Things fall apart around me. Or because of me. One of those.

Things that happened to me in the last 24 hours:

1. I bought a bag of bath bombs for the first time in my life because my shrink said I need to do “relaxing things more” and the directions said to just toss a few in the tub so I thought the plastic on the bombs would just dissolve but it didn’t because it’s plastic so I tried to peel the plastic off but my hands were too slippery because I was in the bath so I used my teeth to grab the plastic and then my teeth worked too well and the entire bath bomb dissolved all over my face and this is the opposite of relaxing.

2.  I went to get a refill on my fountain drink but after the first few seconds the diet coke started spraying out of the machine like a damn sprinkler and it went all over me and everyone around me so I ran back to my table to towel off and after I was finished with my drink I was eating the ice but something felt super  not like ice and that’s because the coke machine had pushed the filter into my glass like it was a newborn baby and I was drinking it.

3.  I realized that “cartwheels” are called that because your arms and legs look like the spokes of a cart wheel as it’s turning.

I don’t have a picture for that last one so instead here’s this:

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