The first week back to school always brings out the usual excitement, insecurities, fear of failure and concerns about not fitting in. I guess probably our children go through that as well but right now I’m talking about being the parent of a child heading back to school. I have a group of friends who sporadically group text whenever things get weird and we need to vent, and the first week of school almost always sets us off so I thought I’d share. Names have been redacted from this group text because CPS doesn’t always understand humor:
“Y’all. I might be the worst mother ever. I bought a weeks worth of school clothes the night before school started. I almost had a fistfight with another mom over the last pair of shorts at Target.”
“Oh, I can beat that. All the stores were sold out of the “MANDATORY” red folders on the school supply list so I sent my kid with green folders and told him to tell his teacher that his mother is colorblind and very sensitive about it.”
“I forgot to pack a lunch for my kid so I brought her take-out tacos. There’s a mom at my kid’s school who makes home-made sushi in the shape of endangered animals for her kid’s lunch. It’s like she’s making lunch at me.”
“I can top that. I gave Hailey some burlap and told her to make her own damn shoes. She asked me for thread. I’m like, ‘THAT’S WHAT HAIR IS FOR, HAILEY.’ I mean, honestly.”
“I gave my kid a dead cat I found on the highway and punched him in the face.”
“I forgot school even started until I read these messages.”
“I just realized I forgot to pick my kids up from summer camp.”
“Jesus. You guys make me glad I don’t have kids.”
“Sweetie, you do have kids.”
“Oh Shit.”
“Wow. You win.”