Today NPR reported that some guy stole a giant chicken and weirdly, I got sent that story a lot on twitter. Then I realized something:
So then I decided to text Victor:
He did not respond.
But others were interested. So I gave them this link. And I used my affiliate link because I was pretty sure once people saw that you could buy a life-sized yeti for $2,500 (AND FREE SHIPPING) they would jump on that shit:
Surprisingly, all 20 are still available.
But the best (?) part was at the bottom:
Products related to this item: heat-resistant gloves, a 6-foot faceless, poseable dummy, a possum trap, a series of lights for growing pot.
Customers who viewed this item also viewed: Wigs for your dog, Gandhi Face-Ka-Bobs, two, live adult hissing cockroaches, and “Reverse Vaginal Tighting Gel for Women”.
And now I have questions. Because the “For Women” designation seems a bit unnecessary and also, wouldn’t a reverse vaginal tightening gel be a vagina-loosening gel? Is that a thing people want? To loosen their vaginas? I sort of want to look but I’m not going to because then I will be bombarded with targeted ads asking “HEY, IS YOUR VAGINA STILL ON TOO TIGHT? DO YOU NEED HELP?” and then I’ll just have to leave the internet. I don’t even have jokes for this, y’all. I blame the giant missing chicken in Carolina who started this whole mess.