Me: Dude. The news just said that snow leopards are no longer endangered, so guess what’s for dinner?
Victor: Are they no longer endangered because there are more of them or because now they’re extinct?
me: Oh. I don’t know. Damn. My joke just went from dark to tragic.
PS. They’re not extinct. But they’re still not in great shape. Don’t eat them.
PPS. The last 6 months have been filled with “I’M DYING” illnesses and procedures and invasive bullshit but I have a few updates.
I still don’t have answers for all the anemias but they’ve at least ruled out all the scary stuff and are settling into “Well, you’re just fucked up but you’ll probably live.” My liver is rebelling from the effects of this fuck-off-tuberculosis medicine, which means I have to stop drinking until the TB is gone and do constant blood work to check my levels. Not a fan. Of the not drinking, I mean. The blood work is old hat. BUT!!! I just got back from my GP and 80% of the problems I’d had 6 months ago (extreme vitamin and hormone deficiencies, thyroid problems, clotting problems, cholesterol, pre-diabetic, etc.) are now gone. WHOOP! I still have to stay on the (literally) two shoeboxes full of pills and supplements and keep up this terrible low-carb, low-sugar diet for the moment, but I feel mostly human compared to where I was six months ago so I’m (grudgingly) fine with that. Also, I’ve lost 30 pounds, so I went from “obese” to “overweight” and that’s very nice, except I’m now slightly less successful at bending my spine back and resting my hand on my belly while asking anxiously if I can use the restrooms in stores where customers aren’t allowed to use the restrooms. Bit of a mixed bag there. But I’ll take it.
PPPS. Also, I have to do blood work constantly so “See doctor for blood work” is all over my calendar, but google autocorrected it to “See doctor for blood worms” once so now when I type in “See doctor” it automatically fills in “FOR BLOOD WORMS” and I should probably fix that but I’ve decided to keep it because it’s a nice reminder that even though I seem to collect disorders I can at least be grateful that I don’t have blood worms.
PPPPS. Yet.
PPPPPS. That I know of.
PPPPPPS. Fuck. I think I just gave myself blood worms and I don’t even know if that’s a real thing.
PPPPPPPPS. If “leopards” is spelled almost the same as “leotards”, why don’t we pronounce them the same?