Remember a couple of days ago when I told you how Hunter S. Thomcat won’t let me pee in peace? Yeah. That’s why I don’t feel terribly bad about putting this inflatable unicorn horn on him while he was napping. And also, he’s a cat and that’s what cats are there for.
In my defense, I was just going to take a super-quick picture of him asleep, but then when I was turning on my phone to take the picture he woke up and was like “What the fuck? WHAT HAPPENED?”
And then he got kind of cocky.
And he was totally bad-ass about it for about 30 seconds until the other cats started staring at him with wide eyes and then he was like, “WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? OMG, IS THERE A BEE ON MY HEAD? BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE THERE’S A BEE ON MY HEAD.” And I told him to calm down but he totally didn’t because I couldn’t stop laughing at him, and then it just got more ridiculous and I had to sit down on the ground to collect myself.
He’s bluffing.
And then Victor came in and was like “What are you doing? What is on the cat? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” and I was all “Uh…SURPRISE! We could only afford one party hat. Sorry. I’m terrible at party planning.”
And then Victor walked out of the room because apparently he doesn’t like parties or unicorns. Honestly, it’s amazing that we ever got together in the first place.
PS. I have another unicorn story but I don’t have time to tell you all about it because I’m moving a few miles away this week and that means I have 1400 tiny glass animals, 32 taxidermied animals, and three live animals to pack up. And a lot of shit to put on eBay. Like boxes of faces, haunted mortuary doves, and monkey hands. Things you need. I’ll keep you posted.