me: It’s weird that everyone tweets “RIP” when celebrities die.
Victor: Hmm.
me: Because “RIP” means “Rest in Peace”, and that’s basically implying that they want the celebrities soul to not be tossing, or turning, or jogging, or whatever. I mean, on the surface it seems like it’s a sweet thing to say, but it’s basically just them saying, “Don’t haunt us, famous person.”
Victor: I didn’t ask for a follow-up.
me: It’s just seems a bit self-serving, when you think about it.
Victor: I don’t. I don’t even really want to talk about it.
me: It’s just a bit selfish, is all I’m saying. If people really wanted to be nice they’d tell others to rest in peace while they were still alive. Who doesn’t want to get some rest in uninterrupted peace? That sounds awesome. Best nap ever. Naps are wasted on the dead. They can’t even wake up and feel refreshed afterward.
Victor: Still not talking about this.
me: Unless it was the zombie apocolypse. Then I guess technically they’d wake up, but zombies never look refreshed. Just the opposite really.
Victor: You know, normal couples talk about the weather. Or politics, maybe.
me: OH MY GOD. Maybe that’s what they mean by “Rest in Peace”. Maybe it just means “Stay dead, asshole. Don’t wake up and chew on my brains, because I need them.”
Victor: Or religion. We could talk about religion.
me: But that’s kind of even more self-serving. Plus, zombies don’t read twitter, and even if they did it’s not like they’d read “RIP” and be like “Oh, I should go back to bed. A nap sounds really good right now.”
Victor: Zombies never nap.
me: That’s the sad tragedy about zombies. And THAT’S probably why they’re so grumpy. Their heads hurt and they want new brains because their brains won’t let them sleep. Maybe all they really want is some Ambien and Sleepytime Tea.
Victor: Or we could just sit in silence. I’d be okay with that.
me: We should keep some Ambien in our emergency preparedness kit just in case.
Victor: Last time you had Ambien I found you in the closet convinced you could see through walls.
me: Yeah, it’s not for me, dude. It’s for the zombies. Keep up with the conversation, Victor.
Victor: I’m trying so hard not to.
me: And that’s why I’m so focused on our safety. Because I have to think about these things for both of us.
Victor. Do you think we’ll ever just have normal conversations?
me: God, I hope not.