So this morning I finally took down my Christmas tree and I can’t help but feel like somehow the Christmas tree won. I can’t really explain it but it’s like I lost a battle-of-wills to an inanimate plastic object. This is the way my whole damn year has been.
PS. A bunch of people on twitter yesterday suggested that since yesterday was Star Wars Day I could leave it up and call it a “Life Day Tree” but I don’t think a fake plastic tree is very life affirming except in the most sarcastic and ironic of ways. Unless there were hipsters on Star Wars. Star Wars Hipsters would be all over that shit.
PPS. A bunch of people on twitter also suggested that I might be a hoarder but I can assure you that I am a tosser (not the British version), but now all the hoarder-helpers think I’m in denial so I’m including before-and-after pictures of my living room so people stop threatening interventions.
Living room this morning, when I was still winning:
And my living room now:
PPPS. You know how after you take down your tree after Christmas and there seems to be an empty spot for a few days because you’ve been used to having it up for a month? Well when you take it down after a half of a year it feels like some has stolen a large piece of furniture. It feels like I’m missing a chifforobe or a walk-in freezer and I keep thinking “Wait, was there a walk-in freezer in here?” and then I remember that it was just the tree and now I feel like I’m missing a tree and a living-room walk-in freezer. This day could not get any worse.
PPPPPS. Does it count as “taking down the tree” if I just drug dragged the whole thing into the garage and left it where Victor parks his car? I say yes.