Conversation I had with a shopkeeper at a resale shop today:
me: Can you go any lower on the candle-holder in the back room?
her: No, it’s in really good shape.
me: Yes, but looks like it has erectile dysfunction.
her: Oh. Well, it gets hot in here in the summer. But the candelabra is still very nice.
me: It looks like it’s very disappointed to see me, and possibly needs to be medicated.
her: Um…?
me: I think your candlestick holder is clinical depressed.
her: What?
me: I think I need to have an intervention. With your candle-holder.
her: …
me: I have anti-psychotics in the car.
her: Oh.
Victor: She’s not threatening you, ma’am. She thinks she’s trying to help. Just tell her it’s not for sale.
her: Oh. It’s not for sale?
me: BACK OFF, VICTOR. IT HAS A PRICE-TAG.
Victor: Yes, and we have three very flammable cats. Do you see the issue here?
me: Yes. The issue is that you’re jumping to the conclusion that the candle-holder is going to have a murder/suicide just because it’s depressed. This aggression will not stand.
her: Technically it’s called a candelabra.
me: Look lady, I’m pretty sure you don’t want to get into semantics. Your candle-thingies are depressed and need my help.
Victor: She’s partially right, ma’am. Just back away slowly before you get any more involved.
me: IT’S ME AND THIS CANDELABRA AGAINST THE WORLD.
her: On the contrary, I find it highly entertaining.
Then she gave me the candelabra for free and it immediately perked up and started working in a half-way house for other candelabras with erectile depression AND SAVED SOME LIVES. Or at least, that’s what happened in my mind. In real life Victor made me leave and no lives were saved. And that’s why I need to remember to bring my own credit card to the shops from now on.
**************
It’s Sunday so that means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up. Yeehaw.
What you missed on Ill-Advised:
What you missed on the Houston Chronicle:
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- I LOVE SLIDES
- The perfect Valentine’s Day card.
- This actually is the promo sticker I’m using for the book.
What you missed on the internets:
- I made it to the #1 humor spot and got semi-nude as I prepared for carpal tunnel syndrome.
- I got 5 bloggie noms. You don’t have to vote for me though because I plan on continuing my record of most nominations with no wins.
- The traveling red dress just keeps going.
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome
This week’s wrap-up brought to you by my amazingly talented friend Adrian, who creates magical necklaces at Shalottlilly. She made me one last year and it was so awesome that I ended up using it as a fascinator and Adrian never once said “That’s not how necklaces work.” Because she is awesome and she understands that the very best kind of jewelry brings magic no matter where it’s worn.