Site icon The Bloggess

It’s us, but in dead animal form. But not really dead because they weren’t ever alive. Undead? No. That makes them sound like vampires. So not that. Fuck. I don’t know the word. Hey, how long can a title be? Because this seems excessive. Someone should stop me. Jesus. This is as bad as 280-character twitter.

Victor is finally home from Japan and I didn’t set the house on fire or eat any of our pets while he was gone.  Yay for the small things!

He always comes back from his annual trip with weird gifts that make him think of me and this time he pulled this stuffed toy sparrow at of his bag and I was like, “This bird has the dopiest look on its face” and Victor was like, “Well yeah.  That’s why it made me think of you,” and I’m not sure if he’s trying to be insulting but it doesn’t matter because it makes me laugh every time I look at it.  It’s the same look I have right after the waitress says, “Enjoy your meal” and I say, “YOU TOO!”

“PEOPLE!  RUN AWAY!” ~ this bird

I put the bird next to the stuffed slow loris Victor brought me last year (that would never sit up straight):

“I’M A HUGGER. AND A SUFFOCATOR.” ~ this slow loris.

But then I realized that I could use Slow Cloris Leachman’s little wire arms to hug Sparrow Agnew and that way they’d prop each other up and then they’re suddenly perfect together and they look so awkwardly happy and weirdly uncomfortable.

“Look away. Weird things are about to happen.  This is private.” ~ these guys

Like, no one would have thought to put them together but they fit, JUST LIKE ME AND VICTOR, you know?  And Victor said he didn’t entirely know what I was on about but said he’d agree with me if I just stopped talking and I was like, “THAT IS SUCH A SLOW CLORIS LEACHMAN THING TO SAY” and then Victor said it looked more like the slow loris was just really excited about capturing a bird and eating its face off, and the sparrow looked like she was drunk and pretending really hard not to be drunk.  Which is also a lot like us.  ROMANCE!

I don’t have an end to this post.

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