Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

I wrote a book and it only took me 11 years.  (Shut up, Stephen King.)

You should probably go buy it right now, because it’s filled with awesomeness.  And cocaine.  But only if you hollow it out and fill it with your own cocaine.  I’m not buying you cocaine.  Because I love you.

And that’s why you should buy my book.  Because I’m saving you from yourself.  And from cocaine.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

If you want a signed copy you can order one from my book store, Nowhere Bookshop.  Just tell me what you want me to write when you order.

It’s also available at Bookshop, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Indie Bound, Books-A-Million, Audible and iTunes and it somehow became a #1 NYT BestSeller the first week out.  I have no idea how that happened either.

In the UK you can get it at Amazon.UK, Waterstones and UK indie stores.

Book summary:  

For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris-Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut.

When Jenny Lawson was little, all she ever wanted was to fit in. That dream was cut short by her fantastically unbalanced father (a professional taxidermist who created dead-animal hand puppets) and a childhood of wearing winter shoes made out of used bread sacks. It did, however, open up an opportunity for Lawson to find the humor in the strange shame spiral that is her life, and we are all the better for it.

Lawson’s long-suffering husband and sweet daughter are the perfect comedic foils to her absurdities, and help her to uncover the surprising discovery that the most terribly human moments-the ones we want to pretend never happened-are the very same moments that make us the people we are today.

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir is a poignantly disturbing, yet darkly hysterical tome for every intellectual misfit who thought they were the only ones to think the things that Lawson dares to say out loud. Like laughing at a funeral, this book is both irreverent and impossible to hold back once you get started.

AUTHOR BIO: Known for her sardonic wit and her hysterically skewed outlook on life, Jenny Lawson has made millions of people question their own sanity, as they found themselves admitting that they, too, often wondered why Jesus wasn’t classified as a zombie, or laughed to the point of bladder failure when she accidentally forgot that she mailed herself a cobra. Her blog (www.thebloggess.com) is award-winning, extremely popular, and she is considered to be one of  the funniest women alive by at least three people.

Praise and advanced reviews:

“Even when I was funny, I wasn’t this funny” ~ Augusten Burroughs, author of Running With Scissors

“The Bloggess writes stuff that actually is laugh-out-loud, but you know that really you shouldn’t be laughing and probably you’ll go to hell for laughing, so maybe you shouldn’t read it. That would be safer and wiser.”
-Neil Gaiman, author of The Sandman, Stardust, American Gods and Coraline

“There’s something wrong with Jenny Lawson-magnificently wrong. I defy you to read her work and not hurt yourself laughing.” -Jen Lancaster, Author of Bitter is the New Black, Jeneration X, Bright Lights, Big Ass

“Jenny Lawson will make you laugh again and again – at things you didn’t even know were funny.  And what’s more, she can write.  What she knows about pacing, punchlines, setups and surprises could fill a book.  Lucky for us, it’s this one.  – Katherine Center, author of The Bright Side of Disaster, Everyone Is Beautiful, and Get Lucky

“Jenny Lawson is hilarious, snarky, witty, totally inappropriate, and ‘Like Mother Teresa, Only Better.'”
-Diana Vilibert, Marie Claire

“Jenny Lawson’s writing is nothing less than revolutionary.  Her humor is touched by humanity, her cynicism laced with self-deprecation. I say this without a hint of exaggeration: She may be one of the most progressive women’s voices of our time.”
-Karen Walrond, author of The Beauty of Different

1,083 thoughts on “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I preordered your book along with “Dick and Jane and Vampires” (yes it’s a real kids book) because it said at checkout that your book was often ordered along with the latest Harry Potter movie which I thought was odd. So now you have another interesting book to be paired with yours. You’re welcome.

  3. Good for you young one. Apparently occasionally being locked away for long periods of forced confinement were just what you needed to get it finished. I’m sure Copernicus is proud.

  4. I’m so excited it’s really here!!!! Not to sound real or anything, but you are SO my mentor. I blog because I can. My dream is to be published. I heart you.

  6. Deeeeeeeaaaaaaar Bloggess, I am torn here. I want to be sincere and I want to fit in on your big, wonderful piece on the bloggoshere. What I am torn about is that I freakin’ love you, from a distance, through the world wide wide, and not in a freaky way. I *want* that book. My only hangup is,…..sheesh, this should not be so hard. I am a Jesus lover, and I totally get that Jesus would seem like a zombie. And I love when peeps like Jim Gaffigan poke a little (or a whole shitload of) fun at Christians and the way Jesus would seem in just the human way, like when it was His birthday, what the heck do you buy for the Guy who dies on the cross for you? That’s all Jim’s, in case you are not a Gaffigan-kind of person and don’t know of his stuff. So, I really want that book, even though I have 5 other books, including and Anne Lamott book whom I also love, from a distance, that I have not finished in like, oh, say 3 years. I know. Stupid. But this internets pulls me in. But also, I can’t get the book if it really insults Jesus. Please don’t think I am too weird and ban me from your blog. I love commenting here. You have made more grooves in happy parts of my brain, so I must come back. But I want to be honest in all blog related matters. I mean, who would lie in a blog? That would make no sense because I feel that blogs are where everyone should really let all the shit-stained laundry out for everyone to see; ya know, the real truth. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the fucking too hilarious to not be true. Am I right? Anywhoooos, thank you, darling, for being funny-as-all-get-out you. And I still hope that asshole ovary is settling down. I’ll even shoot out a prayer if that doesn’t offend. James Garfield needs your ovary to heal ’cause no one loves him like you do.

  7. FYI, while adding your forthcoming book to my spreadsheet of “Books to Read” (yes, I have a spreadsheet to list books I want to read. Don’t judge me.) I accidentally typed “Jenny Lawsome”. HA! Get it! It’s punny. From now on I will always think of you as Jenny Lawsome. BAM!

  8. All the way down at the bottom of the world in New Zealand, I follow your blog. You are the best entertainment!! Love to get a copy of your book, but not sure if I can down here in the antipodes.

  11. I love you people. I made this page and forgot I left comments open. What a sweet surprise to see people actually looking.

    In answer to your questions, you can totally order it on Kindle. Just look on the amazon link.

    Also, I know it’ll be available in Australia so I’m guessing New Zealand will have it too?

    And finally, my guess is that Jesus would read this book and enjoy it in spite of himself, so I think you can buy it without feeling guilty. In fact, he’d probably give it to God for Father’s Day because he’s a giver. But God would already own it because I’m sending him an advance copy in hopes that he pimps it out to everyone. God is the Oprah of Heaven.

  12. Hey, you seem to have quite a following here in lil ole NZ. Am off to the Amazon store to see if I can indeed get a copy sent here. I don’t think it’ll arrive in time for my mum for Xmas, so I might have to give her a card with Copernicus on it, with “I owe you one book, here’s a hug in the meantime…” That way I’ll also be able to read it before I give it to her (carefully, so as not to crease the spine). “Gosh, international post is slow isn’t it?” 🙂

  13. So, darling, wonderful Bloggess, you sooooooooooooo made my day by answering my question! Wow; I kinda feel like I met someone famous, a good famous person, like hmmmmmmmmm, well I love Mr. Rogers, but that is weird and he died. I don’t want to get political here, ’cause I already did the “discuss religion” thing. Let’s just leave it at the fact that you made my day, and you *are* famous, and you read my comment and answered. I am holding my jagged half BFF heart right now. Figuratively, of course. I am not *that* crazy. So I have a nook, and I will click on over to Barnes and Noble and see if your masterpiece is there. If not, Husband will have to share his kindle. Buying God a Father’s Day present would be pretty tough. It’s nice that you helped Jesus out with that. As always, you inspire, Bloggess.

  14. I love love LOVE that Neil Gaiman is one of the pre-praiser/reviewers for this book. If there were a doubt as to whether I’d buy the book, it’s gone now!

  16. I’m still debating pre-ordering your book. I mean it comes out right before the whole end-of-the-world-2012-apocalypse thing and I’m afraid I won’t have time to read it before I die at the hands of my suddenly alive and demonic computer as I try to write one last blog post.

    Surely, you can understand this dilemma, right? I truly want time to enjoy your novel. And untangle my brain from what I am sure will be many brain tangling passages.

    Oh, hell. I don’t know what to do! I need your advice, Jenny. Help me make this decision…

    (You should buy it because then I can die as “best-selling author, Jenny Lawson” instead of “that weird girl who said ‘fuck’ a lot.” Plus, there’s no reason to be saving for retirement since we’re all dying anyway so technically you could buy several. Everyone wins. And dies. How terribly depressing. ~ Jenny, bloggess)

  17. GOD IS THE OPRAH OF HEAVEN.
    Well. I’ve been sitting in the audience a long time. I’m overdue for a new car and a two-hundred-dollar toothbrush or sommat.

  18. I can’t WAIT to read it. I have so few heroes, but you are one of them. You’ve inspired me to blog again, and to enjoy writing again, and let it all hang out honestly, and you seriously just rock! And further, I love that you put the wrong year on the Christmas ornaments. That is something *I* would do, and I LOL’d at it.

    Can we put a rush on it? Pretty please? 🙂

  22. I had in mind that I was going to buy Amy Sedaris’ book, “I Like You…”, so I could get the super shipper savings with the other orders I got going on Amazon, but once you were compared with the likes of David Sedaris, Amy’s bro, which I’ve been using his book on tape for “Me Talk Pretty Some Day” to lull me to sleep at night( Not because it is dull mind you, far from it, but it’s one of the only books on tape I have, and I’m sick of the relax into sleep tape-boring! I love his personal stories of his life-I just put the volume on low, and I think it’s cool to have David reading to me sleep! in case you were wondering), I know now I have to get your book as well! I already use your blog to help me feel like I had some laughs in my hectic responsibility-laden life. You remind me of all the crazy friends I had back in the day, and all the crazy things we had done. Aahh! Those were the days! And thanks for the referral to the song, “In My Mind”. Fuck Yes!!

  23. Ok So why the hell is your book most frequently purchased with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (+ UltraViolet Digital Copy) (2011)? The paperback version maybe but not this one…….Anyway your blog has brought a lot more laughter into my life. I hope you do a book tour so I can come see you (in NJ) in person. Thanks to you my husband and hopefully husbands around the globe know to quake in their boots when they hear “Knock Knock Mother-fucker!!!”

  24. I can tell you without hesitation that this book is so not made for children. I had no idea why people buy it with Happy Potter, but I’d like to think that they want to hide the cost of the book from their spouse so they buy both at the same time and when their spouse asks what the bill is for they say “It’s for a DVD FOR THE CHILDREN. STOP QUESTIONING ME.” Either that or people just really like Harry Potter. I can’t argue with that.

  25. Why do you call it ‘laughing yourself to the point of bladder failure’? The bladder is SUPPOSED to make you pee. That is not failure, but unmitigated success. The bladder, in this instance, WINS.

    In other news I WANT THIS BOOK SO BAD.

    Bladder: 1

  27. I will absolutely buy your book, but I would especially adore having an autographed copy. You should do a book signing tour where people stand in line at the door to book store restrooms, they hand over their books through the cracked door, and then you hand them back through the door. You could even use stunt hands!

  29. My 17 yo son is getting a Kindle for Christmas. This means I’m going to download this on there and blow. His. Mind. It’ll be awesome. Then I can read it on his Kindle while his melted brain reforms and we can all go on about our daily lives. Double win.

  31. Jenny,

    1. Your original post about Beyonce made a terrific “Happy 15th Anniversary” message to a friend of mine, who appreciates irreverent humor.

    2. I learned today that FB does not allow the phrase “Douche Canoe.” Who knew? 😉

    Merry Christmas — whatever year you think it is. 🙂

  32. I just added it to my To-Read (aka ­­Stuff I Want to Read, But Will Probably Never Actually Read) List.

    you should be honored.

  33. You have no idea how bad-ass it is to finally see this book coming out. Congratulations on making it to the long, grueling end of publishing.

    Now, when are you writing the next one? And it better not be a crappy contract filler a la Prince.

  35. Just preordered at Barnacles and Buttholes (it’s not in a barn nor is it noble). Thank you, Miss Jenny.

  36. “She may be one of the most progressive women’s voices of our time.”

    Let’s pretend that never happened.

    Fine. I’ll still buy your book.

    Just don’t even start with progressive voices and shit.

    Hearing them is OK, though.

    The new meds are fantastic, eh?

  37. So yeah I totally pre-ordered… I don’t want the kindle version tho because I want to leave it out in odd places for my friends to find and go “what is this?” and then maybe blow their minds a little. Then they wouldn’t think I was so weird for laughing uncontrollably and, when asked why, only being able to stutter things like “jjj-James Gar-gar-garfield!”. Or when I call someone a douchecanoe. They need to join the crazy side, where we also have cookies just like the dark side, but ours are better because we also have milk. I’ve never heard anyone advertise the dark side as having milk. And cows are pretty weird so it makes more sense they’d be with US. I mean, have you seen those udders?

    And I’d do just about anything for a signed copy. If I send a Beyonce to knock on random peoples doors would that get me one? How about putting my kid in a ballet dress and giving her a toy gun and putting her on top of a car, ready for the apocalypse?

  40. #1 recommended forum thread on Amazon for your book: Do you Know any great True Prison Stories?

  42. Can’t wait for your book to arrive in my mailbox! I ordered it immediately with instructions that the UPS guy leave it on my front porch, ring the doorbell, yell “Knock Knock Mother Fucker”, and then run and hide behind the shrubs to see me open the door. And then see me furiously happily squeal with glee! HA! =)

  46. I preordered your book as soon as it was available, and I absolutely cannot wait to read it… my husband is completely sick of hearing me talk about it.

    Him: How can you talk so much about a book you haven’t even read yet?
    Me: Because it is awesome. That is the kind of power this book has. Besides, it will come out just in time for your birthday. I will get you a copy.
    Him: My birthday is in August.
    Me: I am getting a head start. I am trying to be motivated. Stop trying to stop me!

  47. I’m going to make my boyfriend buy me this book. Mostly because I don’t have a job, and partly because that’s what boyfriends are suppose to do..

  48. Bummed.
    Have been told you are the funniest thing since sliced bread. Read the bloggess, and was hooked. Saw that you had a book, and went to Kindle. Not available until April 2012! Isn’t that like bait and switch?

  50. Jenny I am so excited for you. Will there be trucker hats to go along with the book tour? Even if there aren’t, I will still stand in line like one of those crazed shoppers on Black Friday to buy your book. xxoxoxoxox
    Michelle Jones Lamar (formerly known as WTM).

  52. Jenny,
    I have a Kobo. I’ve already researched and Kindle books can be formatted to work on a Kobo, but I am technically challenged and would probably screw it up. Will your book ever be an EPUB for Kobo? If not, I guess I’ll have to go the old fashioned way and actually hold a book to read it because I soooo want to read this. Thanks!

  54. Welcome back, Happy New Year & Congrats….. Glad you are feeling better… Hate for your angst to entertain us… but you know it is part of who you are…

  55. haha Jesus isn’t considered a zombie because HE WAS TALKING ABOUT COMMUNION, you know, the little cracker and teensy weensy cup of grape juice? but Jesus DID like to mess with us that way haha… i can’t WAIT for your book!!!

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  57. This book will be required reading for my staff.
    You’re my twin sister, separated by 13 months & a few miles, but deep down I know we share the same brain.
    Thank you for the 11 year journey to complete this book.
    You’re my hero for everything that you write about & I actually like you MORE now since I read your January 2nd blog.
    I can’t wait for this to come to my door & be waiting for me to share with the world. That is my calling in life.
    If you’re doing book signings somewhere in WI, IL, MN, IA – I’ll be there just let me know.

  58. You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey . You’ll never know dear how much i love you. Please dont take my sunshine away.

  60. DUDE. I totally preordered my copy this morning. It’s like I can read your brain or something. Or I’m IN your brain. Or something.

    PS – It’s comfy cozy in here.

  61. Can I just say how extraordinarily jealous I am that you’ve got Neil Gaiman’s name on there?

    Also? Totally love you. Thank you for you.

  62. –>I can’t wait to read your book. Congrats Jenny on getting it finished and published.

    Beyonce is so proud. I heard her clucking about it.

  63. Jenny, You are my idol. There are days I find myself laughing at the absurdity of life after which I immediately question my sanity. The tales you tell – especially the conversations with Victor – make me feel perfectly good about myself. Oh, I know I’m not sane by any stretch of the imagination but that’s what makes me me! Rock on with your bad self!!!

    Marci

    p.s. You were part of the inspiration for me to start my blog: http://blognamedbrew.blogspot.com/ If any of the other commenters read this, please don’t judge me against the Jenny Lawsome (love it!) measuring stick. I will fail every single time. But I’m trying!

  64. Totally ordering this on my Kindle. Really hoping you do book signings in the future too. Though that means I will have to buy a second copy of the book. Which is fine, really. Because no one will be able to touch the autographed copy. It’s going on my shrine, right next to mini-Beyonce, my Star Trek USS Enterprise pizza cutter and other randomness my boyfriend doesn’t understand.

  65. I think I need to get one for everyone I know. If I mail it to you with a self addressed stamped envelope will you sign it and mail it back? or sign something and scan it so I can trace it in. or have Ferris mewler step on an ink pad and then walk on the first page? Either one really….

  66. I put in my pre order with Amazon a while back and am waiting (not so patiently) for it to show up. I can’t wait to read it.

  67. I was looking at the “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought” section, because I figured I should spend all my holiday money on Amazon, and there’s “Hark! A Vagrant” by Kate Beaton, “Let’s Panic About Babies!: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, … Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being” by Alice Bradley and Eden M. Kennedy, Firefly – The Complete Series (Hi, Nathan Fillion!), and “I Can Do It Reward Chart: Blank Supplement Pack”.

    You have the best followers.

  68. So happy for you, Jenny! Congrats!
    This reminds me – I found Beyonce’s cousin acting as a greeter in a local restaurant. True story. I’ll send the photo.

  69. Congrats!!!! I received the preorder for Christmas! So am very excited to get my hands on the book. I am just not fond of the waiting game! I suck at waiting patiently!

  72. how could anything you do suck? you’re jenny lawson.

    i cannot wait to sit on my couch and read your memoir. i won’t get off the couch until i finish every single page. i’m a slow reader, so this is saying a lot.

    congrats and kick ass!

  75. When is it going to be on Audible.com. I listened to Samatha Bee’s book while cleaning the house. I’m going to listen to yours while shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Don’t make me sit somewhere and read it! 🙂 xoxo

  76. Thank you for the ugly truths and superior humor and for connecting with so many of us that you will never meet.
    Your rantings feel like home to me. You are a freaken delight.

  77. I will be buying the physical book, because I’m really REALLY hoping for a book tour/autograph opportunity. (Key Largo is beautiful anytime of year! But Miami’s close enough too…just sayin’) I’m going though a very rough time right now, and your blogs, the funny and the inspirational, are bright spots for me. Thank you, again and again and again…

  81. I am glad the author’s note said sardonic and not satanic because at first I read satanic and I did see a Jesus reference there, and it all got a little weird for me, but I realized the error of my ways, that I can’t read type this small, and that I need new glasses, probably bifocals. You go, Jenny Lawson, and I can’t wait to buy it.

  85. I will be buying your book.
    I will probably be buying several.
    I will be doing this mostly for my hubster and two grown children.
    I will hand them the book. I will command them to read it.
    I will then say something like,
    “See. My Barry Manilow fetish and penchant for screaming at Always commercials seems pretty normal, now, right? RIGHT???”
    (Awkward pause)
    “DON”T YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME, YOUNG MAN!!”

  87. I’ll see your giant pack of toilet paper and raise you a Hagen Catit Design Fresh and Clear Cat Drinking Fountain AND a pack of Lactaid Fast Act Lactase Enzyme Supplements.

    I want to preorder the book but I want even more to run into my local Barnes & Noble and buy the first copy they sell. Happy early Birthday present to me. 🙂

  88. Pre-ordered thru amazon!
    I did, I admit, look at the other books that folks also bought with LPTNH. (Only books listed for me, no other cool merch.) I am now considering “Animals Behaving Badly: Boozing Bees, Cheating Chimps, Dogs with Guns, and Other Beastly True Tales.”

  91. I discovered your blog when you put up the Found Snake sign. I laughed so hard I could hardly stop. It still makes me laugh every time I think of it. I would love a copy of your book, but I’m trying to figure out a way to have a bit of fun with my local library. I live in a very conservative community where your book would create LOTS of controversy. There has to be a way for me to get the library to order it without them knowing how awesomely controversial it will be. Mwah hah hah, this should be great fun! Thanks for your fabulous life, and for sharing your book with us.

  93. Two things:
    1. I read the advance reading copy of your book (one of the perks of owning my own bookstore where, ahem, one could order said book) and plan to suggest it with every purchase, sort of like super-sizing an extra value meal. “Oh, I see you bought “The Sense of an Ending” by Julian Barnes, so you like understated poetic prose. I think you’ll really enjoy the bit in this book about the cow’s vagina.” See? It really works for everyone.
    2. Since I am a complete history dork, I have to point out that your paragraph about Abraham Lincoln dying because people put their grubby hands in his bullet wound sounded more like what happened to James Garfield. Lincoln – massive head wound
    Garfield – superficial back wound that proved fatal after being probed for months. It even inspired Alexander Graham Bell to invent the metal detector to find the bullet.

    Seriously, though? Loved the book.

  94. Do you know if your book will be available is softcover? I pre-ordered it from amazon.ca (Canada) but hardcover is the only option. Any thoughts? I am crazy looking forward to it’s release. I have been very sick lately with no access to your site (tear) so I am counting the days for the book release so I have a travel edition of your stories.

    Thanks in advance.

  97. I cannot wait to read your book!! Mostly so I can stop doing drugs. Do you think that maybe you should come up with a marketing plan specifically for drug dealers? Like maybe how they won’t get put in jail for reading your book which will give them so MUCH MORE FREE TIME. Then you could be like, “Look Obama, I saved the world from the war on drugs.” And then they would have no choice but to make you president. I am a GODDAMN genius!! It must be all the drugs. You’re welcome. President Jenny Lawson. And instead of Marilyn Monroe singing you “Happy Birthday”, we could get all the drug dealers. Because they would be so thankful.

  98. I can’t wait to order your book. As someone who also suffers from the gruesome illness I find comfort in your blog in knowing I’m not alone

  99. Oh, I think commenter #27 has it absolutely right!!! A book tour with you autographing copies in the restroom. That, would be perfect.

    Will there be a way to get an autographed copy? Seriously.

  100. Will it be on kindle? Oh please? The hump on my back is finally going away, because I now carry around 87 books on a tablet… or in it…whatever

  101. Dear everyone commenting about Amazon or Kindles: how about sticking to places that have weird, wonderful, quirky staff who love books and reading? Right in or your near your own communities? In other words, INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORES. The places we’re determined not to let Amazon kill. You can even buy your e-books through them. To find your nearest (or to support any one of the amazing stores out there – Book People in Austin, who started the “Keep Austin Weird” movement, the wonderful Women and Children First in Chicago, Powell’s in Portland, Buffalo Street Books in Ithaca, A Room of One’s Own in Madison, Mood Makers in Rochester, NY, or heck, my Burlingham Books in Perry, NY, where I’ll have it on the shelf come April), just use the Indie Store Finder at IndieBound.org. Support independent stores everywhere!

    http://www.indiebound.org/book/9780399159015

  102. Chicken Buckaww, typically a paperback edition of a book comes out only if the hardcover sells well enough. A few publishers publish both types simultaneously, but not many.

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  105. I was needing a good laugh today…nothing on tv, nothing I feel like doing, then i remembered “Aha!!!” with maniacal glee and went to your website …as I always do on these days. I guess it must be a lower day because I’m still down in the dumps. And then I saw your book in the left corner or your website and I thought, “Yes! Oh this is awesome! Just what I need!!!” but boo, it’s not out til APRIL! I’m not sure how I will survive waiting 🙁

  106. @ellen, if it’s on amazon (she states above), it’s available kindles. That’s where you get your kindle books.

  107. I just bought your book.
    April 17th. I feel like I am getting into another Twilight or Hunger Games series. 3 MONTHS!!
    I already have to wait months on end for other books to come out, then I have to wait for those books to be turned into movies and then wait for those movies to be released.
    I just thought you were better than those corporate assholes.
    Wait, you are. Which is why I am going to shut up now and wait patiently for your book.
    Until April 17th.
    Plus 3-4 days because I was too cheap to pay extra shipping.
    So really, like, April 21st. Or maybe longer because there could be a holiday somewhere in there or god forbid another national weather emergency.
    If that is the case, I will be convinced that the world is not going to end and that in fact, the world is just conspiring against me so that I cannot read your book.
    Which is kinda how I feel already.
    I am dragging, mostly because my boyfriend pissed me off tonight and by sitting here typing, he thinks I actually have a life and that I am not thinking about how pissed I am at him for being a tard bot.
    Lucky me, I am the only one who knows that I really don’t have a life. Well me and you and whoever else might, unfortunately, happen to scroll down and read this.
    Sincerely,
    Your biggest fan.

    PS This thing needs spell check.

  108. I just got my ARC through work (I work at an independent bookstore in Michigan), and am having flashbacks to visiting yooper cousins as a kid. Also, I keep snorting a lot on my lunch break, leading everyone in the office to ask “What’s so funny?”

    Basically? Brilliant and hilarious.

  109. PS. I will still be buying a hardcover, because books this fancy deserve to be in the best possible format. No paperbacks and none of that e-book bullshit.

    PPS. Is that one of your father’s taxidermys (?) on the cover?

  111. Oh dear god there IS a Kindle version! But what the F am I going to do with the bookplate. If I put it on my KIndle it kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?

  112. Bloody hell I may have to get both the hard cover and the Kindle version. THANKS. And don’t tempt me with the Audio CD…is it really YOU reading it? Oh no you di’nt!

  113. Just pre-ordered. April 17 is actually my birthday, so happy birthday to me! And very heartfelt confratulations to you, Jenny. I am sure the book will be a wild success.

  114. Son of a bitch! I totally forgot I read this last night and wanted the book plate and preordered for Kindle. I think I’ll go cancel that and buy the paper one.

  115. I preordered for Kindle. I asked for a bookplate anyway. I don’t know if I’ll get it, but if I do, I’m going to put it inside some completely random old book so in like 1000 years archaeologists will be super confused.

  116. Jenny, I’ve been reading your hilarity for years, but I can’t get the signed bookplate because I live in Canada? We’re friendly here… Beautiful land, clean lakes, Rocky mountains, free health care, American retail stores, different coloured money, above average education, stable banking system, hockey, and Tim Hortons. Admit it…everyone wants to live in Canada! Yet, I can’t get a signed bookplate from my favorite blogger because I live in Canada? I’m pre-ordering your book anyway, but I hope you re-consider your love for your northern allies.

  117. So I pre-ordered your book with our big local book seller up here in the Great White North and I have to wait until early April! Gawd I hate waiting. Waiting is for, well….waiters. Also since I’m Canadian and apparently the book plate distributor people are still bitter we won the War of 1812 I can’t get a signed bookplate. Send more love our way.

  118. Pingback: FAIL |

  119. Yeah preordered! Because it occurred to me that I should try preordering it through my Nook rather than the B&N website. I’m new to this.

    Jenny, you are an absolutely beautiful woman! You look great! And so does Wolf Blitzer.

  120. Have to say, it’s at least 4 people that think you’re the funniest person alive! Pre-Ordered, and can’t wait to read it.
    PS, can you make a shirt with the rattlesnake sign? I would totally buy it, or a Poster, that might be better. You could do a collage on a poster 😀

  121. I got my hubby a Kindle Fire for xmas this year, and when he found out his gift was going to be pricey, he was all “IF IT IS EXPENSIVE AND CAN’T BE USED BY ALL OF US, THEN I AM RETURNING IT!!!!” An then I was all “YOU ARE A TIGHT WAD DOUCHE BAG!” Then he got the kindle on xmas day, and he loves it, and he sucks at sharing. To make a longs story longer.. Before I found out that he is a sucky sharer, I preordered your book on the kindle. He found out tonight that I ordered it, and is all mad that I will be hogging the kindle for a few days after it comes out. This is why I need to buy a tape recorder. Evidence is the only way to prove how right, smart, or innocent I am. Also, I might end up with good blackmail material. Probably the second choice is my best argument, since we both already know that I am never wrong.

  122. How much bribery would it take to get a bookplate shipped to Canada? I can see if I can find some strange taxidermied animals for you? Put a mini-Beyonce on a Canadian landmark and take photos?
    Send you my first born?

  123. I am highly anticipating your book, which “drops” on my birthday! This will be the best gift I’ve had in a long time. Keep up the fabulousness. I finally don’t feel so alone in my head…and I just realized I ordered a bookplate after I pre-ordered your book for my Nook. I think I’ll decoupage it onto my coffee bowl (not mug, bowl) so I can remember to read your book every morning.
    And, Happy Birthday Lisa! Were your birthdays always worked around Easter and the first day of Trout Season too?

  124. Pre-ordered! I am now giddy and cannot freaking wait until April 2whatever when it arrived!!!

  125. I went to review your book on Librarything, but it’s only available in the US. When will it be released to those of us in the rest of the world?

  126. i find it no coincidence that your book is being released on “National Cheeseball Day.”

    no coincidence at all.

    can’t wait!

  128. Okay, question? So what about those of us who pre-ordered the Kindle edition? No offense, but we’re feeling kinda left out of the whole “free, signed bookplate” thing. 🙁

  130. I just ran across your blog and have to tell you that you will be my first Blogger to follow. I don’t really get into the blogging thing, but you crack me up!!!! Thanks for the entertainment!
    Mai Lee

  131. Yea! just ordered your book from Amazon, Can’t Wait to hurt myself laughing…. again….

  132. I preordered this book.. I can’t wait to read it!
    Please open a Book Blog for when the book comes out!
    I would love to get online and laugh/share moments of this book!!
    And just a note: this world needs more Giant Metal Chickens and Stuffed Weasels!
    Thanks for bringing the fun back!

  133. Gutted not to be able to get a signed bookplate – due to being a reader across the pond in the UK – but SUPER excited to have pre-ordered your book. (I will totally have forgotten all about pre-ordering it when it arrives in the post so I am already excited about getting the best ‘surprise’ ever!) Yours in ardent admiration, the Accidental Londoner.

  135. I was going to order the Kindle version of your book, but decided to get the HC edition so that I can share it with my wife. <3

  136. I wanna signed bookplate!!!!!! Ordering on Amazing… <–typo. I'm ordering on Amazon, but because you are Amazing, I believe I'll allow it. 🙂

  137. Your click here to get a bookplate button is broke 🙁
    I need one since this is the first hardcover book I have ordered in almost 2 years.

    (Try again. It works for me and there are still a few hundred left so it hasn’t been shut down yet. ~ Jenny)

  140. Eeek! I just pre-ordered the book and the link for the bookplate won’t work for me either. Wah!!

  141. Are you getting an error message? Will it let you look at the link at all? It’s a google form and I can see it so you should be able to order. I see new names coming in. Just lemme know.

  142. Hi Jenny-

    I just pre-ordered 2 copies of your book through Barnes & noble but the page to fill out for the signed bookplate won’t work? It keeps saying page not found 🙁 Are there still bookplates available?
    Thanks,
    Ali
    @noaliaqui

  144. hello Jennie

    As I write this tears of intense sorrow are running down my face – I pre-ordered your book from Amazon.co.uk and they have just told me that they have cancelled my order as their suppler is not going to send them any copies! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? Us dodgie pale faces in Blighty need your wisdom too!

    devastated
    fleur

  145. sobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb! Why has Amazon.co.uk just cancelled my pre-order of your book? what can I do? Are there any other options for obtaining it outside of the US?

  146. Hi Jenny! I pre-ordered your book, which is kind of a cool thing, because when I do that, I usually forget I did by the time I get it and then it’s like whoa! Presents!
    I would love a book plate, and I can’t seem to press the button properly to get to where I show that I ordered it. I don’t know if *I* Have The Dumb, or my computer does…

    Grats on the book! Take care, you…

    Best;
    DW

  147. Hi from the UK, Jenny. Long have I loved your blog. No-one can make me laugh (and sometimes cry) like you! So I pre-ordered your book in a frenzy of excitement! But amazon.co.uk have just written to say it’s been cancelled! If I’d had a camera I’d have got someone to take a picture of the moment that I married the Juanita Weasel pose with the Calculon ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooo!’ despairing cry in some kind of bizarre TV cartoon/vintage taxidermy mash-up. Can I please add my plea to those of the other bereft UK people above for advice on how to get hold of the book? I haven’t been this disappointed since discovering that William Shatner wasn’t real… 🙁

  148. Apparently the book wasn’t supposed to be available in the UK because no one had the rights to it but now Picador in the UK will be offering it so you’ll be able to reorder it again soon. It’s good that they caught it now rather than later, I suppose.

  149. Hooray! Thank you Jenny. That’s great news! [returns to waiting, interminably waiting…]

  150. Pre-ordered your book in January, can’t wait to read it and would love the bookplate.

  152. sweet – cheers lovely – will be checking amazon daily till they pop your book back on sale – better still have Hamlet von Schnitzel on the cover!

  154. I think I pre ordered the book…my iPad closed my browser! Yes, I said iPad ERROR. It isn’t perfect. I wonder if the apple people will find this and remove it,,,

  155. I almost used zombies to teach my child about Easter, but I wanted to avoid a nasty note from the Christian daycare. I’m glad someone else is questioning the whole thing too.

  156. I may be drunk or stupid (well, I’m actually both) but, when does the book actually come to my local Indie bookseller? As much as I love Amazon for the hard-to-find soft-core gay tv series (hello! Dante’s Cove) and other hard-to-find things (hello, Buffy action figures) I really like to buy my hardcover books from actual people. Plus, I can talk their ears off about the author and make them sell more books…
    Just looking for the release date so I can pester the locals.
    THX.

  157. i just finished readingan advanced copy of your book. I highly recommend it to people as I laughed out loud at Jenny’s bent outlook on life and zombies. Love your friendship with Laura.

  158. I’m going to win a copy of your book because I live in Canada! I’ll let you know if I do indeed win, and if I do, I will look for Nathan Fillion and whap him upside the head with it. I’ll be sure to wrap it in twine first.

  159. I so wanted/tried to pre-order this for my Kindle Fire. Amazon will not let me. I am deemed unworthy. (I think it is because I am Scottish.) They will however let me buy it once it is released?!?!? They just refuse to let me pre-order it. I have set an alarm on my Kindle to buy it as soon as it is released.

    Amazon can be as odd, random, weird, bizarre, and unfathomable as girls are.

    Unless of course they will not let me pre-order it for $12.99 because they are going to charge me $25.95 on release date and say I should have pre-ordered it. If this is what they do. I totally have them fathomed………….shallow…………..very very shallow.

  160. One of the perks of working at a book store (BAM) is that I get to peek at the advanced copies sent to the store. As soon as I saw the book with little mouse on the front today, I knew I HAD to read it. It is literally the most HILARIOUS book I have ever read in my life. Ever. Plus, it makes me feel a bit better about my own fucked up childhood, so thanks! (and thank you, dad, for never trying to make me eat my deer sweater..)

    I’ve actually only read the first two chapters. I can’t wait to finish it (I’m positive it will only take about a day. I CANNOT put it down. I advise those who have pre-ordered it to also invest in a pack of adult diapers.)

    I sincerely hope that you wander through Tennessee sometime for a book signing. I have the copy of your introduction letter to Books-a-Million that was tucked between the pages of the book. I am keeping it. I might frame it. It is a literary masterpiece! I only wish I could have it autographed. 🙂

  161. Dude. Your book is hysterical. I work at a bookstore and we get advanced reads of books before they come out. Publishers send books not yet published to get booksellers to read them and help sell copies when the book does eventually come out.

    Because of you I have a new daily concern about peeing my pants on the bus to and from work.

    Fucking awesome!

  162. YOU GOT TO READ IT ALREADY!!! And I can’t pre-order the darn thing.
    Amazon is getting a punch in their gentleman’s area.

  163. I was torn on whether to preorder or hold out until I am employed again. Then you said my favorite word “free” so I had to preorder to get my free autographed nameplate. Done and done! Now I get to eagerly await packages in the mail, which is my second favorite thing. Hooray!

  164. I’ve waited ELEVEN YEARS for this book and you start selling it 16 days after I get back from vacation? Wow, rude. It’s like I don’t even know you. I thought you would make sure it was avail to me early.

    Also, I’m still buying it, but maybe I won’t read it until I go on vacation again. Just to prove a point.

  165. *bookplate
    Bookplate not nameplate! Gah! Why do I try typing things within the first 2 hours of being awake.
    (this is a correction of my earlier comment because I am neurotic and this would have made me insane by the end of the day if I hadn’t at least attempted to make the correction)

  166. I love your blog and am so excited to see your book finally available for preorder.

    What an accomplishment! Congrats. I can’t wait to read it!

    Love & twine.

  167. What do I want with another book, Jenny? I already *have* a book. It’s awesome. I read it again and again, but mostly because my ADD-addled mind can’t help giggling at the pop-up characters when I open it up. Plus, I haven’t finished colouring it yet.

    Nevermind. I pre-ordered it – but only because you told me too. I like how being on the internet means I never have to make my own decisions. People tell me what to do and I do it. It’s fun. Right now I’m getting ready to help out this other guy whose father died. He needs help in transporting the bulk of his estate over here to Canada. So there’s that – plus I get to meet a celebrity! He’s the son of the Nigerian prince. How awesome is that?

  168. mine has been pre ordered for 3 months! can’t wait! i plan to read it on the toilet (a) bc i’m sure it’s filled with bathroom & vagina humor, (b) i’m not gonna accidentally pee my pants even alittle, not again.

  169. *cue meme photo* I don’t usually pre-order books… but when I do, it’s for the Bloggess so I can get a free bookplate.

  170. @theBloggess, I pre-ordered your book, unless I screwed up and ordered it three times, in which case, Mashfika! (Portuguese/Hawaiian exclamation meaning “more for me!” albeit probably spelled wrong.)

  171. Just leared that it’s “mais fica” and indeed means “more for me!” The Internet is magic, as we know from Matthew Broderick’s spoon!!

  173. This is my first ever comment on here and I’m kinda nervous.

    Just wanted to say that A) you are awesome B) though I follow you on Twitter and read the Blog, it was a tweet from a Canadian publisher which led me here, which, as a Canadian, I find kinda awesome (see A) and B) how do manage to find yourself amongst so many whose work I admire? You have Wil Wheaton collating paper, Simon Pegg holding Twine (which totally blew my mind as he is a Geek God to me until…) you got a freaking book blurb from Neil Gaiman! I’m literally gobsmacked. I dunno if you how you’re gonna top that, but I’m nearly certain you will.

    I’m way to poor to pre-order a book but I would love to read it. I will scout it at a book store once released if I have any unexpected knitwear sales or I’ll try and find it at the library. It has made my list of must reads which, because of my financial circumstances and love of physical copies of things, has become a difficult list to gain a space on.

  174. I just realized your book comes out on my birthday.
    Now I won’t forget to buy it…or have someone buy it for me.
    MWAHAHAHAHA

  175. If Hunter S. Thompson invented “Gonzo Journalism”, I would venture to say The Bloggess has forged the path in “Gonzo Blogging”.

  178. i am a bookseller and got an advanced copy. this is flat out hilarious in so many ways! laughed out loud so many times that i had to catch my breath! what a way with words… absolutely phenom!!

  181. I love the incredibly dramatic mouse on your cover. He reminds me of a terribly sick joke we played on our child shortly after her beloved hamster, Rosco, passed away. We were cleaning the garage and happened across a squished flat dehydrated mouse. Ooooohh. What do we do with it? Let’s spray it gold and make an ornament out of it! So our poor child comes home and bursts into tears because she thinks we have spray painted Rosco and hung him on a nail in our garage. (We told her he had run away. I guess the rat was out of the bag then, huh? )

  182. I fear getting this book. I am already forbidden to read anything that jiggles the bed because I am laughing so hard. But then sneaking off to a dark corner to read in the soft glow of my goofy-assed e-reader is an acceptable outcome (my preccccciiiiooooussssss). So it’ll happen. TAKE MORE OF MY MONEY DAMN YOU WOMAN.

  183. I already preordered my book through amazon when u first told us about it, can i still get a wrist band????
    Ps I can’t freakin’ wait to read it and REALLY give my hubby a reason to think we’re both crazy as i read it and laugh like a hieana! hehehehehe Thanks

  184. I just went to Amazon to pre-order your book (and was excited that I could still receive a book plate – sorry about your hands falling off). I keep meaning to order it and forgetting…growing old, constantly forgetful, procrastinating or all of the above. What do you know? I ordered it way back in November!!! I actually pre-ordered TWO because I have to send one to one of my dearest friends who introduced me to you. Well, not you personally, your blog – namely Beyonce! Thank you for making me laugh, cry, gaffaw, reflect, snicker and remind my husband that I could have bought more towels! (I DO have a shopping addiction so he is lucky I haven’t bought my own metal chicken…or more towels for that matter!!!)

  185. Just ordered my copy and I’m excited to read it! I love reading your blog, and can’t wait to read your book. Filled out the form for my bookplate and goofed, putting tomorrow’s date. Hoping I can still get a bookplate to go with my swanky new book!

  186. I pre-ordered a couple weeks ago for the Kindle version. Am I too late to get a nameplate? If I am, I’ll only cry a bit. I’ll have the book and that’s most important.

  187. Is it too late to get a bookplate? I was only just able to pre-order. I can’t wait to get my book….

  188. Ok, so if I pre-order on Amazon, do I get one of the last-ever samples of your handwriting on a bookplate? 🙂

  192. I don’t see the link to order the bookplate – is it too late? If so, my bad.

  195. Jenny, Jenny, Jenny…How happy I am that you are a fellow Texan just up the highway and not too far from me! (But not in a stalker-y way. Well, um…not REALLY in a stalker-y way. Just sort of.)
    Anyway, please tell us you’ll have a big ol’ Texas book signing at your local DQ because if you do, I will totally be there to bask in your awesomeness! OH, and please bring Beyonce to said DQ book signing. I’d love to sit in her shadow and slurp down a Flamethrower and a Coke.

  196. Money being as tight as it was i FINALLY was able to pre-order a copy for a friend and myself. So two copies coming my way! How do I get a bookplate?

  197. Ok, you got me. I was going to wait until it came out, but i have been worn down (in a good way) and preordered the book. Now I am going to bug you until I get it. I am horrible with presents. If I know I have one coming, I cannot think of anything else. Damn it. Now I need to go up my meds….

  200. Hey, are there any bookplates left? I just ordered your book and would love one if you have one. Otherwise, I’ll cope. I’ll just sit in the dark singing Beyonce songs…

  201. Hmm I pre-ordered the hard copy after contemplating whether or not I wanted the electronic or hard copy. I couldn’t decide! I wish we got an electronic version after buying a hard copy. Just like you get a digital version of your movie when you buy a DVD. Anyways… after finally making my decision I don’t see where to sign up for my bookplate? Can’t wait to laugh my ass off reading this book.

  203. Yay! Keeping my fingers crossed. I really hope that I have money in my bank account when we find out about the bookplates! 😛

    (also….it made me giggle that you said they expired. I’m picturing a big stack of moldy, stinky bookplates. hehe)

  204. oh man I thought I could resist this book, but then I read the HR excerpts and totally went and pre-ordered it right away. I’m always like that. Any freebie and I’ll miss the deadline by 3 days.

  205. I ordered the book just now!! Yea!! Hopefully, there are a few bookplates left!!! I can’t wait for the book to arrive.

  206. Just ordered your book and can’t wait to read it. Hope there are a few more bookplates left!

  207. I preordered and suspect there will still be bookplates but can’t figure out how to sign up for one…

  208. Jenny,
    I just got back and pre-ordered your book, is it too late to sign up for the bookplate? I hope not :). If I still have time, can you please tell me what I need to do? Thanks!

  211. I just ordered! I can’t wait to get it!!! I would love a bookplate if they are still available!

  212. If there are still any bookplates left, I would love one! I just pre-ordered on kindle!

  213. Hi Jenny,
    Is it too late to sign up for a bookplate? And if it isn’t, how do I get about doing that? I am preordering on amazon.ca as i spe– type, and I hope that ordering from Canada’s amazon doesn’t affect this. I’m looking forward to getting my hands on the book! =)

  215. Can anyone provide a link to sign up for the bookplate? I’ve searched all over this page and am not finding it anywhere. Already pre-ordered but want my bookplate! Thanks!

  216. I would love a bookplate if you’ve still got them – I ordered the book yesterday on Amazon. I enjoy your blog, I’ve told everyone I know about Beyonce. Can’t wait to read the book!

  217. Could you just send me a lock of your hair for me to craft into a creepyawesome bookmark for your book? Cause nothing would tickle me more. I’ll send you some of my hair if you want to swap, I mean, if you think a request for a iconic woman’s hair is too weird. Just saying.

  218. I just pre-ordered!!! If any of those wonderfully random yet still supremely awesome nameplates become available, I would love one!!!!

  219. Are there still any bookplates left? I’m such a procrastinator…it would probabaly take me 21 years to write a book!

  221. Is it too late to get a bookplate? I just preordered on Amazon!!
    I wasn’t sure if I wanted it(not sure why, you are freaking hilarious), then the excerpt had me cracking up. So I went right to Amazon and bought it!

  222. I preordered a little while back and yet totally forgot about the bookplates — eep! (well, at least I remembered the important thing) If there’s still a few kicking around, I’d definitely love to get my hands on one. 😀

  223. I didn’t discover your blog until today and I just ordered your book…are there possibly any bookplates left?

  224. I just checked and for Aussie Bloggess lovers Angus&robertson are selling a paperback version, to be released 1/5/12!!!! Wahooooooooo 🙂

  225. Hi Jenny – who does the reading on your audiobook?
    And thanks for your awesome blog, always puts a smile on my face

  226. I can’t find the ridiculously hard to find link to sign up for a book plate.
    I didn’t think I was that stupid, but apparently…

  227. I pre-ordered your book a couple days ago, mostly because I love your writing and you make me laugh on even my worst days, but also because of Wil Wheaton’s tweet about Anne reading it and laughing. And every other good review I’ve already seen. You are totally rocking the first book thing!

  228. I just pre-ordered! I can’t wait! I hope there are still bookplates available. Your hand is probably cramping up at the thought of signing 50,000 more bookplates. But what did you expect? Probably that no one would be interested in your book and that you wouldn’t have to sign any… but that was just a silly thought now wasn’t it? Sign on girlfriend… Sign on! 🙂 Thank you for being such an excellent writer and inspiration!

  229. I just pre-ordered the book for my kindle (which will hopefully work by the time it comes out). Is it possible to still get a book plate for my kindle case? I did not see the link to sign up for one. Probably right in front of my face.

  230. Just pre-ordered the ebook version of your book from Barnes and Noble. I seem to be among the ranks that can’t find the signup link for the bookplate, though.

  231. CONGRATS!! I must tell you that you have become one of our office heros – and we’re all now clamoring for a chance to win a signed copy (we’re librarians and tend to geek out about stuff like that!).

    Sooo excited!

  232. Ordered your book. Can’t wait. The excerpt made me pee. But just a little.

  233. I pre-ordered it for my Kindle Fire after reading the HR excerpt and promptly making my coworker read it as well. If there are any more bookplates around I’d love one. I can’t wait to read the whole thing! 🙂

  234. Crazy HR day and your excerpts made my day. I just preordered it for my Kindle….hpeing more bookplates are available. I am so excited about laughing out loud again!

  235. I pre-ordered a few days ago on Amazon. As you can see, I have a “happy” name. If I get a signed bookplate, especially if it said I was your new BFF, I could change my name to “ecstatic!” or even “uber ecstatic”. I’m not even sure where I sign up for said bookplate, so maybe I should just call it quits and become the first female dwarf to follow Snow White around. Maybe I need help. (I am referring to finding the site to sign up)

  236. I just finished this book about 5 minutes ago and I’m still snorting. With laughter of course. I can’t even tell you how funny this book was. I have never laughed out loud so much in a book in my life! I think I simultaneously snorted, peed my pants, spewed soda out my nose, and made everyone in a doctor’s office waiting room look at me like I was in need of a straightjacket. To anyone who hasn’t ordered this book already – GO DO IT NOW! I was lucky enough to win a copy on http://www.goodreads.com and I’m already salivating waiting for book 2. Jenny Lawson, you are my new hero!

  237. Because you said the winner will be chosen at random, I will save my witty comment for now. Only allowed a certain amount of those per day anyway. Blog is high-larious so looking forward to the book.

  238. Stayed up all night to finish reading it and laughed so hard tears ran down my leg a couple of times. A coupon for a box of Poise should be included with every copy. Or at least the Surgeon General’s warning needs to be printed – discretely, of course – on the jacket somewhere. Oh, and I wanna party with your folks.

  240. oooh oooh i want a bookplate! am I too late? i procrastinate a lot. and i’m lazy. but i did pre-order. or order. or something from amazon that was charged to my credit card. pretty please for a fancy bookplate?

  241. Am I too late for a bookplate? I don’t see a form anywhere on this page. Bummer. That’s what I get for procrastinating. I’m sure I’ll enjoy the book, even if it is totally devoid of bookplate awesomeness.

  242. I am sad, as I most likely have missed the bookplate goodness.
    yet I am happy as I have just pre-ordered the book…

    Hmm…mixed feelings suck donkey balls.

  243. Ditto what the last few people said. Procrastination. Bookplate. Sad Panda.

  244. I just pre-ordered from Amazon, I am going to be all impatient and cranky until it arrives! I should have done it earlier so I could have a shiny bookplate, but I don’t like the cranky that ensues when I preorder things.

  245. My aunt Roxie and I are convinced you are our “sista’ by anotha mothuh” and on that note, thought you’d appreciate this excerpt from an actual Groupon ad for trench coats I was checking out today.

    I immediately thought it good fodder for your blog (I included the link below so you can see for yourself). Hope you agree. If nothing else, it may make you smile … as your blog does for us:

    Overview
    Black Rivet and Colebrook trench coats hug torsos in a European-inspired design that’s as timeless as a broken grandfather clock. The outer cotton-blend shell accents curves with a double-breasted front held snug against bodies by matching buttons. Wearers secure their coat with an adjustable belt that can be tied in a knot, fed through a belt buckle, or used as a makeshift lasso during emergencies.

    http://www.groupon.com/ch/goods/deals/gg-dd-womens-trenchcoats?c=dnb&p=7

  247. I pre-ordered WEEKS ago! I really did. BUt am confused about how I get the bookplate? Does it just happen? Is it magic? Where am I supposed to input info? Gah….

  251. I pre-ordered your book today from Amazon, but I didn’t spot a place to request the signed bookplate. Did my eyes just skip right over that option??

  252. i just preordered your book from amazon… does this count as me requesting a bookplate?
    is there a linky i should click or something?

  253. I pre-ordered a book from Amazon this week….am I too late for a bookplate?

  254. I must know: will there be an audiobook version, and will you narrate it yourself? Please say yes! Pretty please with sugar on top?

    (Yes, and yes. You can preorder it now! ~Jenny)

  257. Oh excellent, its released in a month, just in time for me to take it on holiday to Europe on my kindle 🙂 Awesome!

  258. ACK! Corte Madera IS NOT San Francisco! Don’t make me drive over that damn bridge!

  259. Jenny, you should come to Bumpass, VA. Why? Because seriously, we live in a town (well…a small road with a post office and a stop sign) called Bumpass, VA. How can you go wrong? Or at least, maybe come to Richmond, VA, and us few residents of Bumpass will drive out there to see you.

    (Really….Bumpass…I can’t even give my address to people on the phone without them laughing at me. Honest to god, I was laughed at by a Verizon employee in West Virginia…because Bumpass.)

  260. Is there any chance I can still sign up for a bookplate? Because I’d love one…even though I pre-ordered the Nook version…

  262. If you open the bookplates back up, please sign me up! Have your book all set to come from Amazon. Can’t wait!

  263. Too late for a plate? Pretty please…. I meant to pre-order sooner, but I’m lame. Sorry!

  264. Please come to Pittsburgh on your book tour so I can meet you! I’ll wear sweat pants and we can be chronically depressed and anxious together.

  265. I can’t wait to read the book. I wish you were coming to Columbia, South Carolina!

  266. OMG! I just saw a review of your book in the magazine “Whole Living” as recommended reading. IT’S SO EXCITING!

  267. Dearest Jenny,

    We here in Boston–where you can’t swing a dead cat (sorry Posey) with hitting a Bloggess fan–are heartbroken–HEARTBROKEN, I tell you–that you will not be coming here on your tour! Outside of NYC, maybe, there is no better book town in the country. What can we do to get you to come to us? Stuff one of the Republican candidates for president (except Mitt, who I think has already been to the taxidermist)? Collate more blank paper (we have lots of it here)? Cryogenically freeze Posey when (or if) she finally passes? Whatever it is, we’ll do it. WE LOVE YOU!

    Lawrence

  269. I’ve preordered your book and plan to read it out loud at work, which will be awesome because I work in a 911 dispatch center and if anyone needs to be read to from a book that’s funnier than the Bible, it’s people who have had to call 911 in the middle of the night.

  270. are there those signed bookplate thingys available? because I FINALLY got to preorder my copy. and I WANT one if there are any left.
    either way I have a feeling I will have to buy depends to wear while reading it, because I have mommy bladder and last time I stole a dead body mattress I peed myself.. and this is bound to be FAR funnier than that.

  271. Can’t wait for the book and book tour! Since you’ll be in L.A. that week, if possible, you should try to come out to the LA Times Festival of Books at USC (April 21-22). It’s an amazing event and may get you some additional (well deserved) publicity. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your blogs and for writing this book!

  272. Jenny, I just finally got a chance to pre-order your new book! Can’t wait to read it!! Can we get digital bookplates? 😉 love you and thanks for the laughs!

  273. Thanks for the bookplate! It came today. Waiting for Amazon to send your book. Can’t wait! I don’t live anywhere near where your book tour is going, but I wish you the best of luck and hope you have a great time.

  274. Hey, Jenny. I received an empty envelope from the Penguin Group today. I am pretty sure that it was supposed to include a bookplate with your lovely signature. I did the pre-order thing with Amazon on the day that you offered the bookplates in your blog. It appears that Amazon deleted my pre-order from my account and I just pre-ordered your book again. These two events must have been connected somehow….databases and programmers can be very mysterious. Hope that other Amazon pre-orders are still out there for other folks. Would nice to receive a bookplate in the future….perhaps when you are resting up from your outrageous book tour!?

  275. Jenny, thank you for the signed bookplate. Opening that envelope gave me a reason to smile for the first time in two days. I can’t express how much it means to me and how much I needed it today. Again, thank you!

  276. I pre-ordered your book in October and am heartbroken that I did not receive a book plate!
    🙁 sucks balls

  277. I just pre-ordered it! Sadly I have to wait a few extra days/weeks for it to be shipped to Australia.. Absolutely cannot wait to read it though 🙂 Thanks for introducing me to the phrase “douche-canoe” it really confuses people and is surprisingly usefull!

  278. I have been given cause for an alcoholic slushie thanks to you! I got to watch you startle the world on CNN discussing a Aombie Apocalypse Plan (or ZAP for short) and “lady gardens”, caught up on the article about the 5 mice and alligator (still spewing slushie out of my nose from laughing – thanks) AND I got my autographed book plate in the mail and I can rejoice that your suffering led to my happiness. Lets hope your masticating hand recovers or you at least learn to use the other one. Now I just need my book and my life is temporarily okay and the ass-hats of the world can bite me for a few days as I bask in my radiant joy.

  279. I’m completely sad- I preordered my book through amazon months ago, and it hasnt shipped yet! How will I begin to read it tomorrow? I had fully planned on going into labor (I’m 8.5 months pregnant) the minute I opened it, that way I would be almost uninterrupted while reading it. Now amazon is telling me I have to hold the baby in until the 24th- that’s poppycock.

  280. Ipes! I ordered mine… if there are any book plates left… I’m confuzzled on how to pick one of those up…

  281. So I’m in China for work. It’s exhausting. I haven’t slept more than 4 hours a night for the last 10 nights I’ve been here. And worse than that, I just finished the last of 4 books that I brought with me on my kindle to keep me from going completely mad.

    And I look on my kindle today, and THERE IS YOUR BOOK and THERE IS A GOD BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO LOSE MY DAMN MIND if I had to reread The Hunger Games again.

    Your book and I are going to curl up with a fat glass of scotch tonight and get to know each other. Just, you know, not in a lady garden kind of way. Thank you for writing it, thank you for blogging, thank you for being you.

  282. I’ll be making my way to Target or Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy, but also found out my library is getting a copy as well 🙂

  283. Bought the book last night. This is worth sharing, because I work at a bookstore and could just read it for free, but decided I was willing to shell out some money based on the sheer enjoyment I got from the book jacket alone.

  284. Got my book yesterday and promptly poured a glass of wine and began ignoring my kids to read it. Love, love, love it, and I’ve decided that obviously we were meant to be bff’s seeing as how we’re both crazy and we live in Central Texas.

  285. I ordered a book plate waaaay back when but I have never heard or seen any sign of it since then. Are they still being shipped out?

  286. Ok, So my wife had asked you a while back if you could make a shirst with Coprenicus and “A hug is a strangle you haven’t finished yet.” all together on the same shirt. As the champ you are, you came through and it was the highlight of my christmas gifts and the delight of my spouse for having outdone me. Well, it’s time for a little payback. Her birthday is in August and I’m planning on giving her a copy of the book. I was wondering if there were any bookplates left?

  287. I got my pre-ordered book in the mail yesterday annnnd because I may be REALLY shitty at balancing my checkbook, even after spending 8 years in banking previously, the book really did just about cost the 45 dollars you mention at the end. It. Was. Worth. Every. Penny.

    I finished it already, because I could not put it down. I even read it to my 3 month old when it was time to give her a bedtime story annnnd because my doctor told me children start making memories at 3 months I am sure she will also write an awesome book when she is older about how I emotionally scarred her somehow with the awesome and probably not entirely appropriate for a 3 month oldness of the content.

    Anyway. Love you and your superfabutastic book. Write more! I will wait the next 11 years if I have to to read it….and…it might take that long for me to fix my wonderfully effed checking account.

  288. Today I purchased the Nook version of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. While I was ordering it online, it dawned on me….THAT is what came in the mail on Monday….my autographed book plate sticker! When I opened the envelope on Monday and saw a standing weasel with a name scribbled on the paper, it seemed familiar somehow, but I didn’t know what it was. I thought that maybe it was a ransom note, but nothing was missing. So-o-o-o-o-o since our garbage pickup is at 7 a.m. on Wednesdays, and I was online buying your book at 3 p.m. on Wednesday, you can imagine how happy the local landfill is to have your autograph. I, on the other hand, am devastated. I would have loved to put the sticker on my Nook to keep forever.

    I still love you, Jenny!

  289. I have been anxiously waiting for the book & was busy yesterday evening completing assignments early just to have this evening free to purchase it on Kindle and read to my heart’s content. You are the bomb!!

  290. My 2 year old son is going through Chemo treatements. I needed a laugh. I bought your book yesterday at Target. Thank you – I laughed!

  291. Best.Freakin.Book.EVER!!!!! I have laughed so much I may never recover. Thank you BEST FRIEND, Jenny! I can’t thank you enough! Now. Write another one. Please and thank you.

  292. I just got done reading the second chapter of your book and wanted to let you know that cleaning deer, having cisterns, occasionally poisoned/non-existent well water, having to boil water on the stove for a warm bath, raising wild animals (racoons, squirrels, and rabbits here) inside, having your dad use you for better “hunting” opportunities, and living down-wind of what we call “hog sheds” all happen in the rural midwest as well. Although still hilarious, I could identify (either because it happened to me or someone I knew) with your stories and didn’t find them particularly surprising or “what-the-fuck”ing. Although I’m not sure that will make you feel better about your childhood or if it just made me seriously question my entire upbringing. Way to go, Jenny, you just made me realize that I’m probably way more fucked up and weird than I already thought I was! 😉

  293. Eskimo kiss = Gunni (Goo knee)
    Is now Inuit & not Eskimo (just saying) I laugh so hard at the sorta karma that your dad woke up to, what a colorful life. The book is well worth the purchase & more.

  294. I hate your book. I took it to the hospital with me this morning and was sitting around in a waiting room with some really miserable looking people, and there’s me, trying to laugh silently while Gabi wakes your father with a dead raccoon because it seems rude to laugh out loud around folks who clearly did not win the lottery this morning, and soon I was wiping tears out from under my glasses because on top of the whole raccoon thing, I thought I must look like I was having some kind of seizure. And now, I am supposed to be doing about fifteen other totally important things that needed to be done by yesterday, but no. I’m lying around thinking, “Oh, one more chapter won’t be the end of the world.” But we all know how the world ends, don’t we? That’s right. *whimpers*

  295. Are the book plates all gone?!?!? I was offline for Lent and I come back and everyone is all “I’m getting a Bloggess book plate…” and I’m all… “crap.” So I think I’m being punished… maybe.

    It’s too late isn’t it?

  296. Hey Jenny

    My wife and I love your book. Bought it on our nooks on the 17th.

    My only problem is that the pictures in the ebook are really small. Anyway we could get the pictures posted in their full glory somewhere on here?

    Like the Beyoncé pics. They lose a lot being tiny and b&w. Glad I had seen those before on here.

    Buying the audio book next.

    Thanks

  297. I’m only halfway through and my husband is looking at me with white eyed panic when I pounce on him with all your wonderful gyms. But Honey! (I say) your step dad would’ve totally pulled off that roadkill puppet trick if your mom didn’t catch him!
    P.S. Although I’ve never worn a deer sweater I’ve seen many an animal hung in the garage or spread out on the nice clean dining room table for dissection. Almost makes me a vegan, if it weren’t for the stoic meat addiction (thank you Father!). I’m fairly certain my cat enjoyed the milk bath I sprayed out of my nose over your acid trip experience. No, you are welcome!

  298. I pre-ordered on Barnes and Noble for my Nook and still haven’t received the download 🙁 is there a problem with the electronic version release? I am really hoping to have it before I go into labor (I am 39 weeks pregnant) because it would be best the best thing ever to read in the hospital. Please, if anyone knows how to get it to work, let me know! I keep telling our little one to hold out till the book can be accessed but I don’t know how long she’ll comply…

  299. You just got me kicked off the “quiet car” on the train and I am loving it….Thanks for putting it on paper. I am spreading your book far and wide among my neighborhood of readers. YOU write Like I THINK! I am hooked. OK so I hope noone I know sees this… Get busy cause I am gonna need another book soon…only have a few chapters left! Thanks for the great book!

  300. I am reading, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”. In an early chapter you mention breaking your neck (rupturing a disk) while brushing your hair, going to the ER and having the docs hand you pamphlets about spousal abuse. They asked you what did you do that he broke your neck. Well, you are not alone. I “broke my neck” drying my hair with a towel. At the ER they asked my wife, “What did he do that made you break his neck?” She said, “Which time?” They gave me pamphlets about anger management. And they want to know why I like Darvocet so much.

    Can’t win.
    M

  301. Hey!! Why is my last comment, “Awaiting moderation”? I didn’t say the F word (like you do, and I work in cursing like Picasso worked in oils). And I didn’t call Texans douche bags!

  302. Just finished reading your book and I absolutely loved it. I literally laughed until I cried, and then peed a little. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can’t wait for the next one!

  303. I should probably not have started reading this over dinner. I got rice in my nose.

    I’m only on page 89, because I have laughed myself into half a dozen asthma attacks so far.

  304. MY COPY ARRIVED THIS WEEKEND. I didn’t realize what it was at first, I was like, “oh, another Amazon package” so I didn’t open it for two days because I order way too much stuff from Amazon, and then, BAM! I opened it and there it was, in all of its pre-ordered glory. I have been waiting for this for a small eternity (so it feels) and I am SO! EXCITED! to dive in! yayyyyy!!

  305. Im 16 and I’ve recently been seeing therapist and psychologist about my anxiety and I’ve also been reading ur book. I just wanted to thank you for helping me through everything latly. I tried to hide my anxiety for a long time and then I moved from a small Tennessee ( much like wall not like a real wall but the place ur from in the sense that it’s tiny and well we have a school, gas station, and mail place. And dirt….. And my child hood was a bit like urs well less blood….. ) but anyway uve helped me realize that im not the only one like me. Im not the only person that has severe anxiety…. And ur book has helped me look back at some of my worst anxiety related things and laugh at it rather than dwell on them than let them ruin me. I have a broken filter at times or I don’t say anything at all and im happy to find that im not the only one….. But back to earlier. I moved to new York and I’ve had multiple anxiety and panick atacks and I’ve bin getting a little better with the combination of xanex an ur writings. Im very grateful that u could share ur story and help ppl like me and let ppl laugh…. i tryed to edit out most of my rembleing… Just like u said in ur book about emails how its easyer than person to person is very much true or this conversation would have been odd and uncomfortable with my mind blurting out things that I can actually edit out on here like thing about my dog…. My sisters ocd and looks she gives me when I rant…. Thing about how my friends are semi understanding…. My fathers anxiety and my mothers ocd… Things about horese, birds,escalators,elevators,ladybugs and much more… Ugh what was I saying…. Oh ok well. But if u read all ur comments or not I can’t blame u if u don’t because that take slots time and ur on ur book thing and u need a ron for ur ermionie… And ur daughter and ur husband….. I hope u read this so u can know how much uved helped me. And how much uve mad me and my family laugh in hard times….. Byee

  306. I purchased your book on amazon the other day and it arrived on Friday. I tore open the package and exclaimed “I’m so excited!” My husband looked at me and said (in a very I’m so clever fashion) “Why because you got a book with a mouse on the cover?” I then went on a nice long speech about how awesome this book was and it was JUST a mouse, and on and on, hubby rolled his eyes and continued watching baseball. I began reading it and I read half the book. At several points I actually laughed out loud, but realizing it was 2 a.m. and my hubby was sound asleep next to me so I tried to stifle my laugh and it it turned into this horribly sexy muffled snort.

    Thank you Bloggess for helping me sound so sexy in bed!

    Love the book! can’t wait to finish the last of it today, then I will proudly display it on my bookshelf and encourage others to go buy it!

  307. I’M COMING TO YOUR HOUSTON TOUR SPOT AT BLUE WILLOW TOMORROW AND I’M SO EXCITED YAY CAPSLOCK!

    Also, Blue Willow is letting me bring my own wine. Mmmmmm wine.

  308. Ummm Jenny? I don’t think I can read your book. I stopped breathing when I got to page 27………..I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t breath. There should be a warning label or something…………just sayin’! Also, my son keeps saying, “Jesus is a zombie!”. How do I explain that at religious education next Sunday? I’m feeling better now………….I may try one more page………….or finish the book. You rock!

  309. Okay, so I just finished the book. It reminds me of the bulletin board at college just before break, where you troll for someone to share gas with in order to make it the long distance home as cheaply as possible. After several hours of travel, you are sure that you have hitched a ride with a serial killer. More hours into the trip, you are sure this gal is going to be your BEST… FRIEND… EVER! After all is said and done, your book is kind of a hardback case of Stockholm Syndrome. It drew me in and mesmerized me until all of the information you shared sounded quite logical and even rational. Scary. And fun.

  310. I am in the middle of reading your book and I wanted to say thanks. I’m in the chapter about anxiety and not having girlfriends. Explains how I feel exactly. Most girls think if you don’t have girl friends it’s because you secretly want to steal their boyfriends or that you are untrustworthy. Nope, I’m just too random and socially awkward to get to rules and understand what to do or say.
    The little man in my head (a neurotic gatekeeper of my words) either lets every weird thing I think out or grabs everything and I sit there mute. Neither good for making friends.
    Although not fun to deal with, its nice to know I’m not alone in my whirling anxious head. I guess I am really alone in my head but my head has a missing twin? or something

  311. So I have no idea how your site ended up on my computer all the way here in Afghanistan but I am so fucking grateful it did. Perhaps it had some thing to do with rattle snake hugs. I have only know of your existence for 10 minutes but your book shall be mine very shortly. I think it may be the very thing to get me through this deployment. High-five Copernicus for me, every one should own a leper monkey and I’m sad I don’t. Any ways, thanks for your glory. Just wanted you to know from your newest fan.

  312. Jenny- Finished the book yesterday. Well, I finished listening to you reading your book to me yesterday. LOVED IT!! I’ve spread the word and already know of 4 people who have purchased because of my recommendation. I’ll be expecting a referral fee check in the mail. Thank you, in advance. Seriously… Thanks for writing this book. Loved every second of it. 🙂

  313. I just finished your book last night. After my husband kicked me out of bed because I was apparently shaking the bed because I was laughing so hard. I told him at least I was being quiet about it. And hey, I wasn’t the one showing our eight year old son pictures of strippers earlier. Hes SAYS it was logging macheinery. Yeah right! So I took my book to the living room. But I WON! (Somehow….)

  314. I am determined to get my copy despite the USPS attempt to NOT deliver my book! I have already had to hide my book template you signed…my kids are obsessed with the “sticker” and want to adhere it to the nearest surface. I will be damned if my postal carrier won’t go down for this one…was delivered on Friday…but WAS IT??!! I never received it. I JUST WANT MY BOOK PEOPLE!!

  315. Hey…uhm. So this is a tetch awkward but…I pre-ordered your book through B&N and somehow in my innocence thought I’d get a blook-plate but it arrived today and I am plateless. Any advice?

  316. I just got your book (and can’t wait to read it!), and also a very cute but completely empty envelope from Penguin Group, which I assume was supposed to contain a signed book plate, but sadly, it doesn’t. Also I don’t think I can make it to your book signing when you’re near Dallas in two days, which really, really, really sucks because I have this short list of People I Would Stalk if I Were the Stalker Type (don’t worry, I’m not), and you’re totally on it, but you’re also on my very, very, very short list of famous people I actually want to meet and perhaps even say things to. In fact you’re pretty much the only person on that list. Except I probably wouldn’t say anything because nobody can ever hear me and when I’m nervous I freeze up and can’t think of anything to say, and then people think I’m slow and do that thing where they tilt their heads and look at me all concerned and ask if I’m ok, and why don’t I smile? So you’re actually very lucky I can’t make it.

    Good luck with the rest of the tour! Should I contact Penguin Group about the book plate?

  317. Reading your (audio)book right now, and you sound JUST LIKE I imagined you would from your blog. Scary, isn’t it? LOVING the book… and your delivery is perfect (although you do sound like you have a bit of a scratchy throat, but I can totally identify with that, since I used to have to read my blind exhusband’s student’s papers to him when he was teaching).

  318. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time but have never actually commented. I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely loved your book. Thank you for all the times that you have made me laugh (and cry), and thank you for being so unapologetically yourself. I have several of your posts bookmarked for the days when I just want to curl up in a corner and hide from the world; thank you for being part of the reason that I don’t.

  319. I’ve never laughed so hard reading a book in my life! I can’t imagine anyone NOT laughing like crazy but find myself thinking maybe I’m crazy that I get this so much! Your gift is a God send~!

  320. Even though I had never heard of you, I bought your book because it has that cute mouse on the cover wearing a ruffled collar and cape and standing up on its little back legs, which makes it really super cute. I’m only on page 12 but I have a few comments/friendly suggestions:

    P. 1-2: I don’t think it’s that big of a deal that your dad threw you out of a moving car. MY dad threw me out of a moving TRUCK. Yep. One of those humongous 18-wheelers that you have to use a ladder to climb into. Like you, I grew up in Texas where, as I’m sure you know, throwing your offspring from a moving vehicle is horse-play, not child abuse.

    P. 10: I’m a member of PETA and I think it’s cruel to use hot glue on a deer. Hot glue can burn the sensitive skin of a deer and I bet rubber cement would work just as well*.

    P. 12: Regarding vomit, blood, and the use of bowls…your husband is WAY wrong. What planet did that bozo come from? But in my house, we prefer the term “barf bowl” to “vomit bowl”. It’s catchier and we found that it brings a bit of fun to a normally unpleasant subject. You should try it. Maybe your husband will be more receptive when he realizes how fun it can be to say “barf bowl”.

    As for the review from Jesus on the back of the book and specifically how to tell your hairdresser, Jesus, apart from the other Jesus… you could also note that the other Jesus couldn’t do a decent highlight job to save his life. However, I have heard that he did wonders with nails. (personally, I remain a bit of a Doubting Thomas)

    *I’m not really a member of PETA. But in case I ever join, what color bow do you use?

  321. Penguin Group is sending me another envelope; hopefully one that is occupied by a signed book plate this time. 🙂

    I’ve only read one chapter so far but I love it and have already laughed my head off. Which makes it kind of hard to read the rest . . .

    That’s a bad joke. You’re welcome.

  322. This is only one of several thousand comments on your blog, but I felt I should share it just in case this is the message you need to hear today, just as you so often yours is the message people need. Not that what anyone else thinks matters, but in this case I happen to be right so listen up. You are a wonderful, hilarious, and inspirational person, writer, and AUTHOR, and you deserve every iota of praise and success you receive! Congratulations and much love to you, your family, your editor, and your fanbase.
    PS- I started laughing in the parking lot reading the back of your book!

  323. I accidentally stumbled across your book on Kindle cause hey its on the Kindle best seller list. Yay! I haven’t actually read your blog before. It must have been some horrendous oversight or weird censoring thing IDK. You might never read this so does it really exist? LOL. Have fun on tour and have a safe trip home! Oh and I laughed so hard that I think I ruptured a kidney so I am totally suing you for medical bills. HaHa JK. Or am I?

  324. I came by your website by accident, not really sure how I found it, was looking for ideas on PVC games and how to make them, so really not sure how I landed here, but I did share something on my fb page that I found on your site, and then I started reading about your book, and I cannot wait to be able to get it. So I landed here and printed the picture so I do not forget it and know what to look for when I go to B&N’s when I get paid. From everything that I have read from all your followers and fans, it is a Definate book on my list to read and more than likely on my daughters.
    Hugs and God Bless you for being able to write about all.
    Dana

  325. Hi Jenny,

    Absolutely loved your book. Really…so many weird looks from strangers in restaurants and from my son in the living room when I would snort in laughter or spray wine across the table. My favorite mix of humor layered over the real pain of life. Check out my new blog, which you helped inspire..yeah, I credit you! Look forward to reading the rest of your writing and thank you for the laughs!

    Lily

  327. Okay, so today I just found your everything. You, I guess. Got here from my pal bradmesser.com who claims to be recently hooked on you. He always finds good stuff and shares, as friends do. (I would say “good shit” — but then you’d think I was just trying to ingratiate myself with you stylistically, which is ridiculous because I don’t even know what ‘ingratiate’ means. Something to do with dry cheese over pasta I think.) THAT said, now I’m vamping, but only to concur with Brad that you are one addictive little vixen. Not you personally, though I could believe that. All the drug references have to be inspired somehow. Unless they’re gratuitous, which I believe is like ‘ingratiate’ only the dry cheese is free. So the next thing I guess is to bookmark you…aaaand…there, that’s done. As Harlan Ellison would say, you write a good stick. (You’d like Harlan, one of the original don’t-give-a-shit speculative fiction aces.) And…scene.

  330. One last thing. I’m a geezer. So for your younger readers to fully grasp what I’ve written above, please just read every declarative sentence aloud as if asking a question. Upendings rule?

  331. I got to your blog and info on your book through onaclaireday.wordpress.com and can’t wait to read your book. How could I not with those first two endorsers being two of my favorite authors? Well played.

  332. I adore you. I want to buy your book, but I can’t. I am stymied. I wanted a book plate, but I wanted a nook copy. And even though (I think) all the book plates are gone because I wasn’t paying attention, I feel like, if I get a book book, I could maybe someday get it autographed, even tho I was to afraid to go to the city to see you in New York. So I am paralyzed with dreams of a laminated book plate velcroed to the back of my nook driving even nuttier than i already am. Obsessed I tell you, yes, this concept.

  333. Well you did ask me to pretend with you. I DID! I’m kindof a writer in my own mind so I bought your book, started to read it, and got side tracked cause I figured “if she can do it why can’t I?” So I started. I also couldn’t think of a better title, so I kinda revised yours (aka added a word in all caps) I am also a fan of not getting sued, you wont sue me for that…I hope. Well I figured, if you saw this, you might wanna check it out. If you still saw this and didn’t wanna check it out I figured you might wanna know that your crazy childhood inspired me! lalala DUCKS CHICKENS AND IRONMAN

  334. Loving the book. Got really sad last night when I realized I’d almost reached the end. You have lived a truly wondrous life full of strange amazing and sometimes sad adventures. Thank you for sharing with us. You rock.

  335. Howdy! I just wanted to let you know that i finished the book last night. I would have finished it earlier if the bookstore had had it back in early march like i had wanted, but no, they said ‘uh we don’t have that yet’. I was not prepared to laugh as hard as i did since i don’t think i’ve ever almost died laughing from anything before. A heart attack probably would have occurred if it was even one page longer. You probably did research into just how much laughter a person could take before keeling over.

    Thank you thank you thank you <3
    Jen

  337. I was reading it tonight. And then I was laughing so hard I snorted. And then I laughed so hard I cried. And then my dog started barking at me because I was laughing so hard. And since she woke up to bark at me, she noticed our reflections in the windows (because it’s dark and I don’t have curtains) and she started barking at herself and my reflection self. And all the while, I was just laughing my ass off in an empty house, with a roll of toilet paper on my lap to blot my tears. The end.

    Undermedicated badger. Of course.

  338. “…but then the not-Thundercat started getting all shouty.”

    Best sentence ever. Ever.

  339. Soooooo happy we have this book available in New Zealand .. looking forward to reading it … and laughing out loud 🙂

    Love your blog and your posts make my day ..seriously ..

  340. I bought the audiobook for a long car ride. Bad idea, I laughed so hard at the chapter on Stanley the magic squirrel I was afraid I would drive off the road.

  341. My daughter and I attended your book signing in Houston and listened to you read between the dumpsters. It’s okay, when she was in high school, I took her to The Vagina Monologues. “Slow down!” is indeed good advice. My family would enjoy the audio version of your book, if you choose to send us one. Thanks.

  342. Love you. You are my daily ray of sunshine. Would love the book if chosen. Will still love you if not.

  343. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU for coming to MD!!! Cannot wait to see you! YAY!

  344. also why is font for uk cover so much cooler You just like the brits better :'(

  345. Um. Seriously I can’t remember writing this.? I must have because I work in HR, wear glasses, have one child and not that I’ve ever asked him a husband that is potentially long suffering, well he does tell me to grow up on a regular basis and often just leaves the room when I speak My dad has brought home sheep, goats, ducks trout to live in our pool, a horse but at least he has never used any as a puppet. Although when I was 17 my great aunt gave me a squirel hand puppet that looks like a second hand merkin – I’ve had a lot of good times with that squirrel and after 18 years I still have it

    Any way I plan to buy a gazillion of your/my books for birthday and Christmas presents and personally autograph them.

    Thanks for making the writing bit easy for me and my autoimmune diseases

  346. I love it! Blame everything on the autoimmune stuff! True– who can challenge it? Like,”Look, I’m sorry that I ddin’t pay that bill and the water got shut off again, but it is the INFLAMMATION! Jeez, give me a break!” I will be looking at the swollen joints in my feet a whole new way now.

    Lily

  347. You really should create a “like” button linking to Facebook page for LPTNH that has all the information about the book. The only one I can find has absolutely no information on it. It also helps you fans link people to it when we mention it in a status update. If we link the one that exists now…people just come to a page that says “no information has been provided” and that won’t help anyone.
    It’s just a thought…but I really want lots of people to know about this book so you have the backing to do another.

  348. Jenny, girl you rock! You had me laughing at work (sneaking reading), at home in the bathroom, and late into the night under the covers. The style of writing is so personal and scattered and hilarious! You are very smart, smart-assy (spell check hates me too) as well as bat shit crazy! I LOVE your stuff,
    Signed
    A fellow blogger and single 40-something Mom who is writing a book about sexual freedom and breaking bad while working full time, raising two beautiful kids and finding time for hunting cougar prey!

  349. You’re hilarious!!..very much enjoying the book you squeezed out of your torn vagina!!

  350. Here is my comment, I would really really love a copy of your book.

  351. That book is AWESOME! I’m ready for book two. No rush. Just whenever. Really. I mean, I AM out of stuff to read; but I don’t want to rush awesomeness the second. So, I’ll just sit here and wait. You just let me know when you’re ready for me to pre-buy/buy the next one. And you can use ‘Awesomeness The Second’ for your title. I won’t even ask for credit. Because you probably already thought of that title anyway. Because you’re awesome.
    BTW – my four year old critter recently discovered this word – it’s called awesome. As a result, I might be guilty of overusing this kind of annoying word. But, at least I’m not overusing coconuts. That was the last great word he discovered.

  352. Is there a way to get a signed copy if you live somewhere that is nowhere near civilization or a place where you’re going to be?

  353. Wow. I’m struggling to finish it because I keep laughing so hard that my contacts are floating around too much to read the text. So I have to pace myself. You know – read, wipe away the tears, read some more, press the damp Kleenex to my eyes and then remember that it hurts to press hard plastic against your eyeballs, cry because I’m an idiot who’s just scratched her corneas… it’s a grueling cycle. But totally worth it. I have over 20 years in HR, so of course everyone in the book seems totally normal to me, but you understand that. I’ve always said that for my “semi-retirement” I’m going to write a book called “You Can’t Make This Shit Up,” because, seriously, you just can’t. I figured I could let each of my friends have a chapter or two. Now I have to tell them all that you’ve covered the penis pictures and Mad-Libs applications, but there’s so much more fertile land to cultivate that I think we’re still okay.

    Thanks so much for this book. Brilliant. Seriously brilliant.

  354. I am totally loving your book. I feel so much better about my own psycological issues, Thank you so much!!
    My husband likes it too but is just less gushy about it.
    You are awesome & don’t ever forget it.

    Ps I’m glad I’m not the only person worried that my dead pet is going to turn into a souless zombee that is going to attack me. I seem to think it will happen at night which totally sucks since I get home @ 1am.

    Stay awesome: )

    Tlyndal

  355. Pingback: Meet Virginia » Blog Archive » My “Summer” Reading List.

  356. I am totally loving this book and thank you for the autographed book! Your mom is a joy to work with! Your book has brought back repressed memories (lol) my dad used to bring home critters too (mostly alive) and he would say Do you want what’s in my hand or in my pocket? You never new if it was a baby rabbit or a horney toad! I’m only reading a chapter a day because I want to make the book last. Thank you Jenny!

    Brenda

  357. OMG…..i can’t stop laughing! I read parts of your book to my husband and he is sure I see myself in your stories. He is in Houston all the time for work (oilfield) and we live in South Louisiana…..we will look for you….not in a creepy, stalker way, promise. I too, suffer with depression and it is baffling. I too, have a very sensible, objective husband and bring “excitement” into his sensible world. I too, have had words with my hubby after a dinner party argument with a client’s wife that what she was eating “WAS NOT A PICKLE”…..I was correct, but she was the client and i’m not supposed to argue with clients. I too, get lost and call him to guide me home (and I have nav system in my car). I have plenty of girlfriends but keep them at arm’s length except a few. and I have a fake feathered ROOSTER (before beyonce came to your door!) that each of my 4 kids move around the house at any given time. I noticed it hanging from the foyer chandelier after a baby shower with 80 guests…..and a deer mount in my living room that occasionally appears to change clothes, hats and even lets the rooster roost on his antlers from time to time. I am half way through the book and don’t want it to end. Thank you for keeping me entertained as I cater to my insomnia at 2 then 3 then 4 am.

  358. I just spent the entire day listing to your audible version of your book and I LOVED IT!!!!!. Your randomness reminds me of conversions with my best friend and I would be love to be at a party with you to trade non-sequiters (cant spell that one)…. please write another one soon…in the mean time I’m going to go listen again and see if I can find that one thing that might offend me I haven’t found it yet…

  359. Thank you for this wonderful book! And you should thank me because I got it on Audible, which I understand earns more money for you. I went on Audible looking for memoirs to read for inspiration, as I fell there is one or more in me hiding somewhere struggling, despite my best efforts, to stay put. I was in a funk and taking my 46-year-old, failure-to-launch self too seriously. Thanks for helping me to lighten up and laugh out loud!

  360. Ok, so I’m halfway through, and I had to stop because I was laughing so hard I was crying. The diaper in the swimming pool thing totally happened to me, except the person walking into the room and then running away wasn’t a friend, it was a complete stranger…..I just can’t decide if I want to read faster to see what happens next or slower so it’ll last longer……plus, Neil Gaiman? I’m so jealous right now….I wish he had something that awesome to say about me……….

  361. Loving the book! It really should come with a warning though, that it’s not suitable to be read while breastfeeding – I laughed so much my poor baby had to clamp down really hard just so he wouldn’t be shaken off, and now my nipples really, really hurt.

  363. I love love love the book. I received it on Friday from Amazon and have been reading chapters as I get a chance through the weekend. I read today at lunch in the office kitchen and the girls reading Fifty Shades were giving me the stink eye because I was laughing loudly and wiping my eyes continuously over chapter – “The Psychopath on the Other Side of the Bathroom Door”. Then they also asked if they could read my book when I was done 🙂

  364. I just finished your book and I wanted to say “thank you”. Thank you for giving a voice to all of us who refer to Easter as Zombie Jesus Day. Thank you for so skillfully describing GAD and the social awkwardness that comes in group settings (who knew that discussing your abnormal fear of parasites isn’t “polite dinner conversation” and that telling others that you regularly Febreeze your grandmother while she’s sleeping is always met with absolute silence—likely at the brilliance of the idea). And thank you for letting me know there are others.

    As someone that feels that “stabby” is a legitimate emotion, I found myself nodding along and saying “yes, yes, I’ve totally done that!” Couple that with almost demented laughter and you’ve got yourself a real winner. My boyfriend hasn’t learned Victor’s face-palm and is still telling me how asinine my topics of conversation are. I think he refuses to see the lunacy of everyday life. His loss.

    Also, I’m in HR and have been for a little over a decade so I didn’t think “yeah right, way to take poetic license a little too far lady” with your peni (I believe that is, or at least should be, the plural of penis) picture story. We talk about you, us HR folks. On the SHRM HR Talk Boards. Just saying…

    So anyway, thank you. I enjoyed your book and will look forward to the next one.

  365. I have read this book and it is hilarious. I can’t tell you anything about it because I don’t want to ruin your journey of discovery into the mind of this fabulous woman. She makes me feel better about my own, shall we say, idiosyncrasies. I loved every second of it and it was worth every bit of the totally-not-forty-five-dollars that I paid for it!

  366. Hey there!

    We are excited to let you know that Let’s Pretend This Never Happened will be mentioned in an upcoming FabFitFun newsletter!!

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  367. I am reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir). I can’t read it in public or in front of anyone else because I have a terrible cackle and an occasional snort. Last night, I read the chapter about your magical squirrel. Needless to say, it was a good thing I emptied out my bladder first.

    I’m a librarian, so consider this the highest endorsement of your fabulous book. (Well, I guess if some celebrity, popular author or political figure enjoys it, then that would probably help you sell more copies…whatever.)

  368. Thank you, Jenny Lawson. I just finished the book last night. I lost my job 3 1/2 years ago and am scraping by on SS, am 64 years old with no family except my cat, have suffered from GAD for 30 years and have been depressed and over-the-top anxious since Oct. 22, 2008 (trip to HR to be “let go”). I read reviews of your book and since I couldn’t afford to buy it I had to wait over a month on the library waiting list and finally got it this week. Yay! I laughed until tears were rolling down my face and my stomach was cramping (although the fact that I just had laser surgery on my gums a couple of weeks ago and can barely eat anything might have contributed to the latter). Thanks for making me happy for a few hours of my miserable life. I sincerely hope you write another book before I die which could be any day now since my family is not known for longevity. I’ve outlived everyone…..even my younger brother. So get crackin’ on the next one…. please. And God bless Victor. I’m really surprised he hasn’t divorced and/or killed you by now. Must be a helluva guy. You are AWESOMENESS PERSONIFIED.

  369. I downloaded your book onto my Kindle the other night. Only… made it through the first few chapters & decided to go buy it at the PX in the morning so I could have a hard copy. My 14 yr old son wanted the book also – so we argued over if we should buy 1 or 2 copies. He said he wanted his own. 2 copies later (really need to go buy the 3rd one so it isn’t all alone up there). I finished it – loved it. My 14 yr old has been laughing hysterically, which means my 13 yr old has now stolen my copy (yep-should go buy the last copy up there if it’s still there) and he is enjoying it as well. Only he said I am not bad-ass, because right before I read it I assigned The Red Badge of Courage for his Lit. I think he is boycotting it though in favor of your book 🙂

  370. I’m trying to read your book but the tears from laughing are causing a blur. Plus I’m trying to drink wine. Have you ever tried to drink wine while laughing your ass off? It’s hard and I fucking love wine!!!

  371. Worth every penny of the $25.95 (+ Texas 8.25% commission) – so will not write snausages… Excellent – with a good chuckle every page and a belly laugh every other one – sometimes they mix, and me being half-Finnish, get confused… Relocated to Cross Timbers area 6 years ago today – and had heard of Wall before… Am enjoying your blogess [Blogess] highlights now… God Bless, and have a fucking GREAT Book Tour 🙂
    Lance aka: Moi/TexMonty and Cowboy on other forums….

  372. I have just finished the chapter where you almost lost your arm vaginally. First of all, I’m loving your book. Secondly, I’m from San Angelo (totally spaced out on you being here in April) and once had to help castrate a goat in ag class. A memory I have tried unsuccessfullty to repress, thanks for helping me remember what should never have happened.

  373. Just finished “Let’s Pretend” and LOVED it! Saved me from a torturously boring 4-day conference! Took out your book everytime they stopping talking…and sometimes when they didn’t. Thanks!

  374. Jenni Lawson,

    Wow it’s like an Apocalypse of crazy people in here. I didn’t realize there were so many of us. Thank you Jenni Lawson for your book. Most people laugh because they have things in common with you. I too had an eccentric dad, and I do tend to worry how much he passed onto me, how my children see me, how I am affecting them and the generations to come.

    Here are the pages I laughed out loud at, like you are interested, and sitting there with baited breath and your book, but here goes, positive feedback right??: p 38 The Dangerous Thesaurus of My Father, 83 Engagement Story, 121 HR labia story and crazy keyboard story under it, 140 Getting lost conversation with Victor (could be bushes or horses, made me lose it, I get lost all the freakin time, and I too, have survived for 20 yrs on duct tape alone, instead of tools, a knife.) para on 242 discussing bodies on property and zombie apocalypse, 244 it is Hailey’s crack, how insulting of Alan to assume it was mine line, the who buried where line, dead neighbors make quiet neighbors, and homemade zombies planted nearby, lines. P245 when you screamed out Chalupa. P248 the last sentence describing the rabbit on your dogs forehead. 280 when you and Laura put the chicken @ the front door and walked away and Victor answered the door. pp 294 &295 the entire stuffed alligator incident.

    You have a way with words, and the entire book was funny (except the dog dying and the miscarriages), but the above was laugh out loud and time to put the book down and make a tea and grab my breath. Good for you in accomplishing this. I happen to love Jesus and know He loves you too. The way I see it, He deliberately put Laura in your path. I read your book in two days. I’m unsuccessfully transplanted to a farm. Yeah. So very much looking forward to the next book whenever, even if it’s another 11 yrs. Well worth the money I paid ($27.50 CDN). I am going to let my 16 yr old daughter read it too. In a couple of months I will reread the book out loud with a Texan accent. I’m Canadian. Should be fun. 🙂

    So sorry you are in physical pain 🙁

    Shelley.

  375. I just got my Floridian mittens ( or hands since it’s way too hot for mittens here ) on the book, and I must say it’s worth everything my parents paid for it because I’m broke. And also a child. And probably shouldn’t be able to read and comprehend everything in that book. Including the drug you took for your finger. ( Methatrexate, correct? Hope I spelled that correctly. I had to take it for Leukemia. )

    Regardless, the book is amazing. Astounding, even! IT FEELS LIKE A UNICORN IS FEEDING ME STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM/ PEANUT BUTTER GELATO WHEN I READ IT. And I love every word of it.

    ( Sorry for caps lock awesome-rage. )

  376. Bloggess/Jenny:
    OMGthankyou for the Best. Book. Ever.
    I bought the Kindle version last week. Then I bought a second for my sister. I’m headed to Target this afternoon to buy a hard copy. Hmm – make that TWO copies, because people are gonna want to borrow it & I’ll feel okay about lending it if I don’t have to worry that I’ll never get it back. Maybe I’ll buy three, actually, because wouldn’t this be an AWESOME book to set free in the world..?!
    Now I’m gonna check eBay to see if anyone’s selling their autographed bookplates…
    Oh – and Jenny? Thanks so much for the laughter, and mostly for the “I’ve found my tribe” feeling I found in the pages of your book & blog. It’s good to be reminded that depression lies.

  377. Wow – I attended the Gaithersburg Book Festival as another exhibitor and couldn’t help but become distracted while you were on stage. I was intrigued at 1) who was the lady with the large following; and 2) how was she able to make them laugh as hard and often as she did. Since I was an exhibitor myself, I didn’t have the pleasure to listen to your speech. But I was able to flag down a woman who walked swiftly past my table with your book in her hand. She barely had time to say your full name as she tried to beat the swarm of supporters to the book signing table where you would appear 5 minutes later. Naturally I decided to look you up, and I’m pleasantly intrigued at what I see. Your blogs remind me of the movie Julie and Julia. No need to say more than #inspiring. You are awesomely talented, or is it just that you are on the good side of lucky. Either way, I look up to you and I will be like you one day when I grow up. Hopefully then, my supporters will swarm through a future exhibitors table in hopes to get a glimpse of me. lol. I wish you the very best in all that you do. I throw that same luck my way too.

  378. What Erma Bombeck (of the 1960-70’s) could have written, except
    a) This is the 21st Century, and
    b) She died, so makes it hard to use a keyboard,
    I’d think…
    Your book is excellent, and I hope you make so much money on your book tour it makes your husband Victor happy he has such a talented wife, and
    ticks off the White House you are such a greedy person, when you should be donating most of your hard-earned gains, based on your talent and expression, ‘to the poor’, per them, especially lizard lips Anita Dunn…

  379. I have to admit that up unil aweek ago I had never heard of The Bloggess . It was Hamlet that grabbed my attention and as I was completely baffled why a mouse would be dressed up as Hamlet …I grabbed the book so I could find the answer…
    What I got was …Strange looks on the Train when I laughed out loud enroute to work , elbow shoves and dirty one eyed looks from my husband telling me to keep it down as I Laughed hysterically in the middle of the night ( apparently men take it quite personally when you laugh in Bed!) and a FANTASTIC READ that had me laughing form start to finish ….
    Some serious Funny !!

  380. I tried finding your book at my nearest library and the closest thing they had was ‘Violent Weather Predictions 2000-2001: Countdown to Cataclysm’ by Jennifer Lawson. It’s out of date weather prognostication from Australia! (btw, the nearest library was the Univ. of Chicago; why do they even have this book?)

  381. Just finished your book and I am so sad it is over, I effing loved every word. I guess I will just have to keep rereading it until your next one comes out. Seriously my new favorite book; thank you for making me laugh so hard I almost wet myself in public.

  382. Just started reading the book and already I am in hysterics laughing because I too have had the domestic abuse spiel at the emergency room. Mine was not a herniated disc from enthusiastic hair brushing but rather a sprained neck/upper back from brushing my fucking teeth. The ER staff apparently didn’t believe my story and kept questioning my safety and even questioned my now ex-husband separately to see if our stories matched. Coincidentally he used to text me “beatings are coming” when he was on his way home from work and I kept threatening to show the ER staff the text messages which he did NOT find humorous at all. Anyway the point of my rant is that I find it comforting that I’m not the only one who injures themselves doing routine tasks and then is subjected to scrutiny over whether domestic abuse and violence is in play. So thank you for making me laugh…although I now have to take a tramadol b/c my back hurts.

  383. I would love the UK version, that way I can imagine you saying “Y’all” with a british accent.

  384. Ridiculous is synonymous with Luxurious, right? I would LOVE the audiobook! Thanks, as always, for entertaining.

  385. I got your book as a gift and I nearly choked on my own tongue several times from laughing so hard and let’s face it, you should be thankful I didn’t because we all know that my angry spirit would track you down and blame you for sending me to an early grave.

    That said I’d love a copy of the audiobook!

  386. Oh please please PLEEEEEEASE may I have an audiobook??? I’ve already finished reading the printed version, but would dearly love to hear you tell your stories in your own voice as well.

  387. I would just like to thank you so much for writing all this wonderful Bloggess amazing-ness. It makes me feel like there’s someone else in the world who thinks like I do, and I always know that when I’m having a rough day, I can come here, and laugh about stuff that I was pretty convinced only _I_ thought about, and a number of things that I hadn’t even thought of to think about yet.

    If we didn’t live so far away from one another, I would totally stalk you, but in a good way, not a scary going-to-kill-you way. More like a hey-you-wanna-hang-out-and-laugh-about-stuff-while-maybe-having-some-ice-cream sort of way. But I wouldn’t invite my husband. Because he, like Victor, spends a lot of time looking at me like I’m wearing a squid on my head and telling me I’m weird. Not that Victor does that to me. I’ve never met the guy. But it sounds like he does that to you. Which is the weird thing. Unless of course you _are_ wearing a squid on your head. Then it’s justifiable.

    Anyway, if we ever are in the same general vicinity, we should definitely hang out, because that would be an awesome conversation. Keep writing what you’re writing, please, so I can keep reading it. It’s better medicine than Ativan and anti-depressants.

    Thank you again for repeatedly making my day/week/month. I still sometimes think to myself, “Knock, knock, motherfucker!” and giggle out loud. Even in public.

    You’re the best. 🙂

  388. Yay! I just got a ticket for your Chicago visit. Completely forgot that Lit Fest was coming up. I’d love a copy of the UK version, otherwise I’m planning on picking up a copy at the fest 😀 See you there!

  389. Love the book. Love the blog. I really needed a laugh right at the time I stumbled on your book. Not physically. Now four out of five of us in my family are reading the book. I’m still in the lead but the others are gaining on me. We have the hardback and Kindle versions. Would love to have the audio version to make the collection complete.

    Seriously, thanks for the laughs. You’ve no idea how much they’ve helped.

    Marc

  390. I really, really, really would LOVE to get a copy of the audiobook version! You crack me up and are definitely one of my favorite bloggers. I could easily see you & Victor as my neighbors. I GET you guys.

    I also have a 3 hour round trip commute that your audiobook would help to occupy mind mind during.

    Though you are probably not interested in it, I run across (not over) lots of road kill on my commute to & from work. They make me think of your taxidermied collection.

  391. UK version please. Enjoy the last leg of your tour. Then, go home and climb under a table for a couple of weeks. You deserve it.

  392. OMFG I’m reading your book & I go from laughing my ass off to having to put it down because my dh is bipolar & that one train wreck is more then enough! Holy Shit!

  393. I’d love love love super love the audio but I’m cool with anything! Will hopefully see you in Montclair in June!
    I’ll be the one with the chicken. (Or something more unusual)

    Sara

  394. I’d love a copy of the audio version of the book. Have a drive home to NY planned in a month and I have NO doubts I’ll be cracking up the whole way there listening to your book. Much appreciation and encouragement sent your way. Keep up the good work!

  395. Would love the paper version but would also be happy with the audio.

  396. I just got a package in the mail a few weeks back. It was a second copy of your book. I wasn’t even sure I’d ordered one. Apparently I had. Twice. And now I’m going travelling (backpacking / hitch hiking for a few months) so all I really wanted was an ebook. Any chance of that?

  397. Uk book, please.
    But!
    More importantly …. Put the wig on erminonie!!!!

  399. OMG Jenny…I am reading your book and almost killing myself laughing. I have to put it down at times so I can breathe..I am doing that silent I cant get a breath laugh that is so frickin scary. Last Monday I was sitting in my Doctor soffice waiting room and laughing so hard I was choking and snorting. The other patients were giving me “THAT” look..you know the one. then tonight I was at work and had a few free moments..so out came the book…I again scared some people from the noises I made laughing…did I mention I am a psych nurse…it is NOT A GOOD THING to appear as crazy as my patients…I had other nurses trying to evaluate me !!!! I haven’t laughed this much since the late 80’s when Pictionary was popular and I couldn’t draw Florida without it looking like a funky penis.Please,please write another book…I will wait as long as it takes…thank you
    Robbie

  400. Hi Bloggess, it’s me. Although you probably can’t tell as I’m not wearing any make-up and I’m in my dressing gown and I have a rotten head cold. I bought your book last week in a very small country town and when I told the assistant that I was surprised to see it on their shelves, she couldn’t explain how it even got there. She hadn’t even heard of you, something I’m still coming to terms with. I don’t think that your book would have been appreciated in that place, so I did them a favour and bought it. In my absolute selfishness, I think I also need the Australian audio book. My head cold is preventing me from hearing things, so I’ll have to turn up the volume nice and loud, but I think my neighbours will appreciate that and then we can all laugh together at the funny bits in your book. And you know, I’m really interested to hear what you sound like with an Australian accent and I think it’s marvelous that you’ve gone to the trouble of catering to our accent. I bet it will be loud though – now wait, it’ll be loud because I’ll have the volume turned up to eleven, as that’s the only thing I can hear. Anyway, I hope you’ve been enjoying your tour. I’ve been telling all my friends about your book – and your blog – and just love all the lovely things your American fans have been presenting you with. Ok, bye x

  401. OMG! I would love a copy of the Australian audio book! Absolutely loving it! We have printed out Beyonce chickens living throughout our workplace!

  402. I would love, love, love to receive a copy of your book, either Australian or UK version. Either would be fantastic! Hope you come to Denver!! Please, please come to Colorado! Two GREAT local booksellers in the Denver metro area: Tattered Cover in Denver and Boulder Bookstore in Boulder.

  404. I’m confused. Are Australian and UK foreign language books? I best go with the audio.

  406. Can’t decide between the whimsically fonted UK version or the audiobook. If I had to pick one, I’d love the audiobook.

  407. I would love the UK version audiobook. Are you talking in a British accent? Is it read by Hugh Laurie? (I think Hugh Laurie would be good at this sort of thing and with House ending he should totally do you a solid.)

    Cheers!
    Tara

  408. Your book is amazing – I’m anxiously awaiting the next one. You sound a bit played out on the book tour. Are you taking good care of yourself? I’d love the UK version, and then I could lend out the US one I have, but otherwise I have to keep it nearby. Keeps my spirits up.

  409. Oh, yes I agree with Bonnie Chapman – come to Colorado!

  410. I NEED YOUR BOOK. Seriously. I need that Australian copy. Actually, really I need heaps of copies to distribute among everyone I know.

  413. Just finished reading your book and laughed out loud at so many parts – especially loved the HR instances! Please write another one real soon!

  414. Hilarious book. I only read one of your blog posts – the one about the chicken. Which was very funny but which didn’t suck me in. Now, after reading your book, I’m sucked.

    Now I know how to describe my own blog, “The Jenny Lawson of the Cancer set.” 🙂

    Oh yes, terminal cancer can too be funny. Just not for very long.

    *ann

  415. Thank you for writing this book. I have never laughed out loud so hard or so many times at any other book. I’m going through a hard time in my life and your book has been an escape, a place to go where I know I will laugh for a while. And maybe learn some things about taxidermy.
    You’re awesome.
    Christy

  416. I work in a book store and borrowed this book this week on a whim, because I enjoy small dead rodents in shakespearean garb, I think. Deep deep down. I’m not done reading it yet, but I’ve just gotten through Friends With Girls, and with the trouble associating with girls, and always comparing yourself to them, and the horror of dinner parties before that, and hiding in the toy box even before that, I had to stop for a bit and cry and hug my dog. Because you did an awesome and terrifying job describing all of it, and it’s funny but it also makes me wanna throw up a little, and I love this book so much already, it’s not even funny. How much I love it, I mean, not the book, because the book is hilarious. Yes.

    Anyway, thank you for writing it, and publishing it, because reading it makes me so happy and makes me feel a little less like a freak and I absolutely love it, and you by association.

  417. I would love any of them, but the audiobook (last time I specified audibook, guess I thought it was a book about fancy cars – haha!) would be abso-frickin-lutely awesome!

  418. Hi Jenny. I have only just recently begun reading your blog, due primarily to the near-hysterical adulation that Wil Wheaton showers on you pretty much every time I turn around, and I’ve learned that it’s generally just a good idea to do anything that Wil Wheaton tells you to do. And, well, all my life up to this point has now clearly been a tragic wasteland. But I suspect things will now start looking up. You are my special sparkly Princess of Awesomeness.

  420. Jenny,
    This book is so funny…..I really needed it this past weekend…had to cancel an 20 year anniversary trip with my husband because my daughter was sick….you kept me laughing all weekend! And, I will note, it is very nice to see a family MORE dysfunctional than my own….

    PS…I love your discription of generalized anxiety disorder through your emails…it is exactly like that….

  421. There’s a special Australian version of your book???
    I want one now! It’s number one on my birthday/Christmas list.
    I know, I’m in my thirties and writing lists of requests for presents.
    My Mum reinstated the list idea after a number of disappointing rounds of gift giving.

  422. New to your blog, but bought the book anyway because I needed a laugh – GREAT decision! It worked. I didn’t realize until I read it that I actually KNOW those places – awesomeness. (Yes, – ness can be added to every word). Now I have a quote from your book on my FB page – (so like 12 more people might ask about the book). Even though I know you need money for more therapy, I’m giving the book to my 22 y/o daughter. (She also needs the money for therapy, but just doesn’t know it yet.)

  423. I haven’t laughed this much while reading a book since 1986. I remember because the name of the book was Screwballs by an author with the last name begining with an A. I had just started alphabetically working my way through the ficition section. And I remember that is was 1986 because it was the summer after the Royals won the I-70 World Series which was 1985. 26 years later…I’m only up to M.
    This makes me miss my good friend Karen, who burned herself ironing a shirt that she was wearing at the time. Jenny, if you ever move to SC I’m sure we could be fast friends.

  424. There should be a warning to not listen to the audiobook while grocery shopping. I think that everyone assumed that I had a nervous disorder because my laughs, when I am trying to hold them in, sound like a cross between an angry crow and a pit bull.

    The drawback of the audiobook, I sooo want to see the pictures.

  425. Just bought your book on kindle and started reading it. And figured you would like to know that armadillos carry leprosy. I’m just sad that Amazon won’t bill the purchase as 6 pounds of uncut cocaine.

  427. Dear Jenny –
    Three things…
    1/ Your writing is so funny i peed my pants reading it. You will be receiving the bill shortly.
    2/ i recommened your book to all my friends. ( please expect to be receiving their laundry bills soon.)
    3/ Thank you.
    Best Regards, ekinhk

  428. Forget 50 shades of ANYTHING!! Everyone should be reading this book!! It SHOULD come with a warning label that it should not be read in public places where sudden burst of laughter will get you odd looks, or be viewed as possible reasons for “intervention from appropriate sources”. It HAS caused my children to snatch the book from me and say “Oh for God’s Sake! It can’t be THAT funny..” (It should be mentioned that the are then reluctant to return said book).
    I had never read Jenny Lawson before…but WHEN, WHEN, can we get a second book (please do not say 11 more years)?
    Another Jenny (wasn’t 1970 a bitch for that?)

  429. I don’t think I’ve ever read your blog but I accidentally read your book and it was awesome. Suppressing the giggles while my honey was trying to sleep got me in so much trouble…. definitely adding you to my blog-reader.

  430. thank you Jenny Lawson for writing your memoir – cause i no longer feel alone and it is nice to know that someone else’s brain is just like mine

  431. The very first thing I did when I went to NYC last week (my first time, I’m from Holland) was buying your book. And I’m so extremely happy I did. It’s WAY better then Times Square.

  432. I went everywhere to find a copy of this book. My dad surprised me and brought it over to my apartment,which resulted in a very grateful hug and a ” I’m not saying you have to leave, but i will be reading and in my own little world from here on out”. I took this book EVERYWHERE. Laughed when it was funny and laughed/ cried when it was still funny, but in morbid fashion. I have since passed it on to a friend who had just informed me that her depression has took a turn for the worse. Thanks to your book, shes smiling again, and has convinced herself to begin talking to someone about everything. Thank you so much. I’m glad the world has people like you and your fantastic family.

  433. I’ve enjoyed 27 1/2 chapters of you reading your book to me, but I’m feeling a bit gyped. I don’t mind spending the extra $ on the audible book, but I don’t like not seeing the pictures you keep referring to. How’s-about you post them for those of us that are just getting to know you in the audible way. Pretty please with sugar on it.

  434. I am only on page four of your book and I am already cry-laughing. Just thought you should know.

  435. Trying to buy your book in Australia and having a hard time finding it 🙁

  437. I read your book and realized that I found a woman who has had my childhood just add five siblings and a single mother! I must have three books worth just need help writing them! Loved your book.

  438. I got this for my birthday. My ex gave it to me. Now that is how you say you “pay attention.” 😉

    Thanks, Jenny. Time to re-read it. Finished it too fast 🙁
    When the book was about 10 pages far from over, I slowed down the reading, to make me stay in your world a bit longer. When will the next book come out?

    P.S. I have to say… TEAM VICTOR all the way. That man is one big geeky-teddy bear. However, it may be the cough syrup talking now. Bazinga!

  439. I finished reading your book last night. I savored it for a while, as I didn’t want it to be over because I don’t think I have ever laughed so much while reading a book.

    Thank you for sharing and helping me see that I am not alone in my quirkiness.

  440. I started reading your book last night…I was fifty shaded out if ya know what I mean. I laughed so freaking hard I had to put my kindle down in fear of water logging it. I had to post on fb:I stayed up late last night…reading this and laughing so much I cried. Then I read it out loud to Ron (because he came down stairs to see if I was OK) and laughed so hard I cried AGAIN! I am only just past ‘Stanley the Magic Squirrel’ because I had to stop laughing out loud so Ron could sleep. This is by The Bloggess Jenny Lawson so there is some swearing…but if a raccoon named Rambo lived at your house and wore 80’s jams and attacked your sister..in a funny way…you might swear too.

  441. Apparently this is NOT the book to read when I’m supposed to be proctoring a test. I was really enjoying it, but felt like the entire room thought I was deranged or something when I was trying to be quiet. It’s hard enough trying to be quiet without being stabbed in the face by a night stalker. So, the book is awesome, but shouldn’t be read in a room full of wannabe nurses trying to pass chemistry. They just don’t appreciate it. It’s much better paired with a glass of wine on the porch.

  442. I have been reading this to my sons before bed (they are 12 and 10… and as a former news anchor I can edit on the fly. DON’T JUDGE!) My younger son admitted to me today that he equally feels sorry for Victor and wants to BE Victor so I feel my work here is done. LOVE YOU JENNY!

  444. Moral dillema… my local library says this: “321 holds on first copy returned of 67 copies” which means it’ll likely be next year before I can get my hands on a copy via library. So do I do the healthy social thing and wait? Or, do I do the bad environmental but good economical thing and buy?

  445. I never thought I would encounter someone with a childhood as fucked up as mine. In a good way, with all those life lessons. In my line of work, humor is the scaffolding of my sanity. I think that may be an original quote from me. I don’t know why I’m agonizing over what to type here as I’m sure you will never see this. So, thanks for the kick ass book and blog.

  446. I loved your book! Made me laugh till I cried. Are you somehow related to Maya Thompson of the blog RockstarRonan.com? Because although she is blogging for a different reason – her baby died of cancer at 3 years old – you both are foul mouthed ninja’s with machete’s! She is funny as hell on her good days and sad as hell on her bad days.

    And seriously, I need that fucking rooster for my husband! And I could not stop laughing at the HR jokes because I too worked in HR and we had a pile of “those” applications. 🙂

  447. Just finished reading – thank you and please write another one! And more pictures! 🙂

  449. Jesus Fucking God, I need sleep and your bloody brilliant, wet-your-pants, hysterical, totally empathise with it book is keeping me up. Stop being such compulsive reading, woman!
    Actually, I don’t mean that, and I am so glad I work in a bookshop (beautiful shop, in The Rocks in Sydney, Ariel – come visit) so I can sell it like a fiend. More people need to wet their pants. Well, no, they don’t, they need to read you and visit the bathroom frequently.
    This is meant to be a fan letter. Im sorry

  450. Hi, Jenny-
    Ok. I’m behind the times, but what else is new? I saw a book blurb in the NYT and then caught the Marfa story on CultureMap. I shall buy a book forthwith!

    My sister Terry Hayes (aka CancerDiva) is probably screaming with laughter from wherever she ended up in the cosmos… She’d be so proud!

  451. I just wanted to know, how come i can never meet someone like you in real life? When people say that im not outgoing or random, well honestly i cant muster up the word for it right now, but i just think to myself”they havent met my family……”. Is it weird for your family to “adopt” your friends? When any female in the house says “mine is bigger than your’s” or talk specifically in a certain tone of voice to speak for our dog?(we named her tahloula!) and whenever we talk about babies i have to mention, a baby being born into a wildfire? I write all this knowing ill look crazy,and probably wont get an answer back, but i dont care what people think, i love my family and its weirdness. If you read this, i have one question.(other than the above) When i say ‘boom-shawada’ what comes to your mind? Thank you if you read this! I love your book!

  452. I read Jenny’s book on a plane from Kona to SFO. I am a new fan. People kept looking at me strangely because I couldn’t stop laughing. My kids would ask me what was so funny. It’s not a book you can easily explain to elementary age kids. I teach them not to curse. It’s so just so funny. I didn’t want it to end. I can’t wait for the next book. Jenny, please don’t take 11 years next time.

    At last, I have found someone whose parents were as strange as my parents. I once posted on Facebook about swimming with alligators as a kid. My sisters responded that they never thought it about it that way. For parents out there, would you release wild animals into your home a’ la the Lawson household or let your kid swim with alligators? We used to sit on the swim platform in our local lake watching the alligators eat the ducks. That was our idea of fun. At least I now know of a family in Texas who’s weird antics are on par with my parents. The jury is out on the results of such child rearing tendencies. I’m not going to try it out on my kids. The alligators are going to have to feast on someone else’s children. At least Jenny is the funniest person I have come across in years! You go girl!!!!

  453. Hi, Jenny –
    I just finished your book and it was laugh out loud funny. You have a gift – thanks for sharing it with the world. It’s like Harry Potter without the magic, Hunger Games without the kids killing each other and 50 Shades of Gray without the kinky sex. (It’s not really like any of those books. I just said that because they’re successful movies and I thought maybe I could plant the idea in Steven Spielberg’s head to make your book into a movie and then your book would be even more wildly successful than it already is. You’re welcome.)

    Pam Waits

  454. I inhaled your book (while choking half to death laughing) and was truly sad when I finished it. Now I will have to read it again and again until you come out with book number 2.

    I wanted to let you know that you probably ruined my social life though. At the very least, none of my neighbors will ever look me in the eye again. Here’s the story. I was reading on my Kindle one night and came across your passage where you mentioned “horse enema fetish”. Seriously – how was I supposed to NOT google that?! It’s just not the sort of thing you hear about ever, so I wanted to know if it was a real thing. (I’m not gonna tell if it is or isn’t – I’ll let others endure the shame of looking it up themselves.)

    Well, anyway, the next day my neighbor came over for me to show her my Kindle Fire because she was interested in getting one. I showed her all the features – but when I went to show her the web browser, there it was open to my Google search for “horse enema fetish!” She didn’t say a word – to me – but I am sure she will tell the whole wide freaking world what an insanely twisted creep I am, even though I really am not at all. I didn’t get an opportunity to tell her that it is really all just your fault!

    Now I finally get your title, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”, because that is exactly how I feel right now!

  455. I just finished Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and I have never laughed so hard and so much while reading a book! It made me remember many similar experiences in my life that I had forgotten.
    Like when my daughter(at age 10) and I uncovered the cremated ashes of the previous owner of our home in the backyard flower garden. The ashes were in a plastic bag with her name on a card inside the bag. This plastic bag was then in a hard plastic box. My husband placed the box in the garage and we called her grandson, who still lived in the area, and he asked if we would open the bag and sprinkle her in the garden, as that had been her request. We did as he requested, but our daughter would not water the garden without shoes on because she did not want to get Mrs. Tolley between her toes.
    Your dog burial story reminded me of when my friend’s small dog, Gracie, died and she buried him in her backyard. She called crying one day for help because her large dog, Joe Frank (named for her dead husband who she was sure sent this dog to her) had dug up Gracie and was rolling her dead body around the yard like a ball. We went over and buried Gracie deeper and placed large rocks over the grave. Luckily there were no vultures around!
    Anyway, thanks for a really good read and for all the great memories!

  456. So, I was browsing in a book store, picked up your book, didn’t have a clue who you were or what your book was about. I opened it to a random page which just happened to be the chapter titled ‘My Vagina is Fine, Thanks for Asking!’ That was it – the chapter title appealed to my sense of humour although not everyone agrees with my sense of humour but obviously there are plenty of nutters in the world like me because you’ve sold so many books.
    Cracked up laughing and have read it twice so far. Thanks for making the everyday boring things so much fun.

  457. Enjoyed your book BUT really bothered by the inaccuracy of getting your arm stuck in a cow vagina, BECAUSE you stick your arm in the cow’s RECTUM (or ass) to guide the inseminator tool into the vagina and cervix. How did this error get past your editors?? Anyways, just wondering if any other readers caught this. Thanks for a few laughs, (and tears, and head shaking). If you actually read this I’ll be surprised but I couldn’t help myself from commenting– I was surprised that girl from crazy- small-town anywhere (i’m from there, too), could make it BIG in the world- God bless the internet.

    (Thanks! If you read the appendix in that chapter (the one where I talk to my principal) I talked about why why didn’t do rectovaginal insemmination in the 80’s in Texas. They do it that was now though. ~Jenny)

  458. Just finished the book & absolutely LOVED it! I laughed out loud so many times my kids got really irritated with me…it was great…to laugh & irritate them! I totally get your sense of humor & hope to see another book sooner than later. For now…enjoying your blog.

  459. Just got this book and almost started crying because the first chapter was so funny. I then took it to everyone I knew and made THEM read the first chapter because I didn’t think they would understand if they didn’t witness the awesomeness for themselves. I, however, love the blog and can’t wait to see MORE of your written wit as I continue to read your book. (I’ve been looking forward to it since your trip to NYC on 9/11 that you tweeted about!)

    When reading the reviews on here, I have to say that this is my favorite because it encompasses exactly how I feel about your stuff and why I love it so much:

    “The Bloggess writes stuff that actually is laugh-out-loud, but you know that really you shouldn’t be laughing and probably you’ll go to hell for laughing, so maybe you shouldn’t read it. That would be safer and wiser.”
    -Neil Gaiman, author of The Sandman, Stardust, American Gods and Coraline

    Are you coming to Houston soon?

  460. I’m reading your book right now…..we must be twins but but born to different parents in other parts of the world. I Fucking LOVE you!

  461. First, I loved your book. I laughed out loud repeatedly, including when it was very quiet all around me and people were staring. Second, I was never worried about the zombie apocalypse before but now I’m starting to wonder. Third, my husband and I were viewing some, um, naughty movies and we were critiquing them (her boobs are too big, he’s not good looking enough, how is he going to get that limp thing into her? etc., etc.) and I began to wonder if there are critics for porn. Now that I’ve read your book I know that there are! Thanks for giving me such a great read, Jenny!

  462. Okay, I know that you’re getting a million comments and will probably never even see this one … but I had to share it anyways.

    Today last week, I had never heard of your book, your blog, or even you. Five days ago, I was online surfing Google to prove to my friends that yes, there is such thing as sour beer and it is AWESOME (Evidently, Ontario Canada is one place where it is NOT being brewed, even though neighboring province Quebec has been for some time and since I tasted it in the States, I know damn well it is being brewed there … side note rant, fairly angsty about that, sorry) and Gmail told me I had mail from Chapters advertising books, so I got sidetracked to check out books at Chapters online and while skimming titles in the young adult section (considering reading Hunger Games because – well, you know – the world says so), your book popped up as a suggestion, so I ordered it. I have to say, bad form on advertising ing the YA section because this book is soooo not YA, but YAY for me because I got curious enough to buy it. It got here last night. Read in under 24 hours, yo. And it would have been under 6, but my boss expects me to function at work and not stay awake the whole night before reading.
    LOVE the book … I started laughing out loud in the empty lunchroom. Don’t worry – that’s not the only reason my coworkers think I’m crazy. The to-scale high-quality dinosaur toys on my desk may be part of it, though.
    I am going to be reading your blog tonight before bed and probably for a long time after. Thanks for making us feel like we’re not the most nutty awesome clumsy (you totally are) people in the world.

  463. Best 12 hour road trip distraction EVER! My kids and husband think I’m crazy for laughing so much while completely ignoring them. Apparently my 7 year old was talking/singing the entire trip and I didn’t even notice. This is very cliche, but I laughed so hard I cried…especially during the murderous cat note explosive poop story. I hate when people want to run or hide from their past, and there you are embracing yours on an entire new level. Kiddos to you and your family…very blessed indeed.

  464. That’s kudos, not kiddos…spell check is soooo much smarter than me apparently.

  465. I read this book while on vacation with my parents, and kept reading sections out load in the hotel. Dad asked me if he could borrow it, and I ran out of the room screeching mine (much like the birds in Finding Nemo) and then the hotel lady judged me harshly.

    Needless to say, my dad now owns a copy and I think the hotel lady may as well.

  466. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your book. I am reading it on the treadmill at my gym and it is so hard not to laugh out loud while I’m reading it. I know everyone is wondering why this girl has an idiot grin on her face already so laughing would probably mark me as weird.

  467. I was reading your book while “running” on the elliptical. I laughed so hard I almost fell off… Your book is dangerous but wonderful…

  469. OH LOOK! I get to be comment number 465! I finished your book last night and wanted to thank you for making me laugh till I cried and making me look like a complete idiot to my fiance to whom I could not fully explain why I was laugh/crying, even after reading the sentence that made me laugh/cry! I am looking forward to many more books by you (even though you may not share the same sentiment on actually writing the book(s))

    Thanks again!

  470. You’re right, it was awesome, a friend bought it for me, and I haven’t laughed that much at a book in a long time.
    You rock.
    Thank you – muchly – for brightening up the last 24 hours of my life (and for intermittently brightening up other parts of my life, when I remember to check your blog!)
    AnnA

  471. Just finished the book and was genuinely sad it ended, I could read your crazy all day long! On more than one occasion I was sitting on the bus laughing so hard I though i was going to pee myself and people were staring (covertly of course!).

    Great job, definitely worth the wait! Thank you to you, Victor and Hailey for letting us in on your little slice of life!

  472. I just discovered your audiobook. It is, undoubtedly, the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. I kept waking my kid up in the middle of the night because I was laughing so much. There are parts I totally relate to and parts I don’t, but in both there are genuine bits of inspiration and insight in all that hilarity. Thank you for sharing your honest, witty perspective with the world.

  474. Jenny,
    I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and was going through some rough times. Saw your book and thought, just what I need a good laugh. Boy did you deliver. Reminded me of Erma Bombeck, only hipper and more honest. By the time I was done with 2 chapters I had called 2 friends and told them they have to get this book. Then I went out and bought 2 more copies to give to my cheap friends who wouldn’t spend the money. ( under the stipulation they give it back so I can pass it to more friends. You are brilliant. Keep it up.

  475. So I just started to read your book and love it. I think my husband may scream if I read any more bits to him. On the subject of herniating a disk while brushing your hair: I slipped a disk while TURNING MY HEAD. Yeah. Turning. My. Head. Beat that.

  476. Read your book on a flight from San Francisco to New York yesterday and laughed out loud through most of it. At one point, I had tears streaming down my face and the guy beside me in Business Class said, “I don’t know what that book’s about but I’m downloading it the minute I get to my hotel!” There is NOTHING better than a hilarious book for a long flight to put you in a great mood, especially at the end of your vacation or after an intense board meeting – and I have never read a better one! This morning I sent emails to 25 people that I know would love it to tell them about it. Absolutely wonderful, Jenny! Hope it won’t take another 11 years for the sequel!

  477. ok, My wife has told me of some of the Jenny’s exploits ( Metal Chickens and Sloth’s, but I realized, Victor needs his own support group.. Victor, as a fellow that is married to a Jenny ( or Jennifer ), I feel for you.. Little does my Jenny know, she will never get a sloth, but maybe a stuffed slug… All depends on how I feel. POWER to the Victor’s of the world….

  478. Hi Jenny ,
    you probably don’t remember me but I knew you before you were Jenny Lawson.. I was on your team at SITEL in san angelo, tx .. I wanted to congratulate you on your success.. I hope that you having an awesome day.
    Jennifer Lawson

  479. Jenny,
    I would like to thank you for writing such an incredibly funny book, I have never heard my wife laugh as much in her life. You are truly insightful, and incredibly funny. I just wish she would not read it next to me while I sleep…LOL

  480. Jenny, I hope it’s ok to call you Jenny, but seriously, I think I have priviledge because I too am a Jenny, or a “Jennifer Ann!!!!” if my mother is mad at me. (I’m 46 years old and I still wet my pants a little whenever I hear the shout of “Jennifer Ann!!!”.) Anyway, I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your book. It was a great testimony to your life and that of our family. Familie’s are good, they are bad and they are totally ours. Struggles too. Mostly struggles are bad however, but as you brilliantly point out in your book, they are part of what makes us who we are. Oh, and I can say all this because I seriously paid real money for your book. I didn’t borrow it from someone, or stand at the bookstore and read it and then not buy it. I did buy it as an ebook on Amazon, but still, I had to pay real money and everything. And it was worth every penny! Thanks Jenny.

  481. I had to get my oil changed today. Normally an arduous task but even worse because I waited to do it on a Sunday, and even dumber, till after the “Churchies” got done and had flooded all normal people activities and were making everything more crowded and annoying. I brought my book “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened”. I have been a fan for a long time and was looking forward to reading it. As I entered the waiting area (fucking packed) I stood in the corner (the only unoccupied space) and began reading.

    Flash forward 20 minutes.. I was laughing so hard I was literally crying. Not the funny ha ha laughing/crying…but the crying that distorts your face as you try to pull it together . I was laughing /crying so hard at one point, I literally drooled on myself. The guy with his kids sitting down near my corner, moved to the other side of the room. Clearly.. I was scaring him or his children by my absurd laughing/crying/drooling.
    I love you Jenny Lawson. I think you are remarkable and funny.. and If I had a bedazzler, I would bedazzle you some JAMS.
    THANK YOU!
    Xoxox- Lisa

  482. I just finished reading your book, it was fantastic. I related to so many of the feelings and events that you wrote about. You have a terrific writing style, I look forward to your next book, thank you!

  483. Love, LOve, LOVE your book! Laughed out loud, and I am so not a laugh-out-loud kinda girl! My 17 year old daughter kept coming in to check on me, she thought I finally cracked. Your book is actually what turned me onto your blog, a bit backwards but I am now enjoying blog daily. I hope you are writing another book…soon! BTW, as an English teacher I feel compelled to thank you for the “shout out” and yes, I will send you half of whatever students bring in to me from their parents liquor cabinets. LOL!

  484. A good friend just gave me your book for my birthday. I read it non-stop in the car on our way to the lake, tears rolling down my face from laughter, even though it gave me a headache. I could not put it down. And then made my husband wait outside in the 108 degree KS weather by the grill while I read him the squirrel story b/c the kids were in the camper and I didn’t want them to hear the bad words. I felt they were entirely necessary for the story. It’s fucking awesome! If you’re ever in KS, I’ll buy you a bucket of booze.

  486. Hi Jenny,
    I just finished your book and I have to say I was thoroughly entertained the entire time! I too have the arthritis that makes me take the meth-can make your hair fall out, causes cancer but anti-cancer drug! I’m also on super fun shots for it to. I have tried to describe it as exactly the Freddy Kruger thing and also as a less death-inflicting Russian roulette when going to bed 🙂 I’m 24, so a lot of my friends don’t get the whole “let’s just stay at home and drink because my foot just swelled to the size of a grapefruit thing”. It’s nice to know there is someone out there that totally gets it and doesn’t think I’m just trying to be a no-fun hermit. I just wanted to stop by and see if you had checked to see if your arthritis was on NORD’s list of rare diseases. I noticed that you loved WebMd and this site is perfect to see if what you have is on a special list that you can show your husband and say, ” See! I am really sick!” 🙂 http://www.rarediseases.org/…..now he’ll have to believe you 🙂 Also I wanted to say thank you for writing a chapter on a disease that gets super complicated, no one understands unless they are in it, and is a lifelong issue. It can get lonely out here waiting for your hair to fall out or one of the other million side effects these drugs have (seriously I think they will be the end of me) Thanks again you’re an inspiration to all us cripples out here!!
    Beth

  487. My Dear Jenny,

    Finished your book…had to stop several times as my stomach hurt and couldn’t see for the tears in my eyes…all from laughter.

    We just went on a “girl’s weekend” and my sis begged me to take it and read it, especially after everyone was in tears from “The Psychopath on the Other Side of the Door.”

    “Diarrhea from Aids,” is our new favorite phrase, btw. Thanks for sharing!

    I also insisted, at gunpoint, that everyone read you. 🙂

    Thanks,

    Whitney

  489. Just finished your book and loved it! I also work in HR and seriously you’re right the shit I see normal people would think was made up. Thanks for the laughs and I can’t wait for your next book.

  490. I just finished your book this morning and it was freakin’ awesome! I snorted, I hooted, I giggled and I’m pretty sure I pee’d my pants at least a few times. I had tears running down my face so badly that I actually had to put the book down because I couldn’t see the words. My 12-yr old son found it very disturbing that I would spontaneously explode into hysterics. Your book made me very happy. 🙂

    Keep up the great work Jenny!

  491. I just couldn’t put your book down! I don’t often laugh ( even though I know it is good for me) and I swear I laughed twice on almost every page. I sometimes laughed until I cried. I could relate to your stories and your thought patterns totally ! ( you’re welcome!) I will tell all my firends to buy and read your book. When I finished it this morning I was so sad. So I googled you and I watched all your videos on youtube. It was so nice that you were so brave to video yourself!
    You are amazingly funny and I wish I could be there for you the next time you need a body dug up or buried!
    The gift of joy you gave me meant the world to me and I would like to repay you !
    Julie
    Kindergarten teacher in BC Canada
    Come for a visit to promote your book in Vancouver BC !

  492. I bought your book because I was looking for something fun and light to read, and Amazon suggested it. I was not disappointed. I laughed out loud several times, and I enjoyed reading several passages to a couple of my friends, who Iihope will purchase your book also. This does not happen to me often, but I was genuinely disappointed when the book ended. I literally said “Aw man!” when I realized I’d reached the end. Please don’t make us wait another 11 years for your next book (George R.R. Martin already has that locked up). I’m sure parenting has given you pleny of material to work with.
    P.S.
    Victor is a saint.

  493. I love your book. It’s like reading about myself but with a totally different life. I hope you come to Columbus, Ohio so I can try not to have a panic attack about going to a book store filled with tons of people to see you because I absolutely HAVE to go to the bookstore to see you. It would be totally worth it.

  494. I got your book to entertain myself with when on a week of bedrest after breaking my leg (I am apparently a magical freak of nature, because the break I did is super rare, I’m told. It’s called a spiral tib/fib fracture. (Just in case, don’t google pics, because x-rays are probably fine, but I dunno about real injury pics. My leg just looked like a giant ham, but someone else’s might look way grosser.)
    Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for making me laugh so much my boyfriend asked me if I was on drugs (duh, OF COURSE I WAS, I JUST BROKE MY LEG). I got your book with the latest from Pamela Ribon, and I think the two of you would be best friends because you’re both hilarious and fun, so if you don’t know her, you should go to pamie.com and tell her I sent you and even if she wasn’t going to be nice to you anyway, which she totally was, she would for me. Which sounds way delusional, I know, but I promise it’s not. Mostly.

  495. Jenny –
    I bought “Let’s Pretend…” and it was SO funny, I did hurt myself. Icouldn’t put your book down and laughed almost non-stop for 12 hours, alarming my 3 dogs, who thought I was having an attack of some sort.
    Just to let you know, I feel I should receive a commission for telling everyone I know to buy your book, reading them excerpts, and, in the case of the lawyers I work for, copying them sections to CONVINCE them they need this book.
    The receptionist and I now have the ability to crack each other up by saying unrelated phrases like, “The chicken has a shiv” and “Wake up pawpaw and say hewwoo”. Your coining of the phrase “frankengina” is totally sick. And Brilliant. I’m mad at myself for not thinking of it first. Needless to say, a bunch of old ladies in St. Louis think you are weird and wonderful, and we hope you keep writing!

  496. One of the things I love best about your writing is that you’re completely you, and you don’t try to be someone else, even when there’s a lot riding on it. Like when your editor said your chapter wasn’t a chapter because nothing happened, but you still put it in anyway–and it worked. That was so great! I’m just starting to shop a proposal right now (about how I’m surviving this married-with-young-children boot camp), and that tiny little sentence aside was a great reminder to stay true to who we are.

    I bow down, like the rest of your 800 zillion fans. Thanks!

  497. I just finished the audio book. Awesome….Now I can have your voice in my head anytime I need something to laugh about.

  498. So I sent your book to my mother as part of her 75th birthday extravaganza (really, we all just made strange music videos in iMovie and brought them to her in person), which may not be something most people would think of, but really, she NEEDED to read it, and it’s not like our generation invented swearing… Anyway, she put this on my Facebook wall (because we don’t want her to know about Twitter, so shhhh!):
    “About halfway into, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened,” that you so kindly gifted me. It’s the most unusual book I’ve ever read and by far the funniest as well. I have to take frequent breaks for fear of overdosing and succumbing to reader exhaustion, now that I know there is such a thing. On a break right now so that I can thank you once again. Thanks! xxxooo”

  499. I could not believe my eyes yesterday. I came across a smaller version (just under 5′) of Beyonce. I really hit the floor when I looked at the ‘name tag’ (every metal animal in the shop had been named) it read “Victor” (another 5′ Beyonce was “Bob”). I so wanted one, but they were not the $99 value you paid more like $289.

  501. Sorry, that comment got away before I finished it! I just wanted to say that I loved Let’s Pretend. My two daughters are now fighting over who gets to read it next, because I irritated the pants off them by laughing out loud whilst reading then saying ‘no I just can’t tell you’. So now I’ve got to buy another copy of the damn book. Thanks a lot Jenny! Btw I’m an English teacher whose set your book for my A level students over the summer. I’ll send your whiskey on when it arrives…

  502. I love, LOVE your book. I have laughed, actually snorted out loud several times while reading your book. Thank you so much for writing this. I am a highly anxious person who was recently diagnosed with some form of inflammatory arthritis and Sjogren’s Syndrome. I have been an ongoing medical experiment for my rheumatologist who is still not sure if it is RA or something else. All I know is I am in pain and can’t wear high heels anymore. As if I did that on a regular basis anyway. I am basically built for comfort. Just want to clarify that the anxiety isn’t from the arthritis, it’s how I have always been. What you wrote about going to the costume party at Victor’s boss’s house had me laughing. While I am less awkward then I was as a teenager (though, I am now 46, that does not say much) I still struggle with social awkwardness and the urge to say things I just know I shouldn’t because I have a “sarcasm problem.” Thanks again for being fabulous and for writing this book.

  503. I bought your book as I was going in for surgery and needing some reading material for after while I was laid up on the couch recovering. I haven’t laughed so hard in such a long time. Laughed so hard it hurt my stitches. Then while I was sitting in my corner coffee shop, I kept snorting then revering while looking around thinking…. “did I just snort in public and why is everyone staring at me????” This went on for a while. Thank you for writing this book. Now I know that there is someone else out there that has those types of conversations in their head.. and I really need to get your magnet that says “I’ve poisoned something in the fridge, good luck with that.” LMAO

    Thanks again.

  504. Your book was my best. wedding. gift. ever. I was the weird chick on the train that giggled non-stop.

  505. So…i preordered your book a million or so years ago, and even had you send me a signed book plate…but then I was all scared to read it because I love your blog so much and I was afraid it would disappoint, so I stood it up on top of my bookcase – library-style, on display – until finally this week I took it down and began to read….
    Halfway through…and I can tell you it’s the funniest book in the history of EVER.

    My, how you did NOT disappoint!
    It’s almost 1 a.m. and I have been so afraid that my side-splitting laughter was going to wake up (or terrify) the kids! Thank you!

  506. Thank God for you! You make me feel like I am not the only freak in the world (this is a compliment– I swear). I just went to Amazon.com to check out your book and did the SURPRISE ME Google thing and laughed my ass off. You write and say what I say only with my best friends and favorite Seesters. I’m finally at a point in my life where I’m no longer going to hide my light under a bushel. I’m gonna be me, and you inspire me! I AM ordering your book once I finish posting.

  507. Halfway through the book, LOVING it! Read the first two chapters to my husband out on the deck drinking wine and laughing hysterically. Never heard of you before and saw the book cover and had to have it……I judge a book by it’s cover dammit…..

  508. Just finished reading your book and loved every second of it! I found your blog post about the metal chicken a while ago and shared it with my sister. It reminded me of something her and I would do and your husband’s (lack of) reaction would be exactly what our husbands would do. It all sounded uncannily familiar. So, when my sister started reading your book, she recognized your writing and bought it for me. I’m very glad she did.

  509. Just got your book from my sister who absolutely recommends it. I am looking forward to what all the fuss is about – Based on the strength of your blog which I really enjoy reading, I don’t doubt I’m in for some entertainment!

  510. I am about halfway through listening to Let’s Pretend This Never Happened on audiobook. I seriously think I have pulled a muscle in my stomach from laughing. The downside is I listen to my audio books at work, so you can imagine my co-workers responses. I have physically forced 2 others to download. I can’t make this shit up, I told them. They have to hear it for theirselves. I am no stranger to funny memoirs. Jen Lancaster is a big favorite of mine, so the girls are used to me giggling periodically as I’m typing away. This is different. I am having to stop what I am doing because of the tears pouring down my face. You are the master!

    On a related note. As you are describing your difficulties in social situations I am totally relating to it. I completely do this.

    Thank you for sharing your stories.

  511. Damn you Jenny Lawson! I just finished your book and dreamt about a stuffed raccoon! She was dressed as a gondolier, which is weird because gondoliers are usually men. But then I dreamt that I was a bra whisperer and could figure out why anyone’s bra didn’t fit. So, all in all not a totally bad night for dreaming.

  512. Dear Jenny,
    I really am surprised that other people think like me. I am fifty years old, and have not dared say what actually goes through my head. Things do slip-or get blurted out-occasionally to my children. And then they give me the pity hug. The Stanley The Squirrel story was like an epiphany because, not only do I love squirrels, but any form of cute wildlife that I come across, I call Stanley. That way, I only have to remember one pet name. There was one exception, who was a duck–and I just called him The Duck.
    Much thanks.

  513. Dearest Jenny,

    Like those that came before me I feel an overwhelming need to tell you that your book is amazing and inspiring to all of us who are just a little bit fucked up like you. Oh and I stole something of yours and hung it on my wall.

    Thank you. For being you.

  514. Just started your book last night and was laughing out loud…in comes my 14-year old grandson (who is spending the summer with Nana) and asked what was so funny. I couldn’t tell him this is the funniest fucking book I’ve ever read and I wish I could use it in my college English class. I’d probably get fired. Right? Hmmm.

  515. The funniest (in a twisted sort of way) fucking book I’ve read in a while, maybe ever. I myself have an anxiety/depression disorder and I LOVED that picture you have in there about your disorder being part of you not all of you. So awesome. My son and husband have both given me odd looks as I have spent most of my spare time the past 2 days with my nose in this book, laughing my ads off. I’m kind of sorry to be almost done with it. Thanks for writing this book and making me feel less alone with my insanity.

  517. PLEASE come to Katy TX, i’ve wanted to meet you for so long. PLEASE even Houston would be fine actually anywhere in the Houston area. I have some topics you might be interested in talking about!

  518. My bf is a fan and turned me on to you and I love your book. It’s a lot of fun so I brought it to our clubhouse, /www.facebook.com/225main and it’s a hit! . If you are back in Charlotte area we d love to have you over, I think you d like it. Thanks for sharing

  519. I read your book last week, and then read Tina Fey’s memoir today on a flight home from a friend’s wedding in Kansas. I have to say, I love Tina Fey, and her book was funny, but your book should come with some sort of you-will-embarass-yourself-in-public warning on it. I made an ass of myself on DC metro while reading “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”–vacillating between crying and laughing hysterically. Thank you for being intelligent, honest, a little weird, and fucking hilarious.

  520. FInally bought the book a couple of days ago; have pretty much been doing nothing but reading it all weekend and as such have got nothing else done, but that can’t be helped. Damn, but you and Victor look cute in your wedding picture. You’re awesome. So looking forward to your stop in Toronto next month. I’m totally going to start blaming menstrual cramps on Voldemort, even though there’s no lightning bolt on my vagina (I checked), because, well. xoxo

  521. Had a terrific experience on a flight last week. The lady sitting beside me pulls out your book, makes eye contact and says it’s the funniest thing she’s read. We have a moment ’cause I also loved the book. Remainder of the flight is sitting beside her as she reads, gasps, mutters to herself, bursts out laughing, holds her sides and, sometimes, stomps her feet. Best flight I’ve been on in a long time! Thanks.

  522. Just read your book in two days and loved it. Loved the “thinner” curse!!!

  523. All the way up in Bangor, Maine, the mindless drones of one lowly little bookstore are reading your book and-I kid you not-we are all crapping our pants in laughter. I only wish your book tour had come up here JUST so I could get an autograph…..

    and see if you start talking about crazy, inappropriate shit. Cause that would be bad ass

  524. All the way up in Bangor, Maine, the mindless drones of one lowly little bookstore are reading your book and-I kid you not-we are all crapping our pants in laughter. I only wish your book tour had come up here JUST so I could get an autograph…..

    and see if you start talking about crazy, inappropriate shit. Cause that would be bad ass

  525. I totally just finished your book and I think I might go into book depression (again). I’m being honest when I say that a book has never made me laugh out loud before. In public. Or anywhere else. Write another one please? And maybe by tomorrow?

  526. Kelli,I’m with you on that one!
    I think I have become a little obsessed or have a holiday lady-crush at the moment!

  527. Hey Jenny,

    I am at pg. 282 and I was guessing before the end of the book, Victor had divorced you, or maybe murdered you, ( unlikely ) I had a crazy girlfriend like you many years ago, I should have toughed it out, she was truly Awesome!
    Enough of being serious, your book rocks, very laugh yourself silly, loud stuff..Good job, Penny ( that was the chicks name, its really you, isn’t it?) Jenny/Penny..Hmmm

  528. Ok, I finished it, and finally there was a little Shakespeare to brighten up the room, ergo, it smelled a little funny and HEy, what was that fur all over everything….Congrats on a very silly book, I did enjoy it, most of the time, your Dad was my favorite character.

  529. Hey, someone else has probably already pointed this out to you, but Rosie O’Donnell mentioned your book on her blog back in June! http://rosie.com/june-6th/

    As a long-time reader, I love seeing references to your book pop up everywhere!

  530. Loved d Let’s Pretend This Never Happened! Made me homesick for Kerrville! I laughed so hard at your, “you’re never ready for a package like that,” when you received your little pug-guys ashes in the mail. But I have one even better: my mom died last year and donated her body to research. They said it would be 12-16 weeks before we received her ashes. We (dad, me, sis and bro) all assumed there’d be a call saying we should start looking for a special package in the mail as the time got closer. But, nope! Out of the blue my sister opened a plain brown box to discover a plastic bag o’ mom! Fortunately we all thought it was funny (as my mom would have!)

  531. I cried laughing when I read this book and the end came far too soon for me !!

  534. I just finished your book this past weekend and I can’t remember the last time I laughed until tears were streaming down my face like that. I will never, ever sit on the toilet again looking at the crack under the door without picturing a cat paw pushing things through. TRULY AWESOME and I cant wait until the next one!

  535. Reading your book now. So far my son has asked me twice why I’m laughing in the bathroom. My husband’s going to have an anxiety attack because I left the TV on pause to spend the last 30 minutes with you. LOVING IT

  537. I want to thank you! I have a very sick husband… I usually spend my days crying (or hiding my crying when he’s around). Your book made me forget my misery for a little while. However, it gave me an entire new problem to worry about. I totally get you… It’s scary, because I have pondered many of your ponderings…

  539. I have been a fan of you and your blogs for years. I just finished your book and I loved it! My husband was constantly asking what was so funny. I can’t remember ever reading a book that made me laugh out loud. I also cried because of how honest you were about your life and your family. I am and always will be a huge fan! Thank you

  540. LOVED your book. I really is laugh out loud funny and I found myself having to read (somewhat edited) passages to my husband and teenage daughters. The new family phrase whenever someone doesn’t do what they’re supposed to – like clean their room, or pick up the dead bird is “I’m feeling stabby!” and we all crack up and then the work gets done (that second part was just in my head though).

  542. This book made me laugh so hard I cried…and cried…and cried! I couldn’t stop laughing and crying, and my husband stared at me like I was from planet Mars! What a wonderfully refreshing perspective on life–unfilterd and hilarious. Thank you for bringing so many humerous evenings of reading to my summer.

  543. totally and completely in love with you! Started out this Wednesday when my friend mutually sends me weird shit (hence why we’re friends) sent me the post about the soup… and I couldn’t stop reading the blog… then I said “wait a minute… she wrote a book?!” so I immediately went to my Mecca (amazon) and “looked inside” (I’m cheap what can i say?) and discovered to my dismay that yes I DO have to pay $12.99 for your book (I’m NEVER getting this amazon card paid off). I’m not even past #3 in the list of things that happened in your childhood and I’m already in tears from laughing in my office (damn work… DAMN IT) I had to stop and let you know how great and engaging your words are! Now, I’m off to not work for another hour and 10 minutes!

  544. Okay i didn’t buy your book yet because i got it from our local library on their display case. Since i’m such a slow reader i will end up having to buy it along with several copies for my most treasured friends. As far as pay toilets go the turnpike use to charge 10 cents (no symbol for cent…has the penny been removed from circulation or has my ipad just dropped it from the keyboard?) per use or two for 10 cents if you were travelling with your grandma from Illinois. I was little then in the 70’s and don’t recall any time limit on the toilet use. I do remember my great uncle harry gave me a plastic bank that said “save it for a rainy day” and my little brother and i both got $5 in dimes from him…now that i think back i wonder if he had prostate problems. Thanks for making me laugh so hard i woke my husband up while reading in bed!

  545. I struggle with depression. I bought your book and was laughing out loud in 5 minutes. I think I should pay you the difference between the cost of your book and my Prozac. Love, L

  546. Just finished your incredible book that I picked up completely by chance because I liked the mouse-keteer on the cover. I was at the end of a road trip that took me 3000 miles from Chicago to Denver and back. On my way I stopped at one of my favorite roadside attractions, Prairie Dog Town, in Oakley Kansas. I had been there 25 years ago, and contrary to other attractions like Wall Drug, it HAD NOT CHANGED AN INKLING. The great thing about it is that the owner was still the same guy, and he dedicated an awesome post card to me: it is a picture of this owner himself with a giant prairie dog (I mean like a 3-foot imaginary one) lying dead in the bed of his pre-1980 red Ford pickup, as he proudly looks on. The dedication reads “Happy hunting Aaron! Larry Farmer”. Anyway, this postcard has fittingly been my page marker for reading your book. I would love to send you a scan of it if there is a way. Also, my wife and I work in some way with taxidermy. Check it out at http://www.frederiquemorrel.com.
    Thanks so much for your book,
    Aaron

  547. This book was hilariously awesome! My friends were getting annoyed with me laughing when it was super quiet. Good timing jenny, good timing. Lol write a other one

  549. So having picked up your book simply for the title and the picture on the cover, I have to say well done (obviously since my freakishly shy self has decided to go on the internet where I’m pretty sure everyone is watching me) I was recently diagnosed with, I shit you not, general anxiety disorder. It’s uplifting to know there is someone out there who has dealt with the same total crap I’m dealing with now and come out (if not sane) with enough hair left in their head to put rollers in. Also, in the defense of Beyonce’, I would have defiantly paid the full three hundred dollars for a metal chicken that is taller than me only to put it on my back patio to freak out everyone who entered my home, so you can tell Victor that getting it for a hundred dollars at least makes you more responsible than me… Of course that actually might not help your case, but then he doesn’t know me so it’s worth a shot and now I’m rambling. Anyway, thank you sincerely for writing your book as now I do not feel like the only person who thinks the best way to spend a party is hiding in the bathroom trying to contain word vomit.

  550. Dear Jenny,

    This totally happened and you are completely to blame for any legal situation that may or may not arise as a result (I’m just letting you know):

    On Sunday, my daughter and I got in the car and I stuck my phone and iPod in my cup holder. I turned on your audio book and was listening to the chapter about you telling your husband about the Indian burial ground under your house and how you had vanquished them with your burning sage ceremony.

    My phone rang and the following number appeared: 817-335-4222001. I didn’t know whose number it was and it was a ridiculously long number, so I declined it. We drove another block and the phone rang again with the same number. I thought that maybe my ex, who lives in Europe, was trying to reach me because I’d just spoken to him long distance a few hours before we left the house. The number didn’t look like it had originated in Germany, but I figured what the hell, who else could it possibly be with that ridiculously long number, so I answered it. The conversation went like this:

    911 Operator: Ma’am you dialed 911 and we are calling to make sure that you are okay. We heard somebody say something about dead bodies.

    Me: What?!

    911 Operator: Where are the dead bodies, ma’am?

    Me (talking very fast): There are no dead bodies and I didn’t call 911. Oh. Oh My God! That wasn’t me talking that was an audio book. That was Jenny Lawson talking about the “zombie apocalypse”. I’m okay. I’m in my car on my way to my sister’s house.

    911 Operator: Are you sure you are alright, ma’am.

    Me: Oh, yes ma’am. I’m fine. I must have butt-dialed 911. I’m sorry, but there are no dead bodies here in the car. We are fine. That was Jenny Lawson.

    Obviously, that was the craziest conversation that I’ve ever had, but at least I gave that lady a story to take home. It’s Tuesday and I haven’t been arrested on suspicion of murder, but if there is a “zombie apocalypse” and my name comes up on the short list I AM TAKING YOU DOWN WITH ME.

    You have been warned.

    Adrian Jackson
    Fort Worth

    P.S.: I loved the audio book.

    P.P.S.: You are spot on about the GPS system. We’ve named ours “Gladys” and she is a smug bitch. She gets this edge in her voice when we aren’t properly following her instructions. I knew mine wasn’t the only one.

  551. Jenny I’m almost finished with your book. It’s hilarious! True to its promise– I laughed til I cried. Now write another book that can make me laugh til I cry AND pee in my pants…at the same time! I am enraptured by your quick wit and uncontrollable imagination! Thank you for writing this book. I look forward to more works by you.

    Debbie T.
    Fort Mohave, AZ

    P.S. If you ever get lost in the Mohave Desert, please stop by– I’ll give you bottled water in exchange for your autograph. Can I get a hug too?

    P.P.S. Adrian Jackson– what a hoot! Loved your comments.

  552. This was a fantastically funny book, from cover to cover! Thank you, Jenny Lawson.

  553. Loved your book!! Made me embrace my madness instead of trying to constantly pretend to others I’m completely normal!! Not everyone fell for it but it was definitely a waste of 30 years!! Bring on the next crazy 30
    Thank you

  554. I borrowed your book from a friend and loved it so much I felt guilty for not buying it myself and ordered a copy. I teach at a college and have been so busy that to ensure I had time to read it I would get ready for work early to beat the peak hour traffic then sit in my car in the college carpark eating a doughnut and reading your book before work as my students walked by puzzled..and the IT department at my work might be puzzled when they see I have been searching for bizarre taxidermid animals

  555. My dad is going to Antarctica again for an expedition around the holidays and I plan to tuck your book (or rather parts of it) into the care package we’re sending with him. I can just imagine him now, sitting in his tent, reading about the time you took too many laxatives, and laughing his head off. You bring joy to all corners of the Earth which is pretty awesome if you think about it (or don’t think about it if it freaks you out, but either way it’s awesome).

  556. Your book saved my life. I’m not even kidding. Well, a little. Or, as the lit professors would have it, hyperbolizing. Which may or may not be a word. Anyway. I’ve been having a really hard time lately– all kinds of stress being poured on from all directions, culminating (at least I hope) in the total wreckage of my beloved Pontiac Vibe, who never committed any sort of crime in her too-short life but was nevertheless destroyed by another person’s very bad decision during rush hour.

    So, to sum up: I get stressed. I get very, very depressed. (Shaky mental health and I are no strangers.) I start to think that possibly, just possibly, following my Vibe into the hereafter is a good idea. Then I roam aimlessly around Target, talking to myself, while the nice lady at the pharmacy fills my prescription for post-car wreck muscle relaxants. I happen across your book. I think, Oh, hey, that’s the hysterical person with the giant metal chicken. But I never buy books; that’s what libraries are for. Still… I am very depressed, and because I’m not thinking 100% rationally, it strikes me as an excellent idea to purchase your book and read it before I entertain any more suicidal ideations.

    As it turns out, it was quite possibly the best $20 (or slightly less, because I have a Target RedCard and therefore get a 5% discount on my purchases) I have spent lately. I laughed myself silly and decided that there are far worse things than having to bid farewell to my darling little car, such as defending my deceased pet from vultures or being mauled by allegedly tame and friendly dogs. So– thank you. So very, very much.

    lots of love,

    Jer

  557. So I was given your book for my birthday (because I told my husband to buy it) and I was SO excited I pretty much read it nonstop for the next little while. I literally got in trouble for “laughing too loud” while reading in bed and keeping him awake at night. So then I let him read it… and now the same thing is happening, except I make him read the bits he’s laughing at out loud… They’re totally different from the bits I was laughing at! Men’s brains are weird.

  559. I just wanted to say your book is the funnest thing i have read in a long time….I love some of things you bought online and redressed them in very cool outfits….I love the aligator story about the plane ride home….I would love to try that one sometime soon….lol keep writing…you are hilarious…I feel for you and your issues with anxiety i have had issues of my own… Thanks again for the best laugh I have had in years….

  560. Yesterday during a particularly depressive day, I decided I would do one thing on the “to do List” that you know will never get done. So I looked for your book – but the library only has it on audio book (what fun is that??? and the people always read way slower than I do). Then I thought about going to the store for it, but the nearest store that had it is about an hour drive away. (oh wait, the nearest decent book store is an hour away! Right next to the nearest Walmart supercenter and any decent grocery store).

    So I went for the next best thing, buying the book on the Nook. (Which for some reason only downloaded up to page 162, so I had to archive and redownload it). And you know what I discovered, somewhere when I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt, I started feeling better. I will now have to recommend the book to anybody who is between depression meds, or who is not on their meds .. because it was probably the best thing I’ve read in years! (Although my husband gave me a funny look when I started reading the HR Penis stories to him – men don’t get it).

    Thanks! I’ll be sharing it with all my dysfunctional Friends!

  561. I just finished reading the part in your book with your father, Gabi, and the mutilated raccoon. It left me laughing so hard, I cried. Thank you for sharing!

  562. I just bought your book and I have never laughed like that while reading a book. I was trying hard to be quiet while my husband was watching TV, but couldn’t control my shrieking! He kept looking at me like he wasn’t sure if he should walk away or call my psychologist! I think I love you.

  563. I just bought your book on my nook literally by accident, what a great accident. I love your storytelling and sense of humour. I stayed up late and laughed so hard I couldn’t suppress it. I tried to retell the stories to my husband but it’s not the same unless you read it. I can relate to some degree with the crazy family, numerous embarassing life moments, and the generalized anxiety disorder. And yes, it is much more important the house is clean underneath, who cares if there is stuff on top of it (I also live with the OCD husband who likes it tidy). I’m going to force my friends to read this so we can talk about it all day long.

  564. I finished reading your book a week or so ago. I enjoyed it; thanks for writing it!

    One thing I felt compelled to comment on is this: you know there is a difference between a Slurpee and an Icee! I wish I had been reading that part in a room full of my friends so I could point to my Kindle and say, “See people! It’s not just me!” I have to correct people all the time when they interchange the words. It’s not clear from your book whether you are anti-Slurpee, and that’s OK. I can be happy knowing that at the very least you know the difference. And knowing is half the battle, as they say.

    Cheers!

  565. I bought it, I love it, I’m really tired from reading too much when I should be sleeping and now I have puffy eyes for my 20 year school reunion. But I love it. Well done you.

  566. Just finished your book last night… I LOVED IT!!! There were many many moments my poor husband found me nearly hyperventilating I was laughing so hard. I hope you write another book soon!!

  567. LOVE LOVE LOVE your book, Jenny!

    My husband is reading it next because he “just has to know why you are keeping me awake with your laughing!”.

    Thank you for pairing your reality with humor! Its really the only way to get through life isn’t it?

    Your new biggest fan!
    Dena

  568. JENNY!!!

    i bought your book on kindle, then HAD to have it for real so i bought it again. also, i just sent it to you to autograph. i hope it’s not one among thousands, for my sake anyway. but for you, that would be awesome, at least until you actually had to start signing them. if that happened, please sign mine when you’re getting really really snarky but before your hand breaks. thanks.

  569. My Father just gave me this book for my 36th birthday. I’m fairly certain it was an effort to prove to me that somewhere out there someone else’s Father has inflicted more trauma on them than he has on me. I had my doubts since this is a man who has me convinced that any cloud can turn into a Tornado at a moment’s notice (and who calls me up during thunderstorms to keep me on my toes), and who gifted me with a stomach weak enough to gag or puke at the thought of a raw egg (after tossing a raw egg to the dog one morning while cooking breakfast in his gitch – the dog caught it without breaking the shell but i had already imagined the aftermath so the damage was done). At any rate i’m not 5 chapters in yet and ‘twould appear that he was absolutely correct. The proof is in the pudding, and your pudding is as dark, traumatic, and fantastically funny as they come. I honestly only usually read books with lasers, goblins or robots in them. I’m not sure if yours has lasers or robots, or whether i can classify chupacabras as goblins but i look forward to reading the rest. I’ve basically figured out what i’ll be buying everyone i know for their birthday or for Christmas. Thank you.

  570. Just finished the book! LOVED IT! I was laughing out loud by page 10. I would say I couldn’t put it down but I have a 5 year old and a three year old so I sorta HAD to or my husband would have been really pissed.

    BTW – as I was reading my 5 year old kept asking what was so funny. When I pass the book on (and I will) I will tell everyone to write kid jokes in the margins so they can tell them SOMEthing funny that won’t make them think Mommy is insane.

    All the best to you!! Thank you!

  571. Hi Jenny! Yes I *was* serious about wanting that autographed copy of your book – how do we go about doing that? Can I pay someplace and give you my address and you could send me one which you personally have inscribed? Want it, need it, MUST have it!!

    And thanks SO much for the wonderful and glowing review on That Other Website – you rock! Seriously. It made my morning! A signed book tho would make me WEEK!

    Best,
    Kelly

  572. Reading “let’s pretend” hand have been laughing my ass off since pg 1. THEN I get to ther “serial killer” chapter and am bawling my eyes out. FINALLY…someone has written exactly how I feel living with an anxiety disorder. Thanks for putting yourself out there, now get out of my head, cuz there’s just not enough room for all y’all in there!

  573. You really need to put a spoiler alert that says “if your bladder has fallen due to child birth – do not read this book!” Seriously, I have not laughed this hard since my husband showed up with a thong! Thank you for a great weekend read.

  574. Just finished the book. OMG it was so funny! I was sitting outside reading and had to come inside lest my neighbors start to wonder about me more than they likely already do. I laughed out loud on the very first page. Thank you for sharing yourself and your life. None of us are normal. Thank god for that!!

    Much love!!

  575. I got your book for my birthday today (well, my birthday isn’t until next Saturday, but some people chose to celebrate today, which should mean (if I’m lucky (am I allowed to put parentheses inside of parentheses? Tough shit if not, huh?)) I’ll get to celebrate my birthday every day for the next week AND IT’LL BE OKAY because SOMEbody decided to start celebrating today. Yay!!) I made it through the first three chapters before my stomach hurt so bad from laughing that I thought I was going to throw up and I knew I was going to have to put it down.

  577. Just read your crazy ass book…..thanks for giving me the opportunity to laugh out loud! A breath of fresh air laced with cougar breath, cocaine hallucinations, and a really?? really?? documentary – style life. Have to admit – i was thinking that most of the book wasn’t real but the picture documentation has me a little unsettled as to whether or not we have to pretend this never happened…………yikes!

  578. Have just finished reading your book, you are awesome. Can’t wait for your next book. I was laughing so hard I was crying 😀
    I have been raving about your book at work, as I work with a chick you talks exactly as you write. It’s like working with you, totally frickin awesome. As Shannon said none of us are normal, thanks for sharing your life with us.

    Keep it up

  579. This is probably meant to be a chick book, meaning girls not the bird you see on a lot of farms and enjoy eating on Sundays, the bird not the girl. Anyway, I enjoyed the read very much and I’m a guy.

  580. Hi Jenny,

    I was just trolling through facebook, and a friend posted this article. It’s full of lots of heavy-duty medical jargon, but as best I can understand it, it says that your RA may be related to your Anxiety disorder.

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3365276/

    I don’t know that this is helpful in any way, but I’m an information junkie, and when I read it I thought of you. Maybe there’s something in there useful for your doctors.

    Wishing you wellness.

    Robin

  581. You’re book is laugh out loud funny, the only problem is that I’m starting to talk like you. Do you think whatever you have is catching and if so can I catch it just by reading your book? I really hope this comment doesn’t show up on a Google search on my name.

    Thanks for over sharing.

    Tiana

  582. I’m late to the party, but just read your book and am so awed by your talent and thankful you’re in this world. You are amazing (and I’m not easily impressed.)

  583. Thank you for writing this book! I can’t remember the last time I read a book that made me laugh out loud. I have just lived through the worst year of my life and was dragging myself through another day when I saw “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” and knew I had to read it. A mouse in Elizabethan costume? You absolutely CAN judge a book by its cover! You can trust me on this because I am a librarian. I look forward to your next book, but please don’t wait eleven years because I am sixty-one and life is so unpredictable.

  584. Funniest book I have ever read in my entire life. I borrowed it from the library and am now purchasing it on Amazon so I can read it again and again. I have never laughed so long or so hard out loud. Like Pat I am a librarian (but older than her).

  585. Holy shit! Amazing! I have a similar personality or promote a different kind of crazy but were from the same breed. I am jealous as shit to be honest. This book and your blog are brilliant! I am out of words…wow. Fucking hilarious has a new meaning now.

    No comedic piece in any facet can top this! I love naturally, talented women who don’t give a shit and at the same time monentarily go into a panic.

    Kelly Sowell

  586. Jenny – You’re a sensational woman. Your book is fantastic! Thank you so much for the punch of color in a world that seems so grey these days!!!

  587. Jenny-I howled with laughter the whole way through your book! It is so funny and very disturbing. We have very simular stories including the ninja pug but I have two killers in the house! My husband is reading your book right now and is convinced that I must be related to you in some way! Thank you for being a kindred soul. I am inspried by your book to start writing. -mary

  588. First off, I love your book. However, I think your next project should be to write a user’s guide for “Let’s Pretend,” with helpful tips like “Don’t read the chapter where ‘I got lost for the 80,000th time’ while you are eating Indian food for lunch at work, because it hurts to get curry in your sinuses when you laugh too hard, and your coworkers look at you like you’re crazy.” Or “Don’t read in bed next to your very tired boyfriend who is trying to sleep, because your attempt at laughing ‘quietly’ isn’t fooling anyone, and you’re most likely going to hurt yourself, either by hernia-caused-by-laugh-suppression, or being smothered by a boyfriend who doesn’t appreciate constant snickering while trying to sleep.” Just a thought. Not that I’ve had any of these problems myself, of course. Just a few off the cuff ideas.

    However, if those were the kinds of things that happened to me while reading your book, it would just be a sign of how awesome it is. Keep up the good work! Now I’m off to find some sinus rinse, since everything still smells like curry…

  589. I came across your blog entry 3 years ago about how you wanted to get your dog tattooed. (I’m not 100% sure on what I googled to make that happen) I laughed, showed a few friends and quite frankly never looked at your blog again. Today I was in a bookstore and I picked up your book and read the first few pages and for some reason it made me think of your tattooed dog. I bought the book, came home and searched for an hour trying to find the blog post (apparently tattooed dog wasn’t what i searched initially). I eventually found it and realized THATS why it was so familiar to me, that you were the author. This is a really long explanation, however.. I just finished your book in 4 hours. Can’t wait for the next one! and until then, i’ll be catching up on the last 3 years + of blog updates. Because I cant remember the last time I’ve laughed this hard because of a MOVIE nevermind a book! You’re great!

  590. HI Jenny, Just finished your book. Literally. OMG! What can I say that hasn’t already been said? I just LOVE your book. I started reading it the other day and was laughing so hard that I couldn’t see the pages to read them because of the tears rolling down my cheeks. Then I was laughing because of how much it made me laugh and then well, it was all downhill from there. Somehow I managed to stop laughing and crying enough to finish it and just wanted to say thanks. Your book rocks. You rock. Your writing rocks. Your stories rock. Thanks so much!

  591. This book has been a much needed companion through a really rough spot in my life. On the worst of days I’ve been able to pull it out, read a chapter, and find myself in tears of laughter – usually in public places filled with people awkwardly staring at me. Many times it has been those laughs that have gotten me through the day. Thank you so much for your amazing book.

  592. I just finished your book. I LOVED it. Because it was FANTASTIC.
    disclaimer: on the other hand it could be because I know:
    1. what it is like to bear witness to someone who is shoulder-deep in a cow’s vagina. And that someone was my grandfather. And I was 8.
    2. how fun it was to have my grandmother cut off chicken’s heads for dinner and because us kids got to chase the headless chicken body around the yard until it finally stopped running and fell over.
    3. that we ALWAYS ate organic beef and knew where it came from. Not because we were all trendy and shopped at Whole Foods, but because we raised that steer in the back pasture and then strung it up in the front pasture and butchered it right there.
    4. how to shuck a mountain oyster
    5. that it takes ALL of an eight-yr-old’s weight to pull the skin off of a rabbit.
    Good times.
    Great book. Can’t wait for the next one.
    Did I mention my grandmother committed suicide? Maybe had you written this book back in 1977 she could have read it and it would have helped her depression. I like to think she is reading it in heaven and laughing her ass off.

  593. I bought the print book for the pictures, but I HAD to have the audio book. Hearing you TELL the stories makes it feel like you are at my kitchen table, talking to me over a cup of coffee (Jack Daniels, gin, whatever!)

  594. I started reading your book to procrastinate my American Literature homework of reading Moby Dick, only to discover that you began “Call me Ishmael.” Way to remind me of what I was supposed to be doing. Luckily, I was able to ignore my conscience and continue reading… and it was much better than Moby Dick (*possible slogan)

  595. I love reading and blogging. I recently was sent one of your posts from another blogger and I thought it was hilarious! I died of laughter at your Beyonce post and called my sister right away to read her the story, she was dying of laughter, too. I was looking at your page and realized that I had already bought your book a few weeks ago and was excited to read it, figuring that it would be equally as funny and you don’t let down one bit! I love your book and I am planning to suggested it at my two book clubs when I am up to pick! I have been telling everyone to read it because it is literally laugh out loud funny! I figure, aside from saving me from cocaine, I think you have added years to my life with all the laughter I have been doing. I do believe that is another selling point for your book, now you’re welcome, right back!

  596. Jenny, I feel like anyone who has read your book should get at least one follow up/clarification question. I have many but the one I really can’t get over is the girl who accused you of giving her a trick keyboard. My question is, when was this? I mean it’s so ridiculous in this computer driven world, plus, even if she didn’t use a computer (why she applying for a job that would require her to use one is beyond me) but when is the last time you saw a cell phone without a keyboard (besides mine)?

    Katie

    (It was the 90’s. ~ Jenny)

  597. *Clarification – Because a telephone key pad is the only type of keyboard I can think of that would be alphabetical.

  599. I finished this book last week. It was hilarious! I could not put it down. I even risked contempt of court and took it with me when I went to traffic court with my husband (he got a speeding ticket and we went to court to get it reduced). I did laugh in court, but it was silent laughter.
    But I think the book would have been worth getting in trouble. It was that darn good!

  600. Your blog is awesome and so are you. With giddy happiness I picked up your book at the library yesterday and I am enjoying reading it. Thank you so sharing your story. Thank you for the laughter.

  601. I was at the library browsing the new releases section and, lo and behold, there was your book! I snatched it and checked it out. Later I looked on the library website and saw that 356 people have holds/requests on the book and it never should’ve been on that shelf. And then I felt very special.

  602. Dear Jenny,
    I am almost finished with your book, and I will miss you like a friend when I’m done. I have deliberately read it slowly, and savored it, like good chocolate. Also, it takes longer to read a book you can’t read in public without putting yourself in danger of being hauled away in the twinky mobile with the fancy jacket that ties in the back. I discovered this when snorting in laughter at the doctor’s office, and I looked up to see everyone staring at me. Thank you for your book. They are foreclosing on my house (it’s okay, it’s actually going to be a good thing, but still is somewhat offputting), so it’s been a while since I’ve had a belly laugh. I hope you don’t take 11 years to write book 2. I’ m 65. Time’s a wasting.
    Sincerely and with much affection,
    Betsy

  603. Finally got to ordering your book last weekend. Just one question: WHAT TOOK ME SO LONG? (Oh wait! That was a question for me.)

    Enjoying it very much. Thanks for writing it; thanks for sharing your life and perspective.

    PS. Hope you’re working on Book #2 🙂

  604. Sooo I ordered your book from a sister-university’s library because my University’s 11 libraries don’t have it. (What am I paying grad school tuition for? Sheesh!) It finally came about a week ago, and I’ve been reading it in the bathroom in order to survive Hurricane Sandy. This tactic worked, and then today I referenced this book in a response to a response to a personal ad I posted as a joke. Then I tweeted about how both you and one of my blogging friends both tweeted about bacon simultaneously. I’m also delirious with a fever, I just baked a casserole in the middle of the night, and I have issues… but reading your book makes me feel like I’m reading my own diary. Thank you. And I’m sorry for this fever induced ramble that I probably won’t remember in the morning but your memoir is delightful.

  605. Just finished your book. THANK YOU! Totally enjoyed it, even more so after your banned books post. I have a hatred of squirrels, mostly due to the neighborhood infestation of tree rats. I do however enjoy a good squirrel story no matter if it’s about aqua squirrels or a good dead squirrel. Hope you enjoy this one…. I still do after several views……http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Nn0UkdDArM

  606. I just wanted to thank you for your book. I have not laughed so much since… well, ever. Please write another one soon!

  608. So I just want on a vacation where the bulk of the time would be spent sitting by the pool, drinking and reading. I saw your book at Barnes & Noble and the cover caught my eye. Then I read the jacket and was laughing uncontrollably at Barnes & Noble so I bought the book. I admit with no shame that I made a complete ass of myself on the pool deck at Sheraton in Cabo because of my insane laughing fits. I simply love you. I cannot stress that enough.

  609. Was at the lab getting blood drawn per rheumy’s orders as I’m on methotrextate and synchronicity is alive and well. I start reading where you’re telling readers all about the aforementioned drug and the blood tests involved and start laughing and snorting and just carrying on. The woman next to me whips out a pen and wants to know the book’s title and then the woman who drew my blood writes the info down as she’s never heard anyone laughing so hardily while waiting to get pricked.

  610. I missed your book tour but would still love to get an autographed copy.
    How would I go about getting that? hmm?

  611. Is there any way that I can get an audio book not from Itunes? I can’t afford the Itunes version, but I really want to listen to it while I’m making a whole freaking Thanksgiving dinner for my awkward family.

    BTW I already checked the library and there’s a 78 person wait list! Holy crap!

    Thanks!

  612. BUWAHAHAHA … I just called BlueWillow Bookstore in Houston
    who’s gonna ship THEIR LAST AUTOGRAPHED COPY to me in Chicago.
    Paid Full Price, and Proud Of It.

  613. Just finished the book, and I was in tears!!!! Amazing job.
    Moments of absolute horrified laughter, and absolute enlightenment.
    I kust wish some of these exchanges with Victor could have been videoed to live it in real time…
    1223 xoxo

  614. i just finished your book, i have not laughted like that in years!! i knew when the book started that it was going to be awesome and it was. i thought my family was fucked up but your family took the cake. i think you are one of the coolest chicks i ever read!!! i thought i had ocd bad but , i was happy to know that theirs somebody worse then me. i need to find me my own victor, thats what i call true love. i hope you will write more books! your AWESOME!!!

  616. Bought the book last night in the airport and burned through it in about four hours. Stomach hurts from laughing. Better workout than Pilates or yoga, and not just because you can’t shout, “this is fucking hilarious” in yoga class without being asked to leave.

  617. Oh. My. God. You are fucking hilarious! Amazing! I’ve been reading your book during my lunch breaks for the past week and unabashedly cackling like an idiot in front of my co-workers. I will recommend it to everyone. I will buy many copies and hand them out as Christmas gifts. I will personally make it a best seller! Seriously, it’s always a pleasure to discover a fellow-lunatic. Thanks for the book. Write more.

  618. Many congrats on winning the 2012 Goodreads Award for best Humor title! I loved it, and when I was checking the awards this morning, I gave a little squee on your behalf. Well deserved!

  619. Jenny, I must say I LOVE your book! (read it twice now) I can remember walking into Chapters and your book caught my eye, so I opened it up and started reading, (it was when you were getting high) I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my face, everyone in Chapters was looking at me. Bought the book and couldn’t put it down. My kids thought I was insane as I woke them up a few times from laughing. I recommend your book to everyone I know.
    I hope to find more books from you. 🙂
    PS – Went to my first taxadermy place the other day.. Based on your book, I was a little nervous.. This one was nothing like your fathers! lol

  621. I am in law school, and have finals all this week. I AM SO EXCITED TO BE DONE so I can read your book and not be concerned about evidence, insurance law, constitutional law or another boring topic! SO EXCITED! Okay, one more test back to studying! Hope you have a wonderful day and realize that the realization I get to read your book in t-minus one day is considered a reward. You are just like a little lawyer treat. Lawyer treat- not sure anyone ever wants to be called a treat…but a treat for a lawyer makes me sound like I am a blood hunting ambulance chaser. Which, I am not- I promise! Okay rambling done…back to evidence.

  622. OMG this book. Really. I nearly peed myself so many times, I was laughing so hard. I nearly choked to death on snot so many times, because my nose was running, because I was crying, because I was laughing so hard.

    I actually recommend your book to patients (along with David Sedaris’ Me Talk Pretty One Day) as part of the lifestyle portion of the treatment plan for anxiety and stress. It’s awesome.

    Thank you for sharing the insanity to which so many of us can relate!!!

  624. OMFG!! I am half way through your your book and its a RIOT! OK, its not really a riot, in that I do not have people in my house chanting, breaking things, and trying to set me on fire, but I think you know what I mean. I have not laughed this hard since re-runs of the Carol Burnett show. I have been laughing so hard my stomach hurts. You are a fucking genius – and insane one – but a genius! WRITE MORE FASTER!!

  625. Just finished reading your book. Laughed, was envious of your marital relationship and thought “At least I’m not that fucked up”. Then walked into my bedroom and realized that every day, I make my bed without the use of conventional pillows because I happen to sleep with only a small neck pillow and every morning it is placed carefully at the head of my bed…..except 12 days a year, when our cleaning lady of 15 years makes her monthly appearance. On those 12 days, I carefully place two conventional pillows on the bed and put my neck pillow in a drawer. Am I afraid the cleaning lady will refuse to clean our house if there is a tiny neck pillow on the bed? Will she think I am some kind of weirdo and start swearing in Spanish. Do they speak the same Spanish in El Salvador as they do in Mexico? For 15 years she has probably stared at my refrigerator contents and wondered at the science projects for mold growing and cleans the refrigerator, leaving the moldy (mouldy???) offerings as though she doesn’t want to be deported for interfering with National Security Science projects. I am fucked up…Thank God.

  626. Most. Amazing. Book. Ever. I bought “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” at the end of my Spring semester and brought it around with me on campus to read in between finals. Needless to say, I got many annoyed and confused looks when I started laughing so hard I would be snorting in quiet rooms where people were trying to study.

    Wanting to spread the joy, when I enrolled in my storytelling class for the fall I used “Stanley, The Magical Talking Squirrel,” and “My Vagina is Fine, Thanks for Asking!” for two of my three monologues I had to do to complete the class. I’ve had a good 10-15 people approach me and ask me where they can buy your book, and a few that told me they bought multiple copies. This book is hilarious (in a sick “I can’t believe that this actually happened”) kind of way. Jenny is an amazing writer, this book is one that I’ll continue to share and read repeatedly. 🙂

  627. Funniest book EVER! Bought it on tape AND hard copy:) Gave packs of your rat bastard “Hallelujah” and “OMB Hey Girl!” cards as early xmas presents and people freaked. My publishing mentor says she can’t bear to write in them and is going to wallpaper her house with them instead. Awesome! Love you! xoxo

  628. Bought the audio book from Audible yesterday. Now I’m half way through it and it has been,
    FANTASTIC! Well written and is an amazing performance. Very happy with my purchase.
    Thanks Jenny. Be proud. Be Proud.

  629. I just tried to order your book on Amazon, but there’s not a version that will work with my Kindle for iPhone app…so sad! Just thought I’d put in a request for that version! Love your blog!

  632. One of the sad things about your book is point two on the eleven point list of how messed up your childhood was, about poisonous tap water. I’m 14, and hear the elders talk about the radon poison of the past. It was bad enough that the government sends us reports about once a year on how the concentrations are, and my parents make a big deal of showing me. You’re not alone, Jenny.

    Also, I thought I’d add that I bought your book with my Christmas money from “santa”. My mom must be thrilled.

  634. I bought your book for my MIL. I got her addicted to your blog. She now is a Jenny-Crackhead. I bought the book and a package of Tena’s. I figured… she just might need them. I pre-ordered mine way way way back when it was not out yet. I also recieved one of your signed cards for inside the book. I thought I would put it in my MIL’s book for her to have but I have misplaced the card. CRAP. FAIL. Is there anyway I can get another one???? I will even order some f-ed up stuff on your website!!!! Please? Thanks in advance if you are able to make this happen. Oh well if not.

  636. FUNNIEST Book i’ve ever read. And I’ve read alot, or a lot, anyway. Made ME feel a little less crazy. Thanks Jenny.

  637. I just finished reading your book, and as someone who has never read your blog, I just thought you might want to know that the most shocking thing to me was that you didn’t own jeans. I mean, that is weird. And I never knew that bunk-bed fascination was an only-child thing. Should I tell my kids they can’t have one ’cause they have each other? Huh. Then again, maybe you didn’t want to know what I thought, not having met me virtually or otherwise, but I already told you, so, oh well….

  638. Oh, and thank you for the book. Now I’m thinking that I, too, may be more fit for the web than the public at large.

  639. Dear Jenny,
    I am currently reading your book and am enjoying laughing my ass off and reading the particularly inappropriate parts out loud to my husband, Chase. I can totally relate to having a father that is a taxidermist, except replace the word “taxidermist” with “emotionally unavailable fucktard.” Having a father be a taxidermist would have been much preferred in retrospect. If you’ve been distracted by something shiny at this point, may I please attempt to divert your attention back by a dead animal tale of my own? I am confident I may proceed with a resounding, “fuck, yeah!”
    Last Thanksgiving, I foolishly offered to host dinner. My main motivation were three roosters that were supposed to be chickens, but before you get up in arms about equal poultry rights, I will add that they were a-holes and I gleefully looked forward to cooking those mofos. So, the day came for them to get the axe. It was a glorious day, and made even better by my two-year-old’s assurances that they were naughty roosters that pecked us. So, even a toddler wished for their demise. A lot of feathers and a crime scenes worth of blood later, they were tucked into white plastic garbage bags in the freezer. Fast forward about a week, I reach in and grab one of those suckers to thaw so I can process it into sausage. Over the next three days, our fridge smells like ass and every time I open it, I comment on how smelly a defrosting rooster is. Finally, I feel it’s ready to have the flesh stripped, and I rip into that plastic bag. And another bag. And another bag, oddly enough. And there, staring at me with jellied eyes and stinking flesh is not a rooster, but an effing bear skull. Do I scream? Do I run in disgusted terror? No, I merely stare at it and calmly say, “Chase, I am going to effing kill you.” Then I called my dear friend Kelly to inform her that I wasn’t coming over to use her meat grinder as I had been defrosting a damn bear skull in my fridge as opposed to the promised rooster. She of course laughed at my expense and reminded me that my husband and white plastic garbage bags are a dangerous combination. This is very true; we actually warn people that if my husband shows up at their house with a white plastic garbage bag DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR! Shut the blinds and hide until he goes away because he will either have 30lbs of cranberries, a dead goose, or an effing bear skull in that motherfucker.
    Thank you for being hilarious and relatable! I can’t wait for your next book!
    P.S. I never made jams for raccoons, but I did make bandanas for a group of baby squirrels. I was glad I wasn’t alone in dressing wild animals.

  641. Hello – long time blog reader, first time poster. Read your book this weekend, had been looking forward to it for a while now and my Kindle finally forced itself to download it. I loved it. I laughed out loud, learned many things I didn’t need to know, and continued to be amazed at the human spirit. Thanks for your humor, your insight and your ability to see things for all that they are and all that they aren’t.

    Thanks you!
    Tracy

  642. My bf got me your book for my bday (Dec 18th in case you were wondering). He thought I might be able to relate to some of your struggles. Ironically enough…he was right…same DSM diagnosis and everything. I enjoyed reading the book and finished it up today. A lot of what you were saying was very familiar to me, which made me smile (but also scared me just a bit). Good luck w/ 2012+1. Thanks for the book. Be well.

  643. Finally downloaded this onto my eBook just in time for a 5 hour flight to Costa Rica. Everyone on that plane is now sure I have lost my mind as I couldn’t stop laughing out loud… my son is ready to disown me, and the rest of the karate team (that’s why we’re in CR) are eyeing me very carefully. Thank you so much, I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed anything so much.

  644. Got your book in the audio version. You really did a FANTASTIC job with both the writing and the narration.
    Love it to death.

  646. Your book was on sale for kindle readers the other day, and You Madam have written an excellent read. I get stares from people when reading your book because I can’t stop laughing (with you).

  647. I am listening to this for the second time, in a row, on Audible (yes, the audio book is more expensive, you’re welcome). It’s a fantastic listen! Not only is it entertaining, but it makes me feel better knowing there are other axiety-ridden people in the world who seem to manage just fine. Thank you Jenny!

  648. Hi Jenny. I recently read your book and I laughed so much, I nearly fell out of bed. Sorry. I really shouldn’t be laughing at the awful shit that happened to you … especially the deer carcass incident, not to mention ol’ squirrel hand, and of course, the vulture feast. But I couldn’t help it, because you’re so darned Funny girl! Thanks so much. Can’t wait for book two… it should only take 5 1/2 years now that you’ve got the hang of it 🙂

  649. I just wanted to say the funniest book I believe I have ever read. Everybody kept asking what I was reading. Great read!!! When is book #2 coming out? That sounds like a question you would have asked!!!!!!

  650. My sister bought me your book for Christmas. I was thinking how random it was for someone who does not have the same taste in books to buy me a book, but figured I would give it a shot.
    I love this book!
    I laugh so hard I cry. I have convinced several others that they must purchase it.

  651. I’ve laughed until I’ve cried – your book is fantastically hilarious. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. I’m enjoying every minute of it and can’t wait for the next book.

  652. Omg! I freaking loved this book!!! I just finished it today. I was laughing out loud so many times and my husband kept asking me what I was reading. I so I told him “the vagina one.” I probably should explain that I left my iPad open with your book open to the “My Vagina is Fine. Thanks for Asking” chapter.

    Can’t wait for the next one!

  653. I haven’t read or bought the book, because we aren’t supposed to be spending any money this month, but I totally just saw that it was featured on Powell’s Daily Dose and the comments and reviews are awesome. Definitely buying it for my trip next month, hopefully I don’t snort on the plane!

  654. Not to be depressing, but I just wanted to let you know that your book has given me the only laughs I’ve had since my mother died on January 4. I took it along with me when we went to South Carolina to start emptying her house and to attend the funeral, and no matter how miserable the day had been, I made sure to read a few pages of your book going to bed, just to cheer myself up. I loved it so much that I just ordered my own copy (I was reading one from the library) this afternoon. Keep ’em coming!

  655. wow, loving your book, just smiling all the way through as i recognize pieces of myself in your stories (i am not one of the mean girls, i am also babbling really weird things and wish i could stop).

  656. I am loving this book! I didn’t like the beginning because Jenny was bragging about how funny her stories are, and I was like, “Stop bragging and get to the funny stories.” Once I got to the funny stories, I was hooked!

    I just read the part about Jenny being diagnosed with rheumatiod arthritis. Jenny, I highly recommend that you read the book An Epidemic of Absence. Here is a link:
    http://www.amazon.com/dp/1439199388

    Good luck!
    Linda

  659. Jenny,
    Finished your book today. Thanks for the laughs. Some were big belly laughs. Always healthy – but these came at an especially good time. (I’m hoping Victor is as wonderful as he sounds.)
    Thanks,
    Karen

  660. Thank you, thank you, thank you…..I thought only my family was this hysterically weird!! You have proven that there is a family not only stranger than mine, but makes me feel normal….and now I am jealous of your amazingly weird thoughts…I want such an interesting mind! I pray that you write another book….I was so sad when that one ended! Thank you again for all of the laughs 🙂

  661. I’m not sure how long your book has been out, but since the comments go back to 2011, I’d say at least since then. Honestly I haven’t visited your blog in a reaaalllly long time. Or any other blogs really. But I’m getting way off the point here. So, I saw a post of yours come up in my Facebook newsfeed and in my avoidance to finish my work I clicked it. One thing led to another and there I was on Amazon buying your book. What’s even more exciting is that I technically didn’t have to pay for it because I used reward points. I was super excited about this. Bursting with joy that I was able to get something for free. Then I realized that I had to spend a couple thousand dollars on a credit card that I’m still paying for to earn those points. So it was a hollow victory. But hollow victories can still be filled with brownies and ice cream. And now a book about pretending. At least that’s what I hope it’s about. xoxo Jenn

  662. This was one of my all-time favorite books ever! Thank you for expressing your humor and thoughts in such a funny way. You rock, Jenny Lawson!

  664. Jenny:

    I just wanted to say that I just finished your book, and my God I think we are long lost relatives. I found your book on an off chance when browsing in my local library and I flipped it open to the chapter of Beyonce the 5 foot chicken and thought there is no way in hell I am NOT checking out this book! Needless to say I thoroughly enjoyed your book, and will become a regular fan of your blog. Your stories left me getting numerous peculiar stares in public due to my uncontrollable laughter (in part because some of this is so insane it is hard to believe, and the other because I can totally relate). Thank you for sharing your story… I hope you were serious about a second book! By the way I totally have people believing in water squirrels..

    not really…..but it isn’t like I’m NOT trying to convince them…after all it is in a F**king book! 🙂

  666. Hi. My name is Megan. I’m a Librarian.
    Confessions aside, I love your blog & your book. I’m buying extra copies to circulate in my library so that more people can suffer the uncontrollable incontinence and unrestrained snorting that I have enjoyed at your hands. I may use these newly-purchased copies to inflict humor upon the humorless. I apologize in advance if I use your book for humor-based evil. Actually, I’m not that sorry.
    xoxoxo

  667. I can’t believe it took me this long to find your funny website. I’m a funeral director’s daughter and in a way we have something in common. Your dad stuffed animals and my dad . . .well you get the picture. I loved your novel “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.” I’m lucky that I have the bladder control of a sixteen-year-old (That’s a fact. My doctor told me so. Damn, why is the best part of me hidden?) or all my laughing would have caused leakage. I’ve been sharing your website and now they are hooked, too. Thank you for making me laugh about life and unexpected daily mishaps.

  668. I have insomnia and I recently discovered that audio books make me sleepy, so of course I immediately used my (second) audible credit to purchase your audio book (I used my first credit to buy The Hobbit, full unabridged version, ‘cos it seemed like a good investment, I mean seriously, it’s like 50 hours long!).

    I am writing to you because I have a complaint about your audio book. You’re too funny. I have to force myself to turn it off at the end of each chapter, and then I lie (lay?) there in the dark chuckling to myself as my spinning brain replays your irreverent adventures and observations over and over. Fortunately my husband wears ear plugs to bed so you’re off the hook there, my laughter hasn’t woken him up. Yet.

    One good thing has come out of this. I am feeling re-inspired to work on my own memoir. I too had an unconventional childhood. Replace rural Texas with rural Alberta and replace strange taxidermy adventures with strange church cult adventures and we are practically sisters! The first draft of my memoir (yes, I printed a hard copy) has been sitting in a box in the top of my closet for around two years. I dusted it off and hope to finish it in less than eleven years. You’re a real motivator, Miss Bloggess.

  669. PLEASE COME BACK TO TORONTO! Or at least somewhere within driving distance of Toronto. I missed you last time because of that stupid job of mine.

  670. My children’s school is having a silent auction on March 9th. We’d love a signed copy of your book. Or a metal chicken. Or anything you can spare that could make us some money. Please e-mail me if you happen to contribute so such things. Thanks for your time!

  673. Come in Chuck is the funniest fucking thing i’ve read in years & it’s currently stuck in a brain loop that i’m sure will abate somewhat this coming year….yes i checked it out of the library and will hustle it back promptly so we can continue the Mormon influence…still laughing my ass off!

  675. So I’m sure the opinion of a complete stranger doesn’t really matter to whoever may or may not read this, but I recently borrowed your book from the library – because I’m a cheap dick – and I would like to review it.
    This book is like a rocket ride of chocolate flavored money flying out of the anus of an angel. Which is a good thing.
    Well done. I love it.

  676. I’m obsessed with your book, your blog, and, possibly, your life. I’m not a stalker, I promise. But I am a little obsessed.

    I started writing a blog recently, and I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right (because how does one “do” a blog) so I literally typed “best blogs for women” into the Great and Powerful Google and your blog popped up. I’ve been reading it ever since. I also bought your book, and it’s quite possibly saving me from slipping into alcoholism. So, thank you, from me and from my liver.

  677. I love you. Really. There aren’t many authors who can make me laugh out loud, and you did it consistently with your (mostly true) memoir. There were many parts I related to. For example, I’m an anxiety sufferer, I’ve had a “missed” miscarriage (carrying a dead baby, ick), and I’m terrified of my son growing up to be a Republican. (They can’t test for that. They can test for all this other shit, but not that? wtf?) I just wanted to THANK YOU for your honesty and sublime sense of humor, and to let you know that as I venture into the world of publishing, you will remain a most admired heroine for me! (Note to past self: One day you will write a note of admiration to a woman who collects taxidermied animals. I know! Sur-prise!) Hey, have you read Roald Dahl’s short story “The Landlady”? Just read it, ok? It’s got taxidermy. I’m done now. love you, love you, love you!!

  679. I was on a breast cancer site reading a Mother Cluckers thread and someone posted your blog on Beyonce the Chicken. I cried from laughing, needed that. Found your book, perfect title. I need you book. Will order next. Thank you for letting yourself be funny.

  680. To Jenny, (and curious potential book readers)
    This book made me laugh so hard I cried. Word to the wise: don’t read this book in bed next to your sleeping husband because you’ll wake him up with silent laughter that accidentally shakes him awake, and then he’ll look at you like you’re nuts and ask why the hell you’re crying.

    Only adding to the hilarity of this book was how shockingly relatable your stories were to me. Like for example, my dad once woke me up in the middle of the night brimming with excitement to show me the bobcat that was stalking our chickens in the tree in our backyard. Except we couldn’t very well go back to bed without saving the chickens. So my dad ties a lasso to the end of a fishing pole and manages to loop it around the cats neck. He had the foresight to tie an extra rope end, so that each of us could pull opposite ends to get the cat out of the tree without pulling claws and teeth toward our faces. The next day we took a family road trip to Tahoe national forest to relocate the bobcat.

    This shit is too good to make up! Hilarious ridiculousness that just doesn’t happen to people and has some magical endearing quality that makes you so grateful you aren’t “normal”. You just get me. I hope I can replicate the chaos for my children as sweetly as you have.

    Cheers,
    Cassi

  681. My mom and I enjoyed your book. However, mom did say you should probably get on some stronger meds (expert advice coming from a woman on 4 different kinds of hormone therapy, anti-depressants and, quite possibly, cocaine -God love her!). I feel we could be friends due to the mutual appreciation of the word ‘Fuck’. One of my favorite lines in your book made it on to our wedding website in the “We Do!” section. Go you!

  683. Jenny are you thinking about book 2 yet can’tttt waiit ill scream if i find out that a book 2 is coming out one day!

  686. This book finally came to India!!!
    AMAZING. Loved the humour.
    I laughed so hard that tears were pouring out of my eyes. The Harry Potter reference made my life even better 😀
    My life is fantastically monotonous and reading about yours made me GREEN with envy. Such an awesome childhood. But THIS is my childhood considering I’m 15.
    Your writing style is engrossing! Non sequitur writing does work eh?
    Do write more books!

  687. I read your book this morning. All of it. I only put it down to wipe up the puddles caused by laughing and crying. I literally woke up other people in my house by laughing so hard. Thank you.

  688. My boss lent me this book to read because I work in HR and she thought the HR part would be funny and I could relate…but she didn’t realize that I actually relate to the WHOLE THING. Yes, I had a pet raccoon…and a father that skinned animals in the garage…I don’t feel so different after all! And you know what? I too would not trade those memories for anything in the whole world.

  689. Wow. I’m only 2 years behind the times! *^5’s self*

    I had read your blog a bit in the past when friends threw up a link to it. You are hilarious and the book had people watching me with that side eye thing because I was laughing so hard. I got it as an e-book. I prefer e-books because no one ever really expects you to loan them your books and now I always know where my books are. (Except when I can’t find my e-reader, but that’s a whole different reply.)

    Thank you for writing this book. And for being brave enough to put yourself out there with love and laughter even though it was scary as hell to do.

  690. i can confidently say i like this book …………….. without having read it yet… can i say that? …….yes i can!………. cant wait to read it ~*

  691. LOVE LOVE LOVE this book!!!
    People at work are so worried about me a lunch, “are you ok? did something happen? don’t you hate it when a book makes you sad and cry like that? I’m laughing so hard the others nurses are standing by in Heimlich ready position if I can’t clear the lasagna I’ve inhaled!! ok, they’re not standing by, they’re getting the book info.
    I could die because of you!!!
    I am telling EVERYONE to get this book!!
    One of the Doc’s was shooting peanut m&m’s out his nose when I made him read a few pages.
    What an awesome gift you have!! Thanks for sharing your life with us!!
    Glad I can change scrubs at work since you make me pee!!!
    We Just moved from Houston to Portland. Can’t you just swing by here while you’re in California??? PPPPUUUULLLLEEEEZZZZEEEE???!!!!

    Thanks!!!
    Kristen

  692. I’m finally getting around to reading your book, and it might be the best thing that’s happened to me in a while. Well…since I got engaged in January (hopefully he never reads this). Like many others, I am exercising my right to be blissfully ignorant of people’s stares as I snort and snicker my way through my daily commute and office lunch. My personal favorite, and I think everyone should try this, is reading at night when I’m tired. The combination of sleepiness and funny usually leaves me crying through my laughter as I try to squeakily/breathlessly relate whatever I’ve just read to my bemused fiance.

    Last night it was the tale of the exploding diaper and toddler boob punch that really set me going.

    Thanks for countless and totally uninhibited laughs.

  693. I get to go pickup my book today! I can’t wait for you to come to Kansas City next week!

  694. Jenny,

    Wow.. let me just say I dont even know where to begin. First of all, I felt many emotions while reading this book. Happy, sad, violated, inspired, blessed, hysterical. Never thought I would read about someone who I feel like I have so much in common with. I too have terrible anxiety, overcoming bulimia, and a very strange sense of humor. Its so nice to know I am not alone and that someone in this world understand where I am coming from because believe me, knowing there is nothing to panic about but you still are does make it ten times worse. Just had a daughter this year, and believe me the best thing that has ever happened to me (never thought I would say that because before her little kids annoyed the shit out of me) (also when i was pregnant iw as worried i wouldnt love anything as much as my dog) but that did change and i love her more than anything in this world. Thank you for sharing this book with the world. You make me not ashamed to be me, and for that i will be forever grateful!!!

  695. Jenny, I just finished reading your book. I wish I had read it before.(When it was first published, but then I’d miss the bonus chapter!) I recently heard about it, a few days ago. Sorry. Anyway, Thank You! It was awesome! Totally!
    -Jennifer
    P.S. I have never written an e-mail to an author before.

  697. Hi Jenny,

    I only found out about you last week when I discovered my mum was reading your book. She was about 1/3 of the way in, but passed it on to me because she thought I’d like it, and she was a bit put off by the “profanity”. I opened it at random, read a paragraph, laughed out loud and said “thanks!”. My mum is 79. Interestingly, it was given to her by a friend who also read it first. The friend is in her 80s. It seems our local bookshop owners have a sense of humour.

    Then I found your blog, discovered that the book has apparently only been out a week, and thought it was pretty cool that it was in it’s third hands in that short time. And it has obviously been read. My sister gets it next (I know, we should all be buying copies, but I’m a librarian on maternity leave, so lending comes naturally and I’m broke, so there you go. I’d wait until Christmas to get my sister a copy, but she needs to read it now).

    Anyhoo, love the book, love the blog and I think you’re cool. My partner has an anxiety disorder (which means we once missed not one but two shows of Steve Coogan stand-up in Melbourne because he couldn’t leave the house) (among other incidents) so I get a lot of what you are talking about, and I just put a bid on a weeping angel statue on eBay because I didn’t know they existed until about an hour ago as I read your blog back posts. AWESOME!

    Keep up the good work. I will make other people (eg. my library) buy your book. I promise.

  698. I was in atlanta last night stuck and pissed because the airport shut down for the storm and I decided to buy
    a book….and voila !!! there it was your book ..to be honest the first thing that really caught my attention was the cute hamster with that mix between dracule and a
    painting of ” El Greco” tooooo cute ….
    And when I read the first chapter I cracked up , and then what you said about the terrible moments that really makes us the people we are today….that was so true and honest to me ….that I decided to buy this book…
    So far I cant stop laughing, I am Spanish and some time we Europeans have a different sense of humor but this is too good and no matter where you are from you will this book simply adorably disturbing …..Bravo.

  699. So yesterday I’m flying out of the New Orleans airport heading back to the frigid tundra of Fargo, ND. I had just spent 1 week down in NOLA taking in the festivities of St. Patrick’s Day and all the other great things the city has to offer. My flight was an early one and I arrived at the airport around 4:30 am. I decided to go look in one of the stores to see if I could find something to read (I’m not a reader either). I saw your book on the shelf and picked it up to see what it was all about. I saw Augusten Burroughs had reviewed the book so it must be good, right? I sat down to read it and within 5 minutes I was chuckling. 10 minutes later I was laughing and within 15 minutes I had to put the book down because I was drawing attention to myself. I’m sure the people waiting for their flight was hoping they wouldn’t be sitting next to me on the flight (I tend to do that a lot when I’m sitting there, judging people I don’t want to be seated next to on the flight). Anyhow, It made my 5 hour trip home very enjoyable! When I got home I told my boyfriend about the book and he turned to our dog and said “Yay, Daddy if finally literate.”

    Thanks Jenny for making me literate!

  700. Dang! Lesson 1, proof your work!

    The people “were” hoping, not “was” hoping!

    and

    “Yay, Daddy is finally literate.”

  701. Hi,
    I want to buy your book on Kindle but could not find it there. I will keep looking and hope to find it there soon.

  702. About 2 chapters in, reading your book–and looking at the family portrait it, I’m thinking–this chick’s dad is Henry Dusek–am I correct?

    Correct! ~ jenny

  703. I bought this book under duress , and by that I mean with 2 kids tugging on me whining for the damn Easter candy displayed by the evil store, I grabbed it and ran. I am only 59 pages in, as I can only read in short intervals on the toilet. My quiet, happy place. But anyway, its awesome! I have lost track of the times I have laughed out loud! ( At first I thought it was important for some reason to count..)
    You are a great writer and story teller. Thanks for the laughs.

  704. Hey Jenny, I just started the book & am loving it. Never heard of you or it ’til my sister in San Francisco recently told me she just read & loved it & thought I would, too, so she sent it to me. (She was right about “The Help”, which she also sent me, so she has a good track record.) I just sent her your SF tour info so hopefully she’ll go see you on 4/1 (or you can go see her at the SFMOMA Gift Shop; her name is Kit). But anyhoo….aren’t you coming to Santa Monica or Los Angeles on tour? I hope so; will keep checking back here for tour updates. Meanwhile, I hope you’re better from your ER experience. I’ve had gallstone attacks & they do make you wish for death, but my pain was more in my center core, not my chest. You can get an ultrasound to see if you have gallstones. Whatever the cause, I hope it doesn’t happen again so you don’t have to take nitroglycerin & explode. Keep your head up, take good care, & keep the much-needed mirth & merriment coming!

  705. Thank you so much for your book. I just bought it on Friday March 15, 2013. I got it at Target while finishing up Easter shopping for my kids. I read the introduction to make sure I would like it, and I seriously laughed out loud while in the aisle, and I think I completely scared the guy standing next to me in the aisle! I didn’t even HESITATE to put the book in my cart. I have to admit that your book actually came to me at a really bad/good time–to make a long story short, my husband and I are having a lot of difficulties in our marriage. I ended up taking off my rings the other day, before I got your book. (They are still off today, but, again, a long story). Anyway, things are starting to improve slightly and have taken the chance to read some passages to my husband, because that was one thing we used to do all the time before we had kids was to read to each other. Oh. my. freaking. god. Some of the passages that I read to him I could not even finish until I finished laughing for 5 minutes and having to empty my bladder two or three times to make sure I didn’t pee myself. One night I was reading a passage and he said, “You can not read that with a straight face can you?” No. No, I could not. I doubt I could read it again without the same gale force laughter you induced. Thank you! I, too, have been a writer since I was 12, and although I have nothing published and currently am in a writer’s block, I am in a writer’s group and I have one woman in my group who wants to read it and my sister wants to read it too. Also, I have a few rules I’m going to share with them before they read it:
    1. Do not eat your lunch while reading this book. You will choke to death. (Seriously, I almost did at McDonalds one day while the kids were at school and it was just me for lunch.)
    2. Make sure you go to the bathroom before reading it.
    There was a third one I had thought of, but of course, can not remember it now.
    Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for your humor and publishing your story. You are my hero! Along with Harry Potter 😉

  706. I loved your book, I brought it on vacation and read it so quick…I laughed out loud at times, you are very funny

  707. I’ve just finished reading, “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened” and I thank you very much! It was such a relief to read. I’ve a bent perspective and bent humour and find very few others who ‘get it’ (I cherish them always!) and you wrote a book that makes me think ‘there are even more people like us!’ Have a wonderful day!

  708. o.m.g. you are freakin’ hilarious. that’s all i’ve got to say. because brevity speaks loudly. only it’s not so brief now, is it? shit.

  709. I just started reading your book. OMG I can’t stop laughing. I’m crying and the tears are rolling down my face.
    I’ll be done before you stop in Phoenix and hope to make it your book signing. Thank you for a great read!!!!!

  710. I just wanted to tell you I read your book and it was awesome! I can totally relate to many of your stories because I’m from Midland and live in Houston and am currently visiting Hill Country. My dad was in oil not dead animals and he never set wild animals loose in our house but once he rescued me from a charging scorpion who had trapped me in a perch on the toilet seat in the middle of the night when I got up to pee. I swear that thing had a vendetta against my feet because it came at me with intent to kill. Anyway, I’m not a stalker but seeing as how I’m kind of right by your current hometown I can’t help but wonder things like “I wonder if Jenny has ever considered buying giant Buc-ee?” Technically he’s not real and therefore not stuffed so much as just draped over something but I still think he’d make an awesome addition to your collection. Have you ever asked them if he is for sale?

  712. I just finished reading your book!! splendid and refreshing!! I don’t know why I bothered with exclamation points after my first statement – your book has been out for a while now and it’s downright shameful someone had not informed me of it earlier. i’m very busy and I rely on my friends to keep me up to date on what’s important – obviously they need to reconsider life’s priorities. your book has been out so long you’ll probably never read this comment because, like, who would even bother to write here after so long – well I would because your book is awesome! (very appropriate exclamation execution). regarding your father – I understand. my dad is amazing in much the same way. it’s certainly no Stanley the talking squirrel hand puppet but I offer a pic of my dad circa 1970s. I call this picture “smiley bobcat”

    hey – I can’t put a picture here. that’s no fun at all. it’s really too bad, it is indeed a my dad and a smiley bobcat and it is probably the only time it would be logical that I should include a picture like this to a complete stranger. (it would also prove that I don’t fabricate claims about members of my immediate family regardless of whether wild bobcats are involved and/or subscribe to the anthropomorphization of recently deceased animals).
    I still love your book!
    sincerely,

    jo
    in canada.

  713. Jenny,

    Last week the squeeze treated me to a week in Cabo.. in prep for the flights, I bought your book. I have to tell you, many times, there were tears wiped and snorts stifled. I ADORED it – and you. Thanks for being… and sharing.

  714. Just bought the book. Was at the book store, looked down, and there it was. Last copy in the joint.

    I plan on shriek-laughing all night.

  715. Currently reading this and really enjoying your writing. I particularly like your chapter on GPS for people who only navigate by landmark. That’s the only way I can get around 🙂

  716. Our daughter, June, sent pictures that reminded me of you. She’s a stage hand with Lion King. I don’t know how to forward them. By the way, she has your book.

    “Some well meaning person in the Marketing department here got a bunch of actual dead stuffed animals donated for lobby displays. Since they are icky and kind of mean looking, and a little unfortunately anatomically correct to boot, our SM’s sent pictures to Disney corporate, who said “Oh, HELL no”, and had them removed. I got some pictures before they got shipped off. The Lion standing on the dead gazelle is our favorite.”

    June (jeaber@aol.com)

  717. Hi,

    i just finished your book in german (LOVE the pink cover!) and i thought so many times “oh shit, that could be me!”. Well, and that’s a litte bit creepy because my life went so different.
    Ha, there are just so many things i would like to say… so, your book is one of my favourites so far 🙂

  718. I bought your book. I read your book. I LOVE your book, your Blog, and apparently, you – but not in a creepy stalker way….what are you wearing?

    (Pajamas. I’m moving so I’m trying to be comfortable when I pack. Plus, I’m lazy. ~Jenny)

  719. Dear Jenny,
    I just finished reading your book and I don’t think I’ve enjoyed anything this much is many years. I laughed with you, and I cried with you, especially when you told of your first unsuccessful pregnancy. The same thing happened to my wife and me and it took us another five years before we were finally blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us, and for being such an incredibly fucked up (in the best possible way) person.

    Rick T.

  720. So when I got to Stanley the Magical Squirrel, I expected to laugh. Because thus far, self-deprecation has proven to be pretty hilarious, at least in this book. What I did not expect was to be as irrevocably scarred as your 8-year-old self. I’ve written some pretty jacked up stories about children getting themselves killed while not minding their Ps and Qs, but this takes the red velvet cake and eats it, too. To summarize, I thus far don’t know whether I would recommend this book to friends or mail it to Guantanamo for use as a torture device. But either way, it gets to someone, right? extra money in your pocket…..and whoever else gets paid when a copy of your book gets sold.

    Pleasantly creeped out and finally calm enough to start reading again,
    Tikeah

  721. I loved the book but couldn’t personally relate until I got to the comment about not getting to keep your tonsils. I did get to keep mine-all I had to do was ask; this was in 1976. Actually I got to keep half of each-the other half was used up for pathology. So I gave one of the half tonsils to my best friend but he lost it. I forgave him but still do remind him every so often. The other half tonsil is safe in my desk drawer.

  722. I think this book is the funniest thing I have ever read. The chapters of your childhood with your taxidermist father were just gut splitting funny. The funny like I’m sitting alone in public reading the book and women are grabbing their children to get away from the crazy lady laughing like a banshee. Right now, you have just returned from your first trip with your blogger friends where you made some “GIRL friends” (I’m still trying to get me some of those!) I’m just so happy to know that there are other people out there who’s minds work like mine do. It takes on crazy to recognize another! Victor, love every minute you get to spend with this crazy lady because she makes your life so much more interesting (at least that’s what I keep telling my husband and children).

  723. Jenny, I just wanted to let you know that I recently read your book from cover to cover on a flight from Dallas to Seattle, which lasted at least two weeks. Some things must have happened, like mechanical failure, snow storm in Denver, etc., etc. It’s entirely possible that my flight was re-routed to the moon and back, but I never noticed. It was the most enjoyable day I have spent in a very long time. Bless you Hon! You are one in a million. I feel like you are family now, and I’m sure that must be an issue for you that we all own a piece of you. Sorry.

  724. I just got to the chapter about the cow. I about freaked out because my high school took us on a field trip to collect bull sperm, twice! I may have been present for the collection of bull essence that ended up in your turkey baster. I mean, the odds are slim as I was in TN and you were in TX, but the time lines up and they told us that they shipped that stuff everywhere. Mainly I am just excited that someone else got sent on these ag trips from hell that were wildly inappropriate. They also took us to an asylum and thought it would be fun for us to go into a padded room and put a classmate in a straitjacket. I told this story to a small group of friends recently, and they all looked at me horrified. Apparently they all went to museums and aquariums. How weird is that!?

  725. Your book made me feel much better about my fucked up childhood. My friends say having dead animals is not normal but THEY are obviously the not normal ones and seriously missed out as kids.

  726. I have to thank you. I have been having an argument with my husband for years, about Dude Where’s My Car? I was pleasantly surprised that the movie had a plot, and it wasn’t just a mainstream porno movie without the sex. He has always taken that to mean I actually thought the movie was good. Now, thanks to you book, I can prove to him that “Dude where’s my car? is a terrible, terrible movie.”

  727. Well, I’m going to buy your book and let nothing stand in my way because you let me post stupid keywords on your blog for my job (and laugh at the same time) and because you make my teenage son and I laugh so hard and together at your posts that we now have one thing in common. Anyway now we can laugh together about your book. Where are other bloggers like you?

  729. I just finished your book and LOVED it. I have never been able to put into words the way my own ADD/OCD/Anxiety make me feel and how difficult it is to live with. You put things in a way that made it all funny to think about and made me rethink how “bad” things really are or are not. I appreciate your candid ability to story tell in a manner that makes the reader feel right at home with you. Thank you :]

    I am featuring a link to Amazon to buy your book as well as to your blog to my own blog sidebar :]

    Thank you again for the laughter, the tears and for sharing your life with me [and all of us who follow you]. You are an amazing woman :]

  730. Best book I have ever read. Ever. I laughed, I cried, in a word, it was AWESOME. Cant wait for book 2

  732. We are doing job interviews for another team member, and I mentioned to the HR your book… i told her about the chapter of your HR stint, and she was rolling. That is only from telling her, and now she needs to read it. it is on my Kindle, so I need a hard copy. You are awesome.

  733. Jenny! I loved your book so much. I love it when I’m reading in the middle of the night and I start cracking up, then laughing out loud and it wakes up the dog and room mate and when he asks me “what the hell?” I try to explain, there was this giant metal chicken….mf……..I saw your chicken (or one like it) on this web site today.
    http://www.thrillist.com/drink/seattle/how-to-crush-cinco-de-mayo-in-seattle
    Oh and I wanted to tell you I have boars all over my house (stuffed etc. not real alive) AND they all have names. Sometimes I feel like there’s something wrong with me then I meet people like you, sister kooky.

    loves, Kathi

  734. Yes, please, enter me in the book give-away which could offset the fact that I keep BUYING the book for not-wealthy friends with whom I share a sample of your unbelievably hysterical dialogue and then they want their own copy…I have never ever LOL over any book as I have yours. SO, my husband would then hear passages read aloud and he would shake his head and say she sounds like you! Trust me, I am not even close to being as humorous as you but we might have a teensy similarity in thinking along assorted topics simultaneously.

    Anyway, thank you for the blog which keeps me sane knowing that someone else looks at the world in a slightly off-center way.
    K.

  735. Jenny, I picked up your book today in Columbus Ohio and read it on the way to Trinidad. Yours is the most hysterical books I have ever read. Your chapter on working in the HR department was spot on! I laughed til I cried and laughed some more. What a pleasant day! Numerous passengers took pictures of the book. I bugged the shit out of others with my raucousness! Thank you for writing it and thank you for sharing!

  736. What is the difference between a zombie and an organized colony of self-replicating nano-bots? For that matter, what difference is there between humans and a self-replicating colony of nano-bots? (notice I juxtaposed the terminology just to see if you were awake). (and “clean and sober”).
    Someone put some serious hours and study and work into creating this whole shebang, so that the universe can observe and study itself, and sometimes laugh (in the good way) at itself. Some scientists are hoping to achieve the “theory of everything” that explains, well, everything. I hope we never do. Like Zeno’s paradox, we will always only be half way there, “halfway to heaven, with paradise watin’, just a half-mile away from wherever i am” (john prine, i think, great classic number).
    But in some obscure interpretation, we are always there but just don’t know it at the time.
    Wow, can I run my mouth or what? apologies to all

  737. ps: and no, I’m not trying to increase my chances to win! Really. But my Mother’s maiden name was Lawson. Her family was from western Ky, Hickman (near Fulton) and was of French origin (spelling maybe like Lausenne or something similar probably anglicized, also Bondeurant (sp?) other side, So HOWDY CUZIN! Everyone, even native americans, are by definition “displaced persons” in this country. No wonder we’re so schiz.

  738. I am only partially into your book, and I can already relate to it. Sad yet true. I also had no running water in my home. We had to rely on the artesian to fill a pan (which took quite a while) and heat it on the stove. Flushing a toilet took us getting a bucket and using lake water to thrust into the toilet and flush it. My dad did not kill animals, but he has carpeted anything imaginable. From walls, to our driveway. Also a dock and even part of the lake. I am one of six, so I understand the sharing of a room, believe me. It’s almost comforting to know that my family isn’t the only fucked up one in this world.

  739. OMG LMAO, < see I'm a Grandma, and hip. (You know I'm a Grandma because I still have an AOL account.) I know EVERYONE in your book, and in some ways I am everyone in your book. I don't know how to tell you this dear, but you are absolutely normal. Trust me, I'm your elder, I have years of wisdom on my side. I consider myself normal. It's normal, that when you find a centipede in you pants, to peel them off, jump on them screaming DIE, DIE. It's normal that the hot new mailman asks you, "Are you alright?" when your standing there in your panties and T-shirt. It's normal, if you live in the suburbs, to loose faith in your "Neighborhood Watch" after your husband, on his way to work, see's someone hit a deer. Pound on the door at 5 am, telling you to "help" him. The deer fell out of the truck as he turned the corner, he dragged across 4 neighbors sidewalks, and up our drive. It is not normal to be be hosing down the blood trail, and blood clots the size of livers, while mothers and children were going to the bus stop and not one cop car stopped by. Our Neighborhood Watch SUCKS! It's normal to be happy to ignore my "civic duty" to attend any neighborhood watch meeting, ever again. I'm not only wise, but a genius, like Einstein. Normal is "relative," as long as no one ever meets my relatives.

  740. I picked up your book in publix acouple weeks ago..literally because there was a mouse on the front and i couldnt resist a mouse in a cape! I practically died just from reading the prologue (i kept reading it out loud to my boyfriend so he could laugh along too, but i think he just got frustrated with me)

    Anyways i just wanted to tell you your mostly true memoir is
    Probably My Favorite Book Ever.
    So Thanks 😀

  742. I just finished reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. Jenny, it is by far one of the worst books I have read in my live! My mother used to say that a person that has to use profanity frequently has poor use of the English language. I have never seen the use of profanity expressed as often as in your book. I cannot believe that it was published by a major publisher!

    I really would like a refund of my $25.95!

    I guess I should have read your blog before buying the book, then I would have realized your writing style is not something I would want to read!

    WTF, ****, ass****, guess this is what will get through to you!

    I hope you have watched your potty mouth and written words or hide them where Hailey cannot follow in your footsteps!

    What crap!

    (Go home, mom. You’re drunk. ~ Jenny)

  745. So! I have never heard of you. Or hadn’t heard of you before my father and sister gushed about how much they cry-laughed while they read your book. And then wouldn’t let me leave the house until I’d taken it with me. Or, rather, my boyfriend leave without taking it with him, but he refused to read it because it made THEM cry-laugh. He’s not into that kind of thing, I guess. Anyway, I decided to give it a go. “Why not?” I said and sipped my beer, I can always put it down when it gets really boring. And then I cry-laughed a lot for the duration and recommended it to everyone I know, including my best friend who has panic disorder (“Oh my God! Read this, she speaks your language!” I told her). Ultimately, I just wanted to thank you. For being you, and for making it public, and therefore accessible for the rest of us who are looking for One Of Us. Like the Borg Collective. Only sassier. So….stuff. You’re awesome. The end.

  746. I am in awe of you. I cannot believe how wonderful your book was/is. I was reading it on a plane trip from Queensland to Adelaide (South Australia) and I was in hysterics. To the point when the stranger sitting next to me asked for the name of the book because I was crying with laughter, so hopefully you have made another sale. Keep up the great work, I am hooked, you have a wonderful sense of humour and a brilliant writing style that just makes you want MORE. I have passed your book on (sorry, there goes the sale that I just made you) to some co-workers in the hope that the word will spread. Keep it up.

  751. LOVED this book! Finished it in one day and could not stop laughing out loud. Please keep writing!

  753. OH MY GOD It’s so hard to get to the bottom of this page, it kept just scrolling backwards! The forces of the internet are trying to keep me from getting a comment in and competing for a free book!

    Anyway, I would really like one because my mom is turning 70 this year and I think she would love this book. If I don’t get a book that’s fine, I will still buy it, but I’d really like to not buy it if I can because I just graduated from grad school and I owe like my first born child to Federal Loans. This book wouldn’t even make a dent, but that’s the excuse I’m going with for the next ten years whenever I have to spend any money.

    Anyway, I love you Jenny! And I still want to live in your haunted dollhouse all the time!

  754. I do already have your book, but not all of my friends and other loved ones do. So it’d still get used. (Although Neil Gaiman is admittedly awesome.)

  755. My friend just got your book and is obsessed, but I cannot barrow it because she’s moving to Newfoundland on June 22, but I will find a way to read it 🙂 Thanks for the laughs!

  756. Just finished reading your book tonight and I loved it. Hope to see more from you.

  757. When will you be in Las Vegas signing books? I REALLY REALLY need an autographed copy for my library. I’m refusing to put any books on the shelves until I get the only one that really matters, yours. And no, putting my Kindle on the shelf didn’t work, it kept going to screen saver and hiding your book 🙁

  758. Beeioch haz the awesome, read it, and laugh. if nothing else you will feel normal for several pages, yet wish your life was that much fun. *waiting for classy sophisticated autographed copy, with mouse fur.

  759. I’ve owned your book less than a week. I’ve already gotten burger grease and sloppy joe sauce on it. Yup.

  760. I found Beyoncé in a front yard in Plano TX. I saw it on a Saturday & made my husband drive back by on Sunday so I could take a photo!

  761. Hi Jenny – I just finished your book and want to say thank you. I used to think I was totally crazy but now know that I’m only a little bit crazy. If you lived in Canada, I’d invite you to our dinner parties and if no one liked your conversation, they could just leave. Although, since my friends are all crazy too, they’d probably think you’re normal. Seriously, I’ve long suspected that I don’t laugh enough and for the past two days, reading your book, I’ve laughed…and laughed…and laughed…..

  763. We just read your book in book club and it was freaking awesome. Loved it. The crazy thing is it made complete sense to me and I don’t feel crazy. PLEASE SAY YOU ARE WRITING ANOTHER BOOK!!!!!

  764. I love your book! I just read about “Butter dish” chapter.
    My husband does same thing!?He always does that with corn on the cab!!
    Drives me crazy, Hate to clean up all those silks from my butter.
    But I shouldn’t be so angry, instead I should get him his own butter dish.

  766. I have your book. Don’t worry – it’s safe (for now). It’s the paperback edition, with the outdated Lance Armstrong footnote on page 241. While I understand you’re a co-Texan with Mr. Armstrong, do you still think he’s awesome?

  767. Bought your book as a vacation read….laughed out loud in the airport several times, to the point where people stared at me in confusion. It was awesome 🙂

  768. I am a little more than half way through your book. I haven’t laughed this much in a long time! I love it!! I have dealt with anxiety my whole life and reading your stories helps me to feel that I am not alone in this struggle. Thank you for your honesty and for using the word vagina in so many of your stories lol It isn’t used enough!

  769. Just finished you book. LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! There were parts I couldn’t stop laughing to the point that my face hurt and made my crows feet twice as big. (I may need a plastic surgeon). I was at a red light the other day and started laughing out loud all over again thinking about your mom telling you not to be ridiculous and saying, “Where would a vulture get a machete?” I still laugh at that because I keep picturing a vulture with a little machete attacking all the other vultures…

    Anyway, thank you!! And please write another book. For now whenever I need a lift I’ll be reading your blog.
    Cheers!

  770. Like the 765 people before me I feel compelled to tell you I loved your book so so so much. I’m pregnant and on medical leave for what we initially thought was epilepsy but has turned out to be seizure-inducing crippling panic attacks. I’m at home with my 2 year old losing my mind and your book mad me laugh and cry, and a cry different from the empty sobs in the midst of overwhelming pointless fear of nothing was a welcome opportunity to feel human. Plus I feel a little less crazy, and don’t think crazy is that bad of company now anyway. Thank you!

  771. Any suggestions on what to read while we wait for your next book. That is, after we have re-read your hilarious and insightful book! There will not be any as good, but a recommendation for a close second? Someone you like?

  772. I enjoyed about 3/4 of the book. When I skipped through the last 1/4 of the book, the only word that came to my mind was contrived. I realize that that is an insulting and dismissive word. That is not why I use this term. I completely appreciate any writers’ ability to put it out there and tell their truth (?). I really feel like a lot of upper middle class white folks love to hear something “authentic” and then jump on board because they have no idea what normal life is for most people. This includes all of the literary critics and whoever else has enough time to read books and comment on them (oh..me?!). I use the word contrived because it is the perfect word for my experience as a reader of this book. I get it, but there is a way to convey life in which the writer does not have to make a purposeful baffoon out of themselves to tell their crazy story. I got the writers’ crazy right away, and that’s not actually that weird or shocking. LIfe is weird. For me, as a reader, what is engaging and interesting is how you avoid being too purposeful and explicit while still telling your story in a more clever way. This book, for me, is too vomity and tries too hard to explain how “weird” the writer’s life was/is. I am still glad I got the opportunity to read the book, though; I look forward to reading more.

  773. I finally got the book! I finished it yesterday and it was AMAZING!!! I was on a road trip with my husband and a friend and they kept telling me to stop “snicker-snorting” while reading and that I was being annoying but I couldn’t help it, this book was so damn funny. I laughed out loud all the way through. I enjoyed every minute of it! Thank you for writing it!!!!!

  774. I spent all week yelling about Rick Perry at home and explaining why I thought the state government shouldn’t act like sneaky a-holes in a very calm manner in public.

  775. I know you probably get this a great deal, but I wanted to thank you for writing about your experiences with RA. I was diagnosed as a child, and it’s always been frustrating for me to try to explain it to people. I marked the passages in your book, and I’ll be pulling it out the next time I need to tell anyone why I am slow-morning or why I when sitting I need to switch positions every 5 minutes or so to ensure that I can, in fact, stand back up. Anyways, it’s wonderful to have someone to give a voice to my experience. Thank you.

  776. Just finished your book (I’ve only had it for about a year, so that’s doing pretty well for me). Loved it! I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. I started with your posts about Beyonce and you have become my favorite addiction. Keep up the good work. I can always count on you for a laugh no matter what kind of shit day I’m having. Thanks!

  777. Loved the book. Still have no idea where Wall, TX is located but I’m strongly tempted to move there to re-create some of my favourite squirrel hand-puppet scenes.

    Thank you.

  778. I don’t need another copy of your book, but I would appreciate a tshirt or maybe just a note or something that I could hand out. I read your book in between games and sometimes pitches while my kids played baseball and, frankly, the other moms now think there is something really wrong with me. They even moved their chairs away from me. Which doesn’t really bother me all that much but it would mean a lot to my kids if the other moms weren’t all warning their children to stay away from THOSE kids ’cause their mother has some form of turrets where she laughs, snorts and mutters curse words. So I’m just suggesting that maybe for future book sales you include a free hat that says “Not crazy, just reading Jenny Lawson”. It might save our children from some pain and confusion. Just a thought.

  780. I’m not going to lie, I have bought this book three times now. For my iphone, on my nook and a hardcover copy. Mostly because it’s so freaking funny and I had to get the digital copy because my hardcopy walked away. It’s the funniest, greatest thing you will ever read. It’s the first book I recommend to people.

    PS- I just found this today and you might like to see it :
    http://pinterest.com/pin/212513676139675303/

  781. I’m not a prude (okay, maybe just a little, compared to…) but in the beginning your use of the F-word (why do we always capitalize it?) was a little tiresome. And then, as I got deeper into your story, believing, not believing, (insert photo…OMG It’s true!) I was shrieking the F-word myself at every turn of the page. There is pure genius in your madness, and I applaud you for sharing it and I applaud Victor for loving the ALL of you. Please don’t wait another 11 years to write your next book. I can’t wait!

  782. It was so much fun to read your today’s post because I am Turkish. Well, I believe the translator should have come up with a new term for Gailman’s saying “you’ll go to hell for laughing” instead of directly translating it word by word to Turkish. Because, seriously we never use that term “hell” for something we enjoy. I would definitely do something different if I would translate your book:)

  783. Hello Jenny,

    I work for Coles at the Calgary, Alberta, Canada airport. Coles is apart of Indigo/Chapters. I would like you to know that even though your book is one of our Indigo SPotlights I have chosen it as my Pick and I have sold over 200 copies of it. I have managed to sell at least 15-20 copies a month.

    I would like to share with you some of the joy your book has caused my customers.

    I had one lady tell me that she was so very happy I suggested it as she was laughing out loud so hard other patrons in the food court looked her way and inquired as to what was so funny.

    Every person I have suggested it to that has come back to my store has been very thankfull.

    Thank you Jenny for sharing your life and showing us that life’s little quirks are just what we need to think about when things have us down.

  784. So, I read your arm up the cows vagina part of the book and instantly knew that this book was a masterpiece. As a fellow woman who’s had her arm strangled by a cows vagina, I felt an instant kinship to your words. I work at a horse and livestock vet which fills me with enchanting dinner conversations about holding horse penises, getting peed on face by horses, crows dropping horse testicles on me and being one of the most sought after bull ejaculators in all land. Your book has made me feel like I’m not alone. It’s made me feel proud to be myself aka usually inappropriate and appalling. Its nice to know that I’m not the only one out there making fellow dinner party guests throw up in their mouths after telling a witty story about my day. I write a blog, in a phonic spelling and grammar style, that tells all about it at http://www.jacksonhillhorseygirl.com. I must toot my own horn that I have a very big Russian following probably because they’re all wasted on plastic jug vodka and are into weird shit and they don’t understand English and they goggled horse penis and ended up at my site and probably got disappointed. But whatever, at least they logged on and that still counts. Anyway, love the book. It’s awesome. Look forward to sequel.

  785. We are a small, pretty motivated and courageous publishing house located in Barcelona…and would love to contact you regarding publishing in Spain…Please, let us know the best way to contact you!! Even if small, we are veeery selective with our books (the last one a wonderful icelandic top writer)…You can check our blog: http://editorialaire.wordpress.com and our work has been praised and recognized in Spain 🙂
    Hope to hear from you son!!!!

  786. Jenny, my book club is reading your book this month and I am loving it! I wanted to email you so I didn’t have to share my thoughts with the world, but I can’t seem to find your email address. I just wanted to thank you for writing this book! I’ve been able to use it as a reference guide to me, lol! I can totally relate to the things you write and when my friends are reading it, they’re like “oh, that’s what’s going on I your head when you do that.” we are a book club in Houston and our meeting is next week if you want to call in. I’ll be out of town, but there I spirt. Thanks again!
    Kris

  787. My sister sent me your book. It’s like you’re part of our family. We love you!

  788. Hi,
    My book club just read your book and we loved it for so many reasons. I am sure you have heard all of that but we did have one thing we left not feeling ok with: The discussion questions were really dry. We were wondering what kind of questions you would like people to discuss. We really wanted to hear your take on discussion questions.
    thanks,
    Julie

  789. This book has been a sort of therapy for me for the last two weeks. I can’t remember the last time that I genuinely was outside of myself for even just a few moments from the daily grind of life as of late.

    I’m listening to you via audiobook and I love your wit and the mercurial way that you think. Thanks for sharing everything, right down to every last detail. The world’s a much better place because there are people like you in it, and that’s so cheesy to type and reread. Yep. I’m going to lend my audiobook to the poor, poor souls in my life who desperately need to hear it. Two poors, as in pitiable and poor as in broke.

  790. So I got this book from a friend as a time killer during dr’s appointments and after surgery. I was going to wait to start it, saving it, like you save chocolate for shark week, but could wait no longer. I cracked it open today (after laughing more than is probably healthy while reading the back cover), and the following is what had to be posted to my Facebook page….

    So, today while Heather was getting her haircut, I started reading the Bloggess’ book, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened,” because I was waiting for the neurosurgeon’s office to call, and I was stressed more than is healthy.

    You all need to buy this book. Now. Well, maybe you shouldn’t buy it if colorful language offends you. (And let’s be clear, here – by “colorful language,” I mean a book liberally peppered with shit, fuck and the like. Just so you’re all well aware and can’t claim I suggested something untoward without full disclosure….) Seriously, I was laughing to myself, trying not to look like a crazy lady, while sitting in the low slung chair of the Paul Mitchell salon my child was being transformed in….

    This book may become presents for loved ones. Seriously, it’s that funny. That good. That true. And, you know, it’s The Bloggess, friend to Anne and Wil Wheaton, so you know it’s going to be a ride very much like the Queen riding a corgi through time and space, with the TARDIS trailing behind and rainbows flying from her fingertips.

    Read it.

  791. Howdy! Long time listener, first time caller. I finally bought your book. I know it’s been out for a bit but I am total slacker. And when I say slacker I mean “busy” and when I say busy I really mean that I have been spending too much time with serial killers and dead bodies to read anything other than autopsy reports. I forced myself to take two days off and do nothing but drink vodka and read a book that has nothing to do with serial killers. Boy, was I mislead when I picked your book up! It totally has serial killers in it. All is forgiven.

    I read the entire thing in two days. I laughed, I cried, then I fell asleep (again vodka), then I woke up and laughed harder, then I peed myself a little. It was all worth it in the end!

    Thank you for your dismembered brilliance!

    Batgirl

    P.S. You had ME at Beyonce’

  792. My book group are currently reading “Let’s pretend this never happened”, and will get together next month to discuss. And eat cheese. And drink wine.
    My girlfriend, Stephanie who is hosting this exciting event just texted me to say that she really would love to have a giant metal chicken on her doorstep to greet everyone when they arrive. I suggested that new towels in her recently re-modeled bathroom might be enough…..
    The problem is that when I looked up ‘Beyonce Chicken’ on Amazon, it said that it was $137 and that’s a little out of our budget.
    Any chance we can borrow your Beyonce, or a cardboard cutout for the evening?
    Yours, in advance. Gratefully.
    Sarah
    ps. or if you’d like to come and visit with us and eat cheese, that’d be ok too.

  794. Well I just finished Your Book. While on vacation in Wimberley Tx. The book looks terrible cause I read it while relaxing on the Blanco River but its still good enough to pass along to my friends (both of them). It’s wierd cause your book is the second one I have read while on vacation in the Hill Country and both subjects have a connection to the Hill Country. Robert Redfords Biography wasn’t nearly as Funny but he’s was originally from San Marcos so I thought that was interesting 🙂 Good Luck with the Scorpions.. You made me Laugh and that’s always a Good Thing!

  796. The phrase “side-splittling” must have been coined with your book in mind. It’s been two days and my sides still ache from laughing. So very happy to have found you and this tribe of (y)ours.

  797. You are so awesomely fucked up, but in a totally wonderful way. The book may, however, have permanently damaged my (already damaged) brain; but I promise not to sue you. You’re welcome.

    Keep writing, girl.

    PS Regards & kudo’s to poor Victor.

  798. What the hell does it mean that my comment “is awaiting modification???” I don’t HAVE a fucking website. I’m not THAT important (except to me)>

  799. Oops, “moderation.” Sorry.

    (Ha! It just means it’s the first time you’ve used that email address here so the computer held it back in case it was spam. ~ Jenny)

  802. Hi! I’m a big fan of yours and I love you (misunderstanding, I’m a girl .I’m not a lesbian!). I have read your book and was very impressed.I will never forget in my entire life has been a work.I’m a Turk .I wanted to say that fans all over the world.Have you got email? I hope you give me the answer. I’m sorry if there misspelling.
    Yours truly.

  803. Whew! Thank you for clearing up that “moderation” business. Because, seriously, if a Jenny Lawson blog were to require posters to be “moderate” — well, I could only conclude that hell has, in fact, frozen over &/or the zombie apocalypse has begun. Probably both.

  805. Your book changed my life. No, really.

    A year ago today I was riding the bus home, reading the chapter about your human resources job — you know, the one about having to reprimand people about their dick pics — and doing my best to laugh quietly-yet-hysterically to myself. I thought I was doing a great job of it until the man sitting next to me asked casually, “What are you reading?” I looked up, mortified, into the most amazing beautiful, soulful — clearly amused — eyes I had ever seen. Boom. Love at first sight. I mumbled something about “do you read the Bloggess?” and “oh…it’s really inappropriate.” But he promised he wasn’t easily offended and joined me in reading a few of the more hilarious passages. It was the ultimate ice-breaker — indulging in repeated use of the word “penis” with someone you’ve met for the first time definitely speeds up the getting-aquainted process.

    I won’t bore you with the complicated details in an unfolding love story, but we’re still together today, completely head-over-heels. He’s my “one”, and I met him because I was enjoying your book. If I’d just been sitting there like the rest of the boring commuters, he probably wouldn’t have spoken to me. Thank you for making me laugh, and for contributing to one of the best experiences in my life.

    (Best. Comment. Ever. ~ Jenny)

  806. Rachelle, that was seriously one of the best stories. Sadly, I read that chapter in a landromat, and laughed so hard I cried. All I got were judgmental looks from a humorless pair of lesbians.

  807. I just got teary-eyed and it’s not even my blog or book.

    Rachelle, I wish you and your “one” many years of inappropriate giggles!!

  809. oh my dog comment 801 makes my heart happy!! congratulations, best wishes for y’all’s future, and thanks for giving my day a smile!

  812. Rachelle – – – your story makes me sing “Ding ding ding went the trolley. Zing zing zing went my heart strings”

    Isn’t love grand? And this community is too!

  813. Aw, thanks everyone! Now you’re making me get all misty. 🙂 Laughter is contagious. In the best possible way. Hugs!

  814. That is so freaking awesome! I read Jenny’s book when I was stuck in hospital for 9 months, all I got was very strange looks from the nurses and was asked to not laugh quite so loudly and in some cases hysterically.

  815. Still reading your book. The parallels to my life are startling. Oh wait, that’s everyone’s life. We’re all Sublimely, Serendipitously Broken. It’s the rare talent that can put it all in a book and be a NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING AUTHOR….

    and you’re my friend (says so on the internet, so you know it’s true), so by web-connection-aether-street-cred,
    I am the coolest lady in Steampunk.

    Much Love Always. You have a gift box arriving sooner than later.

    Dr Brassy

  816. I came across a picture of Beyonce on Pinterest and since my daughter has a friend who is terrified of chickens I thought to myself “wow, wouldn’t that be a fun prank” I clicked on the picture and made it to the blog and laughed hysterically until I woke up everyone in the house and they came to see if I needed to have a breathing treatment administered. I then printed out the story and passed it along to some of my dearest friends who I knew would appreciate a giant metal chicken story. Fast forward a month or two and a couple of us were discussing it on Facebook and another friend piped up and asked if we had read your book. I downloaded it onto my Kindle that night. But my fatal error occurred when I started trying to read it while sitting in the back row of the church sanctuary while waiting on said teenage daughter who was helping with summer Bible school. Before too long I had both her and the friend who is terrified of chickens, reading passages over my shoulders and we were all laughing hysterically while trying not to disrupt the children learning about Jesus. By the time I got to the deer sweater story I was crying and had snot coming out of my face and I am pretty sure I peed a little trying to hold all that laughter in. Some of the adults started wandering back to see what the commotion was about…that’s when things got tough to explain… I read the rest of it in the privacy of my own home where I could laugh about sand in the vagina and dead squirrel puppets and only my family thinks I’ve gone off the deep end. Thanks 🙂

  818. YOU ARE ADOPTED!!!!!!!!! Sorry to break it to you like this but I did not know how else to get your attention. Jenny, do you ever try to to explain something to someone and they have NO IDEA what you are trying to say, so you slow down and speak loudly and then speed up and continually repeat yourself, looking like a broken Stepford wife, all the while having pity on this poor soul that is obviously having a hard time grasping the language? Thought so. You are exactly like me if you were totally different. This news may come as a shock to you, no one is more surprised than I am, but yes, you were adopted. Don’t think ‘SCORE!!!!!’and do your happy dance yet. As you are obviously my fraternal twin that was sadly put up for adoption, l will happily tell you about what your life would have been like if you were not adopted and grew up in a small East Texas town (three McDonalds) and were required to “come out” at 18 (not the closet, but society deb) some time. I am not sure how this happened, maybe we have the same mother but not the same father, like kittens, so they decided to keep me. Or I had the dark hair and looked more like them or l was fatter and with Darwinism and all they thought I would have a better shot at making it. I am super-jealous that you got the blond hair, anorexia, and are obviously much smarter than I am because you can punctuate and you blogged your diary and figured out how to get paid for it. AND you got the better birthday! The only explanation is that you were a little smaller than other children (lucky) or that your parents gave you the birthdate of your adoption (lucky again) because I am 30 thirteen. I will not say that F word. Getting older totally sucks because I still do not have all this life shit figured out AND every morning I find a new wrinkle or some funky mole or freckle. When I turned 30 ten, I woke up and found psoriasis on the bottom of my right foot. Just letting you know because it is totally hereditary, not something you get from not wearing your shower shoes at the gym, and it never goes away- like herpes or that unfortunate yearbook picture with the perm and Madonna influenced (the singer, not Jesus’s mom) hairstyle. Again, this is all my mother’s fault as I have suspected everything is all along. I have to call her to tell her that I have found you because I know she will be really happy to know that you made this far and that she will finally have legitimate grandchildren, not that I have illegitimate children, but I only have stepchildren and they were older when I got them so we could not buy all that cute baby shit from Target.
    It would totally explain the wishful look in my mother’s eye as I was growing up and showing the minister my pretty tights at the age of 5 in front of the congregation or walking in to the the room with my dress tucked into the back of my undies (last week)). By they way, you are really Presbyterian. Which rocks because they think that everything is preordained and it has gotten me out of a shitload of trouble. Who can argue against God’s will? It also explains why I have had this idea when I was growing up that I was with the wrong family and always had my bag packed under my bed waiting for my new and improved, more deserving family to come and get me. (What I did not know is that my mother also had another bag packed in the foyer closet.) I knew something was not right. It is a HUGE relief to finally find you because I do not have any other brothers or sisters or children and I have been working really hard to be nice to my stepchildren so they do not stick me in a really nasty raisin ranch when I am older. Plus I am really hoping that awesome Chinese restaurant in the San Angelo airport is still open and now I will have an excuse to go there.
    Now that you have found me, I know that you will be totally excited to meet your other, not improved at all, family. I am sure that this probably explains a lot and I would want to know if I was you. You now have another family to dump the kids on for vacation and borrow shit from. So, even if I am not your sister, it is probably worth going with for just those things alone. Your welcome.:)

  819. I love your book. Love, love love it. It makes me question why I am always trying to “quit cussing like a sailor”. Now I realize it’s just who I am. Oh wait, no, I am NOT a sailor, but I can damn well cuss like one if I fuckin’ feel like it! Thank you!

  820. Oh my God, i just started reading your book (courtesy of my local library where I found it stuck between “Everybody Poops” and ” 101 Natural Cures for Hemorrhoids and In grown Hairs”) and all I can say is..YOU ROCK! (That, and I hope I am standing in line with YOU in a liquor store if I’m even in Wall, Texas someday – God knows I can always use a free drink) Great job!!!!

  822. I selected your book for book (and BOTTLE) club last month. Most of the gals don’t usually read the book, but this time – MOST DID. And were highly entertained. And asked why I didn’t invite you, since we’re in San Antonio. I told them I didn’t want you bringing dead things for show and tell, but – open invite. Bring a bottle o’ wine.

  823. I have the title for your next book (though I’m sure you or someone has already suggested it): Conversations with Victor. All you have to do is copy the ones you posted or are planning to post here. While I’m sure it would be another big seller, I really want you to write it because I hate reading on the computer screen. So it would make my life a whole lot easier if I could read them from an actual real hard copy tree killing book.

    You’re welcome.

  825. BEST.BOOK.EVER. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand you made it as far as Chile (don’t worry, no one really knows where it is, I live here, and I have no idea where I am most of the time).

  826. Hey! My book club just picked up your book and I am LOVING IT!!!!! I am almost done with it, been reading at work and my book club meeting is the 19!!!! I’m sure you already know how awesome you are so I won’t waste any time gushing…Instead, I gotta ask, WHERE DID YOU FIND HAMLET VON SCHNITZEL?!!! I WANT ONE!!! NOW!!!

  827. Loved this book. It actually made me call my parents and thank them for a relatively normal childhood.
    – even with the occasional kitchen table sheep dissection, or dead puppy lost in the freezer.
    My mother was a research scientist (animal experiments) rather than a taxidermist, and such inquiries seemed natural to her.

    I made my whole family read it.
    My mother loved the book and recognized the social anxiety you experience as a part of her life as well.
    My nephews were read the book out-load by my sister. (although some words were bleeped out) who are also growing up on a farm where their father is a vet. They enjoyed the parts they could hear and enjoyed trying to guess the words that were edited out . “How many letters did that bleep have? did it start with a p?”
    I eager await the next one.

  831. I got the nook version of this book last November, read it immediately, and made people around me think I was unhinged from laughing out loud so hard. I am re-reading it now, and was standing on a street corner shrieking with laughter. I was waiting for the bus, but was just about doubled over with laughter. Tears did leak out. Thank you, Jenny, for sharing your perspectives on the world.

  832. when are you coming out with another book???? Or can I just come move by you so I can be part of your hilarious life!!! m

  833. I was re-reading your book today, and some of the things you said in the Napa Valley party chapter made me think of something. Specifically, a book by Heather Sellers, “You Don’t Look Like Anyone I Know.” She discovered she was completely face-blind when she was in her late 40s. Amazon has it in paper and Kindle, you can probably preview pages if you’re interested.

    I wonder if you could be a little face blind. There is a spectrum of it.

    You’re probably not, but maybe you are, to some extent.

  834. I’m a little late to the party… been reading your blog and laughing so much I thought I’d give your book a read. So, I’m searching on Amazon and a very odd book came up right after yours… “Bedtime stories for children you hate” by Antoinette Bergin. I’m a mom, and I (mostly) love children but there are those out there you just can’t like a whole lot.

  835. Hi Jenny, I read your blog all the way from Portugal and just love it. I have bought the book last month, from Amazong, and non surprisingly I loved it too. 🙂 Thank you for making laugh on my lunch break for a full week! 🙂

  836. Oh, my, goodness, I did not realize I had a twin sister out there. I just found your audio book a few days ago and started listening to it while cleaning my house. I laughed out loud so many times that my husband came from the other room, asking if I was okay and if washing clothes had finally pushed me over the edge (close, soooo close) but no, it was just me cackling over your book. So much of it I deeply and completely related to and thought “Oh my Lord, THAT is me and definitely my family!” which was both scary and comforting. Thank you so very, very much for such a great book and so many laughs and insights.

  839. My ex-boyfriend dumped me 9 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do,so I reach to the internet and i meet Dr Azima and i explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness.I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we are about to get married.once again thank you Azima spell.you are truly talented and gifted Email:ablelovespell@gmail.com

  841. I came across your site purely by accident at 1am this morning while trying to find something inspiring to lay eyes on. Immediately koalas and chlamydia had me sold. I grabbed my phone and bought the ebook. And then laughed until I peed a little (ok I peed a lot, but who admits that) and eventually put it down because my daughter kept waking up since I laugh like a hyena on LSD.

  842. OMG! I think I may have to sue you to pay for my hernia surgery ‘cos I just about bust a gut reading this book. .and I’m only half-way through, so maybe I should invest in some serious ‘under armour’ to hold my insides in! Was reading it on the ferry yesterday evening and the lady next to me asked me if I was okay, because I was crying….. (and probably making horrible choking noises trying NOT to guffaw out loud!)… when I just looked at her and turned the cover of the book over so she could see what I was reading, she grinned and said ‘OH! i’ve read that, it’s insanely funny’!!! Great book. hope you don’t wait 11 years to write another one! FAB

  843. This is one of the funniest book that I have ever read. And I have read a lot of books, I’m the guy that when people come over to the house, they say MY you have a lot of books where do we sit? Thank you for writing it . Oh, my website may are may be working, the fucking thing drives me up the fucking wall. Have a wonderful day, or Not

  844. I bought your book to read on the plane for a trip to a destination wedding. I totally laughed out loud on the flight and throughout the trip. I told the other guests how freakin’ funny your book was. Loved it. Thanks for keeping me entertained!

  845. Jenny,

    Could you please add that in SALZBURG, AUSTRIA, your book is available at THE ENGLISH CENTER!! If you’re ever in town, we’d love to have you do a reading or even just stop for cookies! (:

    Gabrielle
    a fellow rural misshap (rural-Wyoming, in this case, but it could have been rural-Texas!)

  846. I enjoyed your book so much that I just had to share it with my daughter.
    Unfortunately for me, she never returned it.
    Fortunately for you, I purchased another copy for myself.

    Thank you so much for giving me so many smiles.

  847. I bought yr book shortly after it came out, loved it. Husband picked it up, read it, said it sounds like my weird/sad/creepy/hysterical childhood. Then my mom stole my book and $800. So now I have to get a new copy and find a better hiding spot from my mom. PS don’t put $$$ with journal cause mom will look in there for incriminating evidence which she will throw in yr face any chance she gets. Dad will say Don’t worry SusieQ I will always love you. (I think never got over Whitney Houston).

  848. Someone recommended me your book on tumblr, and I thought, what the hell, my student loan’s just come in I might as well by a random book a stranger recommends me. I hadn’t heard of you before (sorry) but the chapter titles alone were enough to convince me!

    Best. Book. Ever.

    Made me laugh and cry in places and I swear the funniest thing I’ve read! Loved every second and literally could not put it down (until I passed out from exhaustion at 8 o’clock in the morning having been reading all night and then my boyfriend prised the book out of my hands, but that wasn’t technically me putting it down so I think my previous statement is still valid). Finished it in two days 😀 Write more please! Also, definitely going to start reading your blog now 😀 And recommending both blog and book to every person I meet.

  849. In case the universe is in my favor and you actually get to read this comment: you’ve just become one of my best (imaginary) friends. I’m almost positive I’ll never get to know you, but your writing just burst through me like a can of whoop-ass right out of a Batman comic. BAM! So, thanks for sharing your gift with the world! As if you could keep it in, right? I know… I know…

  850. I’m still staring at the words “internet star”.

    How do I get that?!

    How? HOW?!!

    Yes. I’m SO kidding.
    I don’t want that.

    But I do applaud your straight-forward style. Most people I’ve come across (and I’ve come across a few- rimshot!) do not know how to be straight-forward. Because, they have no idea who they are. This too is why I applaud you. You say, “My switch may be broken, but at least I know where it is on my wall, dagnabbit!”

    Go on with your bad ass self. ;0)

    [Clapping]

    [Still clapping]

    We should be friends because I’m jaded too- and funny. And real. We real, funny, jaded people need to stick together. x

  851. Dearest Jenny,
    I read your book at work and endured side long glances from coworkers due to my outbursts of laughter. I also refused to help customers or answer the phone because I loved it so much 🙂

  852. So I debated whether or not to leave a comment and the voices in my head all agreed that I should. Well, they didn’t agree all at the same time because that would be awkward. They each need some audience time and it would also be rude to have them talk over the other. I have never read your blog, but I did find your book at my library. The cover seemed interesting enough and I was in need of a good book. Or just something to occupy my visual cortex because it has been acting up lately. I’m sucked in. The more I read, the more I laughed. The more I laughed, the more I realize that I might be laughing at myself and not you. So to clear up this confusion I kept reading snippets out loud to my husband. After finishing a few chapters, I looked up at him and asked “She’s great, isn’t she?! It’s like I can totally relate to her and what goes on in her head because it’s SO me! Right?!” At this point my husband, who was slowly shaking his head and had this dazed look, walked into the kitchen. I thought to get me something to drink since my throat was kind of dry from reading your wonderful book out loud to him, but I realized he never gets a damn thing, so I followed him. He was standing at the sink, drinking water for himself, selfish bastard, and states, or screams, or mumbles, “There’s more of you in the world. Why are there more than one of you in the world and how do we make it stop? One of you wrote a book about what? I don’t know because I can’t understand that secret language that you speak, but this other woman speaks it and you get it and I don’t. Why are there more than one of you in the world? Do you know how wrong that is?” He apparently doesn’t appreciate fine literature as I do. Then again, he doesn’t read, at all. That kind of freaks me out. I have trust issues with people who don’t read. Anyway, thanks for your book! I love it! And, uh, thanks for sharing because now I feel like I’m not alone. The voices in my head definitely don’t count, we are like the Borg and it’s all a collective.

  853. I just finished your book and LOVED it! I’d just read Gone Girl, which was very intense and exhausting, so I needed some humor for balance. I stumbled upon your memoir on amazon. I’m so glad that I did! I had lots of ‘I laughed so hard the tears ran down my leg’ moments! It was just awesomely hilarious! Great job! And thank you! Can’t wait for the next one! 🙂

  854. I am a bad-mannered reader, I am awful at leaving feedback, well I tried to a couple times and wrote super intense reviews (I even quoted bits and pieces) and when I submitted them after typing them on my Nook, there was an complication and they didn’t post….saying I was pisted off….well that’s putting it mildly.

    But I wanted to write something about your book, because I laughed hard and long when I read some of the funny things you’ve written. I in point of fact shouldn’t have been laughing since I was on the sly reading your book, on my iPhone (Kindle) app in hush-hush at my cubicle. Let’s face it paper pushing doesn’t make you snicker a whole lot. And my supervisor sitting at the next cubicle over knew there was no way I was pushing those darn papers.

  855. Hi, Jenny.

    As I’m sure you know, your book is funny. I had the good fortune of listening to your audiobook, though it should come with a warning: “Don’t hesitate to pull the fricking car over if you’re laughing to hard to keep your eyes open, because you will totally run into a curb causing a flat tire.”

    Totally worth it. And have you thought of turning your book into a one woman show? I get that performing might make you want to stab someone in the eye with a fork to escape the theatre, but I’m an actress and playwright at the Amarillo Little Theatre, and get jealous of all the guys who get to do David Sedaris’ stuff. Food for thought. Can’t wait until book two.

  856. I’ve just finished reading your book. It was awesome. In a very messed up kind of way, but still awesome. You made my cheeks hurt because I was laughing so hard. I love you a little for that.

    p.s.: I’ve read your book, so I feel the need to clarify that I was referring to my face cheeks. Not the other ones. Cause that wouldn’t make sense.

    p.p.s.: Did you know that there are studies that say that laughing extends your life spam? So thank you very much, since you must have given me at least an extra year or two (or maybe fifty, but I don’t think that’s possible).

  857. I have just finished your book, Without fail the funniest book I have ever read! So much so I think I am now banned from the quiet train on the way 2 work,I told my Cousin to download your book and she sent me a email the next day advising me that “she has been ex communicated from the public transport quiet posse of Sydney”, I hadn’t told her about me reading the book on the way to work.ha
    The only request I have is PLEASE don’t take 11 years to write the next one ,because at the rate I keep recommending this book to everyone who will listen to me I’m going to need some new material asap to keep feeding their addiction to you, as after reading this book they will be surely hooked. I will be keeping an eager eye out for the next wonderful book, Your Sydney Book Pusher..ha 🙂

  859. Hi Jenny, I had your book on my “List to Read”, and finally got to it tonight. Honestly I should have put it at the top of the pile, I haven’t laughed that hard in ages. When I reached the chapter entitled, “If You See my Liver, You’ve Gone Too Far”, I was laughing and crying – at the same time. You are an amazing and wonderful person, thank you so much for sharing your life story. I look forward to book number two. Hugs to a lovely lady from Medicine Hat, Alberta Canada.

  860. I came accross your book because my wife was reading it and laughing out loud. After randomly choosing a spot and reading a few pages I realized this was some of the funniest and most creative writing I have read in a long, long time! Well done… and the excerpts are right, there is something quite wrong with you and I love it. Please don’t stop.

  861. I’m working my way through my “Booklist” and finally got to your wonderful book. Thank you for writing this gem of a memoir! At 29 years old, I have begun thinking daily about seeing a doctor about my growing anxiety and you have given me the final push that I need. I cried when I read the chapter “And Then I Got Stabbed In The Face By A Serial Killer”. Thank you for putting it all out, putting words to what I haven’t been able to and for making me feel a little more sane for not being the only one that ends up talking to herself!

  862. I loved your book, and it turned me on to your blog. way to go girl!
    love your humor-wish I could be that funny–wait, aren’t I?

  863. I am listening to the Audible version right now, and my three-year-old daughter follows me around the house while I clean and asks me over and over, “Mama, what you laughing at?” And I can’t answer her because it usually involves profanity and because I am laughing too hard to answer. However, my big problem with it is that it isn’t long enough. I am rationing it so I can listen while I do the chores I hate most. It’s the only thing getting me through. So, when is your next book?

  864. I loved this book so much, I posted the link on my facebook feed over and over again until my friends read it too! I also suggested it as a book club book. The book club is reading it this month and we will be meeting in April over food and wine to discuss this hilarious book. My question is, if you were at this book club meeting, what would you like to see as the appetizers?

    (Wine slushies and armadillo eggs. ~ Jenny)

  865. We are reading your book for book club this month and there have been several moments (particularly during your exploits with dead animals, and your time in HR) that I find myself biting the inside of my cheek to keep from cackling at full volume in my cubicle. Keep up the good work, and fuck those that have a problem with you double spacing after periods just tell them your retro.

  866. Thought you might get a kick out of this – your book has been selected as the next offering in our book club (yeay!) I’ve read it before and will enjoy reading it again – I love your rebel quirkiness 🙂 Have any questions you’d like to suggest for our group to ponder when we get together to discuss it in May?

  867. Hello. My family is about to be homeless. May you please help spread the word about an effort to save our home? We only need 3,000 kind, caring, compassionate souls who have just $5 to spare. If anyone cannot spare $5, maybe they can re-post (on Facebook) and re-tweet (on Twitter) to help get the word out to enough folks. Please? Thank you, thank you, thank you. https://www.youcaring.com/please_help_thank_you

    We only need 3,000 folks to offer a hand-UP (not a hand-out) and I will gladly either re-pay OR pay forward any $5 gifts once I am ever able to. I just do not want our two kids to be homeless. Please help if you can, either with a $5 gift, a re-post/re-tweet OR both. 🙂 Thank you.
    https://www.youcaring.com/please_help_thank_you

  869. So I just read Let’s Pretend This Never Happened for my AP Literature class as a senior in high school. We got to choose an independent novel and I was lucky enough to stumble upon this book of pure gold! It was the funniest book I ever had the pleasure of reading! Although it was especially hard to give a presentation on it to the test of my class when trying to explain why I enjoyed it so much, it was definately a great read!

  871. Hi Jenny,
    as today (or here in Austria for some minutes now yesterday) is the World Book and Copyright Day and I’ve just read and come to love your book, I’ve put it as my first reading recommendation on my blog.
    🙂

  872. Just got your book in the mail yesterday. I’m reading it at work(i sit at a desk and answer phones and wait for people to ask for things), so it’s important i stay at my desk as much as possible and i figured that if i was reading your book I’d be preoccupied and not bored sitting at my desk.
    I’m laughing too often and too loud. I may just have to put it away and read it at home.

  873. Listened to your audiobook while traveling alone on desolate stretch of dessert highway in Arizona… thanks for the laughs ad making my trip MUCH more enjoyable! I admire your sense of humor even in the face of life’s toughest circumstances.

  874. Thanks so much for this book. I just lost my cat (the dead kind of lost) and it’s all that’s holding me together right now. Damn, I’m crying again. Anyway, your book is fantastic.

  875. Hi Jenny, as a mother of three , nudging 40 and studying and somewhat socially stupid – I came upon your book and for the first time in my life laughed out loud when reading. You are a very funny lady. I grew up in Australia, and now live in Singapore and life can be pretty serious, but whenever I reread your book it makes me smile. Well done for following your dreams – keep it up, you’re one funny chick.

  876. Am in the process of reading your book for the second time. Just this afternoon was sitting alone in a restaurant laughing uncontrollably about the laxative / potential rapist misadventure. Getting strange looks from the other diners. Didn’t care. Wanted to read them excerpts, but thought they might not enjoy them with their meals. Their loss. Thank you. I love you. But not in a weird way.

  878. Just introduced David Sedaris to your work and “sold him” (his words) on reading Lets Pretend this Never Happened! Jenny, I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. He seemed excited to read the audiobook. (You’re welcome.) Also, thank you for being one of my hero(ines). -Sarah

    (If this is true then I own you a cocktail and a cupcake. David Sedaris is better than enchiladas. ~ Jenny)

  880. So my husband comes into the bedroom looking extremely concerned and asks me if I am okay..
    Apparently he can hear me laughing all the way to his office and he has earphones on.
    Thank you Jenny for this wonderful book! All my friends and family will be getting one for Christmas.

  882. I love, love, love you. I have always been a fan of your blog, but your book has helped me through a really difficult time in my life. I have OCD and post-partum depression and anxiety, and your chapters on your own battles with anxiety really moved me. That you can overcome them and atill find humor changed my whole perspective. Thank you for that 🙂

  883. Dear Bloggess — I am wondering if your publisher might have any extra copies of your wonderful book just lying around, waiting for a good home. We recently became the charter parents of #15,498 Little Free Library and we are trying to stock it with interesting, useful, and fun books. I believe your book would be categorized as “useful” as we have those in this area that need help. If it is possible, please contact me through the website or e-mail I’ll be giving you.

    Thank you, Bloggess, for writing as often as you do. It helps all of us!!

  884. I chose this book for my book club because I wanted to “laugh” for a change! We meet tomorrow, so we will see what the others think. Personally, I totally identified with your discussions with yourself. I have them all the time. Not you, me. Anyway, thanks for writing something so relatable and funny! I hope my club appreciates you as much as I do. Kelly

  885. I laughed out loud for hours-with several bathroom breaks, or i’d have peed a bit in my pants. I understand completely the pain you go through in social situations and the diarrhea of the mouth that has absolutely no boundaries-you’ll say anything to fill the awkward silences. I get that. Victor is a prize indeed to stay and to try to understand-keep him. and congratulations on your daughter-maybe not her birth she’s pretty old for that, but on every single day you get to share and discover life through her eyes.
    ~lori schmelz

  887. I’ve been reading your blog for several months now and just finished your book. I don’t think I laughed that hard in a long time. When I read about your pug Barnaby Jones Pickle (great name) dying I was sad and I was reminded of my sweet pugs Lucky and Lulu who are hopefully playing with Barnaby in doggie heaven.

    After reading your book and noting all the references you made to stabbing, my girlfriend and I now have no choice but to refer to you as “Stabby”. So thanks for the humor, Stabby!

  888. You’ll totally understand how hard it is for me to figure out what to say here (I hope.) 1. You’re book is genius, and the funniest thing I’ve read since I am Ozzy. 2. But it wasn’t all funny, so please don’t think my heart didn’t break when yours was in the book. (I have to confess though to laughing, for days, at the image of Victor yelling at your unborn baby to move towards his voice. I’m really sorry you went through all that though). 3. You’re an inspiration. My childhood was nothing like yours (obviously) but I can relate to anxiety and not fitting in. 4. On the off chance you ever read my blog, I made the reference about wanting to move to Texas before I read your book. I am totally not stalking you in person. Just your blog – and again, after I made the reference. You’re description of snakes and scorpions has me re-thinking the whole Texas idea anyway. Thanks for writing. You lighten my day.

  889. Bought your book in Austin- came back home to Houston. No housework done for 3 days now. Thanks.

  890. I just read your book……..Oh my gosh….I could not stop laughing!!!! you have got to be one of the funniest story teller I have ever read!

  891. Hi! I’m participating in an international scavenger hunt called GISHWHES. It has set several Guinness world records and currently both William Shatner and Orlando Jones are participating in it. Any funds raised are donated to a charity – Random Acts (www.therandomact.org). Why I’m approaching you is because one of the items on the list is this:

    VIDEO. A NYT best-selling author or Tony-award winning actor or actress doing a dramatic reading of a section of this: http://apps.dmv.ca.gov/pubs/hdbk/right_of_way.htm The video is to be 15 seconds long.

    I know that is a lot of weird to pile on you out of the blue, but was wondering if you would be willing to be a little crazy for a wonderful event.

  894. Jenny!!!!!
    I would love an autographed copy!!!!
    I will pay extra!!!!!
    I am currently reading your book and already, I am moved by it!

    -Gabi

  895. Just discovered you and your book! I’m on chapter 3 and LOVE it! Thank you for making me laugh. : )

  896. I may be super late to the party on this one… but that book is awesome! Thank you for writing it and mostly thank you for reminding me I am not the only crazy person out there trying to live a somewhat coherent life.

  897. My husband hates you; not personally mind you but solely because I read past my bedtime (and his) and I keep waking him up with the uncontrollable laughter that spontaneously occurs while reading your book. I have not LOL’d this much since reading the entire Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series.

  898. Most likely, you have been told “You are fucking awesome!” several times so there would be no need for me to repeat it. However, as much as I don’t want to defeat the purpose of this fan comment, and as much as I have to celebrate the dorkiness of my commenting, I must say – YOU ARE A GODDESS BORN TO BEAT OPRAH’S KNACK FOR INSPIRATION INTO SHAME. And that I thank the universe for conspiring on the day you decided to be a writer.

  899. I know – it’s already 2014 and where have I been?? Just now reading your memoir and have peed myself twice. The turkey debacle was beyond classic. What can I say? You KICK ASS!!

    A Fan up Seattle Way

  901. This was by far my favorite book I’ve ever read! It is literally a laugh out loud book. Now I’m dying to read the second book that was referenced a couple times, but don’t see that there is one. When will it be out?

  903. I couldn’t put this book down, although I had to briefly while sharing dinner with my new sweetheart. I laughed out loud repeatedly & a few times to the point of tears flowing down my cheeks. This delightful book is a must have coffeetable/ bathroom for everyhome. I can’t wait to share it with my friends & family. Jenny you are fantabulous…!!!

  904. Sooooo…my book club is meeting to discuss your book this Monday, October 20. Do you have a list of discussion topics? If not, want to FaceTime with us? 7:30 pm PST. Cuz that’d be the shit! Live the book. I listened to it on audible.

    (Check the back of the paperback. There are a bunch of book club questions people like. Thanks! ~ Jenny)

  905. Quite possibly the best book I have ever read. I’m not saying that to suck up, it is seriously the best book about a REAL person who isn’t trying to hide her crazy. I have laughed until it hurts then bawled like a baby, sometimes all on the same page!
    Thank you for devoting 11 years of your life to write it just for me. It was for me, right?

  906. lols. just stumbled on your blog, gonna check out your book now…by the way that was hilarious about why Jesus was not classified as a zombie, I see your point I guess the Messiah always had his way with defying expectations, the status quo … I mean when he also walked on water he also escaped being classified a boat. lolz

  907. I love your book and keep in on my nightstand to read whenever I need cheering up. Or want to keep my husband awake with my bursts of laughing/snorting. Yes, I see the irony in being cheered up by someone with depression, but since my doc doubled the dose on my own anti-depression meds my life is all about irony. And chocolate.

  908. I just discovered the book and site. LOVE it! But I want the book with the awesomely creepy font on the cover, like the book on your main page. Is that the UK release? I think you could get more readers with the fancy font. It makes Hamlet Von Schnitzel look like a sorcerer. Maybe he even mesmerizes people to buy your book. For people who judge books by the cover（i.e. Everybody) it would be better choice. All-caps type is so plain. Is there way to get fancy font version in U.S.? I’ll give my plain font copy to my sister, and put fancy font on my coffee table. R

    (You can buy a copy from a UK store, but shipping is a bit crazy. Sometimes Ebay has them. ~ Jenny)

  909. This book is so amazing! I am currently on my third or fourth re-reading! I’d never heard of anyone having a childhood as bizarre as my own until I discovered the bloggess! Her stories inspired me to start my own blog! Also my copy of “LPTNH” mysteriously vanished for a few weeks, only to suddenly reappear on my coffee table one afternoon with a note inside that read “Holy Shit! Funniest book I have ever read! It’s going on my Christmas list! Thank You!”
    which made me think we have the coolest poltergeist EVER and then I remembered my 16 year old daughters friend asking if I had anything to read because my daughter fell asleep and it was “all boring and awkward now”. So we probably just have a regular poltergeist, but my daughters friends are cooler than i originally thought.

  910. I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! I’ll be honest with you – I checked it out from the library first. (The adorable mouse on the cover totally intrigued me. I have a weird thing about wanting to collect deceased critters that could potentially be fabulous taxidermy, but when I actually pull over to gather them, I lose my nerve because I don’t want to be seen as ‘that weird woman picking up the dead armadillo off the road’. Perhaps I would benefit from therapy…) After reading your book, I promptly BOUGHT MY OWN COPY and shared it with my eldest daughter, because you and I shared a childhood of bread-bag shoes. I feel like you are my sister. I realize now that seems creepy and I should probably delete the last 6 lines but I won’t, because you rock, and I really love your book and think EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS!!! Thanks for hearing me out. Peace, love and puppy dogs!

  911. I was literally sad when I reached the last page. So I started it over immediately and started smiling and laughing out loud in public again. Hands down my favourite book ever.

  912. Dear Jenny,

    I read your delicious book and I just wanted to say thank you for sharing, and I’m sorry for snorting coke on your book (page 75 to be exact, the sex concussion, of course). And now I’m pretty sure I need to clarify that I was not snorting cocaine on your book because I don’t do drugs, duh I’m not a moron. I was drinking a coca-cola and I laughed so hard I snorted it on the page, which by the way doesn’t feel super great. But I was in such a good mood I didn’t really mind. I feel bad though because the book actually belongs to the library, so I may have ruined it for the next person. I love libraries, but that’s a whole nother tangent (IT’S FREE PEOPLE!!).

    Also, my boyfriend is pissed at you for ruining our Mexico vacation (apparently this is a common spouse reaction) since I spent the whole time reading your book and laughing out loud in public. At one point I was doing that awesome laugh-so-hard-your-crying thing, and then I was just crying and I can’t really tell you why except that maybe it was the sudden flashback of the school cafeteria… or possibly the time this kid starting calling me Osteoporosis in gym class because I had just peeked in my anorexia and looked a little bit like Skeletor, only skinnier. I’m pretty sure that kid is still selling vacuum cleaners, so Karma I guess. Plus I’m totally awesome now and I actually think it was sort of ingeniously funny for a 7th grade boy to come up with that. Even so, there is no amount of money that could convince me to ever repeat high school or junior high, or my twenties for that matter. “Record Low…”

    P.S. My boyfriend is totally not pissed at you for ruining our vacation. Now he’s pissed at you for unleashing the crazy. That’s a lie, he’s not pissed at all. He’s super grateful because he loves to see me happy and laughing and I think he secretly likes it when I yell random things like “There’s a bird it my pants, get it out!!!! Ew it just pooped!!” Sorry, that will make not sense to you. But on a serious note, I know the book is funny and all, but you totally put your whole self out there and let us in to all the dark scary places. I’ve been working on accepting my dark scary stuff for years (You can tell your editor he totally screwed up and should have charged $45 for your book since this would be way cheaper that all those years of therapy. Just saying.) Anyway, your book reminded me that those places aren’t so scary. Instead, they are what makes us brave and resilient and forgiving and compassionate and awesome. Being able to make fun of yourself is the new black.

    P.P.S. I just ordered 3 of your books and plan to mail them to my 3 best homies, you know, the ones who have to be your friend for lifetime because you all know to much. I’m pretty sure their lives will be changed too. I’m sorry this turned into the longest comment post ever. If you are still reading this I love you even more.

    P.P.P.S. I hope Jean Louise got a totally cool Captain Hook arm.

  913. This book is absolutely hilarious and genuine. It’s just awesome. I’m giving it to a friend because she is a weirdo like me and will totally “get” this book. So glad I stumbled upon it! A new fan for sure.

  914. I read Jenny Lawson’s “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” and laughed so hard I thought my jugular might pop out of my neck. I fell in love with her but not in a sexual way and had to find her blog. Here I am, waiting for book #2. Hurry up Jenny, or Mrs. Lawson, or whatever because I know we haven’t officially met so I’m pretty sure it’s weird to assume we’re on a first-name thing, but I know a lot about you, not to sound creepy or anything… anyhoo, I really am waiting, like your cat outside your bathroom door… ok that really does sound creepy, so how about like A cat outside A bathroom door? Have a nice day bye.

  915. I just finished reading your book. I think you mentioned or used the word Vagina in every chapter. Thank you for that. 🙂

  916. Just finished seven hours reading Let’s Pretend – yeah, I really know how to use a couch. Most enjoyable, funniest read ever. Further evidence that Texas produces the best women in the world.

  917. I’m reading your book and scaring the shit out of my cat with very loud, extended, gut wrenching laughter. He tried to give me mouth to mouth resuscitation last night, then backed away and sat on the floor watching me and worrying. He clearly wondered if he should get farther away, just to be safe.
    I’m also reading your blog, which I don’t do, ever. Not because blogs are bad, but because I hate internet surfing, and being stuck for hours at my computer, and finding myself reading stuff I have zero interest in but clicked on by mistake. I’m the person at work who NEVER checks her facebook page, or looks at cute photos, or leaves comments. So you will be pretty much single handedly responsible for turning me into a person who could lose her job from spending too much time on the internet. I haven’t laughed this hard in years, literally. Oh, yeah. I work at a library, so I may also get in trouble for LAUGHING SO LOUD. And that’s awesome because this is the funniest book I’ve ever read. Absolutely. I will make our librarian order many copies. Thanks, it’s fantastic!

  918. I was just forced to read this book in a college writing class. My advice to you? Think twice before buying this book. Really. Unless you’re totally okay with completely embarrassing yourself laughing until you cry in public. Yes, I did this and it was not pretty. Don’t do it. Also, it’s dangerous: especially if you happen to be eating while you’re reading it … you’d be surprised by the sheer bulk of things you can shoot out of your nose while reading this book: milk, spaghetti, cough drops (yes, plural), small animals you didn’t know you were eating, … really, it’s too risky. Just don’t. One time I was caught laughing, like the I-can’t-stop-laughing type of laughing, in a lobby area I wasn’t supposed to be in anyway, when the security people arrived to investigate. They radioed for a straightjacket with a mere mention of a five-foot metal chicken. My escape was vicariously nothing like what you see in the movies. I don’t want to talk about it. All because of this book. You have been warned. I mean, it’s a chicken named Beyonce … there has to be something illegal here. I’m just saying.

  919. Oh! What I’d want! Hmmm a note from Victor to my husband letting him know he’s not alone and the secret to how he copies with living with a the special soul that we are!!! Lol..but seriously, the poor man needs toknowhe’snotalone!!!man needs to know he’s

  920. Jenny, Your wonderful book is my go to antidepressant (also effexor and Xanax). I cannot tell you how often I randomly open a chapter as a tool to uplift my spirits. Bless you, woman! You make me laugh out loud on some pretty dark days.

  921. I want an autographed copy of your book, along with an autographed picture of the Cuban Alligator (autographed by the alligator, of course).

  922. Jenny!
    I started working at an independent bookstore last year and quickly discovered your book! It has since become my favorite humor book to date and I chose it to be featured as my staff pick for a friendly in-store sales competition. It wound up in the top three and now, a few weeks after the competition wrapped up, it’s back on our in-store bestseller list at number 9 for non-fiction! Thank you for sharing your stories with all of us readers who are cool with laughing obnoxiously and uncontrollably in public. Seriously. I laughed until I cried and people got weirded out.

  923. You definitely have a following here in New Zealand. I first got your book on Kindle and I love it, and you, so much I bought a bunch of your books and gave them to everyone for Christmas, so now you have even more fans at the bottom of the world *grin
    Love you Jenny – can’t wait for the next book!

  924. Hi Jenny! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I just finished reading your book. Loved it. But I FREAKED OUT when I read one sentence: “I was wearing a muumuu with sweatpants on underneath, a giant men’s hoodie, and my red confidence wig.” For a minute, I thought my best friend Amber published a book under the name Jenny Lawson and didn’t tell me. Then I realized nope! She loaths red hair. Which is why her two wigs are brown and blond. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your humor with the world!!! (And for being a muumuu-sweatpants-and-male-hoodie wearer, so I can assure my BFF she’s not as eccentric as most people think.) I look forward to your next book!

  925. I don’t know how I’ve rambled around on the Internet without bumping into your delightful blog, Twitter, existence, etc for so long.

    Anyway, I came across your book and decided that I needed it solely for the cover. Once I started reading it, I ended up not being able to stop until I was done. I wanted to let you know how refreshing it was to see someone whose brain works in the same way as mine, reflected back to me. It made me feel like I wasn’t a complete lunatic with weird phobias, but someone who has worth or something deep like that. I’m 33, I should have figured that stuff out already, but your book was really helpful.

    I ended up reading the book out loud to my husband so he’d know that when I do weird shit like super glue a Lego to my thumb or give weird names to the baristas at Starbucks, that it’s a normal behavior. He is a patient man.

    So, to wrap up I just wanted to let you know that you have a fan in Washington State who tortures her husband on a daily basis (but like, in an adorable, breezy way), raises oddball kids and messes with society.

    Carry on.

  927. THANK YOU Ms. Lawson. Your book, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” was recommended to me because of “my sense of humor.” That alone scared me LOL. I didn’t make it through page 3 before I spit coke out all over the place.

    You would soooo fit into my family….no training required. We use humor for everything. When my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a single mastectomy…we cracked jokes. We called her the boobless wonder and that her new Chinese name was OneHungLow.

    I write like you do….rambling, digressing, stopping to talk to the audience, etc. I would normally have finished the book in two days, but it’s hard to do when you have to put the book down every other paragraph due to laughing fits. And you and Victor….OMG you sound like my ex and I did when we were together, and how my mom and dad were for over 30 years up until the day he died LITERALLY…..even that day they were sarcastic and nagging with each other.

    I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the book…and nice to know my family is not alone in this world. I haven’t laughed that hard and that much in so long.

    YOU ARE AWESOME….Thanks again.

  928. Hello Bloggess. I love your stuff. Furiously Happy is an incredible. I love that you have taken from the hard things in your life and tried to help the rest of us. I have had some really hard times in my life. Like some really shitty stuff. Over the years I have been putting it all down in my diary. Everything that is inside of me has been hidden safely away in my diary. Now, under the vale of anonymity, I have chosen to place it all out there, in a blog that I just started. In my diary, I have talked in depth about so many things; being abandoned, being picked back up and dragged around, finding love and losing it, finding love and keeping it; bulimia, molestation, drugs, sex and my baby getting cancer. It all poured out so easily. The process of putting it all down; laying it all out in front of me, helped me to see how each individual piece fit together to create a bigger picture. And that picture was of me; all of me, with all my triumphs and pit falls; all my mistakes and every single one of my insecurities. I hope that I can helps someone just as you have helped me. Without you, I wouldn’t have had the strength to put it all out there. I hope this doesn’t come off as spam. I promise it’s not. diaryexcerpts.weebly.com

  929. I’d love a signed copy of any book.

    Wait.

    Having read your book and blog, I’ll be a bit more specific. I’d love a signed copy of any book, as long as you were the one who signed it.

    You make me laugh my silent laugh and the ever annoying hyena laugh like no one else can. And I live within close proximity to someone with a large, ceramic rooster in their yard. I have begun telling my friends that you have a summer home in Northeastern Pennsylvania. And some of them, unfortunately, question who you are. Then they are berated, tirelessly, until they read your book and blogs so they can be as obsessed as I am. Obsession is so much more fun when you get other friends to join in. 👍 Just for the simple fact that I think of you daily, as I drive by that beautiful, statuesque rooster, I believe it warrants some type of signed object (really, anything. I’m not picky) You’re fabulous. ❤️

  930. Dear Jenny,
    There are no words to convey how much I enjoy your blog and look forward to reading your book(s). I belong to a book club, because of our numbers I am only able to pick one book a year (yes, there are 12 members), I NEED your book to be my yearly contribution. Also noticed that you’re coming to Boston in October – we’re in Maine, which isn’t really close by – but it’s closer than Texas. Stop by? We have wine.
    Best,
    Juli

  931. I want to read your books everyday! I’m pretty sure that Lena Dunham plagiarized your memoir, at least a couple of times…you should have your people check that out. Im prepared to hear more of your life stories! Thanks

  932. I just finished your book! I have never laughed so hard at a book in my life. Our bookclub picked it and have already been sending hilarious emails to eachother at the parts we loved. Usually the host tries to theme the food around the book. I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT THIS ONE WILL BE!! See ya in Toronto in October!

  933. I came across this book and could not put it down. So I called my friend Tina and told her that I didn’t care if she was having mind blowing sex with Brad Pitt that she had to stop and download this book. After reading it herself she read it to her husband every night at bedtime. Yes, he was ok with the Brad sex. Anyway, last year on our girls beach trip, we made 11 women sit down while Tina read the whole story about the rapist who slid you notes under the door. THE BEST STORY EVER! Thank you for sharing your crazy life with the rest of us. Tammy from TN.

    My blog is handedalemonorpickedalemon.blogspot

  934. a good friend sent me your book after we were discussing your facebook blog about how you just cannot support everyone’s cause.
    I laughed and cried. I felt less alone.
    Thank you. I really appreciate the chapter about the bloggers retreat. I had learned young to never trust women. Finally in my forties I am learning to let some women in. That chapter really spoke to me.
    thank you for sharing your life so mine feels better

  935. My family has some mental issues. I have noticed my 39 year old daughter is acting depressed. What if anything, can I say to her? Help

  936. How do I get my adult daughter to address her depression? I see her battling as I do and want to help the best way

    (Let her know you’re there for her. That’s a good start. And therapy is really the best option to help diagnose and treat. Try to encourage her to see a professional. Sending love to you and her both. ~ Jenny)

  937. Pingback: Top 10 Books I Read in 2013 | kendra alvey

  938. I absolutely loved this book. I listened to it on Audiobook and drove around laughing like crazy. People probably though I was nuts. Not that I care. I have barked out the window at people, so my sanity is questionable at best. I cannot wait for your next book, so I can do it all over again.

  939. Love your book and want to send a copy to all of my friends – which I will! Are there still autographed editions of your first book available. I have also lent your book out to many friends and did not receive it back last time – hence why I am going to purchase another but would love an autographed copy. You made me laugh in a very dark time in my life – grateful for the laughter and the tears. Cindy

  940. I was just reading this book again for the 5th time and realized that I have a really good fucked up story that you’d really enjoy! My dad was a butcher when I was little and would occasionally get calls from hunters to clean out a deer and prep the meat. He was outside cleaning out a deer at midnight and had the carcass hanging on our backyard swing set. Decided that would be traumatizing for us to wake up to, and stuffed the carcass into one of their standup freezers. I was sent outside the next morning to get some bacon, opened the freezer and a hoof and leg fell out. We had just seen Bambi, so of course I ran into the house screaming ‘oh my God, someone killed Bambi and put him in the freezer!!!’. Good times. Totally traumatizing at 4 years old. You’re welcome, I hope that I made your morning!

  943. Well, I’m late to this party. Bought this book day before yesterday on a whim based solely upon the title and the blurb on the front cover from Augusten Burroughs. Finished yesterday afternoon. It wouldn’t have taken that long except I had to drop the book in my lap every other sentence to laugh out loud ’til my abs hurt. Burroughs was correct – he’s funny, but not this funny.

    Please, oh please tell me someone is making a movie out of this mess. I’ve got to go now so I can buy the new book.

  944. I wanted to say how much your book inspired me to get back to writing my blog, and to writing about things with my own voice. Your book is crazy, unbelievable, funny, audacious, and very, very real. And I totally respect all of that! My friend lent me your book because she said she couldn’t put it down, she was so right! Thank you so much for being you! You’re an inspiration!

  945. Thank you, dear Jenny, for all that brought you to write, and Most of Alll, narrate, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir)” – I find complete and utter joy each time I listen to it on my Audible app – and I listen to it fairly often over and over again, recommending as essential listening/reading, to all those, nearest and dearest to me!

    I have not, Yet – bought the hard-copy of both books – so if I could do so, and have you sign it/them in either Chicago or Milwaukee, even, that would be fantabulous! I kept TRYing to down load “Furiously Happy” on 9/28/15, and kept trying until, finally on 10/3/15, Audible Finally really and truly released it. [Was this a test, Audible? To “gauge interest”, while continuously posting the “release date” as 9/2815, and yet Not Releasing … Until 10/3/15?]

    Anyhoo, life goes on, the sun rises, and I will go forth, enjoying your narration, enthusiastically; the hard cover tomes will arrive as the universe deems fitting. Thank you, dear Jenny Lawson, for being Furiously Happy, and sharing you, and it, with us all. Love and Blessings to you, and Victor, and Hailey.
    (PS – have cats and blankets, should you need to rest and recupe, western suburbs outside of Chicago)

  947. Hi Jenny, I’m really bad with messaging (old age) but I absolutely loved your book. If I wanted to order 10 signed copies who would I order from? And can they ship to New Zealand? I think something this funny should be shared around the world. Lisa Elizabeth

    (Thanks! I sign extras at all the stores I go to so just check with them to see if they still have extras. ~ Jenny)

  948. Hi Jenny,
    Have just read your chapter ” phone conversations I had with my husband after I got lost…”
    Laughed with you & totally related to your style of navigation. We’re not stupid so I wanted to see if anyone has taken up your challenge to invent the best ever GPS system for people who navigate by landmarks NOT by directions?

    Looking forward to the rest of the book,
    Yours
    Got lost going along Fleet Street

  949. Where can I get a signed copy of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened? Please and thank you. Jen

  950. I’m writing at the request my son…He wants you to know he enjoyed your book very much…Crazy funny as well as thought provoking…”Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” is the only book he has read SO FAR…He says you, Chuck and he knew each other here in San Angelo…Best Wishes and continued success…

  951. I was diagnosed with lymphoma this summer. I. Between appointments, I browsed through the gift shop,knowing I couldn’t afford to buy anything. I found an autographed copy of Furiously Happy and knew I had to have it. BEST THING I EVER BOUGHT! Seriously,I laughed out loud in every waiting room I sat in.

  952. OK, I don’t know if you even check this thread anymore, but I had to comment. We had bread bag show shoes too!!! When you started talking about that I laughed out loud, I though it was something my mom made up! We grew up in a place with no snow, so when we would go see my cousins who DID have snow my mom refused to spend money on snowshoes or even galoshes we would only wear once or twice. So she put bread bags or the plastic poly bags your newspaper comes in when it rains over our sneakers and put rubber bands around our calves to hold them up. We seriously thought no one else in the world ever had done that. But you did! Thank you for that tiny moment of awesome nostalgia.

  953. A friend recently gave me this book to read and I think that I may literally die from exhaustive laughter. I mean, is that possible?!
    This is sheer genius!

  955. A Female Name My Mother Picked So I'd Sound Like Less Of Fat Housewife Type Hillbilly Than The Name My Father Picked says:

    My girlfriend gave me this book for Christmas. She is awesome and has evidently accepted the depths of my mental illness (I wanted to use the word “neuroticism but spelled check says it isn’t a word and wanted to change it to “eroticism” – which is totally fine but not necessarily appropriate – unless laughing hysterically is erotic – which according to some of the likes of centerfolds laughing on top of a pile of pillows is a complete turn on).

    I’ve spent my Christmas break (AKA stayed up late because I’m not 12 and don’t get a Christmas break anymore) reading this book. My laughter rang through the house, woke up my daughter, and scared the cat. Although the cat is a neighbor’s who decided to divorce them and stay here because we have no small children which really negates my concern over scaring the cat. And my daughter kept me awake for years wanting food and for another human being to clean up her excrement…. I laughed my ass off at the book and don’t care what it did to any of the other mouth breathers in the house.

    Seriously I was in tears from laughing to the extent I’m fairly certain my girlfriend thought I had dropped acid before reading. I think I may have missed some of the book from craughing (crying + laughing) but my brain filled in those paragraphs and they were still quite funny. **Side note: the one time I’ll admit I dropped acid, I laughed about Carol Burnett, bananas and oranges thinking I was watching her show before realizing (about 11 hours later) that we didn’t even own a TV.

    In summation, I would like to thank Mary for convincing the world she was a virgin, Joseph for believing her, and Jesus for being off-beat enough the world would continue to celebrate his awesomeness therefore allowing a holiday I could be gifted this wonderful book.

    **Disclaimer: I watched a thing on CNN about how Mary wasn’t a virgin and Jesus basically was the artistic sexy hippie brother of the crew Mary pushed out. Sometimes I should not be allowed to own cable.

  956. When I read your book “Let’s Pretend…”, I immediately deduced you were pleasantly insane. Let’s say, ARE pleasantly, and sometimes unpleasantly insane, because once you reenforce insanity with soaring book sales, you only encourage it. And I encouraged your insanity, by buying the book. Sorry.

  957. So just read Let’s Pretend This Never Happened for the 3rd time. It took me multiple attempts to get thru the cat bathroom rapist chapter because I couldn’t even open my eyes as I was laughing too hard, and it’s hard to read thru tears. Thanks Jenny! Love your writing!!

  958. I don’t know how so many women, like yourself, can experience pregnancy, labor and delivery, not to mention an adult lifetime of gyn exams, without getting the basic vocabulary right; learning the difference between the “vagina” and the “vulva”.. Guys get it wrong all the time, but I expect more from you. The vagina (one of your favorite words) is inside your body. It is not the part that got sewed up after Hailey was born. Pull out a basic anatomy book, and spread the word. (Your editor might need to be copied on this as well.)

    (Very true. But “vagina” is funnier. I had to make a choice and I chose funny over accurate. It was a good decision, I think. ~ Jenny)

  960. This book should come with a warning. Like don’t read it when you are home recuperating from a hysterectomy… because you will be sorry. Or any abdominal surgery for that matter. I had to put it down for a few days until my stitches recovered from all the gut busting laughter!

  962. This book is amazing if you are looking for a good laugh read this book. It is fucking hilarious ! Let’s just say that I was in the car with my brother and my dad, I was laughing so hard, my brother looked at me and asked me if I was alright. Better than a lot of books. I guess you get my point. Conclusion, you should read it !
    Thanks Jenny for the laugh I really needed when I was down.

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  964. Hi Jenny, So, I’ve been a fan of your blog for some time now and I just finished this book (I know, I know! I’m a little behind). To say that I loved it is an understatement.

    Also, I don’t think I’m allowed to read your books on the subway anymore. People sure do stare when someone is cracking up.

    Take care,
    Lisa

  965. I have been with my fiance for all most 7 years now. I am 30 and he is 32! Tony had a fear of commitment which was slowly deteriorating our relationship and destroying my life. I was severely depressed and contact to Dr MOON for help. Needless to say I was very desperate! With Dr. MOO intervention, my HELP were finally answered. I am proud to say were are finally happily married! Thank you so much Doctormoontemple778 @ gmail . com ! I am extremely grateful.

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  967. I found the ‘Furiously Happy’ book by accident, but in an actual bookstore.
    Fascination followed by reading some writing by someone who wrote like I think.
    I’ve tried writing like I think, and often speak like I think, and no one around gets it.
    Obviously there are none of my tribe members around here, so where can I find my tribe.
    How do you find a tribe mate? Prolly need to bump into one, but we don’t have signs.
    How do you know? Thanks FP. You can’t wear a sign saying seeking tribe, can you?

  968. Thank you for writing this book.
    It is great to know that someone else has suffered, albeit somewhat differently, thanks to depression and all its glory.
    I don’t want to sound cliche but this book saved my life, it gave me he courage to continue the flight.
    Thank you

  970. Hi, Jenny,
    I am the badass English teacher who actually “assigned” your book to class. Well, not really. Instead, the kids were allowed to select any book they wanted for the book club in the final days before summer. Six teenage girls selected your memoir, and their journal entries are fantastic! They are madly in love with you and your writing (and Victor!). I’d love to send you a few of their journal entries if possible. Regards, Badass ET

  971. ((robinson.buckler @ yahoo . com)) is a wonderful spell caster. Very trustworthy, he saved my marriage
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  973. One of the perks at working at a large chain bookstore are the free Advanced Reader’s Copies of future books. But I guess one really can’t get an Advance Reader’s Copy of a book that came out in the past. Although, strangely enough I’ve seen it happen. But I think it’s because the store mail got lost.

  974. robinson.buckler @ yahoo. com … restored my relationship, my boyfriend came back to me, i took him back and I am now settled with my him
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  975. Terri Wecht: What a bad ass! As for me, thanks for writing my biography for me. I wonder if was the cotton defoliant, trough swimming, or radon well water that brought on the panic disorder — ah, life in the good ole days of the 1970’s rural Texas! But, I’m pretty sure I can top your growing up in Wall: I grew up in Ricardo, with a cotton gin (duh) & K-8th school Wall sounds way more sophisticated: Ricardo 8th graders got to drive to school, but daddies weren’t about to let the expensive combines out of the field. Score: Wall = 1, Ricardo = O 🙁

  976. Hello everyone, in 2014 i wanted to become a vampire from one man in UK and he collected my money, and he did not make me a Vampire. In 2015 someone directed me to a vampire lord in United State Of America and this man make me a vampire. I will advice anyone who want to become a vampire should contact Jiang Shi via email: worldofvampir@hotmail.com

  977. Good day everybody my name is Nelson Mac few months back i was financially strained i rushed to my bank to apply for a loan to start up my business but i was denied by my bank because of my credit score and they could not help and due to my desperation i was scammed by several online lenders who promised to help me but at the end i was scam i lost my money and my hope because i was so frustrated, One day when i was going through the internet again i found one lender call Mr Larry Scott i thought to give it a try one more time to my biggest surprise he was able to lend me a secure loan totally the amount of $200,0000 for the first time in my life i realize that there are few lender who don’t scam people his name is Mr Larry Scott i will advice any body that are in need of loan to contact him with his Email (scottlarry816@gmail.com) he can be able to help you because he was a God sent to me this year and i will never forget him for the help he render to me.

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  982. Yesterday, I laughed hysterically at Beyonce, the Giant Chicken, and the comments thereto. Checked you out a bit today and I just purchased Let’s Pretend This Didn’t Happen and Furiously Happy for my Nook. I’m flying from Idaho to San Diego on Thursday. I’ll be down there a week. I just hope I get to visit with all my friends (50th high school reunion) and don’t spend the entire week holed up in the bedroom reading your “crack” books. Maybe I’ll just end up reading them to everyone else! I think it will be the best vacation ever .

  984. Admin please help me pass this on.
    I have lived a very terrified life the past 12 years due to the steady distraction caused by tinnitus. I hear a steady, offensive and unending buzzing sound on my left ear, which made me deaf. I worked in a factory for 28 years and i was really much exposed to loud noise, since i retired 15 years ago i have been faced with this, infact it made me deaf. I was fortunate enough to get a medicine from Dr. Joseph that put a final stop to the sound and it has never returned since then. Most doctors might tell you there is no cure but as a survivor of this i will tell you it is curable. To get the medicine for yourself just reach him personally on josephalberteo@gmail.com also for advise and information too.

  986. Hello everyone… I am Mrs Helen Paul by name currently living in New York, USA.. Am writing this letter because am really grateful for what Mrs Mary Clark did for me and my family, when I thought there was no hope he came and make a way for me and my family by lending us loan, at a very low interest rate of 3%. I never thought that there are still God sent and genuine loan lenders on the internet but to my greatest surprise i got my loan without wasting much time so if you are out there looking for a loan of any amount i would like to recommend you to Mrs Mary Clark the Managing director of MARY CLARK FIRM because he is a God sent man that can change your life forever…. So if you really want to make a better life without any fund scarcity…. I would advise you to get in touch with him through this e-mail below :: { E-mail:maryclarkservice1@yandex.com}. Thanks. Mrs Mary Clark.

  987. I don’t think I have ever cried from laughing so hard at a book before. This is definitely my favorite book.

  988. HOW LLOYDS BANK GRANTED ME AN XMAS LOAN!!!

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  990. Hi! I read Furiously Happy and absolutley loved it. I also would love Lets pretend this never happened or You are Here. I’m a single mom who just graduated, and just got a job or I would have already bought both! Thank you for your words of hope and wisdom. Cd would be great but book as well.

  991. Hello dear friend
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  992. Great blog here! Also your website a lot up very fast! What host are you the use of?
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  993. I have heard your book from NJ to Boston and back, through Audible in your own voice. The best part about the book was the proposal by your husband to you. It was so sweet and funny. The whole book was whacked out and it left a queer feeling, not in an uncomfortable way, but like, ‘someone just did something that I almost wanted to do, and did not do’ way…Thanks for sharing.
    I know you are busy but whenever you have time, just go to https://theajmerriot.com/.

    Love,
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  995. My boyfriend is a well-known drug dealer that broke up with her crackhead that he’s in love with I am tired of all his lies and deceit that I know I deserve better it’s a shame how he play mind games as the victim victim card and to make it even worse his new girlfriend is homeless. So the be such a good-hearted of manipulator person sex favor for the drugs….. he has no real standards and I am tired of him. on the ground so one day as possible I heard him having sex with his pregnant girlfriend April. Because we live in the end it’s embarrassing that I know he’s in love with a crackhead. Damn shame.Lmfao ; )

  996. How I Got My Ex Husband Back..Am so excited share my testimony of a real spell caster who brought my husband back to me. My husband and I have been married for about 5 years now. We were happily married with three kids, two boy and a girl. 4 months ago, I started to notice some strange behaviour from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone else. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn’t even come back home for about 3-4 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that adodoghie can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a spell for me. 24 hours later, my husband came to me and apologised for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to adodoghie Powerful Love Spell that really works. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. He will not disappoint you. Email him at: adodoghie77@gmail.com

  997. Hi Jenny! I wanted to e-mail you but can’t locate your e-mail address on your page if there is one….so I guess I need to just post my message publicly here in the comments and hopefully you check them regularly so will see this. Today I blogged about divulging my anxiety disorder to the book club I belong to. What prompted my “coming out” was your book and I just wanted to give credit where credit is due and thank you so much – thank you SO much!. “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened” was my book selection and I had no idea you had anxiety or what the book was about other than your Dad being a taxidermist, when I chose it. I have posted a photo with the cover of your book and link to your blog which I hope is ok too (I am one of those anxious people that “hopes” a lot). Anyway, I posted my story about “coming out” re: anxiety thanks to your book today to remind Canadians of #BellLetsTalk day on Jan 25/16. Here’s the link so you can maybe read it yourself:https://wantonwordflirt.com/2017/01/24/i-came-out-of-the-closet-at-book-club-bellletstalk/

  999. I ordered my copy of LPTNH the same day as your happy bookgiving post, and I look forward to reading it. I loved the preview on Amazon! I didn’t jump into the bookgiving fray, though, because the process was really involved and there were already 900 responses and I was like, wow this is kind of overwhelming. Anyway, I’d already planned to buy the book. Also, based on one of your blogs that I can’t find right now, I also bought “Flora & Ulysses: The Illuminated Adventures” for my daughter, but I am reading it first. =)

  1001. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING FURIOUSLY HAPPY!!!!! I THINK IT IS THE FUNNIEST BOOK I HAVE EVER READ! I TOLD MY SISTER (WHO ‘S FRIEND RECOMMENDED IT FOR ME), “IT IS LIKE THERE IS NO FILTER – JUST LIKE WHEN I GO TO GROUP THERAPY! THE AUTHOR JUST TELLS IT LIKE IT IS!!”

  1002. I clicked the link in your latest email of a new blog post and ended up in 2011 with your first book. I find this weird and wonderful. I did not notice the date and had a WTF moment. I’ve been drinking so it took me a while to figure out I was not in fact reading your newest post from Feb 2017. I think I should go find the actual new post now.

  1003. THIS book hurts my face! Seriously. My cheeks HURT!! I cannot stop laughing at your crazy-ass life. THANK-YOU for sharing!!

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  1006. I am reading your book Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, and I just finished the chapter And Then I Got Stabbed in the Face by a Serial Killer. First let me tell you I would have loved being at a party with you (not sure what that says about me, except I like strange people and I’m a great listener, and I think I would have loved to hear the serial killer story first hand). My daughter is 26 and a creative non-fiction writer who was recently put on meds to help control her social anxiety and panic attacks. Wait, let me back up. In my day, people weren’t defined the way they are today. I was labeled shy and every report card I’ve ever gotten says “Needs to participate more” or “Very quiet”. Kids who probably had ADD were labeled hyperactive and left to their own devices. We didn’t go to the doctor for things like that…or for anything really. Mom gave us baby aspirin, Coke and soda crackers, and we survived. So when my daughter spent years telling me she had issues, I chalked it up to teenage drama and figured she’d grow out of it. That chapter of your book opened my eyes to what my daughter has been experiencing, and I saw a little of my undefined self in that chapter as well. I am a shy, socially anxious 50 year old introvert prone to panic attacks who also worries about everything. I’m not on meds (why start now? people who think I’m eccentric now will label me senile in a few years, and that’s okay with me) because I would forget to take them, or I’d worry over every side effect. Anyway, I’m going to tell my daughter to read this after I finish, or at least this chapter. You are unique, funny, and interesting! I look forward to reading your other books as well.

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  1009. I really wish your autographed copies and tattoos and perks and whatnots shipped internationally. Reading you is calming and a hard copy and you’ll make my whole year. thank you for being awesome

  1010. I have looked for this book over and over with no success. I know that I can get it online but honestly I apparently don’t have quite that much energy or commitment 😂 Please convince Barnes and Nobles that they should carry a few in each of their NH stores please 😬 Next to both of your other ones, it seems completely logical to me.

  1011. I am not a rat.

    I am not a goat.

    I am not a threat.

    I simply am lost and realized the love of my life was way more complicated than I could have imagined. I just love you Liza.
    I want to make everything right with you. I miss you’re big beautiful eyes. I miss your edge. I miss your body. – steve

  1012. I had the hardest time reading “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” because my eyes kept squinching up from laughing so much. My husband said the sound of my laughing out loud made him so happy because I was in the depths of a depressive episode and all he heard for days and days was my crying. You touched my heart and my mind. THANK YOU for helping me heal from a 40 ton mega meltdown. Please never stop writing. You are a treasure and a pure voice and you have a devoted fan in me. Thank you again. I recommend your work to everyone I like.

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  1023. Please tell me there is a movie coming soon ….. please. I love you and own all 3 of your books.

  1024. I am mid reading the book right now (on the chapter about your liver, Bambi, and um how to put this… dead babies, sorry) and I just read the part about how you’d tell the baby where to move when you gave injections and Victor told you most fetuses don’t speak English. And because I am ridiculous I couldn’t stop myself from trying to let you know that Victor was wrong! There was a study published recently (a real scientific one I swear!) that concluded that babies begin to learn languages inutero. So you were right! I’m sorry for this ridiculous post. Thank you for your book(s) because they (you), for the first time in my life, made me realize I am not alone and maybe not as crazy as I always assumed I was (just a little less:) Thank you

  1025. Just finished LET’S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED….I loved this book! When our book club was trying to decide what to read next your book came up. We’d been reading some heavier stuff and I suggested we look for something more humorous. Little did I know that we’d be reading something hilarious, mind provoking, uplifting and a book that proves we all have our little idiosyncrasies. Am going to read your first book next and wait for the sequel to you last one.

  1026. I have never given a testimonial like this before, but for any doubters, let me tell you Dr. Todd is the REAL DEAL! His work, time and advice are invaluable. I only wish I had found him sooner in my life!! I contacted Dr. Todd regarding a lost love. I was pretty much a mess and willing to try anything to get this man back. After my initial consultation with Dr. Todd, I moved forward with the work he recommended. Even though he was very forthright by saying the chances of our reconcile were very slim, I felt I had to at least try and it was worth the cost for his services. He stayed with me every step of the way, any time I had a question or concern, he replied back to my emails usually within hours. The work we did was to heal myself and not as focused on him, which now in retrospect, is exactly what I needed. Todd’s email: manifestspellcast@gmail.com

  1028. My book club – and by book club i mean group of ladies who get together to drink and eat when we can and sometimes all read the book we say we are going to read Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. I LOVED it !!! You have no idea (or maybe you do) how thrilling it is to know there is another woman out there who had strange taxidermied animals as a child. My grandpa did squirrels and rabbits for us. So yeah little kid showing up in city Catholic school for show and tell with my stuffed bunny. Horror and therapy inducing memories starting in kindergarten. Thankyou for sharing your life with us.

  1029. So…. one of the most hilariously embarrassing things just happened to me because of Let’s pretend this never happened. I was listening to the audio(awesome btw) and I have finished it. I was now at the end part where it’s just ranting about vaginas. I had to pause the book to go in the grocery store to pick up toilet paper…. as and I’m checking out and reaching around my purse for cash, I accidentally hit play on my phone and it started screaming VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA as I am purchasing solely a twelve pack of toilet paper. So thank you for that moment Jenny Lawson. I’ve never seen a 16 year old boy that horrified. It was hilarious.

  1031. hey there–i don’t know if you personally check these comments or not, but i am currently reading let’s pretend this never happened and i hereby dub thee my new spirit animal. if i had a dollar for every time i had to tell people, “no, that actually happened, you can’t make shit like this up.” i’d be rich. it’s so inspiring to read about someone whose life has been as weird, at points possibly even weirder, than mine! (ok, definitely weirder, i never got my arm stuck in a cow’s vagina, but i do have a cat’s head hanging from my antique lamp and four dead hamster babies preserved in a bottle of hot sex–so i’d say we’re fairly even on weirdness points–it’s less creepy when you know the back stories, i promise!). your humor is on point, even while discussing tragedy. when i read your words i read them in my voice because we have very similar styles of wit and reading your work is like tapping into this whole other chamber in my head i hadn’t discovered yet. i’m trying not to read too fast because i want to savor every anecdote. but now that i am on your site and see you have MORE books out there, i am utterly thrilled and can’t wait to start scouring the thrift stores for more of your work. thanks for being unabashedly you and sharing with the world! (and just so you know i haven’t sent an author a fan letter since lois duncan back in 2000–so i really hope you do read these comments.) i’ve bookmarked your blog and look forward to a slow day when i’ll have the time to fully explore the site. you rock!

  1032. My lovely sister bought Let’s Pretend this Never Happened book for me two days ago and I haven’t laughed so much in years. THANK YOU JENNY! THANK YOU SISSY! Love you both. Going to the bookstore tomorrow (because I’ve already taken my bra off for the night) for Furiosly Happy. Keep writing Jenny! I can’t get enough

  1033. Dear Jenny, I recently just finished reading your first book and it was amazing, I’ve never laughed out loud so much while reading a book. A few days ago I hit a bird while driving… Or rather A bird hit me while I was driving. How rude. This is the second time it has happened to me and I felt so awful so I decided to turn around and look for the bird. On my way back no joke the car in front of me had a business sticker on his back window advertising “Freds Taxidermy” and I looked down and his license plate was “istuff4u”. Never have I ever seen an advertisement or known of somebody that does Taxidermy in my area, I instantly thought of you and your father. The first time this happened to me it was wild turkey and he smashed my windshield and it was a Sunday, and holiday so I had to drive 2 hours home why are glass was slowly falling on to my lap. When I called my mother to tell her she said “wild turkeys look like bowling balls with wings” and now everytime I go bowling I imagine wild turkeys rolling down the lane way. Anyway, thought you’d enjoy that.
    Thanks for being you!

  1034. I read this book for the non-fiction unit at school and I’m honestly shocked they allow it. But it was really good. I really enjoyed it.

  1037. I am sharing this testimony to partners suffering in their relationships because there is an enduring solution.
    My husband left me and our 2 kids for another woman for 3 years. I tried to be strong just for my kids but I could not control the pains that torment my heart. I was hurt and confused. I needed a help, so i did a research on the internet and came across a site where I saw that Dr. Todd a spellcaster, can help get lovers back. I contacted him and he did a special prayer and spells for me. To my surprises, after some days, my husband came back home. That was how we reunited again and there was a lot of love, joy and peace in the family.
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  1038. I don’t know if you read these, but I thought you’d find it really funny (and heartwarming) to know that I brought your book along with me when I went to the mental hospital and it was a huge hit among everybody there.
    Whenever someone wasn’t doing well (I mean, none of us were doing well, hence our current residence, but when it got bad even by our standards), either I, or someone who I’d already leant the book to, would suggest they read it. the person always returned it, smiling, looking a little better than before. So thanks. From all of us.

  1039. I absolutely loved your book Jenny and I’m now your huge fan! Your sense of humour is THE sh*t. I’m so happy to find out you wrote two more books. Congratulations! I hope there will be more in the future. Surely #1 bestseller again!

  1040. I finished this book a few weeks ago. It has been a LONG time since I laughed so much. Thank you for sharing your humor with the world. <3

  1041. I loved this book. I have it on my e-reader but now I want to go get the actual book so I can see the pictures better. =)

  1042. I got 113 in my English test.(I hope to get 120)It’s so bad.Someone laughed at me.But I want to say:”My English is good!Exam marks can’t instead everything.I’m talking to an English writer.And I’m only a young Chinese student who never wents to America or England.”My English “teacher” wants to “talk” with me.In fact she wants to blame me.But it’s her wrong.Why are students in our
    class got bad exam marks again and again?! I’m so angry with her,with the education in China—
    —the education which let the teachers can only see th exam marks but can’t see their students
    carefully and clearly.
    (I like your books.)
    (Don’t you think my English is good?I shouldn’t get the low mark.)

  1043. I’m the boy who got 113.I DON’T MIND WHAT OHERS THINK!!!!!!!
    According to my last article,I should be a orator。

  1044. I’m having a fortnight meeting in USA so my stress reliever is reading some blogs, but it’s quite difficult for me to spend or waste my time in simple blogs or non sense writings then somehow I read your works It’s so confusing because I love your enthusiasm on this subject so I comment on to admire your style. It happens that I’m curious about blinds fabrication services Singapore, I think you should try to check it out!

  1045. Finding some more relevant information about blind singapore is not really easy because there is only limited writings about it, and this topic is not really catchy for some people.

  1049. According to the book, there’s something wrong with many of us (if you can relate). It’s a great read. Thanks for writing it 🙂

  1051. I’m listening to the book and it’s funny and interesting. I wish I could convince you that perhaps you aren’t crazy and don’t have any “disorders”, but rather have had very sane adaptations to trauma.

  1052. There was a study published recently (a real scientific one I swear!) that concluded that babies begin to learn languages inutero. So you were right! I’m sorry for this ridiculous post. Thank you for your book(s) because they (you), for the first time in my life, made me realize I am not alone and maybe not as crazy

  1053. I finished this book a few weeks ago. It has been a LONG time since I laughed so much. Thank you for sharing your humor with the world.blinds fabrication services Singapore?
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  1054. I’m still working on my first book. It’s taken 5 years, during which I have put off more than I have gone ahead with unfortunately.
    It’s all too easy to procrastinate, especially when I get easily distracted by my own thoughts and don’t really have enough time in any one slot to research and write the content that I want.
    Hopefully once I retire I can settle down to write it, but if not I hope I can at least get the outlines put down and then fill in the gaps one at a time.

  1057. Am reading Furiously Happy. Interesting. I plan to give”happy” a real try. Being bipolar, others have always thought me not quite right. Being a Christian, I’ve tried my hand at blogging sanityinthewaiting.com

  1058. I want to buy the Kindle book, however I don’t like the new graphic, sorry, I’m old school, I love the original cover. And to be honest I discovered you on Audio, I look forward to your next book and I hope you will narrate it like you did with the others.

  1059. Dear Jenny,
    I was just listening to “Let’s pretend this never happened” while washing the dishes. My husband came in to say goodnight, and I was like “babe! I’m in the middle of a hand stuck up a cows vagina!” And he said “I love you” and went to bed. I just wanted to let you know that I feel you and I had a moment. Thanks!

  1061. I bought the print book for the pictures, but I HAD to have the audio book. Hearing you TELL the stories makes it feel like you are at my kitchen table, talking to me over a cup of coffee (Jack Daniels, gin, whatever!)

  1065. I am listening to your book right now. Absolutely hysterical. Also, I am amazed by some of the similar thought processes we have. I have been going through some of those same thoughts for the past 50 filterless years (I am 71 yo.). I often amuse myself in my head.

    Thanks so much for writing this.

    PS – I have rewritten this at least 20 times in my head.

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  1069. With this post, I initially thought of some story which could be intimidating. LOL but late I realized this is a book. I just searched on Amazon and found 6800+ Reviews. Seems like a great book and by checking it’s summary it’s really a great stuff puts together to amaze the readers. Definitely ordering one to check out. Thanks for Sharing. ♥

  1070. Sometimes surfing brings you to interesting sites. You have a remarkable language and I think I simply need to read Let’s pretend this never happened.

  1071. So I read Let’s Pretend during the summer of 2013 or 2014 (specific years tend to merge for me the further I get away from them, so it’s quite fortunate the date really doesn’t matter). It is by far the funniest book I have ever read. And that’s basically the most significant compliment a writer can get- because comedy is SO DIFFICULT to convey in writing.

    I wasn’t sure “I” (“I” being but one person with specific tastes) would ever find a book that made me laugh harder than some of the uncontrollable laughing fits I experienced as a child (ex: in church- laughing uncontrollably despite the promise of imminent punishment after the Benediction).

    But this book did.

    THIS IS GENIUS IN ITS OWN CATEGORY. I would be highly suspicious of critics claiming they can’t relate to this humor. (And by “critics,” I mean people who had no sense of humor to begin with, thereby most likely reading this just so they could write a less than stellar review in a feeble attempt to determine if others as impenetrable to humor as themselves exist, while simultaneously making themselves feel better about their inability to see humor in…anything).

    This review has morphed into quite a melancholy take on the state of those among us who believe Stoicism is a cool theory to life by, so I believe I’ll stop here. But seriously…if you have any personality at all this book will at least make you giggle in the privacy of your own home.

  1072. Okay, so there are 5 of us girls (older girls) that do a girls weekend every 1st or 2nd weekend of October. One is from Charlotte, one is from near Charlotte, one is from Brevard in the NC mountains, and one is from Dallas, and I am from North Myrtle Beach. We meet at the Charlotte gal’s 4 bedroom penthouse condo on the beach in North Myrtle Beach (she’s our rich friend). Anyway, we want you to come with us this year. You will eat phenomenally well, and stay in this palatial condo and have the best fun you’ve ever had. We will provide the pot we smoke once a year. This is not a joke. We REALLY want you to come!

  1073. I just listened to this book and it had me cracking up!! I absolutely love your take on life and will be following you and reading more about your adventures.

  1074. I just found your second book a week ago. Laughed so hard my dog was questioning my sanity. So had to grab the first book because Covid is not funny, but you are funny and I needed to laugh. I did laugh, but then I cried, (why?) and I then laughed again. Its a good read but I have to say – you live in Texas, so did you not know that the country life meant scorpions, rattlers and things that like can eat you?

  1075. I read your books in reverse order. I just finished your first book. I liked it. It was really nice to get to know your past.

  1076. One of the least funny books that I have read. (Let’s Pretend this Never Happened). Gratuitous attempts to shock the readers just come over as… well.. pathetic. After slogging though the first half I was forced to give up, which is something I never do .. even with Chaucer. A factual book on gyneacology might be more readable. Enough said!

  1077. Just wanted to say thank you for writing such a wonderful book. My daughter actually used a piece for drama this year and won the Missouri state Championships in the prose division. In a time of such negativity, it was wonderful to see that people just need to laugh!

    (I LOVE THIS! ~ Jenny)

  1078. I read this book for the first time and really shocked to know the cover. It was really good and I really enjoyed it. If you want to become an engineer and looking for some good resources to study about engineering you should consult the <a href="https://engineeringuniversities.net/best-aerospace-engineering-schools-in-california/&quot; best aerospace engineering schools in the california guide, it really help me in selecting best engineering school in me career.

  1080. This book was one of the most enjoyable books I have read in my entire life. It took me months to read it, because I am lazy and easily distracted, and also because every page is an epic adventure in its own. My wife feels a little jealous about how much fun I have reading the book – so I convinced her to start reading it.

  1082. Better late than never. Just picked up this book yesterday from my local library. Nothing better than being revelled by your start with the “deer sweater”. Awesome. Cheers from the Canadian Rockies l*l.

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