Yesterday when I was driving home from the grocery store I passed a shop that sells lawn ornaments and rustic furniture. This, however, was new:
I almost drove into a mailbox, and when I got out and asked the clerk about it he said that his boss had just bought it because “apparently lots of people have been calling and asking about big metal chickens all of a sudden“. Then I said, “How very odd. But, do you have anything larger?” and he looked at me like he was considering calling the police. I probably wouldn’t have bought it anyway, but I do kind of love the thought of Victor driving up to see a metal chicken peering angrily over the roof of our house from the backyard. I’d return it the next day though, probably. Because my home owners association is an asshole.
PS. In surprisingly related news, this morning Victor opened the door to find another Beyoncé on the porch.
Fortunately this one was only 2 inches tall. It’s an exact, 2-D replica of the Beyoncé statue (with the flying pig on his head) that I had made in resin. For Victor’s desk.
PPS. If you want your own tiny Beyoncé statue you can buy it right here for under $20. You’ve gotta add your own caption though. I added mine with a piece of a post-it note, so that I can change the saying every time I hide Beyoncé somewhere else. Like tomorrow I’m going to leave a note on it that says “WHERE THE TOWELS AT?” And this morning I’m leaving Beyoncé on the pile of laundry on the bathroom floor with a note saying “Really, dude? Is this where the dirty clothes belong?” Because Beyoncé is a teaching tool.
UPDATED: Victor says Beyoncé would be more effective if the dirty clothes on the floor weren’t all mine. I think maybe Victor just doesn’t understand how passive-aggressive chicken-notes work.