My friend Elan shared this video and was like, “Y’all, we’ve been doing umbrellas wrong”…
…and I immediately agreed because I would wear this every damn time I leave the house because it’s like you’re wearing a personal fence that also happens to be a duck and a sneeze-guard and probably a great barbecue bib. No one could sit next to me at the movies or stand too close in an elevator and probably I would avoid uncomfortable small talk because I assume normal people would avoid a grown woman wearing a 5 foot wide duck and abnormal people would be just be like, “Can I get that in blue?”
But then I looked it up and turns out that only toddlers get to enjoy their adorable introversion which just seem unfair because toddlers already can scream at strangers who get too close to them and they don’t even get arrested for it, but when I want a duck-based, protective face petticoat I’m the weirdo.
PS. Hang on. I found an “adult version” but it’s basically just the child-sized one with the duck face removed. FAIL ON ALL PARTS, RAIN DUCK MAKERS.
PPS. Hang on again. I just remembered that Dorothy Barker fucking hates the rain and refuses to go out in it but maybe if I buy her the one for infants she’ll stop shitting on the floor whenever it’s drizzling. SOLD. Expect pictures soon…