So I was just outside walking Dorothy Barker and it’s pitch black but I saw the movement of those ducklings I chased off the street last month and they were in the middle of the street again like fucking hooligans so I started chasing them again toward the park but I couldn’t see them very well because I have severe night-blindness so I was taking pictures with my phone because when it would flash I could almost see them but I guess they were scared of the paparazzi because they started running straight to my backyard so I ran after them and I kept taking pictures so I wouldn’t lose them in the grass and I was yelling “JUST COME HERE, STUPIDS” but in a comforting sort of voice and then a car drove by and it was my neighbor and he was like, “Hey. So why are you chasing a skunk?” and I was like, “What do you-OHMYFUCK THAT’S A GODDAM SKUNK” and the last picture I got was of its butthole as sprayed a fountain of stink-pee at me.
Luckily it didn’t hit me directly it was close enough that the dog and I need a real shower and this is exactly why you shouldn’t go outside ever.
Also I have now succeeded in chasing the skunk into my backyard and I don’t know how to get it out and I’m going to just set fire to the house now.