Conversation I had with Victor after we fucked something up:
Victor: Yes, it sucks, but we’ve got a big shit sandwich here and we’re all going to have to take a bite.
me: I don’t understand that analogy. You say it all the time and it makes no sense.
Victor: It totally makes sense. Something shitty happened and we have to just swallow it down to make it go away.
me: Personally if I had a big shit sandwich I’d just throw it away. Why would eating it be the only option? That’s what the garbage is for.
Victor: That analogy isn’t apt.
me: And eating shit-hoagies is?
Victor: Yes, because it’s something shitty you have to deal with in an uncomfortable manner in order to make it go away.
me: We need to get you a new analogy.
PS. He also won’t stop saying “Like a monkey fucking a football” and “HIDE AND WATCH”. I will break him of this if it kills me.
PPS. I just read this to him and he accused me of telling him “how the cow ate the cabbage”. I told him it was more of a come-to-Jesus meeting. He said it was “bull-butter”. I’m not even sure what language we’re speaking anymore.