Every month or so I check my analytics to see what people are searching for when they find this website. Today I decided to look at all the search terms that started with the word “How”. These were my personal favorites.
The number of times people asked really confusing questions that lead to my blog:
“How do I buy a monkey?” (147)
“How tall is Lou Diamond Phillips?” (42)
“How do I get my husband to stop constantly posting on Facebook?” (23)
“How did the hamsters even get jet-lag?” (22)
“How to make zombie armor” (15)
“How to get someone to beat you up” (12)
“How to stop being an asshole” (11)
“How to pronounce caulk” (10)
“How do you say Please dont vacuum the wasps in Spanish?” (7)
“How to make a termite costume” (5)
“How do I know if I’m in a coma?” (5)
“How does my cat feel about me?” (4)
“How much blood is in my ear?” (4)
“Can the Today Show hypnotize you?” (2)
“How can I make my vagina look bigger in a leotard?” (2)
“How to buy a nice monkey?” (2)
“How to get your friend to stop talking about Doctor Who?” (2)
“How to make sure worms don’t come in your house?” (2)
“How big should the pot be to scold a dead rooster?” (1)
“How does one even simply walk into Mordor?” (1)
“How much money is ten dollars worth?” (1)
“How to make a unicorn out of recyclables” (1)
“How to strangle a monkey” (1)
“How to settle down a bitey snake” (1)
“How to tell if you have a weasel in your room” (1)
“How do you spell peanice?” (1)