Do you *want* ants? Because that’s how you get ants.

So when I was growing up my mom never made my sister and I clean anything except our rooms because she said that it was too much trouble because she’d just have to go back and fix everything behind us because she was very particular in her cleaning, and so that’s pretty much how I parent too but today my parents are coming to visit and I just found a shitload of ants in my kitchen which is always a sign that I’ve waited too long to clean so I was like, “Hailey, you have to help me clean” and I told them to unload the coke cans from their box and put them in the fridge but they had the box sideways so when they took the first two cans from the box and walked away all of the other cans rolled out of the box and off the bar and smashed into the kitchen floor and projectile sprayed coke all over the entire kitchen and also part of the living room and probably the ants are like, “FUCK YEAH” and now I see that my mother was right all along.

Or possibly very wrong.

Hard to say.

If you accidentally got here by googling “hot, horny coeds” you’re going to be disappointed.

So I was outside walking Dorothy Barker while holding my phone to turn on the podcast I’d been listening to and didn’t think anything about the fact that it was about the phone sex industry in the 90s until my neighbor walked out of their house right as a sultry-sounding woman loudly said, “If you’re calling for hot, horny coeds, press one now. Then stick it in. Your credit card, that is” and I realized it looked like I was calling a phone sex line…on speaker phone…with my dog…outside. And then I decided to never leave the house again but turns out leaving the house isn’t even necessary to mortify myself because right after that I was on a zoom call with a book club and I was answering a really serious question right when Victor decided to use the soda stream to make carbonated water and if you have one you know that it makes a series of incredibly loud, wet fart noises when you inject the carbonation into the water and so I had to explain to everyone listening that I did not just fart loudly four times in succession and they were like, “Hey, it’s a judgement free zone” and that is really nice but also probably code for, “We totally don’t believe you and also we heard about the public phone sex, you big freak.”

And that’s how my week is going.

You?

It’s Friday, you deserve this.

It’s Friday and that means pretending to work while secretly sneaking into my office so I can show you all the instagram videos I saved for you. Ready? Me too.

Happy weekend, y’all!

Hello, strangelings!

So usually I’m slightly less behind but I had a small mental breakdown that set me back a bit. BUT! I’m feeling a lot better and actually today I even feel great, which is freaking wonderful. So now I’m catching up on everything including opening up discussion for October’s Fantastic Strangelings book club pick, Sistersong by Lucy Holland.

I’ll open up a discussion thread on the FS facebook page but as always, I’m leaving my thoughts in the comments in case you don’t do Facebook. And no worries if you haven’t read it. There are no deadlines in book club.

Also, in case you missed it, this month’s book will be flying to your homes this week and I am so excited about it because it is one of my favorite books I’ve read all year and I already want to reread it:

It’s Still Life by Sarah Winman. It’s an amazing, character-driven historical fiction novel set in Tuscany and in London that follows a group of people from the 1940s to the 1970s and I fell so in love with all of the eccentric characters that it hurt my heart when it finished. Each chapter was like a new episode in my favorite, most comfortingly bingeable show and I immediately wanted to start it all over again, which is always the sign of a fabulous book. It’s a slow, bear hug/warm bath sort of a book…an ode to chosen families and the stories that we weave and to the wonderful and complicated people who fall into our lives, and I couldn’t think of a better book to share with you, an amazing community of people I adore.
And for those of you who (like me) need several books to get you through the month, here are some November releases I read and enjoyed that you might enjoy too:


Blue-Skinned Gods by S. J. Sindu (A novel about a Tamil boy born with blue skin attempting to be the 10th human incarnation of the Hindu God Vishnu. Complicated and profound.)
God of Mercy by Okezie Nwoka (A novel reimagining the nature of tradition and cultural heritage and establishing a folklore of the uncolonized. Plus, demons.)
Chouette by Claire Oshetsky (A woman gives birth to an owl. Sort of. It’s weird as hell but really good. Reminds me of Bunny)
Sex Cult Nun by Faith Jones (An absolutely insane memoir about a woman growing up in and breaking free from the Children of God cult)
Noor by Nnedi Okorafor (Sci-fi Afrofuturistic novel about biotech, destiny and humanity set in a near-future Nigeria)
Murder Book by Hilary Fitzgerald Campbell (A graphic novel memoir about true crime and why we’re all so obsessed with it. If I say “stay sexy” and you automatically respond “don’t get murdered” then you will love this book.)
You Feel it Just Below the Ribs by Jeffrey Cranor and Janina Matthewson (A dystopian novel about family, memory and grief set in the Within the Wires podcast universe)
These Silent Woods by Kimi Cunningham Grant (A darkly atmospheric and poignant novel of survival, sacrifice, and how far a father will go when faced with losing it all.)
The Collective by Alison Gaylin (a psychological thriller about revenge and justice)

PS. Did you know that some books have strange magic embedded into them and Sistersong is one of them? (Download the google app and then look at your book covers with google lens. There are more than you think, including last year’s Fantastic Strangelings pick, The Bone Shard Daughter.)

My thoughts on Sistersong are in the comments. Happy reading! ~Jenny

“Maybe you should just smile more.”

So this week was hard mentally for no particular reason other than my brain is an asshole. Yesterday I felt incredibly low and my shrink was like, “Go get a ketamine booster right now” so the clinic fit me in late last night, which was really nice, but then I had a full-blown panic attack complete with projectile vomiting in the middle of a psychedelic trip where I was pretty sure I was stuck forever in another plane of existence, so basically I paid hundreds of dollars for the privilege of throwing up while off my tits on a bad drug trip.

And I will do it again and consider myself lucky.

Earlier this week I tweeted about my struggles to keep upright mentally and I was flooded (thank you!) with sympathetic people who either are going through the same bullshit or who feel empathy even though they don’t understand it, but there are always a few DMs of people telling me that it’s probably all because of too much gluten, too little praying, a lack of whatever they are selling (so much herbalife), psychosomatic, 5G-based (what), or caused because I’m “just not smiling enough”.

The smiling one is particularly interesting since so many people I know with depression are the smiliest bitches you ever met because you actually can laugh and smile while depressed. In fact, humor is one of my great defenses against depression. That’s the tricky part of the lies depression tells…that depression only looks a certain way. It doesn’t. It can look like lots of things.

And for me it looks like a woman who has her shit together on paper but is pretty sure that she’s failing at everything and that everyone is mad at her. It looks like someone who has moments of great joy and moments of great sorrow and moments of utterly blankness. It looks like someone who doesn’t entirely recognize the depressed person she sometimes is when she’s out of a depression. And someone who doesn’t remember the happy person she usually is when she’s in a depression.

Today I feel limp with exhaustion but slightly better than yesterday and that’s a good sign. But there’s one thing I’d like you know and that’s that people don’t put themselves through this sort of torture because they need to smile more or because they’re just lazy or because they’re weak. It takes an incredible amount of work to fight this, and that work comes from the people fighting, their friends and family who support them and the people who dedicate their lives to caring for the mentally ill. It’s not fun and it’s a hard fight but it is 100% worth it and if you are reading this now and doubting that you are worthy of fighting for, I assure you that you are not alone and you are worthy. Also, maybe you should just smile more.

Kidding.

But not kidding about the fact that you are not alone.

You’ll get through this. So will I.

(Insert unironic smiley face here)

As requested.

This isn’t a real post. It’s just a quick note to say that people are asking if I’m coming out with a 2022 calendar because they want one for Christmas or Hanukkah and the answer is, yes and it’s really unique this year because it has all of the wonderful illustrations from the Broken Oracle Deck designed by Katie Gamb.

You can get it right here and it’s even on sale today.

The royalties on the calendar help fund the The James Garfield Miracle (which helps get toys to kids in need and supports Project Night Night) so everyone wins!

And speaking of holiday shopping, you can get any of my books through Nowhere Bookshop and I will happily personalize all of them for free! (We ship everywhere.) Please be aware that if you write “Surprise me” in the section where it asks how you want it personalized I will most likely implicate you in a crime (no, seriously) or astound you with a weird fact about animal genitals. And I’ll probably draw a cat in there no matter what because I get bored easily and like to doodle.

PS. Here’s a look at the calendar. I had to mute it because someone came to the door and Dorothy Barker turned into a snarling monster.

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