Like Mother Teresa, only better.
It’s Friday, and you know what that means…time for you to sneak into my office so I can show you all the ridiculous videos I’ve saved for you.
Ready?
This is from my substack but I felt like it fit here too today. (Hint: You can totally lurk over there without subscribing if you want. Just say “no thanks” when it asks for your address and it’ll let you in to explore and see if you actually want to get weird emails from me once a week.)
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Someone asked me if I’d make a fast-motion video of me drawing but I can’t do that because I draw with my sketchbook up against my chest to protect it from Hunter S. Thomcat who wants to sit on it and Ferris Mewler who wants to chase the pen and Dorothy Barker who will inevitably jump on me right as I am focusing on the tiniest detail so instead I shot pictures every 15 minutes so I could make it into a video.
Then I tried to upload it to tiktok and did not do it right, and then I tried again and thought I did it right but Hailey called from college to assure me I did not do it right again, and then they and their partner walked me through each of the steps as I yelled “WHY DOES IT SAY GREENSCREEN IF THERE IS NO GREENSCREEN?” and they attempted to hide their laughter and sighs or frustration and pity, but then I finally did it (I think?) and I have no idea how.
(The video might be below, or maybe I’ve destroyed the internet. Either one is possible at this point.)
The whole mess is actually very similar to how I draw. Just trial and error. Working and reworking. Erasing more than I ever show. Often embarrassing myself publicly. Looking for inspiration to see how others do it and then criticising what I make because I’m always comparing it to people who have perfected the thing I’m chasing after.
To really like my work I have to look at it with different eyes. I have to forget everyone who did it better or faster, and remind myself that no one has ever done it quite the way I have. I have to remind myself that the people I compare myself to probably compare themselves to others and that if they let their self-doubt keep them from creating I’d never have been inspired by them. I have to remind myself that I do this for the love of creating, rather than the pursuit of perfection, because there is no way in hell I will ever get there. It’s the exact same with my writing.
I’m more than a quarter of the way through this year-old project of drawing every week and I don’t know that I’m getting any better at it yet. I’ve come to the conclusion that I will always struggle. But learning to enjoy that struggle issomething I’m getting better at, and I’m starting to realize how much this very thing is what life is all about.
Thank you for coming on this journey with me. Thank you for kind eyes.
Thank you for the struggle.
Yesterday someone asked me if I was mad at them because I’d never accepted their friend request on Goodreads and I was like, “You can get friend requests on Goodreads?“
Y’all.
So then I went through and approved the requests and told everyone on facebook that I was really sorry if I was just now confirming requests that were LITERALLY OVER A DECADE OLD and that I was an idiot, and people were really understanding but also several mentioned that this explained why today their ENTIRE goodreads page was just pages of thousands of “JENNY LAWSON IS NOW FRIENDS WITH THIS PERSON” notifications. So not only do people now know that I waited 12 years to friend them but also they know I am just as irresponsible with everyone else as well.
Sigh.
I’m sorry. I’m bad at things.
But when searching for the “friend request” stuff I also discovered that apparently I’m one of the “top 100 book reviewers”, which is really surprising considering that my reviews are just like, “This book will probably win awards but it was so confusing it made me mad so I need someone smarter to explain it to me” or ” or “How hard of a concussion do I need to give myself to forget this book so I can experience it again for the first time?” or “Two words: MURDER OWLS.”
Speaking of murder owls, this month’s book pick if you’re in the Nightmares from Nowhere Book Club is The Parliament by Aimee Pokwatka. It’s about murder owls. Like if Romero got bored with zombies and decided to focus on owls instead, this would be that story. Also, it’s a locked-room horror that takes place in a library, which seems like a pretty great place to be holed up in to outlast the murder owls, but I guess that depends on how you feel about libraries.
Or if you’re looking for something slightly less murdery may I suggest the The Fantastic Strangelings Book Club pick, which is The Djinn Waites a Hundred Years by Shubnum Khan.
(I don’t know what Hunter S. Thomcat is staring at, but I can only assume murder owls are coming.)
The Djinn Waits a Hundred Years is a gorgeously haunting, atmospheric book about a ruined South African gothic mansion by the sea and the strange misfits who inhabit it. It reads like a movie and it reminded a little of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn but just in tone rather than subject. So weird. So good.
Happy reading, friends.
Honestly, I’m still disappointed.
I also have dreams where I write the funniest joke ever and I rush to write it down but in the morning it’s just a random words or drawing of a bow-legged chicken. Dream me is easily impressed, I guess.
Today is my birthday and I was going to write something about getting older but then I decided that I think I’d rather just go read a book so that is exactly what I’m going to do and if you would like to get me a birthday present then my request is that you do something lovely for yourself today. Go read or sit outside or hug a friend or binge watch Succession or knit your cats hats or whatever sounds amazing to you.
Happy birthday. We all win.
PS. If you spent your holiday money on signed books, THANK YOU! I’ve been hermity lately but I’m going to Nowhere this weekend to personalize all of them and possibly frame you for fascinating crimes. And if you’ve been waiting to order one for yourself, Nowhere is giving 20% off today through the end of the year. See below.
I made you an advent calendar!
You can see it embedded below and please forgive my shaky hands. I didn’t realize it was that bad until I rewatched it. :/ Anxiety is a bitch. It gets much less shaky as soon as I start reading so feel free to look away until then.
A special thank you to my substack subscribers who have encouraged me to find myself again in art, no matter how ridiculous it shows up.
