Every so often I log into Google Analytics to see what baffling phrases people were searching for when they found my blog. It’s usually just weird p0rn searches but sometimes I get things that are so perplexing I suspect someone is fucking with me on purpose:
30 people found my blog searching for advice on how to dress their obese cat. Also, I’ve never written anything even remotely about this subject in my entire life. I don’t even show up on the front page when you search for this.
My head hurts and I may never sleep again.