Listen to the bananas

I saw this life-hack about how you can lightly trace notes on banana skins with toothpicks and then the next day the notes will show up like magic.

The person writing the tip suggested writing sweet notes for your kids on their bananas.  I promptly went and traced notes on all of our bananas and then immediately forgot about it, until the next day when I heard Victor screaming about how the bananas were talking to him.

I acted like he was insane and like I couldn’t see any notes on the bananas, and asked if maybe he needed to go lay down and rest, but then he was all “I recognize your handwriting, dumb-ass.  Why are you writing threatening letters on the bananas?” and I was like “Because we were out of post-its?”  But then I finally admitted that I was just practicing, because I thought it would be funny to write paranoid demands on bananas at the grocery store, so that when people get them home they’ll be all “What the fuck?  Are these bananas talking to me?  WHAT DOES IT MEAN?”  Then Victor just shook his head and walked out of the room.  Probably because he couldn’t stand how awesome I am.

PS.  I suppose you could also write sweet, complimentary things on anonymous bananas, like “You’re so beautiful” and junk, but honestly I think having a banana hitting on me would be way creepier than one telling me to “Act natural.  You’ll be contacted soon.”  It’s probably just me.

PPS.  I can only think of about 6 things to write on stranger’s bananas so if you have any suggestions, please leave them.