Category Archives: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

Weird in every language

I don’t how many languages my books have been published in but I am always amazed at the strange and wonderful covers that show up in all the various countries.  Today I got to see the Russian cover for Let’s Pretend This Never Happen and it’s pretty fucking glorious:

Victor had questions about why Russia thinks a rabbit would sell better than a mouse and I have questions too but mainly those questions are about whether this rabbit is available for purchase and whether I should name him Rabbit Downey Jr or David Hasselhop.

Not sure what’s “traditional” about this, but I still love it.

So I got a couple of copies of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened in traditional Chinese recently and I love the cover but I just took a closer look at the back and it’s my favorite thing ever:

The front.

And the back:

That’s me with my arm jammed in a spermy cow vagina as my sister dressed as a giant hawk tries to pull me out and it’s all over China.

That’s it, y’all.  I’ve finally made it.

I love this so hard.

A lot of high school kids do monologues or speeches or interpretive scripts based on my books but I almost never get to see the finished products.  This one was online though and I just watched it and it made me (cough) furiously happy.  It’s based on Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.  Thought I would share:

(PS. Skip to the 2 minute mark if it doesn’t do that for you automatically.)

Sometimes the only way out is through.

So, I got more medical bad news and it’s not the end of the world but it means lots more invasive tests and very soon I will write about it when I can find the humor in it (and there is humor in it) but today I just feel a little low and the best way for me to get out of that is to remind myself that my words matter so today for Mental Health Awareness Month and for Jenny Wants To Do Something Happy Day I’m giving away a couple dozen copies of Furiously Happy, or Let’s Pretend This Never Happened or YOU ARE HERE: An Owner’s Manual for Dangerous Minds.  Or any book you need to have stronger mental health, actually.  I was going to do the usual and just pick emails from the comments but there are always people who want to buy books for others as well so why don’t we do it like we do Booksgiving?  You make a brand-new wishlist with one book on it you really need and then post it here and I’ll fill as many as I can.  If you want to buy a book for a stranger you can just search the comments for open lists.  It is a lovely thing.

These are the steps you have to take to set up a wishlist for today:

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  1.  If you’re in a rough place and need a book to transport you somewhere else make A BRAND NEW wish list with nothing on it but the book you want.  (Exception: If you have a kid who needs a book you can totally add one for them too.)
  2. Here’s how you make a wish list:  Under “Accounts and Lists” on the right, top side of Amazon select “Create a list”.  Choose “Wish list” and name it something like “The book I really need right now” and choose “Public”.  Then click “Create list”.  Now add a book to your list by going to the book and clicking the “add to list” button on the bottom right of that page.  Make sure you assign it to the new wishlist.  Now here’s the most important thing that everyone forgets to do.  You have to assign a shipping address to that specific wish list or it won’t go to you.  EVERY new wishlist has to be assigned an address or you won’t get your stuff.  So click on your wish list and click on “public” and it’ll take you to “List settings”.  Click “view details” and where it says “shipping address” add yours.  (Your city and first name will be shown to others, but not your full address.)  Then save changes.  Now leave a comment with a link to your wish list.  Click here for my sample wish list so you’ll know what one looks like.  Yours should just have one book on it but I have about 20 books listed on mine so that you can use if for inspiration if you don’t know exactly what you want.  In your comment say which book you want in case someone specifically wants to buy you that book.  Also, if you’re not in America put that in the comment so we can match people better by location and not have crazy shipping fees.   Feel happy.
  3. Here’s how you buy a book for a stranger.  Click on their link.  Choose a book.  Select their name so it goes to their address.  If it doesn’t give you the option of picking their name it means they didn’t add a shipping address so delete what’s in your cart and go to the next person.  Send a story to someone in need.  Feel happy.
  4. If you have a book that really helped you get out of a bad place and want to suggest it in the comments that would be awesome.  No worries if you don’t have one.

The only rule is that this is just for books.  No gift cards or clothes or anything else because it gets out of hand really quickly.  Just a simple book to take you away from the world and help you find new ones.

And as always, thank you.  Thank you for supporting my words and listening and passing them on to others.

PS: Here are screen shots of what you should see while making a wishlist and add a shipping destination because it’s less complicated if you have pictures to walk you through:

Create a list under “Your lists”.

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Make it a wish list, name it and make it public.

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After you click “create list” click on the “public” button below:

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Click “view details” to add your shipping address to this wish list:

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Choose a shipping address and save changes.

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Now you’re ready to add something to your list.  Pick a book and choose the “add to list” button on bottom right side:

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If you have another wish list set as your default (like I always do) then you’ll need to click “move to another list.”

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Just click the list you’re going to share here.

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Now go to the wish list and copy the link and then paste it into the comments.  Done!  There might be an easier way of doing it but that’s how I do it.

PPS.  If you click on a wish list that says it’s empty that’s because the book has already been bought for them.  🙂  That is a very good thing.

PPPS.  I love you guys.  I’m going to rest for an hour or two but then I’ll be back to buy some books.

Want a book for the holidays?

This isn’t a real post.  It’s just a quick note to tell you that I’m going to meet the lovely people from BookPeople tomorrow in a parking lot to sign all of the books you might want personalized for Christmas/Hanukkah/Festivus/Flying Spaghetti Monster week.  If you want one for yourself or for a gift make sure you call or order online by tomorrow morning so they bring enough.  Also, I will be happy to write “Knock knock mofo” or “Thank you for burying that body” or “I’ll always remember that night in Vegas” or “This is the best gift ever” or whatever else.  They have copies of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and Furiously Happy.  Just click to order.

(To order a signed copy of a book, place the book in your cart and indicate “SIGNED COPY” and write the name of whoever you want it made out to in the comments.  They ship worldwide.)

PS. I don’t get anything extra out of doing this.  I just like to give everyone the chance to get a signed copy even if they can’t ever (or don’t want to) go to a signing.  Plus, it’s from an independent bookstore and that’s always a plus.

PPS.  Later tonight if I can get my shit together we’re going to start the James Garfield miracle.  More to come.

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Dear stranger who made my whole day:

Dear anonymous stranger in the car ahead of me who paid for my breakfast:

You made my whole morning brighter and you inspired me to pay for the next person behind me.  Which actually made me feel even better, which is the nicest thing ever but it’s also sort of weird because the gift you gave me is basically you giving me a reason to give a gift to someone else.  Now my head hurts from the circularness, but it’s totally worth it.

When I got home I got a small, unexpected box of audio books from my publisher to celebrate winning an Audie award so I’m giving them out randomly to people who want them.  Want one?  Just leave a comment telling me if you want Furiously Happy or Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.

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PS. I love you.