Let me just start by saying that this is a sponsored post but it’s still totally worth reading because I’m giving shit away and I just became a dress designer.
Sort of.
Okay, so you already know how much I love eShakti. Pretty much every time you ever see me I’m wearing a dress from them and when people on the street say, “I love your dress,” I automatically twirl and say, “AND IT HAS POCKETS” because almost all of their clothes have pockets and pockets are magic. Victor constantly makes fun of my seemingly involuntary “IT HAS POCKETS” response but I’m pretty sure the same compulsion is what makes him say, “LOOK THERE’S A DOG” every time he sees one, so back off Victor.
(Also, don’t stop telling me that there are dogs. I’m not complaining.)
So eShakti reached out to me last month to see if I wanted to write about their custom-made clothes and I was like, “Probably not because I don’t ever use the custom-made option” and they were like, “Really? Because it’s around $10 to have your dress made specifically to your measurements” and I was like, “Yes, but I spend all my $10 on paint brushes I forget to wash out and have to throw away” and they were like, “What is wrong with you?” but then they sent me a dress custom made for me and I was like, “Well, goddammit. This is awesome. Now I have to spend an extra $10 every time because I finally know what it feels like to have things fit over my boobs properly.” So I admitted that they were right and told them that to pay them back I was going to design a dress for them and they were like, “Oh, that’s not necessary” and I was like, “I INSIST” and they got really silent for awhile but probably just because they were so thrilled some rando writer was going to teach them about something they’ve been doing for a million years. I considered sharing with them my idea for a pocket-smock (smocket?) that is basically like a painting smock but with waterproof pockets I can put my wet paintbrushes into and also a big kangaroo pouch to put a cat in and also the sleeves are flasks filled with vodka. But then I thought that was best saved for whenever Shark Tank asks me to be on their show and so instead I told them that we should be bringing glamorous robes and nightgowns back. BUT AS REAL CLOTHES.
I reminded them about the Sunset Boulevard era when the silver screen stars would wear fancy robes and long night gown/house dresses but they’d wear them around like they were regular clothes so basically you could look fancy as shit but stay in your pajamas all damn day. Ruffles and giant sleeves and more fabric that you could possibly need. And see-through enough to look sexy while still hiding pretty much everything, and a flared skirt so you don’t have to suck in your stomach and make it out of chiffon because pet fur doesn’t stick to it and at that point eshakti was like, “OKAY, WE GET IT. STOP EMAILING US.” And a week later? The dress was done.
And they liked it enough to actually offer it for sale. WHAT. They even let me name it and I suggested “Fancy-Ass Dressing Gown“, “THANKS – IT HAS POCKETS” and “No one can tell you’re a crazy cat lady unless they’re at your house and then it’s probably pretty obvious but at least you look somewhat presentable” but I guess those were too long because in the end they called it, “The Jenny.” You can order it here if you want one. And may I suggest you customize it specifically to your measurements? Because that shit is amazing.
And for those of you who are new to eShakti, here’s the scoop. They are online so you don’t have to leave the house. You pick your outfit and then you can customize it to your size or use standard measurements, and you can also make changes to it to make it perfectly yours. For example, I love a bunch of their sleeveless dresses but I hate my upper arms so I add inset cap sleeves and then they’re perfect. Or you can change the neckline or the length of the dress to make it exactly what you want. Most everything comes with pockets but you can have them removed if you’re some kind of monster.
Personally I typically sort the selections by fabric and just buy georgette, chiffon, dupioni, chambray and crepe because cat fur doesn’t stick to them very much. They have tons of sales and are constantly changing out their selections and it’s super easy to exchange if get something that doesn’t work for you. They are awesome and I have been singing their praises for years and years. You really should check them out now. Let’s bring pajamas for daytime (and breakfast for dinner) back. Also, someone invent one of those long, glamorous cigarette holders like Audrey Hepburn used in Breakfast at Tiffany’s but instead of a cigarette make it filled with refillable pixy stix candy dust. I will buy a million. Or at least three.
And as a special thank you for reading this far, eShakti is giving out $50 gift cards to three random people who comment here. Whoop! Just leave a comment and if you’re selected you’ll get an email this week with your gift code.