I really thought I had something there.

Last night I dreamt that I came up with a single sentence so brilliantly true and simultaneously profoundly false that it would explode the universe and when I woke up at midnight I groggily jotted it down so that I could later decide if it was too dangerous to share with the world and this morning I woke up to a note that said:

SPARKLING WATER IS STILL WATER.

And…wtf me? Because of course sparkling water is water. It’s literally in the name.

But then I realized that “still water” is also another way of saying “non-carbonated water” and so technically sparkling water is still water and is also the opposite of still water and maybe that’s what half-asleep Jenny was trying to say? Anyway, all of that to say that if you’ve ever come up with something brilliant in your sleep and then forgot it upon waking and hated yourself for not writing it down you can read this and stop beating yourself up about it because…Jesus. This was not it.

My car is terrifying me

Sometimes when I’m turning off my car a message pops up in my dashboard that says “LOOK IN THE BACK SEAT” and every single time I think that I’m a horror movie and that when I turn around I’ll see a serial killer dressed as a clown, and so I told the mechanic when I was having my oil changed and he said it’s a just a periodic warning to remind you to check if you left something in the back and that he could maybe disable it but I worry that turning off the alarm would trigger the serial killers to arrive (like how you have to invite vampires into your house or they can’t come in) and then the mechanic said that he didn’t think that serial killers had specific rules for subaru warnings but better safe than sorry, I say.

Braspas

Three years ago I shared this on twitter:

And tonight we’re going to see CAKE. Which is amazing, except that we live in Texas and the concert is outside and I’m always overheated…to the point where I carry an embarrassingly giant cup of ice with me every where I go. So I told Hailey that I was worried I wouldn’t be able to last more than 30 minutes there and they said I should just bring a cooler of ice with me and I explained that you can’t bring shit into concerts and Hailey said I should just bring a doctor’s note. I told them that (oh, sweet summer child) concerts don’t work that way and Hailey explained that the world is different now, and maybe Hailey is right but I can’t bring myself to ask my doctor to write a note saying “DEAR CAKE, PLEASE LET JENNY HAVE ICE. HUGS, A TOTALLY PROFESSIONAL DOCTOR.”

So then Victor said that he was going to buy me a vest made of ice (which is a real thing) but I’m pretty certain they check for that sort of thing too and so instead he suggested I just freeze my bra, but it would be hot by the time that we got to the concert and then he was like, “I bet you could make a killing freezing bras at hot events” and I’m pretty sure you couldn’t but then he was like, “You could sell frozen raspas and also freeze bras” and then we both looked at each other and said, “FROZEN BRASPAS” and this is why we’re still married.

PS. Spellcheck is telling me that “raspas” is not a word and now I’m wondering if anyone will understand this because is this just something we have in the south? It’s like a snowcone but made with shaved ice and you can put fruit on them or chamoy or pickle juice or tajin. They’re delicious.

PPS. Now spellcheck is telling me that “chamoy” and “tajin” aren’t words either. OMG, get it together, spellcheck.

PPPS. Last week we took Hailey and their partner to a raspas place next to our house and inside the cooler they had “Squirt” soda and I was like, “SQUIRT! OMG, SQUIRT!” And the everyone in the place stared at me in horror and I pointed at the soda and was like, “When’s the last time you saw a Squirt? It’s been years” and then Hailey was like, “Mom, you can’t just yell ‘SQUIRT’ in a crowded shop” and when we went back last night they didn’t have any Squirt in the cooler and I can’t help but think this is all my fault and that the world is changing very quickly.

IT’S FRIDAY. LOOK AT THIS DOG.

Wait…it is Friday, right? This week has been weird as fuck. But yeah, I just double checked my calendar and it is and that means that are cordially invited to come into me office (mind the dog on the floor) and sit on my chair while I show you the ridiculous videos I’ve been saving for you this month.

Me though:

Am I the only one who didn’t know this?

Let me tempt you with September books.

Before I talk about the books I’m loving this month, I’ve decided to do a one-year-art-challenge culminating with a tiny art gallery of free tiny art at Nowhere so if you want to send me a tiny art piece (postcard sized or smaller, please) over the next year I’ll make sure it finds its way to a stranger who needs it. Here’s a link to details and an address.

And now…BOOKS.

Lots of great new releases this month that I enjoyed. First up is Colored Television by Danzy Senna, a dark comedy about second acts, creative appropriation, and the racial identity–industrial complex. Part satire, part thriller.  

It had me on the edge of my seat and if you’re a member of the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club we’ll be mailing a gorgeous copy right to your door.

Also loved WILLIAM by Mason Coile…psychological horror meets cyber noir in this deliciously scary one-sitting read. You know what’s creepier than dolls? Dolls that are also robots who haunt you with AI. And if you’re a member of the Nightmares from Nowhere Book Club William is on his way. Not literally, thank god. Avoid having terrifying AI robots mailed directly to you, if possible.

And if you need more books to get you through September, here are a few new releases I enjoyed:

The Empusium by Olga Tokarczuk – The Nobelist’s latest masterwork, set in a sanitarium on the eve of World War I, probes the horrors that lie beneath our most hallowed ideas.  Weird, but good.

What Time the Sexton’s Spade Doth Rust by Alan Bradley –  I picked this one up because I liked the cover and then later found out it was the 11th in a series.  I’m an idiot.  But now I want to go read the other 10 Flavia de Luce books.

Bright I Burn by Molly Aitken – A reimagining of the life of Alice Kyteler, the first woman in Ireland to be condemned for witchcraft.  Historical fiction continues to fascinate me and to remind me how much we suck sometimes.

The Mesmerist by Caroline Woods – Is it magic or murder? A historical fiction gothic mystery set at a home for unwed mothers in 1894 Minneapolis.

Sky Full of Elephants by Cebo Campbell – A speculative novel set in a world where white people no longer exist where a professor his estranged daughter travel across a truly “post-racial” America in search of answers.

Hard Copy by Fien Veldman – Look, I’ll be honest.  With that title and the tagline of “GIRL MEETS PRINTER” I was expecting some weird smut like in that documentary where that lady has sex with the Eiffel Tower.  (Have you seen that??)  Anyway this was not that.  But still interesting.

Buried Deep and Other Stories by Naomi Novik – A great short story collection from Naomi Novik, who i love.

The Devil at his Elbow: Alex Murdaugh and the Fall of a Southern Dynasty by Valerie Bauerlein This one actually came out last month but I couldn’t get a hand on a copy until now and I devoured it. A fantastic true-crime book.

And how about you? Any new books speaking to you or calling to you?