I just went to throw away the empty sack Victor left on the counter after he unpacked the groceries* but then I heard the bag rustling and looked at Victor and said, “Sir? Have you left your bags unattended at any time?”
And then Ferris Mewler gave me that panicked guilty look of “OMG, WTF? KNOCK FIRST” and I was like, “Hang on. What did you do?” And that’s when I looked in and realized he’d ripped open a catnip mouse in there and was having a small, paranoid kitty freak-out.
It was like a tiny paper hotbox and now I think he needs rehab.
These are the things people never warn you about cat ownership.
*I changed the original way I’d written this because in real life it was a sack from a resale shop that Victor left on the counter after he was like, “No, no, no. Do not leave that decapitated head on the kitchen counter. You take that with you” and he pulled it out of the sack and I had to carry it around with me for an hour while I tried to find a good spot for her. I changed the head (and also a vintage scythe) to “groceries” because I thought people would be too distracted to enjoy the cat picture, and then I’d have to explain that the vintage head is not made of real human (except for the hair) and that at $25 she was cheap at twice the price.
As an aside, Hailey and I are currently debating the best style for Hedy Lamarr (I’m open to other names if you have something more fitting) and I think this is an excellent place for a poll:
**************
And now, time for the weekly wrap-up:
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Let’s have a drink together. Or six.
- I fixed it for you.
- This is the mushiest card I’ve ever made. Also possibly the most obscure reference ever. 10 points for you if you get it.
- Keychain version.
Shit that I’m vaguely involved with on the internets:
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
- If Mindy Kaling and I had a baby she’d be Lena Dunham. That’s how I read the second paragraph.
Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by David Robert, author of Wanderlush. “When David, self-proclaimed anxiety-ridden introvert, convinces himself that he’s dying of ass cancer, he invites his delightfully unpredictable, Xanax-popping, chardonnay-swilling mother on a series of international “good-bye” vacations. By doing so, he unwittingly opens a Pandora’s box of hilarious and humiliating events that include digging his mom out of a rain gutter in Costa Rica and being dragged across the Arabian Desert by a psychotic camel named Forrest Hump. As the vacations unfold, David’s mother shares a secret that will change everything.” I’m buying it. You probably should too.