Conversation between me and Laura:
me: Have you seen the TV show “Girls“?
Laura: Yeah. I like it…but I also kind of want to save those girls from themselves. And I want to make them take a shower.
me: YES. THANK YOU. I just want to cover up their nipples and tell them to stop getting so much tattoos because they’re using up all of their free skin now. They’re going to want that skin later.
Laura: Probably for more tattoos.
me: I want to make them some warm soup. And to sew condoms into all of their pockets.
Laura: Um…you can’t sew through condoms. That’s inherently problematic.
me: Maybe I could crotchet some condom pockets
Laura: And then sew the pockets into their shirts.
me: BUT THEY DON’T WEAR SHIRTS. Honestly, I can’t watch the show without getting areola in my eye.
Laura: Don’t laugh, but I kind of want to learn how to knit.
me: I totally do too.
Laura: We want to knit and we’re telling people in their 20’s they need to put on a sweater. I think we might have just aged out of the “Girls” demographic.
me: Fuck. I think you’re right. I want to give them a Flintstone vitamin and make them take a nap.
Laura: Let’s change the subject. I feel old.
me: Good point. I want to know how to knit but I don’t want to learn it. Like in The Matrix. But with knitting instead of karate.
Laura: You seem like one of those bohemian people knitting would come naturally to. I think you were a gypsy in a past life, and they’re always…you know…
me: Putting curses on people to make them thinner?
Laura: Um…no?
me: Playing the tambourine?
Laura: No. Gypsy life is not all about putting curses on people and playing the tambourine. There’s downtime.
me: And that’s when the gypsies would knit?
Laura: This is my guess.
me: I think you know even less about gypsies than I do.
Laura: It’s possible.