The other day at a used-book shop I picked up what might be my new favorite book. Written in the days of Nancy Reagan’s “JUST SAY NO” campaigns is this amazing read:
This is a real book for children. It is not a parody. And that’s what makes it so amazing.
I’m not going to spoil it for you but I will tell you that Latawnya doesn’t immediately say no to drugs. First she gets totally shitfaced with the other naughty horses. Because that’s what naughty horses do, y’all.
These horses can’t seem to keep from dropping their smokes and they also can’t hold their liquor. I’m embarrassed for these horses.
Brace yourself. It gets worse before it gets better*
First off, if his cigarette is still smoking he’s probably still alive, Father Horse. Apparently horses can smoke and drink and talk but none of them can dial 911 or start CPR because they’re too busy judging each other. Secondly, how does a horse open a childproof container of pills? I call shenanigans. This horse was murdered. Probably by Latawnya’s father. Who is part of the mafia. And who leaves horse heads in the beds of people who don’t give out sugar cubes. (This is just my guess but it’s actually a more realistic story than the one in the book.)
*It never actually gets better.
Sadly, LATAWNYA, the Naughty Horse, Learns to Say “No” to Drugs is now out-of-print, but I just discovered that you can buy the sequel!
“Latawnya The Naughty Horse Two points out the low life drug pusher. Latawnya and two of her friends will see the back of a low life who is trying to hook everyone on drugs. He tries to entice them to use cocaine and meth, but they laugh at him. They let him know he can take his drugs and go. They also let him knows they have better activities to do than using drugs. Latawnya and her friends are on the basketball team. There will be a big talent show. Everyone will audition. Someone will create a beautiful original song and dance.”
Happy early Christmas to me, y’all.
UPDATED: My sister just sent me this. Just say no to horses.
