Victor is out of town but he constantly texts me because he knows I hate to talk on the phone and yesterday when I was picking up my meds I was digging through my purse for my debit card when a new text came in and I could see that the cashier was reading it but at that point I didn’t even care if she was judging me because it was pretty obvious I was there to pick up drugs to fix my head so she already knew what she was getting into, but then I looked at my phone and the texts showing were:
Victor: I just threw up in the airport. Then toilet water splashed on me and I might be dying.
me: Ew. I’ll distract you. There was a guy at the gas station with a t-shirt that said “WHILE YOU WERE READING THIS I FARTED” and now I know what I want for my back tattoo. Also, sorry about the toilet water. I think that’s how you get cholera.
Victor: Yes, I am looking for something to kill myself with.
So I looked at the cashier and she looked back at me and I was like, “AND THAT’S THE SECRET TO A SOLID 20 YEAR MARRIAGE” and then she really hurried to get me my meds so basically everyone wins. Except for Victor who is a super germaphobe and has probably scraped off all of his skin with a pumice stone by now.