Every so often I go look at the search terms that brought people to my blog and then I think STOP DOING THAT. But then I decide that it would make a funny post and share some of them even though writing these phrases here will inevitably just lead to more terribly baffling searches leading here.
WORTH IT.
The most baffling terms that led people to my blog this month:
- I bought a sick monkey on ebay (I can’t tell if you’re complaining or bragging)
- What happens if you have a hole in your eardrum and an ant crawls inside your ear? (I don’t know but I will never sleep again.)
- How to prevent a tittie from growing on your ear (Is this a real concern?)
- when i laugh my belly button pops but i am a boy (Wait. Do you think this is normal for girls?)
- Chrissy, I fucking hate you and I want you dead by tomorrow morning bitch. (Jesus. I don’t know who Chrissy is but someone get her to safe house.)
- best personal peeing (Is this an award? Congrats?)
- what if a gnat flies in my nose and i find him in my ear a week later (How do you know it’s the same gnat?)
- There are cobras that look so!!so!! cool!!!!! and are the biggest cobras found ever and ever like never seen before that’s why they are cooll!!!!! (I have no idea what you’re talking about but your excitement is contagious.)
- Where can I volunteer and get a small money as a thank you (That is not how volunteering works.)
- Dear google please help me with my question (That is not how google works.)
- Can cats swallow a baby? (That is not how cats work.)
- How much money is in a $10 bill (Is this a trick question?)
- windex enema used by serial killers (No. Stop it.)
- strange and disturbing things about my old little pony (What?)
- straight white pubic hair that feels like a cat whisker (What??)
- Inflated cat butt (What???)
- single cougar boobs (What????)
- DIY cat outfits (Wha- Oh wait. Yes. I’m in. Come on over.)
- how much nyquil to make me unconscious (This is exactly the week I’ve had too.)
- can single white rapid hair growth on forehead be a sign of early pregnancy (Probably not.)
- danger nipples (And I just found my new band name.)
- He put a dick on my forehead and said I’m a unicorn (He sounds like a keeper.)
- Why do I have white stuff on my face? (Hmm. Nope. Too easy.)
- True stories about everyone is telephoning to congratulate you on still being alive (That is a very specific genre.)
- What does a feces smell prophetically represent if I’m awake and not dreaming (If you’re awake and you smell feces you may have shit yourself. That’s not symbolic or prophetic. That’s real life.)
- Oh look. One of the peasants has a blog. (Ow.)
- poto bagina (I don’t know what you’re misspelling but I know you’re misspelling it)
- Dead squirrel in attic smell (That is my least favorite yankee candle.)
Conclusion: There are a lot of confused people in the world and they are all ending up here. Which makes sense in a way. Welcome. I think.