So, apparently there’s this thing called “Throwback Thursday” where you can just post any old picture of yourself and not actually have to write anything, and I was like, “THAT IS THE LAZIEST THING EVER AND IT’S LIKE IT WAS MADE EXPLICITLY FOR ME.”
Here is a picture of me, age 8:
My little sister, Lisa, is also in the picture. We’re picking cotton in fields that surrounded our house. This is what real cotton looks like before it’s processed and turned into underwear. Real cotton is full of seeds and stems which ruin everything. Much like marijuana. And after you pick it you have to dump it into big trucks and go cotton-stomping. That’s when you jump on a giant truck of cotton to smush it so that you can fit more cotton in it. It sounds way funner than it is because the cotton is still filled with scratchy seeds and pointy stems. It’s like jumping on a trampoline covered with splinters, or in a giant pit of cotton candy that has a bunch of angry hornets in it.
Hang on. I thought I wasn’t supposed to have to write a post here. Why is this so long? I’m doing this wrong.
Fuck.
Never mind. You know what? This is a picture of me and my sister holding marshmallows. The end.