me: OMG. This scale can’t even bring itself to tell me how fat I am.
Victor: What?
me: This scale. It’s being an asshole, and it’s sort of worse that it won’t just TELL ME what I weigh.
Victor: That’s an error message.
me: Awesome. I’m so fat I broke the scale.
Victor: No. You just didn’t use it right. You have to touch it first, then wait for it zero out. Then you step on.
me: I’m too fat to follow instructions.
Victor: Step away from the scale, Jenny.
me: It’s even mocking me. It says “Thinner” ON IT.
Victor: That’s the name of the brand.
me: My head hurts.
Victor: Mine too. For different reasons.