Did you read yesterday’s post about lawn gerbils? If not, go read that and then come back. We’ll wait.
Okay, so I’m pretty sure someone is fucking with me but Victor and Hailey are both out of town and no one else here has thumbs (except Ferris Mewler who was born with too many fingers but only uses them to turn on sinks and walk away like an asshole).
So, I got a live trap yesterday and baited it with peanut butter to catch whatever it was I saw and the trap has gone off twice and some of the peanut butter is gone but there’s nothing in the trap so I was like, my lawn gerbils are also ghosts, obviously. But then people on twitter were like, “The rat probably got out because rats can squeeze through crazy tiny holes and here’s your new phobia” so I went online to order another trap but I reset the old one because why not, but then I just went to check it and it was still open and unsprung BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING IN IT. Not an alive something.
A small, shiny star. Inside the trap.
And I wanted to get it out because why is it even there and how did someone put it there without setting off the trap but also I didn’t want to touch it because what if the rats left it and wiped hantavirus all over it to pay me back for trying to evict them? So I went to look for gloves but all I could find were opera gloves from an old halloween costume, so I’m basically dressed up super fancy to put my hand in a rat trap that has now possibly been hacked to catch me. And it’s some sort of plastic, shiny star (with a hole in back like it should be on a bracelet) and I got one single, unfocused photo of it before it slipped out of my fingers and dropped into the succulent bushes that the rats were hiding in. So I’m using a stick to try to move the plants to find the star and the whole time I’m thinking, “What if this was their plan all along? What if they drag me down to their lair and this is where all the missing people and socks go?” but I couldn’t find the star or the ghost rats and it’s really hot so I gave up.
So now I’m wondering if it was the lawn gerbils paying me for the free peanut butter? Or is it fairies? And if so, is that a threat? And since I just threw it in the bushes rather than keeping it have I insulted them again? Or was it a message from the rats like, “Gold star for effort, idiot. Except, you suck at this so here’s a silver star instead.” Can rats be sarcastic?
I don’t even have an ending for this. I’m so confused.
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