Today was my 14th TMS treatment and it’s still weird and uncomfortable being drilled in the head but I feel better.
I had one dark day this week but the rest of the time I’d say I feel 50% less depressed and I haven’t had insomnia (KNOCK ON ALL THE WOOD) in a week, which is insane because insomnia is my full-time boyfriend and I do not miss him. TMS could stop working and it might be a coincidence but after 3 weeks I think I can say that it’s sort of working? (I whispered that and put a question mark behind it so that the God of I-Heard-That wouldn’t fuck with me.)
There are little things I notice, like the fact that I’m less likely to tweet terrible things at 3am and that I actually want to listen to funny stuff. I haven’t wanted to watch anything funny in a long time because my depression makes me not be able to appreciate it and I feel like I’m failing at being human, so instead I watch documentaries and horror films because they match my mood, but today I caught up on my friend Ze Frank’s True Facts series again and I smiled. That smile is the equivalent of laughing hysterically for normal people and it’s a welcome thing. Will next week bring me saying that I feel like shit now? Maybe. But it’s nice to know that something worked if even for a few weeks. And now, true facts about pangolins.
PS. I finished a new embroidery kit.
