This weekend I went to this flea market and I bought a cloak that I thought would be perfect for role-playing Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones. Then I found a tag sewn inside and realized that it probably belonged to the Pope. I can only assume that he decided he needed to unload some of his vestments to pay for retirement. Regardless, I think this means that I’m the new Pope. Or that I’m running for Pope. Something like that.
- There are stains all around the hip line, which I hope is wine. Probably it was just sprinkler water and the Pope was like “Ah well, it’s only water” and then Jesus turned it into wine and the Pope was like “JESUS. THAT STOPPED BEING FUNNY THE 100th TIME YOU DID IT” and Jesus was like “Just wait. It’ll come back around again.”
Technically it looks like a RenFest costume…until you turn around:
Regardless, I think that I’m now the official Pope until the new one gets elected and I’m pretty sure that I get paid in hats, which is great because I totally have a face for hats. Plus (unlike the last Pope) I won’t just join twitter and immediately get distracted and stop working, because I’m already good at not working but still pretending to work. Also, I’d get to ride in the Pope-mobile, which is like a convertible that has a see-through top so your hair doesn’t get fucked up and you still get a tan. Which is pretty smart and probably my favorite thing the Pope has ever invented. Plus, if I run for Pope lots of religious people will be praying a ton. Mostly about me not needing to be elected Pope. And possibly some just praying for my soul. So I just raised prayer rates and I DON’T EVEN HAVE A HAT YET. That’s how awesome I am at being Pope. I’m not even trying and already Jesus is probably super inundated with work. Which he loves. Because he’s not on twitter.
PS. I need some slogans for my posters. Because I’m pretty sure you run for Pope the same way you run for student council and that’s what I would have done if I wasn’t so high shy. I’m thinking something like “Jenny for Pope. She’s got issues but the last Pope was in the Hitler Youth so maybe stop judging her, asshole.” Or something with ninjas. People love ninjas.