Once again, the strangest search terms that brought people to my blog this week:
“I think my imaginary house is being recycled.” (How can you tell?)
“Awesome super fluffy wolf snuggles.” (I don’t know what these are, but now I want some.)
“I like leaking vagina” (Is that a typo? Please let it be a typo.)
“I Want the Bitch to Know It’s Me by Dr. Seuss” (I’m not familiar with his earlier work.)
“I invented gravity.” (Huh.)
“Elves are assholes.” (Hard to argue with that one.)
“You are on holiday in another province. Write a postcard about that you will send to a parent or relative back at home.” (Are you trying to do your homework using my blog? Because you’re going to fail. Badly.)
“What’s wrong with me if my stomach is full of bugs?” (Do you mean that you have a stomach bug? Because otherwise I think you might be decomposing. Please see a doctor.)
“How does James Garfield feel?” (Furry.)
“Why does my female cat have what looks like furry balls?” (I don’t really know how to break this to you…)
“What organic cereal companies in Michigan use freelance artwork for their cereal boxes?” (Could you be more specific?)
“What does it mean when toddlers tear up paper and pile it under their covers while they sleep?” (I don’t even know where to start with this.)
“Why don’t you ever answer your phone, cat?” (I think I can guess.)
“How to put into words that my wife is beautiful loving milf?” (No. Don’t do that.)
“I’m nuts about you, scrotum.” (I’m not sure where you’re going with this, but it made me laugh.)
“Sexy abortion.” (Um. Pass.)
“Keep calm and don’t rip her head off.” (That’s just good advice for anyone.)
“Number of wrinkles on forehead equals number of inches of penis.” (Really? Really?)
“I have no fucking idea what the hell I am doing.” (Well, you’re in the right place.)