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SOMEONE GET ME A LAWYER. And a sandwich. And a sandwich for my lawyer, because I don’t like to share my food.

In 2008 I wrote about my revolutionary idea to advertise on the side of stray, shaven cats:

An excerpt: “…It’s moments like these that make me want to quit blogging and tweeting, and instead find a less complicated way to communicate with the world.  Like throwing leaflets off my roof, or tattooing random thoughts on stray cats.  Except I’d have to shave the cats first so I could tattoo them, and when their fur grew back you wouldn’t be able to see the blog posts I’d written on them any more, which would totally suck.  So really I’d need to tattoo those hairless, sphinx cats, except that their wrinkles would probably cover up part of my writing whenever they sat down…so if I wrote “I’d pummel Hitler with rocks!” it would just look like “Hitler rocks!” and then all these hairless, suspected-nazi cats would get shot.  Then later the gunmen would examine the dead cat and actually see that they were mistaken, and then they’d have to live with the guilt of killing an innocent cat who did not think Hitler rocked at all.  So to keep the cats safe I’d have to make tiny sandwich boards for them to wear around with my blog posts written on them.  It’d be hard to comment on though and there would be no spam control, so probably by the time you found one of my stray, sandwich-board cat posts it would be covered with badly scrawled viagra adverts…”

(You can read the full story here:  “Tell Me a Cat Wearing a Sandwich Board Wouldn’t Be Entertaining.  You Can’t.  But please be aware that this was years before I realized how commas work.)

One year later, Warner Bros. began advertising on the side of cats, and was lauded for their innovation in “catvertising”.  In July of this year I wrote about this abomination of justice, which I entitled: “In fairness, calling it ‘catvertising’ was a pretty brilliant idea.  Still suing though.”

Four months later, john st. advertising agency creates this video, entitled Catvertising:

Someone get me a damn lawyer.

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In non-related news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up.  Let’s get started, shall we?

What you missed on my sex column (which is vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a total douche-canoe:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on zombie-centric-shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up sponsored by the awesome people at DrinkNeuro. My favorite is NeuroSun, which tastes like margaritas if you mixed it with more margaritas.  Victor’s favorite is NeuroSleep because it makes me shut up.  I’m waiting until they come up with NeuroStopBeingSuchAnAsshole.  I’m pretty sure they’re working on it.

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