Last week my family came down to visit and we took all the kids to the community pool.
me: Have you swum to the end of the pool yet?
Lisa: “Swum?” What are you, some kinda hillbilly?
me: You can totally say “swum”. Swum is a word. Swim, swam, swum.
Lisa: Like bring, brang, brung?
me: No. Like…climb, climbed…clumb? Fuck.
mom: Like ding, dang, dung.
me: Stop helping.
Lisa: I think mom just called you “dung”.
Mom: I’m not getting involved in this.
me: Whatever. Swum is totally a real word. Who’s the writer in this damn family?
Then they both just looked at me with their eyebrows raised because apparently real writers don’t have fights about whether “swum” is a word but then as soon as we got back to the house I googled it and swum totally came up as a real word in the dictionary and I was just about to yell “HA! I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO!” but then I stopped myself because I’m a gracious winner. And also because the dictionary is a tremendous asshole:
Comment of the day: All of them. For real. You need to read them all. As usual, my commenters are way funnier than me. The bastards.