AND IT HAS POCKETS

Random stranger: I love your dress.

me:  Thank you!

*don’t say it*

*don’t say it*

*don’t say it*

IT HAS POCKETS!

***

This is me every damn day and if you’ve ever seen me at a reading you’ve probably watched me do this exact thing.  Then I say that I got the dress at eShakti and other people in the audience say, “OMG I love them!  POCKETS!” and then I say that they really should sponsor me.  And then, YEARS later, they reached out and said, “We heard you love us.  Want us to sponsor you?” and finally my long game has paid off.  So keep reading because you need to know about them and also because they’re going to give away gift cards on this post.  WHOOP.  EVERYONE WINS.

Here’s what you need to know about eShakti if you’re new to it: It’s a website that gives you a ton of different designs that you can customize yourself.  You can change the sleeves or the collar or the length.  Almost every dress has pockets.  POCKETS.  I usually spend less than $60 per outfit and the clothes last forever.  I literally have 50 eShakti dresses that I’ve collected over the last 10 years and they are all still in great shape.

Secret hints from me:  The best thing for me about eShakti clothes (besides the pockets) is that you can search for clothes by material, which is great because anything that is crepe, georgette or chiffon will not wrinkle even if stuffed in a bag for a week, pet fur won’t stick to those materials, and they don’t have to be dry-cleaned.  (The chambray dresses are also great, but they aren’t quite as wrinkle-free.)  The sizing is very accurate but if you want to pay extra you can have it made specifically for your measurements.  For comparison, I’m wearing a standard 14 in these pictures:

Dog not included.

Does this dress come with a cape? Yes. Capes are coming back. In this house, at least.  (Also, I added cap sleeves to both of these dresses because I hate my arms.)

The only downside is that it takes a week or two to get your customized outfits but personally I sort of love that because I forget I ordered something and it’s like a surprise gift from me.  And if your outfit doesn’t work it’s super easy to return.  Just put the outfit in the box it came in and stick the postage sticker that came inside the box on it and drop it in the mail.  Also, sometimes if you give feedback on your purchases they’ll send you gift cards or promos.

Today if you are a new customer you get 33% off your first order and if you put JENNIFERLAWSON in the referral/gift coupon space when you check out you’ll also get $15 off.  And a bunch of you will be randomly selected to win gift cards for eShakti if you leave a comment below.   (I’ll email you the codes directly if you win so no worries about me giving out your email to anyone else.)

So go check them out because I super love them.

POCKETS!

I’ve literally never worn this dress anyplace other than my own house but it makes me feel fancy as fuck and cat fur and pop tart crumbs don’t stick to it.  AND IT HAS POCKETS.

Does this happen everywhere?

I swear next week I’ll write about non-funeral shit but I was wondering about something….

In the tiny town I’m from everyone in the funeral procession turns on their running lights from the funeral home to the cemetery and all the cops stops traffic to let the mourners run all the traffic lights and stop signs and everyone who sees you has to pull their car over on the shoulder of the road and sits quietly until everyone has passed, as if people in mourning were too dangerous to be trusted to drive near us. It’s a very sweet tradition ( and sort of cool because you’re mourning but you also get to run red lights and that’s a nice consolation prize) but since I’ve moved to bigger towns I never see people pull over for funerals.

Does this happen in your town?

Papa

Last week was hard.  But also beautiful.  And terrible.  And lovely.

I sat in a room filled with family as we all shared stories about my wonderful grandfather.  We laughed as much as we cried and the nurses looked the other way when we smuggled in my grandfathers dog – Buster – for a final snuggle before he passed.  It was a hard thing to witness, but beyond the sadness of his last moments I witnessed the greatest people I’ve ever loved gathering to be there for the kindest man I’ve ever known and it made me realize how lucky we are to have someone who is so hard to say goodbye to.

“This is what it’s supposed to be like,” I told Victor.  “A celebration.  Kindness.  Understanding.  Laughter.  Compassion.  This is how you know you made a difference.  This is what we all should hope for in the end.”

I learned stories about my grandfather I’d never heard before.  About being raised by bootleggers during prohibition and inventing imaginary cows and working on planes in the military.   He was the most religious man I’ve ever met but his brand of religion was in kindness and love.  He was a quiet man but he wasn’t afraid to speak out when the church made what he thought were recent missteps.  Hailey came out as gay at the same time his church decided to not conduct gay marriage and although I never knew it he let his disappointment in their decision be known.  I know that he’d have felt the same way whether Hailey was gay or not, but it was so lovely to know that he was fighting for her and for others like her in his own quiet way.   I wonder how often others are fighting for us behind the scenes.  They say that you never know what battles others are fighting at the moment but I often forget that we never know how many good and wonderful people quietly move the world forward in such important and positive ways.  Those people don’t make the news.  But they make the world.

If you read my post before this one you read about the silver moth and how I saw it as a sign that we’d all gather together to be with my grandfather as he flew away home.  On the night that he passed the moon was so enormous in the sky that I pulled my mom and sister outside and we stared at it in silence.  August’s full moon is sometimes called The Flying Up Moon, because it’s when birds fledge and fly away.  It felt like a sign.  But things often do when you are reaching for meaning in sadness.

Then at the burial my grandfather’s dear friend told a parable about belief in the afterlife even when you doubt and it seemed fitting.  And then everyone gathered together at the grave sang a song I had not been expecting.  I’ll Fly Away.

I am a girl who believes in signs.

My grandfather was such a force for good that he leaves a hole in the world.  I hope to fill it.  With compassion and love and forgiveness and generosity and most importantly joy.  Instead of flowers he asked that people support Planned Parenthood or Bread for the World or – most importantly – to go out and commit a simple act of kindness for a friend or loved one or a stranger.

Be kind to one another.  It makes a difference.

 

 

The silver moth

A day ago I was in the pool when this happened:

And then this happened:

And then this happened:

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Part 3. WTF YOU GUYS.

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Now I am a girl who believes in signs and I assumed the first sign was that I now had a new pet.  I was going to name her Mothra but then someone on twitter was like, “Kate Moth” and that was pretty great and then someone on instagram was like, “WING CROSBY” and there’s no way we’re getting better than fucking WING CROSBY but then Wing flew away to a rose bush so it was moot.

The second sign, however, was a bit more concerning.  According to the (never wrong) internet, the moth represents faith.  They are nocturnal creatures that belong to the dark, but they are driven toward the light for some reason.  And I can very much relate to this so I nodded and starting planning my moth tattoo.  Then I read that this specific moth (the sphinx moth) is sometimes considered an omen of death.  And that seemed not so great so I decided to ignore that part.  And then today my mom called to tell me that my grandfather has taken a bad turn and that it might not be long now.

So.

So now my parents are on the way to my house and my sister is flying in at midnight.  And tomorrow we’ll all drive together to Austin to be with my wonderful grandfather.  I don’t think we’ll be able to actually say goodbye.  I don’t believe he’ll regain consciousness.  But we say that we love each other every time because you don’t know when will be the last time so I know he knows he’s loved.

My grandfather is a truly wonderful man.  He’s the most religious person I’ve ever met, but also the least likely to press his beliefs on you or judge you.  He’s the quiet man making furniture for family in his workshop.  He’s the man wearing the “LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE 2020” shirt who is quietly giggling at the grumpy looks he may get from others in the retirement home.  He’s the guy who takes you out for ice cream every time and tells you the same stories over and over but with such love that you want to hear them.  He’s the man who sneaks too much food to the dog and whispers to the dog not to tell anyone.  The man who would never curse but will laugh at your dumb profanity-laced blog and love you unconditionally.  He is a light.  He’s the kind of person who makes you want to be the person he thinks you are.

He’s been struggling for a long time, in rehab after a terrible fall that he never quite recovered from.  He’s been on a vent and I know he’s had a really hard time of it.  So even though I’m sad I know that there will be relief for him in letting go.  And if there is a heaven I have no doubt at all he will end up there.  He makes me believe in heaven, and that is something.  So for now my family will gather will around until we have answers, and we will be there for him and for each other as we wait for the moment when my grandfather will fly away home and when – together – we will move through the darkness and look again for the light.

Positively indecent

So today I had to go get X-rays done and I’m very used to it because I’m always having to get checked for tuberculosis and deformities caused by my rheumatoid arthritis and the nurse who took me back opened the curtain that covers the little dressing room and was like, “You know the drill.  Step in this cubby and take off your dress and your bra and put on a gown and then step back out into the hall and someone will come get you” and I do know the drill so I tossed off all my clothes but then my phone started ringing so I pulled it out of my dress pocket to silence it because you’re not supposed to have your phone on in the hospital and then I heard some guy say, “oh holy shit” and I thought that was a bit of an overreaction but then I turned around and realized that the nurse had not closed the curtain behind me and that I was basically naked and on my phone in the corridor of a busy public hallway.

And that’s how my day has been going so far.  How about you?

YOU NEED TO READ THIS.

So.  The vet at A&M called with Dottie’s test results.  You’ll want to read this.

Her CT scan showed that weird thickening of the bladder but nothing that looked like a mass or lesion and there was no sign of cancer in her bones or lymph nodes other doggie pieces.

The cystoscopy showed a bladder that looked pretty dang healthy.  They did a biopsy of the places that were thickening and they came back negative for cancer.

So what does that mean?  It either means that either the cancer is so early that it’s tiny and that means that we have more time with her…or that the initial cancer test that is almost never wrong was wrong and that she doesn’t have cancer at all.

Either way?  WHOOP!

They’re going to meet with the people who invented the first test this week to get a better idea of whether to keep treating her for cancer or not.

I don’t know about you but I needed some good news this week and I’m certainly counting this as a win.  CAN I GET AN AMEN?

THESE PIPES ARE CLEEEEEAN!

 

I don’t even fucking know but maybe that’s good.

Remember when my life wasn’t about my dog’s bladder?  ME EITHER.

But I realize that most of you love Dottie enough that you are having a long-distance love affair with her so I don’t feel terribly bad for sharing all of this.  We got back  to town yesterday and we still don’t have the final test results but what I can say is that the A&M vets are amazing and I love them.

They did a CT scan and at first glance nothing looked overtly cancery, which is great.  They also put a camera up Dottie’s lady garden and saw the weird thickening of the bladder but didn’t see anything that looked like a tumor or lesion so they just took biopsies from different areas.  Honestly based on just first looks it doesn’t look cancer but the B-RAF test they did said it was definitely cancer so who fucking knows?  What they think is that either the cancer is so very early (which is good because it maybe hasn’t spread but bad because they don’t know how to treat this early) or maybe the B-RAF test was inaccurate (although it has an extremely high accuracy rate for positives) or that she has some other issue that’s causing the issue and it’s somehow presenting as cancer.  We’ll know more next week but this feels like more good news than bad news so I’m going with that.

The bad news is that Dottie has been really uncomfortable at times and then with the stress of the last week and the pain she’s probably in from all the procedures yesterday she did what little dogs sometimes do in that she got scared and bit the shit out of me.  And normally I’d shrug it off and be glad that she’s too small to do any real damage but I think the stress of this and of my grandfather being in the hospital with head trauma and my grandmother struggling with dementia and feeling like things were fairly dark I started crying hysterically and couldn’t stop.  Luckily it was late and Hailey was asleep but I think it scared the crap out Victor (and Dottie) and honestly me too.  But there’s something very cleansing about those sorts of cries and today I feel better.  Utterly exhausted and unable to concentrate on all the deadlines I have looming but…I don’t know…cleaner, somehow?

I don’t have an end to this because I’m too tired to pull it all into a coherent thought but I just wanted to say that if you’re struggling right now you are not alone.  And that I’m so grateful to have you listening and to have my family and to live in an age where there is help, even if there aren’t always cures.  Right now my mom is dealing with so much with my grandmother and my aunt is dealing with so much with my grandfather and my grandparents are dealing with very hard cards and I wish that I could send them strength but all I can really do is tell them how grateful I am that they exist and how much I love them.  And I’m grateful for you too.  You, who struggle in ways that are seen and unseen.  You will get through this.  I will too.

Dottie update

Forgive the typos. Writing this on my phone.

We’ve been in College Station since yesterday in hopes that the great vets at A&M can offer us better options with Dottie’s bladder cancer. Tomorrow she’s going to get a CT scan and a cystoscopy so we can have a better idea about what we’re dealing with.  Depending on what they find we may be considering radiology. It’s great that they have that option here, although it would mean a month of treatment and since A&M is about 4 hours from us she’d have to stay here for the month. It also costs as much as my first car but if it worked we’d get another two years with her so…

long story short, I don’t know the answer but we’re in a good place to find all the options. Currently Victor, Hailey and I are holed up a hotel room and although it’s not ideal Dottie is loving the attention and is thrilled that we’re suddenly letting her eat steak and visit dog parks and stick her head out of the window on country drives and other things that normally I’m way too paranoid about. Last night I took her to play pool, went on an hour long walk and watched her as she jumped on the bed.

And it was good.

More soon.

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Nothing better than jumping on hotel beds.

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Well…shit.

So.

Last week I had to catch Dorothy Barker’s pee in a ladle 6 different times to get enough for the giant sample I needed to take to the oncologist and two different neighbors drove by and stared at me as they tried to figure out how the lady with a full-sized bear dressed as a wizard in her living room could get any weirder and I was just waiting for the all clear on the test to share that funny story, but.

But.

But unfortunately Dottie does have bladder cancer.

Which sucks.  It’s about the worst cancer dogs can get.  There isn’t really a cure.  Usually dogs live for 6 months or less after diagnosis.  Because we caught it so early our oncologist thinks that with drugs we might be able to slow it down and could possibly have a year with her.

So yesterday I cried a lot.  Then I told Hailey and we cried some more.  Then Dottie looked at us like we were crazy and tried to distract us so we took her swimming in the pool and she had a blast.

And so did we.

A year is a long time.  It’s not long enough, but it’s something.  And at the moment Dottie is still the same crazy dog as ever so we are grateful.  And we will enjoy her and each other and all the fleeting things we take for granted when we think they will last forever.

Hug your pets.  Hug each other.  Remember to enjoy every moment.  And then remind me to do the same.

 

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Ask a stupid question…

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I have some regrets

A few weeks ago I was in Kansas City and I went to a bunch of antique shops and thrift stores and that’s when I met this fellow:

Squirrel Haggard

My first thought was, “Who hurt you?” and my second thought was that this squirrel was a near perfect representation of me whenever I see someone I know in public while I’m still wearing my pajamas and a plastic banana clip from 1994.

I’m not sure what it was once holding in its arms but it looks almost exactly like me that time I lugged a 5 gallon tub of ice cream out of the freezer at 3am but then Victor walked in and scared me and I dropped it all over the kitchen floor.

When you wave your dripping hands in front of the automatic paper towel dispenser but nothing comes out.

In the end I did not buy it because it was over $100 but I keep going back to the pictures I took on my phone and I’m pretty sure I made a terrible mistake and I don’t remember which store this one was so if you happen to be in Kansas City and see me in squirrel form, please drop me a line and remind me where I am.