Hailey and I saw a weird-looking creature when I was dropping her off at camp today. On my way out I talked to the guy at the guard station…
me: I just saw a really weird-looking animal near the tree-line. It was like a big nutria but with a giant, bushy tail.
Him: You probably saw a squirrel.
me: I know what squirrels look like. This was like eight squirrels put together. And it had a fox tail.
Him: Oh. You mean a fox-squirrel?
me: Are you just fucking with me right now?
Him: Well, what do you think you saw?
me: It was like a woodchuck, maybe? But with bushy tail.
Him: A whistle-pig?
me: Are you making fun of me?
Him: Whistle-pig. That’s what we called woodchucks when I was a kid. They’re also called “Land Beavers.”
me: Fine. Then I think I just saw a whistle-pig with a swollen tail.
Him: Unlikely. Yellow-bellied marmot.
me: Excuse me?
Him: Yellow-bellied marmot. That’s more likely what you saw.
me: Do they have giant tails?
Him: No.
me: Well then that wasn’t it. It had a big, bushy tail.
Him: Sounds like you saw a squirrel.
me: *sigh*