually is laugh-out-loud, but you know that really you shouldn’t be laughing and probably you’ll go to hell for laughing, so maybe you shouldn’t read it. That would be safer and wiser.”
    -Neil Gaiman, author of The Sandman, Stardust, American Gods and Coraline

    Are you coming to Houston soon?

  459. I’m reading your book right now…..we must be twins but but born to different parents in other parts of the world. I Fucking LOVE you!

  460. First, I loved your book. I laughed out loud repeatedly, including when it was very quiet all around me and people were staring. Second, I was never worried about the zombie apocalypse before but now I’m starting to wonder. Third, my husband and I were viewing some, um, naughty movies and we were critiquing them (her boobs are too big, he’s not good looking enough, how is he going to get that limp thing into her? etc., etc.) and I began to wonder if there are critics for porn. Now that I’ve read your book I know that there are! Thanks for giving me such a great read, Jenny!

  461. Okay, I know that you’re getting a million comments and will probably never even see this one … but I had to share it anyways.

    Today last week, I had never heard of your book, your blog, or even you. Five days ago, I was online surfing Google to prove to my friends that yes, there is such thing as sour beer and it is AWESOME (Evidently, Ontario Canada is one place where it is NOT being brewed, even though neighboring province Quebec has been for some time and since I tasted it in the States, I know damn well it is being brewed there … side note rant, fairly angsty about that, sorry) and Gmail told me I had mail from Chapters advertising books, so I got sidetracked to check out books at Chapters online and while skimming titles in the young adult section (considering reading Hunger Games because – well, you know – the world says so), your book popped up as a suggestion, so I ordered it. I have to say, bad form on advertising ing the YA section because this book is soooo not YA, but YAY for me because I got curious enough to buy it. It got here last night. Read in under 24 hours, yo. And it would have been under 6, but my boss expects me to function at work and not stay awake the whole night before reading.
    LOVE the book … I started laughing out loud in the empty lunchroom. Don’t worry – that’s not the only reason my coworkers think I’m crazy. The to-scale high-quality dinosaur toys on my desk may be part of it, though.
    I am going to be reading your blog tonight before bed and probably for a long time after. Thanks for making us feel like we’re not the most nutty awesome clumsy (you totally are) people in the world.

  462. Best 12 hour road trip distraction EVER! My kids and husband think I’m crazy for laughing so much while completely ignoring them. Apparently my 7 year old was talking/singing the entire trip and I didn’t even notice. This is very cliche, but I laughed so hard I cried…especially during the murderous cat note explosive poop story. I hate when people want to run or hide from their past, and there you are embracing yours on an entire new level. Kiddos to you and your family…very blessed indeed.

  463. That’s kudos, not kiddos…spell check is soooo much smarter than me apparently.

  464. I read this book while on vacation with my parents, and kept reading sections out load in the hotel. Dad asked me if he could borrow it, and I ran out of the room screeching mine (much like the birds in Finding Nemo) and then the hotel lady judged me harshly.

    Needless to say, my dad now owns a copy and I think the hotel lady may as well.

  465. 466

    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your book. I am reading it on the treadmill at my gym and it is so hard not to laugh out loud while I’m reading it. I know everyone is wondering why this girl has an idiot grin on her face already so laughing would probably mark me as weird.

  466. I was reading your book while “running” on the elliptical. I laughed so hard I almost fell off… Your book is dangerous but wonderful…

  467. I just read your book. LOVED it.
    Louise (from Denmark)

  468. OH LOOK! I get to be comment number 465! I finished your book last night and wanted to thank you for making me laugh till I cried and making me look like a complete idiot to my fiance to whom I could not fully explain why I was laugh/crying, even after reading the sentence that made me laugh/cry! I am looking forward to many more books by you (even though you may not share the same sentiment on actually writing the book(s))

    Thanks again!

    Jess recently posted Another Brick In The Wall.

  469. You’re right, it was awesome, a friend bought it for me, and I haven’t laughed that much at a book in a long time.
    You rock.
    Thank you – muchly – for brightening up the last 24 hours of my life (and for intermittently brightening up other parts of my life, when I remember to check your blog!)

  470. Just finished the book and was genuinely sad it ended, I could read your crazy all day long! On more than one occasion I was sitting on the bus laughing so hard I though i was going to pee myself and people were staring (covertly of course!).

    Great job, definitely worth the wait! Thank you to you, Victor and Hailey for letting us in on your little slice of life!

    Tara Wasney recently posted A little follow up to yesterdays post......

  471. I just discovered your audiobook. It is, undoubtedly, the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. I kept waking my kid up in the middle of the night because I was laughing so much. There are parts I totally relate to and parts I don’t, but in both there are genuine bits of inspiration and insight in all that hilarity. Thank you for sharing your honest, witty perspective with the world.

  472. I am not pretending anything…I love, love, love your book. Hilarious, poignant and brilliant. Love it.

  473. 474
    DeDe Grutz

    I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and was going through some rough times. Saw your book and thought, just what I need a good laugh. Boy did you deliver. Reminded me of Erma Bombeck, only hipper and more honest. By the time I was done with 2 chapters I had called 2 friends and told them they have to get this book. Then I went out and bought 2 more copies to give to my cheap friends who wouldn’t spend the money. ( under the stipulation they give it back so I can pass it to more friends. You are brilliant. Keep it up.

  474. So I just started to read your book and love it. I think my husband may scream if I read any more bits to him. On the subject of herniating a disk while brushing your hair: I slipped a disk while TURNING MY HEAD. Yeah. Turning. My. Head. Beat that.

  475. Read your book on a flight from San Francisco to New York yesterday and laughed out loud through most of it. At one point, I had tears streaming down my face and the guy beside me in Business Class said, “I don’t know what that book’s about but I’m downloading it the minute I get to my hotel!” There is NOTHING better than a hilarious book for a long flight to put you in a great mood, especially at the end of your vacation or after an intense board meeting – and I have never read a better one! This morning I sent emails to 25 people that I know would love it to tell them about it. Absolutely wonderful, Jenny! Hope it won’t take another 11 years for the sequel!

  476. 477
    ABQ Steve

    ok, My wife has told me of some of the Jenny’s exploits ( Metal Chickens and Sloth’s, but I realized, Victor needs his own support group.. Victor, as a fellow that is married to a Jenny ( or Jennifer ), I feel for you.. Little does my Jenny know, she will never get a sloth, but maybe a stuffed slug… All depends on how I feel. POWER to the Victor’s of the world….

  477. 478
    Jennifer Lawson

    Hi Jenny ,
    you probably don’t remember me but I knew you before you were Jenny Lawson.. I was on your team at SITEL in san angelo, tx .. I wanted to congratulate you on your success.. I hope that you having an awesome day.
    Jennifer Lawson

  478. 479
    Chris Creamer

    I would like to thank you for writing such an incredibly funny book, I have never heard my wife laugh as much in her life. You are truly insightful, and incredibly funny. I just wish she would not read it next to me while I sleep…LOL

  479. 480
    Jennifer Reynolds

    Jenny, I hope it’s ok to call you Jenny, but seriously, I think I have priviledge because I too am a Jenny, or a “Jennifer Ann!!!!” if my mother is mad at me. (I’m 46 years old and I still wet my pants a little whenever I hear the shout of “Jennifer Ann!!!”.) Anyway, I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your book. It was a great testimony to your life and that of our family. Familie’s are good, they are bad and they are totally ours. Struggles too. Mostly struggles are bad however, but as you brilliantly point out in your book, they are part of what makes us who we are. Oh, and I can say all this because I seriously paid real money for your book. I didn’t borrow it from someone, or stand at the bookstore and read it and then not buy it. I did buy it as an ebook on Amazon, but still, I had to pay real money and everything. And it was worth every penny! Thanks Jenny.

  480. I had to get my oil changed today. Normally an arduous task but even worse because I waited to do it on a Sunday, and even dumber, till after the “Churchies” got done and had flooded all normal people activities and were making everything more crowded and annoying. I brought my book “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened”. I have been a fan for a long time and was looking forward to reading it. As I entered the waiting area (fucking packed) I stood in the corner (the only unoccupied space) and began reading.

    Flash forward 20 minutes.. I was laughing so hard I was literally crying. Not the funny ha ha laughing/crying…but the crying that distorts your face as you try to pull it together . I was laughing /crying so hard at one point, I literally drooled on myself. The guy with his kids sitting down near my corner, moved to the other side of the room. Clearly.. I was scaring him or his children by my absurd laughing/crying/drooling.
    I love you Jenny Lawson. I think you are remarkable and funny.. and If I had a bedazzler, I would bedazzle you some JAMS.
    Xoxox- Lisa

  481. I just finished reading your book, it was fantastic. I related to so many of the feelings and events that you wrote about. You have a terrific writing style, I look forward to your next book, thank you!

  482. 483

    Love, LOve, LOVE your book! Laughed out loud, and I am so not a laugh-out-loud kinda girl! My 17 year old daughter kept coming in to check on me, she thought I finally cracked. Your book is actually what turned me onto your blog, a bit backwards but I am now enjoying blog daily. I hope you are writing another book…soon! BTW, as an English teacher I feel compelled to thank you for the “shout out” and yes, I will send you half of whatever students bring in to me from their parents liquor cabinets. LOL!

  483. A good friend just gave me your book for my birthday. I read it non-stop in the car on our way to the lake, tears rolling down my face from laughter, even though it gave me a headache. I could not put it down. And then made my husband wait outside in the 108 degree KS weather by the grill while I read him the squirrel story b/c the kids were in the camper and I didn’t want them to hear the bad words. I felt they were entirely necessary for the story. It’s fucking awesome! If you’re ever in KS, I’ll buy you a bucket of booze.

  484. Hi Jenny-
    In case you haven’t heard, you have been voted Best Parent Blogger by our readers at ParentMap (a Seattle based parenting magazine). We would love to send you your certificate and decal to recognize your win! Please e-mail me when you have the opportunity and I can send you all of the information about your Golden Teddy Win! (http://www.parentmap.com/article/2012-golden-teddy-winners-parenting-resources?page=7)

  485. Hi Jenny,
    I just finished your book and I have to say I was thoroughly entertained the entire time! I too have the arthritis that makes me take the meth-can make your hair fall out, causes cancer but anti-cancer drug! I’m also on super fun shots for it to. I have tried to describe it as exactly the Freddy Kruger thing and also as a less death-inflicting Russian roulette when going to bed 🙂 I’m 24, so a lot of my friends don’t get the whole “let’s just stay at home and drink because my foot just swelled to the size of a grapefruit thing”. It’s nice to know there is someone out there that totally gets it and doesn’t think I’m just trying to be a no-fun hermit. I just wanted to stop by and see if you had checked to see if your arthritis was on NORD’s list of rare diseases. I noticed that you loved WebMd and this site is perfect to see if what you have is on a special list that you can show your husband and say, ” See! I am really sick!” 🙂 http://www.rarediseases.org/…..now he’ll have to believe you 🙂 Also I wanted to say thank you for writing a chapter on a disease that gets super complicated, no one understands unless they are in it, and is a lifelong issue. It can get lonely out here waiting for your hair to fall out or one of the other million side effects these drugs have (seriously I think they will be the end of me) Thanks again you’re an inspiration to all us cripples out here!!

  486. My Dear Jenny,

    Finished your book…had to stop several times as my stomach hurt and couldn’t see for the tears in my eyes…all from laughter.

    We just went on a “girl’s weekend” and my sis begged me to take it and read it, especially after everyone was in tears from “The Psychopath on the Other Side of the Door.”

    “Diarrhea from Aids,” is our new favorite phrase, btw. Thanks for sharing!

    I also insisted, at gunpoint, that everyone read you. 🙂



  487. I got your book for my birthday… now back to reading…

  488. Just finished your book and loved it! I also work in HR and seriously you’re right the shit I see normal people would think was made up. Thanks for the laughs and I can’t wait for your next book.

  489. 490

    I just finished your book this morning and it was freakin’ awesome! I snorted, I hooted, I giggled and I’m pretty sure I pee’d my pants at least a few times. I had tears running down my face so badly that I actually had to put the book down because I couldn’t see the words. My 12-yr old son found it very disturbing that I would spontaneously explode into hysterics. Your book made me very happy. 🙂

    Keep up the great work Jenny!

  490. I just couldn’t put your book down! I don’t often laugh ( even though I know it is good for me) and I swear I laughed twice on almost every page. I sometimes laughed until I cried. I could relate to your stories and your thought patterns totally ! ( you’re welcome!) I will tell all my firends to buy and read your book. When I finished it this morning I was so sad. So I googled you and I watched all your videos on youtube. It was so nice that you were so brave to video yourself!
    You are amazingly funny and I wish I could be there for you the next time you need a body dug up or buried!
    The gift of joy you gave me meant the world to me and I would like to repay you !
    Kindergarten teacher in BC Canada
    Come for a visit to promote your book in Vancouver BC !

  491. 492

    I bought your book because I was looking for something fun and light to read, and Amazon suggested it. I was not disappointed. I laughed out loud several times, and I enjoyed reading several passages to a couple of my friends, who Iihope will purchase your book also. This does not happen to me often, but I was genuinely disappointed when the book ended. I literally said “Aw man!” when I realized I’d reached the end. Please don’t make us wait another 11 years for your next book (George R.R. Martin already has that locked up). I’m sure parenting has given you pleny of material to work with.
    Victor is a saint.

  492. I love your book. It’s like reading about myself but with a totally different life. I hope you come to Columbus, Ohio so I can try not to have a panic attack about going to a book store filled with tons of people to see you because I absolutely HAVE to go to the bookstore to see you. It would be totally worth it.

  493. I got your book to entertain myself with when on a week of bedrest after breaking my leg (I am apparently a magical freak of nature, because the break I did is super rare, I’m told. It’s called a spiral tib/fib fracture. (Just in case, don’t google pics, because x-rays are probably fine, but I dunno about real injury pics. My leg just looked like a giant ham, but someone else’s might look way grosser.)
    Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for making me laugh so much my boyfriend asked me if I was on drugs (duh, OF COURSE I WAS, I JUST BROKE MY LEG). I got your book with the latest from Pamela Ribon, and I think the two of you would be best friends because you’re both hilarious and fun, so if you don’t know her, you should go to pamie.com and tell her I sent you and even if she wasn’t going to be nice to you anyway, which she totally was, she would for me. Which sounds way delusional, I know, but I promise it’s not. Mostly.

    Mels recently posted Surgery Recap Part 2, and SuperBetter.

  494. Jenny –
    I bought “Let’s Pretend…” and it was SO funny, I did hurt myself. Icouldn’t put your book down and laughed almost non-stop for 12 hours, alarming my 3 dogs, who thought I was having an attack of some sort.
    Just to let you know, I feel I should receive a commission for telling everyone I know to buy your book, reading them excerpts, and, in the case of the lawyers I work for, copying them sections to CONVINCE them they need this book.
    The receptionist and I now have the ability to crack each other up by saying unrelated phrases like, “The chicken has a shiv” and “Wake up pawpaw and say hewwoo”. Your coining of the phrase “frankengina” is totally sick. And Brilliant. I’m mad at myself for not thinking of it first. Needless to say, a bunch of old ladies in St. Louis think you are weird and wonderful, and we hope you keep writing!

  495. One of the things I love best about your writing is that you’re completely you, and you don’t try to be someone else, even when there’s a lot riding on it. Like when your editor said your chapter wasn’t a chapter because nothing happened, but you still put it in anyway–and it worked. That was so great! I’m just starting to shop a proposal right now (about how I’m surviving this married-with-young-children boot camp), and that tiny little sentence aside was a great reminder to stay true to who we are.

    I bow down, like the rest of your 800 zillion fans. Thanks!

    Tanja Pajevic recently posted Never Underestimate a Potato Masher (and Other Immigrant Secrets).

  496. I just finished the audio book. Awesome….Now I can have your voice in my head anytime I need something to laugh about.

  497. So I sent your book to my mother as part of her 75th birthday extravaganza (really, we all just made strange music videos in iMovie and brought them to her in person), which may not be something most people would think of, but really, she NEEDED to read it, and it’s not like our generation invented swearing… Anyway, she put this on my Facebook wall (because we don’t want her to know about Twitter, so shhhh!):
    “About halfway into, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened,” that you so kindly gifted me. It’s the most unusual book I’ve ever read and by far the funniest as well. I have to take frequent breaks for fear of overdosing and succumbing to reader exhaustion, now that I know there is such a thing. On a break right now so that I can thank you once again. Thanks! xxxooo”

  498. I could not believe my eyes yesterday. I came across a smaller version (just under 5′) of Beyonce. I really hit the floor when I looked at the ‘name tag’ (every metal animal in the shop had been named) it read “Victor” (another 5′ Beyonce was “Bob”). I so wanted one, but they were not the $99 value you paid more like $289.

    Mick recently posted Winners! Cuppow and Ball Equipment!.

  499. Do I have to hav

  500. Sorry, that comment got away before I finished it! I just wanted to say that I loved Let’s Pretend. My two daughters are now fighting over who gets to read it next, because I irritated the pants off them by laughing out loud whilst reading then saying ‘no I just can’t tell you’. So now I’ve got to buy another copy of the damn book. Thanks a lot Jenny! Btw I’m an English teacher whose set your book for my A level students over the summer. I’ll send your whiskey on when it arrives…

  501. 502
    Stacey L.

    I love, LOVE your book. I have laughed, actually snorted out loud several times while reading your book. Thank you so much for writing this. I am a highly anxious person who was recently diagnosed with some form of inflammatory arthritis and Sjogren’s Syndrome. I have been an ongoing medical experiment for my rheumatologist who is still not sure if it is RA or something else. All I know is I am in pain and can’t wear high heels anymore. As if I did that on a regular basis anyway. I am basically built for comfort. Just want to clarify that the anxiety isn’t from the arthritis, it’s how I have always been. What you wrote about going to the costume party at Victor’s boss’s house had me laughing. While I am less awkward then I was as a teenager (though, I am now 46, that does not say much) I still struggle with social awkwardness and the urge to say things I just know I shouldn’t because I have a “sarcasm problem.” Thanks again for being fabulous and for writing this book.

  502. 503
    Ruth Anne

    I bought your book as I was going in for surgery and needing some reading material for after while I was laid up on the couch recovering. I haven’t laughed so hard in such a long time. Laughed so hard it hurt my stitches. Then while I was sitting in my corner coffee shop, I kept snorting then revering while looking around thinking…. “did I just snort in public and why is everyone staring at me????” This went on for a while. Thank you for writing this book. Now I know that there is someone else out there that has those types of conversations in their head.. and I really need to get your magnet that says “I’ve poisoned something in the fridge, good luck with that.” LMAO

    Thanks again.

  503. Your book was my best. wedding. gift. ever. I was the weird chick on the train that giggled non-stop.

  504. So…i preordered your book a million or so years ago, and even had you send me a signed book plate…but then I was all scared to read it because I love your blog so much and I was afraid it would disappoint, so I stood it up on top of my bookcase – library-style, on display – until finally this week I took it down and began to read….
    Halfway through…and I can tell you it’s the funniest book in the history of EVER.

    My, how you did NOT disappoint!
    It’s almost 1 a.m. and I have been so afraid that my side-splitting laughter was going to wake up (or terrify) the kids! Thank you!

  505. Thank God for you! You make me feel like I am not the only freak in the world (this is a compliment– I swear). I just went to Amazon.com to check out your book and did the SURPRISE ME Google thing and laughed my ass off. You write and say what I say only with my best friends and favorite Seesters. I’m finally at a point in my life where I’m no longer going to hide my light under a bushel. I’m gonna be me, and you inspire me! I AM ordering your book once I finish posting.

  506. Halfway through the book, LOVING it! Read the first two chapters to my husband out on the deck drinking wine and laughing hysterically. Never heard of you before and saw the book cover and had to have it……I judge a book by it’s cover dammit…..

  507. Just finished reading your book and loved every second of it! I found your blog post about the metal chicken a while ago and shared it with my sister. It reminded me of something her and I would do and your husband’s (lack of) reaction would be exactly what our husbands would do. It all sounded uncannily familiar. So, when my sister started reading your book, she recognized your writing and bought it for me. I’m very glad she did.

  508. Just got your book from my sister who absolutely recommends it. I am looking forward to what all the fuss is about – Based on the strength of your blog which I really enjoy reading, I don’t doubt I’m in for some entertainment!

    Michelle @ Be Yourself recently posted Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys: Who Really Finishes Last?.

  509. I am about halfway through listening to Let’s Pretend This Never Happened on audiobook. I seriously think I have pulled a muscle in my stomach from laughing. The downside is I listen to my audio books at work, so you can imagine my co-workers responses. I have physically forced 2 others to download. I can’t make this shit up, I told them. They have to hear it for theirselves. I am no stranger to funny memoirs. Jen Lancaster is a big favorite of mine, so the girls are used to me giggling periodically as I’m typing away. This is different. I am having to stop what I am doing because of the tears pouring down my face. You are the master!

    On a related note. As you are describing your difficulties in social situations I am totally relating to it. I completely do this.

    Thank you for sharing your stories.

  510. Damn you Jenny Lawson! I just finished your book and dreamt about a stuffed raccoon! She was dressed as a gondolier, which is weird because gondoliers are usually men. But then I dreamt that I was a bra whisperer and could figure out why anyone’s bra didn’t fit. So, all in all not a totally bad night for dreaming.

  511. Dear Jenny,
    I really am surprised that other people think like me. I am fifty years old, and have not dared say what actually goes through my head. Things do slip-or get blurted out-occasionally to my children. And then they give me the pity hug. The Stanley The Squirrel story was like an epiphany because, not only do I love squirrels, but any form of cute wildlife that I come across, I call Stanley. That way, I only have to remember one pet name. There was one exception, who was a duck–and I just called him The Duck.
    Much thanks.

  512. Dearest Jenny,

    Like those that came before me I feel an overwhelming need to tell you that your book is amazing and inspiring to all of us who are just a little bit fucked up like you. Oh and I stole something of yours and hung it on my wall.

    Thank you. For being you.

    Brea recently posted I am the Wizard of Oz of Housewives.

  513. Just started your book last night and was laughing out loud…in comes my 14-year old grandson (who is spending the summer with Nana) and asked what was so funny. I couldn’t tell him this is the funniest fucking book I’ve ever read and I wish I could use it in my college English class. I’d probably get fired. Right? Hmmm.

  514. 515
    DVaders Bitch

    The funniest (in a twisted sort of way) fucking book I’ve read in a while, maybe ever. I myself have an anxiety/depression disorder and I LOVED that picture you have in there about your disorder being part of you not all of you. So awesome. My son and husband have both given me odd looks as I have spent most of my spare time the past 2 days with my nose in this book, laughing my ads off. I’m kind of sorry to be almost done with it. Thanks for writing this book and making me feel less alone with my insanity.

  515. I want you to come sign my ebook dammit.

  516. PLEASE come to Katy TX, i’ve wanted to meet you for so long. PLEASE even Houston would be fine actually anywhere in the Houston area. I have some topics you might be interested in talking about!

  517. My bf is a fan and turned me on to you and I love your book. It’s a lot of fun so I brought it to our clubhouse, /www.facebook.com/225main and it’s a hit! . If you are back in Charlotte area we d love to have you over, I think you d like it. Thanks for sharing

  518. I read your book last week, and then read Tina Fey’s memoir today on a flight home from a friend’s wedding in Kansas. I have to say, I love Tina Fey, and her book was funny, but your book should come with some sort of you-will-embarass-yourself-in-public warning on it. I made an ass of myself on DC metro while reading “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”–vacillating between crying and laughing hysterically. Thank you for being intelligent, honest, a little weird, and fucking hilarious.

  519. FInally bought the book a couple of days ago; have pretty much been doing nothing but reading it all weekend and as such have got nothing else done, but that can’t be helped. Damn, but you and Victor look cute in your wedding picture. You’re awesome. So looking forward to your stop in Toronto next month. I’m totally going to start blaming menstrual cramps on Voldemort, even though there’s no lightning bolt on my vagina (I checked), because, well. xoxo

  520. Had a terrific experience on a flight last week. The lady sitting beside me pulls out your book, makes eye contact and says it’s the funniest thing she’s read. We have a moment ’cause I also loved the book. Remainder of the flight is sitting beside her as she reads, gasps, mutters to herself, bursts out laughing, holds her sides and, sometimes, stomps her feet. Best flight I’ve been on in a long time! Thanks.

  521. Just read your book in two days and loved it. Loved the “thinner” curse!!!

  522. All the way up in Bangor, Maine, the mindless drones of one lowly little bookstore are reading your book and-I kid you not-we are all crapping our pants in laughter. I only wish your book tour had come up here JUST so I could get an autograph…..

    and see if you start talking about crazy, inappropriate shit. Cause that would be bad ass

  523. All the way up in Bangor, Maine, the mindless drones of one lowly little bookstore are reading your book and-I kid you not-we are all crapping our pants in laughter. I only wish your book tour had come up here JUST so I could get an autograph…..

    and see if you start talking about crazy, inappropriate shit. Cause that would be bad ass

  524. I totally just finished your book and I think I might go into book depression (again). I’m being honest when I say that a book has never made me laugh out loud before. In public. Or anywhere else. Write another one please? And maybe by tomorrow?

  525. 526

    Kelli,I’m with you on that one!
    I think I have become a little obsessed or have a holiday lady-crush at the moment!

  526. 527
    Pete Deutsch

    Hey Jenny,

    I am at pg. 282 and I was guessing before the end of the book, Victor had divorced you, or maybe murdered you, ( unlikely ) I had a crazy girlfriend like you many years ago, I should have toughed it out, she was truly Awesome!
    Enough of being serious, your book rocks, very laugh yourself silly, loud stuff..Good job, Penny ( that was the chicks name, its really you, isn’t it?) Jenny/Penny..Hmmm

  527. 528
    Pete Deutsch

    Ok, I finished it, and finally there was a little Shakespeare to brighten up the room, ergo, it smelled a little funny and HEy, what was that fur all over everything….Congrats on a very silly book, I did enjoy it, most of the time, your Dad was my favorite character.

  528. Hey, someone else has probably already pointed this out to you, but Rosie O’Donnell mentioned your book on her blog back in June! http://rosie.com/june-6th/

    As a long-time reader, I love seeing references to your book pop up everywhere!

  529. 530
    Heather H.

    Loved d Let’s Pretend This Never Happened! Made me homesick for Kerrville! I laughed so hard at your, “you’re never ready for a package like that,” when you received your little pug-guys ashes in the mail. But I have one even better: my mom died last year and donated her body to research. They said it would be 12-16 weeks before we received her ashes. We (dad, me, sis and bro) all assumed there’d be a call saying we should start looking for a special package in the mail as the time got closer. But, nope! Out of the blue my sister opened a plain brown box to discover a plastic bag o’ mom! Fortunately we all thought it was funny (as my mom would have!)

  530. 531
    Hilary Brennock

    I cried laughing when I read this book and the end came far too soon for me !!

  531. 532
    Hilary Brennock

    Also.. its nice to know other people think like I do !!

  532. I read the sample on Kindle and it was hilarious. Need to get the full version and bump it to the top of my “to be read” queue.

    Heretic Husband recently posted Heretic Husband And The Temple Of The Holy Spirit.

  533. 534
    Kiki Collins

    I just finished your book this past weekend and I can’t remember the last time I laughed until tears were streaming down my face like that. I will never, ever sit on the toilet again looking at the crack under the door without picturing a cat paw pushing things through. TRULY AWESOME and I cant wait until the next one!

  534. 535

    Reading your book now. So far my son has asked me twice why I’m laughing in the bathroom. My husband’s going to have an anxiety attack because I left the TV on pause to spend the last 30 minutes with you. LOVING IT

  535. Ok, so you may already know this…but apparently, even Rosie has read your book!

  536. I want to thank you! I have a very sick husband… I usually spend my days crying (or hiding my crying when he’s around). Your book made me forget my misery for a little while. However, it gave me an entire new problem to worry about. I totally get you… It’s scary, because I have pondered many of your ponderings…

  537. Just bought it on the Kindle. Like, I actually PAID for it. I can’t remember doing this for a read in like… forever…

    Ruby Wildflower recently posted The Art of Fat Shaming.

  538. I have been a fan of you and your blogs for years. I just finished your book and I loved it! My husband was constantly asking what was so funny. I can’t remember ever reading a book that made me laugh out loud. I also cried because of how honest you were about your life and your family. I am and always will be a huge fan! Thank you

  539. LOVED your book. I really is laugh out loud funny and I found myself having to read (somewhat edited) passages to my husband and teenage daughters. The new family phrase whenever someone doesn’t do what they’re supposed to – like clean their room, or pick up the dead bird is “I’m feeling stabby!” and we all crack up and then the work gets done (that second part was just in my head though).

  540. Your breaking my tuscalusa heart

  541. This book made me laugh so hard I cried…and cried…and cried! I couldn’t stop laughing and crying, and my husband stared at me like I was from planet Mars! What a wonderfully refreshing perspective on life–unfilterd and hilarious. Thank you for bringing so many humerous evenings of reading to my summer.

  542. totally and completely in love with you! Started out this Wednesday when my friend mutually sends me weird shit (hence why we’re friends) sent me the post about the soup… and I couldn’t stop reading the blog… then I said “wait a minute… she wrote a book?!” so I immediately went to my Mecca (amazon) and “looked inside” (I’m cheap what can i say?) and discovered to my dismay that yes I DO have to pay $12.99 for your book (I’m NEVER getting this amazon card paid off). I’m not even past #3 in the list of things that happened in your childhood and I’m already in tears from laughing in my office (damn work… DAMN IT) I had to stop and let you know how great and engaging your words are! Now, I’m off to not work for another hour and 10 minutes!

  543. Okay i didn’t buy your book yet because i got it from our local library on their display case. Since i’m such a slow reader i will end up having to buy it along with several copies for my most treasured friends. As far as pay toilets go the turnpike use to charge 10 cents (no symbol for cent…has the penny been removed from circulation or has my ipad just dropped it from the keyboard?) per use or two for 10 cents if you were travelling with your grandma from Illinois. I was little then in the 70’s and don’t recall any time limit on the toilet use. I do remember my great uncle harry gave me a plastic bank that said “save it for a rainy day” and my little brother and i both got $5 in dimes from him…now that i think back i wonder if he had prostate problems. Thanks for making me laugh so hard i woke my husband up while reading in bed!

  544. 545
    Linda in NC

    I struggle with depression. I bought your book and was laughing out loud in 5 minutes. I think I should pay you the difference between the cost of your book and my Prozac. Love, L

  545. 546
    Aaron Levin

    Just finished your incredible book that I picked up completely by chance because I liked the mouse-keteer on the cover. I was at the end of a road trip that took me 3000 miles from Chicago to Denver and back. On my way I stopped at one of my favorite roadside attractions, Prairie Dog Town, in Oakley Kansas. I had been there 25 years ago, and contrary to other attractions like Wall Drug, it HAD NOT CHANGED AN INKLING. The great thing about it is that the owner was still the same guy, and he dedicated an awesome post card to me: it is a picture of this owner himself with a giant prairie dog (I mean like a 3-foot imaginary one) lying dead in the bed of his pre-1980 red Ford pickup, as he proudly looks on. The dedication reads “Happy hunting Aaron! Larry Farmer”. Anyway, this postcard has fittingly been my page marker for reading your book. I would love to send you a scan of it if there is a way. Also, my wife and I work in some way with taxidermy. Check it out at http://www.frederiquemorrel.com.
    Thanks so much for your book,

  546. This book was hilariously awesome! My friends were getting annoyed with me laughing when it was super quiet. Good timing jenny, good timing. Lol write a other one

  547. I forgot to add…..jesus zombie…..you get me

  548. So having picked up your book simply for the title and the picture on the cover, I have to say well done (obviously since my freakishly shy self has decided to go on the internet where I’m pretty sure everyone is watching me) I was recently diagnosed with, I shit you not, general anxiety disorder. It’s uplifting to know there is someone out there who has dealt with the same total crap I’m dealing with now and come out (if not sane) with enough hair left in their head to put rollers in. Also, in the defense of Beyonce’, I would have defiantly paid the full three hundred dollars for a metal chicken that is taller than me only to put it on my back patio to freak out everyone who entered my home, so you can tell Victor that getting it for a hundred dollars at least makes you more responsible than me… Of course that actually might not help your case, but then he doesn’t know me so it’s worth a shot and now I’m rambling. Anyway, thank you sincerely for writing your book as now I do not feel like the only person who thinks the best way to spend a party is hiding in the bathroom trying to contain word vomit.

  549. 550
    Adrian Jackson

    Dear Jenny,

    This totally happened and you are completely to blame for any legal situation that may or may not arise as a result (I’m just letting you know):

    On Sunday, my daughter and I got in the car and I stuck my phone and iPod in my cup holder. I turned on your audio book and was listening to the chapter about you telling your husband about the Indian burial ground under your house and how you had vanquished them with your burning sage ceremony.

    My phone rang and the following number appeared: 817-335-4222001. I didn’t know whose number it was and it was a ridiculously long number, so I declined it. We drove another block and the phone rang again with the same number. I thought that maybe my ex, who lives in Europe, was trying to reach me because I’d just spoken to him long distance a few hours before we left the house. The number didn’t look like it had originated in Germany, but I figured what the hell, who else could it possibly be with that ridiculously long number, so I answered it. The conversation went like this:

    911 Operator: Ma’am you dialed 911 and we are calling to make sure that you are okay. We heard somebody say something about dead bodies.

    Me: What?!

    911 Operator: Where are the dead bodies, ma’am?

    Me (talking very fast): There are no dead bodies and I didn’t call 911. Oh. Oh My God! That wasn’t me talking that was an audio book. That was Jenny Lawson talking about the “zombie apocalypse”. I’m okay. I’m in my car on my way to my sister’s house.

    911 Operator: Are you sure you are alright, ma’am.

    Me: Oh, yes ma’am. I’m fine. I must have butt-dialed 911. I’m sorry, but there are no dead bodies here in the car. We are fine. That was Jenny Lawson.

    Obviously, that was the craziest conversation that I’ve ever had, but at least I gave that lady a story to take home. It’s Tuesday and I haven’t been arrested on suspicion of murder, but if there is a “zombie apocalypse” and my name comes up on the short list I AM TAKING YOU DOWN WITH ME.

    You have been warned.

    Adrian Jackson
    Fort Worth

    P.S.: I loved the audio book.

    P.P.S.: You are spot on about the GPS system. We’ve named ours “Gladys” and she is a smug bitch. She gets this edge in her voice when we aren’t properly following her instructions. I knew mine wasn’t the only one.

  550. Jenny I’m almost finished with your book. It’s hilarious! True to its promise– I laughed til I cried. Now write another book that can make me laugh til I cry AND pee in my pants…at the same time! I am enraptured by your quick wit and uncontrollable imagination! Thank you for writing this book. I look forward to more works by you.

    Debbie T.
    Fort Mohave, AZ

    P.S. If you ever get lost in the Mohave Desert, please stop by– I’ll give you bottled water in exchange for your autograph. Can I get a hug too?

    P.P.S. Adrian Jackson– what a hoot! Loved your comments.

  551. This was a fantastically funny book, from cover to cover! Thank you, Jenny Lawson.

  552. Loved your book!! Made me embrace my madness instead of trying to constantly pretend to others I’m completely normal!! Not everyone fell for it but it was definitely a waste of 30 years!! Bring on the next crazy 30
    Thank you

  553. I borrowed your book from a friend and loved it so much I felt guilty for not buying it myself and ordered a copy. I teach at a college and have been so busy that to ensure I had time to read it I would get ready for work early to beat the peak hour traffic then sit in my car in the college carpark eating a doughnut and reading your book before work as my students walked by puzzled..and the IT department at my work might be puzzled when they see I have been searching for bizarre taxidermid animals

  554. My dad is going to Antarctica again for an expedition around the holidays and I plan to tuck your book (or rather parts of it) into the care package we’re sending with him. I can just imagine him now, sitting in his tent, reading about the time you took too many laxatives, and laughing his head off. You bring joy to all corners of the Earth which is pretty awesome if you think about it (or don’t think about it if it freaks you out, but either way it’s awesome).

  555. Your book saved my life. I’m not even kidding. Well, a little. Or, as the lit professors would have it, hyperbolizing. Which may or may not be a word. Anyway. I’ve been having a really hard time lately– all kinds of stress being poured on from all directions, culminating (at least I hope) in the total wreckage of my beloved Pontiac Vibe, who never committed any sort of crime in her too-short life but was nevertheless destroyed by another person’s very bad decision during rush hour.

    So, to sum up: I get stressed. I get very, very depressed. (Shaky mental health and I are no strangers.) I start to think that possibly, just possibly, following my Vibe into the hereafter is a good idea. Then I roam aimlessly around Target, talking to myself, while the nice lady at the pharmacy fills my prescription for post-car wreck muscle relaxants. I happen across your book. I think, Oh, hey, that’s the hysterical person with the giant metal chicken. But I never buy books; that’s what libraries are for. Still… I am very depressed, and because I’m not thinking 100% rationally, it strikes me as an excellent idea to purchase your book and read it before I entertain any more suicidal ideations.

    As it turns out, it was quite possibly the best $20 (or slightly less, because I have a Target RedCard and therefore get a 5% discount on my purchases) I have spent lately. I laughed myself silly and decided that there are far worse things than having to bid farewell to my darling little car, such as defending my deceased pet from vultures or being mauled by allegedly tame and friendly dogs. So– thank you. So very, very much.

    lots of love,


  556. So I was given your book for my birthday (because I told my husband to buy it) and I was SO excited I pretty much read it nonstop for the next little while. I literally got in trouble for “laughing too loud” while reading in bed and keeping him awake at night. So then I let him read it… and now the same thing is happening, except I make him read the bits he’s laughing at out loud… They’re totally different from the bits I was laughing at! Men’s brains are weird.

  557. I just wanted to say your book is the funnest thing i have read in a long time….I love some of things you bought online and redressed them in very cool outfits….I love the aligator story about the plane ride home….I would love to try that one sometime soon….lol keep writing…you are hilarious…I feel for you and your issues with anxiety i have had issues of my own… Thanks again for the best laugh I have had in years….

  558. Yesterday during a particularly depressive day, I decided I would do one thing on the “to do List” that you know will never get done. So I looked for your book – but the library only has it on audio book (what fun is that??? and the people always read way slower than I do). Then I thought about going to the store for it, but the nearest store that had it is about an hour drive away. (oh wait, the nearest decent book store is an hour away! Right next to the nearest Walmart supercenter and any decent grocery store).

    So I went for the next best thing, buying the book on the Nook. (Which for some reason only downloaded up to page 162, so I had to archive and redownload it). And you know what I discovered, somewhere when I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt, I started feeling better. I will now have to recommend the book to anybody who is between depression meds, or who is not on their meds .. because it was probably the best thing I’ve read in years! (Although my husband gave me a funny look when I started reading the HR Penis stories to him – men don’t get it).

    Thanks! I’ll be sharing it with all my dysfunctional Friends!

  559. 561
    Beth Goodman

    I just finished reading the part in your book with your father, Gabi, and the mutilated raccoon. It left me laughing so hard, I cried. Thank you for sharing!

  560. I just bought your book and I have never laughed like that while reading a book. I was trying hard to be quiet while my husband was watching TV, but couldn’t control my shrieking! He kept looking at me like he wasn’t sure if he should walk away or call my psychologist! I think I love you.

  561. I just bought your book on my nook literally by accident, what a great accident. I love your storytelling and sense of humour. I stayed up late and laughed so hard I couldn’t suppress it. I tried to retell the stories to my husband but it’s not the same unless you read it. I can relate to some degree with the crazy family, numerous embarassing life moments, and the generalized anxiety disorder. And yes, it is much more important the house is clean underneath, who cares if there is stuff on top of it (I also live with the OCD husband who likes it tidy). I’m going to force my friends to read this so we can talk about it all day long.

  562. I finished reading your book a week or so ago. I enjoyed it; thanks for writing it!

    One thing I felt compelled to comment on is this: you know there is a difference between a Slurpee and an Icee! I wish I had been reading that part in a room full of my friends so I could point to my Kindle and say, “See people! It’s not just me!” I have to correct people all the time when they interchange the words. It’s not clear from your book whether you are anti-Slurpee, and that’s OK. I can be happy knowing that at the very least you know the difference. And knowing is half the battle, as they say.


  563. I bought it, I love it, I’m really tired from reading too much when I should be sleeping and now I have puffy eyes for my 20 year school reunion. But I love it. Well done you.

  564. Just finished your book last night… I LOVED IT!!! There were many many moments my poor husband found me nearly hyperventilating I was laughing so hard. I hope you write another book soon!!

  565. LOVE LOVE LOVE your book, Jenny!

    My husband is reading it next because he “just has to know why you are keeping me awake with your laughing!”.

    Thank you for pairing your reality with humor! Its really the only way to get through life isn’t it?

    Your new biggest fan!

  566. 568
    sheri holthouse


    i bought your book on kindle, then HAD to have it for real so i bought it again. also, i just sent it to you to autograph. i hope it’s not one among thousands, for my sake anyway. but for you, that would be awesome, at least until you actually had to start signing them. if that happened, please sign mine when you’re getting really really snarky but before your hand breaks. thanks.

  567. 569
    Zach Britton

    My Father just gave me this book for my 36th birthday. I’m fairly certain it was an effort to prove to me that somewhere out there someone else’s Father has inflicted more trauma on them than he has on me. I had my doubts since this is a man who has me convinced that any cloud can turn into a Tornado at a moment’s notice (and who calls me up during thunderstorms to keep me on my toes), and who gifted me with a stomach weak enough to gag or puke at the thought of a raw egg (after tossing a raw egg to the dog one morning while cooking breakfast in his gitch – the dog caught it without breaking the shell but i had already imagined the aftermath so the damage was done). At any rate i’m not 5 chapters in yet and ‘twould appear that he was absolutely correct. The proof is in the pudding, and your pudding is as dark, traumatic, and fantastically funny as they come. I honestly only usually read books with lasers, goblins or robots in them. I’m not sure if yours has lasers or robots, or whether i can classify chupacabras as goblins but i look forward to reading the rest. I’ve basically figured out what i’ll be buying everyone i know for their birthday or for Christmas. Thank you.

  568. Just finished the book! LOVED IT! I was laughing out loud by page 10. I would say I couldn’t put it down but I have a 5 year old and a three year old so I sorta HAD to or my husband would have been really pissed.

    BTW – as I was reading my 5 year old kept asking what was so funny. When I pass the book on (and I will) I will tell everyone to write kid jokes in the margins so they can tell them SOMEthing funny that won’t make them think Mommy is insane.

    All the best to you!! Thank you!

  569. Hi Jenny! Yes I *was* serious about wanting that autographed copy of your book – how do we go about doing that? Can I pay someplace and give you my address and you could send me one which you personally have inscribed? Want it, need it, MUST have it!!

    And thanks SO much for the wonderful and glowing review on That Other Website – you rock! Seriously. It made my morning! A signed book tho would make me WEEK!


  570. Reading “let’s pretend” hand have been laughing my ass off since pg 1. THEN I get to ther “serial killer” chapter and am bawling my eyes out. FINALLY…someone has written exactly how I feel living with an anxiety disorder. Thanks for putting yourself out there, now get out of my head, cuz there’s just not enough room for all y’all in there!

  571. You really need to put a spoiler alert that says “if your bladder has fallen due to child birth – do not read this book!” Seriously, I have not laughed this hard since my husband showed up with a thong! Thank you for a great weekend read.

  572. Just finished the book. OMG it was so funny! I was sitting outside reading and had to come inside lest my neighbors start to wonder about me more than they likely already do. I laughed out loud on the very first page. Thank you for sharing yourself and your life. None of us are normal. Thank god for that!!

    Much love!!

    Shannon recently posted What Are These Cats Trying to Tell Me?.

  573. I got your book for my birthday today (well, my birthday isn’t until next Saturday, but some people chose to celebrate today, which should mean (if I’m lucky (am I allowed to put parentheses inside of parentheses? Tough shit if not, huh?)) I’ll get to celebrate my birthday every day for the next week AND IT’LL BE OKAY because SOMEbody decided to start celebrating today. Yay!!) I made it through the first three chapters before my stomach hurt so bad from laughing that I thought I was going to throw up and I knew I was going to have to put it down.

  574. Best book ever (and, I’m french !).

    Delphine recently posted J'en veux !.

  575. Just read your crazy ass book…..thanks for giving me the opportunity to laugh out loud! A breath of fresh air laced with cougar breath, cocaine hallucinations, and a really?? really?? documentary – style life. Have to admit – i was thinking that most of the book wasn’t real but the picture documentation has me a little unsettled as to whether or not we have to pretend this never happened…………yikes!

  576. Have just finished reading your book, you are awesome. Can’t wait for your next book. I was laughing so hard I was crying 😀
    I have been raving about your book at work, as I work with a chick you talks exactly as you write. It’s like working with you, totally frickin awesome. As Shannon said none of us are normal, thanks for sharing your life with us.

    Keep it up

  577. This is probably meant to be a chick book, meaning girls not the bird you see on a lot of farms and enjoy eating on Sundays, the bird not the girl. Anyway, I enjoyed the read very much and I’m a guy.

  578. 580
    Robin (not that one)

    Hi Jenny,

    I was just trolling through facebook, and a friend posted this article. It’s full of lots of heavy-duty medical jargon, but as best I can understand it, it says that your RA may be related to your Anxiety disorder.


    I don’t know that this is helpful in any way, but I’m an information junkie, and when I read it I thought of you. Maybe there’s something in there useful for your doctors.

    Wishing you wellness.


  579. You’re book is laugh out loud funny, the only problem is that I’m starting to talk like you. Do you think whatever you have is catching and if so can I catch it just by reading your book? I really hope this comment doesn’t show up on a Google search on my name.

    Thanks for over sharing.


  580. I’m late to the party, but just read your book and am so awed by your talent and thankful you’re in this world. You are amazing (and I’m not easily impressed.)

  581. Thank you for writing this book! I can’t remember the last time I read a book that made me laugh out loud. I have just lived through the worst year of my life and was dragging myself through another day when I saw “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” and knew I had to read it. A mouse in Elizabethan costume? You absolutely CAN judge a book by its cover! You can trust me on this because I am a librarian. I look forward to your next book, but please don’t wait eleven years because I am sixty-one and life is so unpredictable.

  582. Funniest book I have ever read in my entire life. I borrowed it from the library and am now purchasing it on Amazon so I can read it again and again. I have never laughed so long or so hard out loud. Like Pat I am a librarian (but older than her).

  583. Holy shit! Amazing! I have a similar personality or promote a different kind of crazy but were from the same breed. I am jealous as shit to be honest. This book and your blog are brilliant! I am out of words…wow. Fucking hilarious has a new meaning now.

    No comedic piece in any facet can top this! I love naturally, talented women who don’t give a shit and at the same time monentarily go into a panic.

    Kelly Sowell

    Kelly Sowell recently posted Not Leaving Him or Her Yet? Here Are Ways and things to help besides pray; for the girl or guy deciding to stay..

  584. 586
    Carrie Smith

    Jenny – You’re a sensational woman. Your book is fantastic! Thank you so much for the punch of color in a world that seems so grey these days!!!

  585. Jenny-I howled with laughter the whole way through your book! It is so funny and very disturbing. We have very simular stories including the ninja pug but I have two killers in the house! My husband is reading your book right now and is convinced that I must be related to you in some way! Thank you for being a kindred soul. I am inspried by your book to start writing. -mary

  586. First off, I love your book. However, I think your next project should be to write a user’s guide for “Let’s Pretend,” with helpful tips like “Don’t read the chapter where ‘I got lost for the 80,000th time’ while you are eating Indian food for lunch at work, because it hurts to get curry in your sinuses when you laugh too hard, and your coworkers look at you like you’re crazy.” Or “Don’t read in bed next to your very tired boyfriend who is trying to sleep, because your attempt at laughing ‘quietly’ isn’t fooling anyone, and you’re most likely going to hurt yourself, either by hernia-caused-by-laugh-suppression, or being smothered by a boyfriend who doesn’t appreciate constant snickering while trying to sleep.” Just a thought. Not that I’ve had any of these problems myself, of course. Just a few off the cuff ideas.

    However, if those were the kinds of things that happened to me while reading your book, it would just be a sign of how awesome it is. Keep up the good work! Now I’m off to find some sinus rinse, since everything still smells like curry…

  587. I came across your blog entry 3 years ago about how you wanted to get your dog tattooed. (I’m not 100% sure on what I googled to make that happen) I laughed, showed a few friends and quite frankly never looked at your blog again. Today I was in a bookstore and I picked up your book and read the first few pages and for some reason it made me think of your tattooed dog. I bought the book, came home and searched for an hour trying to find the blog post (apparently tattooed dog wasn’t what i searched initially). I eventually found it and realized THATS why it was so familiar to me, that you were the author. This is a really long explanation, however.. I just finished your book in 4 hours. Can’t wait for the next one! and until then, i’ll be catching up on the last 3 years + of blog updates. Because I cant remember the last time I’ve laughed this hard because of a MOVIE nevermind a book! You’re great!

  588. HI Jenny, Just finished your book. Literally. OMG! What can I say that hasn’t already been said? I just LOVE your book. I started reading it the other day and was laughing so hard that I couldn’t see the pages to read them because of the tears rolling down my cheeks. Then I was laughing because of how much it made me laugh and then well, it was all downhill from there. Somehow I managed to stop laughing and crying enough to finish it and just wanted to say thanks. Your book rocks. You rock. Your writing rocks. Your stories rock. Thanks so much!

  589. This book has been a much needed companion through a really rough spot in my life. On the worst of days I’ve been able to pull it out, read a chapter, and find myself in tears of laughter – usually in public places filled with people awkwardly staring at me. Many times it has been those laughs that have gotten me through the day. Thank you so much for your amazing book.

    Suburban Harlot recently posted Every Conversation Ends with Roker Poker.

  590. I just finished your book. I LOVED it. Because it was FANTASTIC.
    disclaimer: on the other hand it could be because I know:
    1. what it is like to bear witness to someone who is shoulder-deep in a cow’s vagina. And that someone was my grandfather. And I was 8.
    2. how fun it was to have my grandmother cut off chicken’s heads for dinner and because us kids got to chase the headless chicken body around the yard until it finally stopped running and fell over.
    3. that we ALWAYS ate organic beef and knew where it came from. Not because we were all trendy and shopped at Whole Foods, but because we raised that steer in the back pasture and then strung it up in the front pasture and butchered it right there.
    4. how to shuck a mountain oyster
    5. that it takes ALL of an eight-yr-old’s weight to pull the skin off of a rabbit.
    Good times.
    Great book. Can’t wait for the next one.
    Did I mention my grandmother committed suicide? Maybe had you written this book back in 1977 she could have read it and it would have helped her depression. I like to think she is reading it in heaven and laughing her ass off.

  591. I bought the print book for the pictures, but I HAD to have the audio book. Hearing you TELL the stories makes it feel like you are at my kitchen table, talking to me over a cup of coffee (Jack Daniels, gin, whatever!)

    Jeanie recently posted Reflections.

  592. I started reading your book to procrastinate my American Literature homework of reading Moby Dick, only to discover that you began “Call me Ishmael.” Way to remind me of what I was supposed to be doing. Luckily, I was able to ignore my conscience and continue reading… and it was much better than Moby Dick (*possible slogan)

  593. I love reading and blogging. I recently was sent one of your posts from another blogger and I thought it was hilarious! I died of laughter at your Beyonce post and called my sister right away to read her the story, she was dying of laughter, too. I was looking at your page and realized that I had already bought your book a few weeks ago and was excited to read it, figuring that it would be equally as funny and you don’t let down one bit! I love your book and I am planning to suggested it at my two book clubs when I am up to pick! I have been telling everyone to read it because it is literally laugh out loud funny! I figure, aside from saving me from cocaine, I think you have added years to my life with all the laughter I have been doing. I do believe that is another selling point for your book, now you’re welcome, right back!

  594. Jenny, I feel like anyone who has read your book should get at least one follow up/clarification question. I have many but the one I really can’t get over is the girl who accused you of giving her a trick keyboard. My question is, when was this? I mean it’s so ridiculous in this computer driven world, plus, even if she didn’t use a computer (why she applying for a job that would require her to use one is beyond me) but when is the last time you saw a cell phone without a keyboard (besides mine)?