A day ago I was in the pool when this happened:
And then this happened:
And then this happened:
Now I am a girl who believes in signs and I assumed the first sign was that I now had a new pet. I was going to name her Mothra but then someone on twitter was like, “Kate Moth” and that was pretty great and then someone on instagram was like, “WING CROSBY” and there’s no way we’re getting better than fucking WING CROSBY but then Wing flew away to a rose bush so it was moot.
The second sign, however, was a bit more concerning. According to the (never wrong) internet, the moth represents faith. They are nocturnal creatures that belong to the dark, but they are driven toward the light for some reason. And I can very much relate to this so I nodded and starting planning my moth tattoo. Then I read that this specific moth (the sphinx moth) is sometimes considered an omen of death. And that seemed not so great so I decided to ignore that part. And then today my mom called to tell me that my grandfather has taken a bad turn and that it might not be long now.
So.
So now my parents are on the way to my house and my sister is flying in at midnight. And tomorrow we’ll all drive together to Austin to be with my wonderful grandfather. I don’t think we’ll be able to actually say goodbye. I don’t believe he’ll regain consciousness. But we say that we love each other every time because you don’t know when will be the last time so I know he knows he’s loved.
My grandfather is a truly wonderful man. He’s the most religious person I’ve ever met, but also the least likely to press his beliefs on you or judge you. He’s the quiet man making furniture for family in his workshop. He’s the man wearing the “LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE 2020” shirt who is quietly giggling at the grumpy looks he may get from others in the retirement home. He’s the guy who takes you out for ice cream every time and tells you the same stories over and over but with such love that you want to hear them. He’s the man who sneaks too much food to the dog and whispers to the dog not to tell anyone. The man who would never curse but will laugh at your dumb profanity-laced blog and love you unconditionally. He is a light. He’s the kind of person who makes you want to be the person he thinks you are.
He’s been struggling for a long time, in rehab after a terrible fall that he never quite recovered from. He’s been on a vent and I know he’s had a really hard time of it. So even though I’m sad I know that there will be relief for him in letting go. And if there is a heaven I have no doubt at all he will end up there. He makes me believe in heaven, and that is something. So for now my family will gather will around until we have answers, and we will be there for him and for each other as we wait for the moment when my grandfather will fly away home and when – together – we will move through the darkness and look again for the light.