Conversation with a friend who was depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend.
me: Things could be worse.
Her: Really? How could they be worse?
me: Well, what if spiders could fly?
Her: What?
me: I’m just saying that that would be worse. Or what if spiders could swim and lived in the ocean? And you’d never know if they were crawling on you because you couldn’t feel them in the water.
Her: Is this meant to make me feel better?
me: Hang on…are octopuses just aquatic spiders? Because they both have eight legs and scare the shit out of me. Are spiders just octopuses with land-tentacles?
Her: Awesome. Now I’m lonely and have a phobia of water-spiders.
me: Well, see? I told you things could be worse.
And then she laughed. And things were better.
PS. I googled “flying spiders” just to make sure they don’t exist (because then things really would be worse and I’d have to retire at cheering up friends) and I found this and it seems to fit:
