Conversation after I saw the doctor to check up on my infected ears:
me: So what’s the fancy Latin name for this so that my husband will feel sorry for me?
nursing student: Oh titties media.
me: I…beg your pardon?
nursing student: That’s what it says on your chart.
Doctor: *coughing on her own spit*
me: My chart says I have “titties media“? My husband is never falling for that.
Doctor: It’s pronounced ‘Otitis Media’. Oh- Tight-Iss.
nursing student: Ah. I should write that down.
me: This is all going on my blog.
Then Victor took me to eat and on the way there I was all “Is it normal to have this much blood in your ears?” and he yelled at me for over-reacting and for getting ear blood in the car, and then like an hour later he was hit by a car. And by “hit by a car” I mean that he was in a rush to get inside the car because it was raining and miscalculated and slammed his face into the car door, and his forehead was leaking blood and he expected me to get all excited about it but I just gave him a bunch of Dairy Queen napkins and told him to apply pressure. And then when he started complaining about possible concussions I was like, “I can’t hear you because I have too much blood in my ears” and so we drove home and I thought to myself that the night would have been better with less competitive blood in it.
PS. Saturday is Victor’s birthday and I’d just like to take the opportunity to say that there is no one on earth I’d rather competitively bleed with, and that I’m so grateful that he lets me share all of our weirdness here. We’re lucky to have that man. Also, I win in the competitive bleeding competition because mine was coming from my ear and so technically I think that counts as internal bleeding. Not that I’m keeping score. But if I was, I’d win.