Victor: Hey, Hailey’s school is showing Puss-N-Boots tonight for free.
me: Best p0rn movie ever, right?
Victor: Yeah, that’s exactly the kind of thing you can’t say if we go.
me: I assume it goes without saying that it’s BYOB?
Victor: If “it goes without saying” means “don’t even say that” then, yes, it goes without saying.
me: Got it. So I pack a flask.
Victor: These are Hailey’s peers. We should at least try to fit in as good parents.
me: Fine.
Victor: We wear normal clothes and pour a couple of smirnoff’s into empty water bottles.
me: My God, I love you.
************************
In non-related news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up. Let’s get started, shall we? 
What you missed on the Houston Chronicle:
What you missed on my satiric sex column (which is safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche nugget:
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
What you missed on the internets:
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by the lovely people at Minted.com, who make amazing paper goods, like wedding invitations and save-the-date announcements, and personalized journals. If I was going to personalize my journal I’d put my friend Mary’s name all over it so that if I lost it she’d be the one arrested for all the arson I was planning. Best. Arson Journal. Ever.