This is a conversation I had with my neighbor when I was bringing in groceries and it’s also why I’m never going to buy groceries again because my self-esteem can’t take it:
My next door neighbor: “So I guess you’re not going to the neighborhood watch program again tonight?”
Me: “When is it?”
Neighbor: “At 8:00. Are you coming this time?”
Me: “No. I just wanted to know the best time to rob all your houses.”
Neighbor: “…?”
Me: “Not yours though.”
Neighbor: “Thanks?”
Me: “Dude. I’m just kidding.”
Neighbor: *nervous laughter* “Well I thought so but it’s kind of hard to tell with you sometimes.”
Me: “I meant I’m just kidding about not robbing your house.”
Neighbor: ?
Me: “That was a joke too.”
Neighbor: “I have to go now.”
Me: “Cool. Leave your door unlocked if you don’t want me to break a window.”
Neighbor: “What?”
Me: *sigh* “Nothing“.
Then I came in and told Victor about the whole thing and he’s all “Well, I think English is a second language for her so she probably just didn’t understand you” and I’m all “No. She totally understood. She just doesn’t think I’m funny” and Victor was all “Sorry, honey, but not everyone is going to get you” and then I flounced down on the couch and Victor’s all “Do you still want to burglarize their houses?” and I’m all “Well, not anymore.” and he’s all “God, stop pouting. It’s not a good look for you” and I’m all “Oh awesome. So now I’m not funny and I’m fat” and Victor’s all “I never said you were fat” and I’m all “I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY WE HAVE NEIGHBORS” and then Victor just walked away and I felt too bad to even walk next door and throw a brick through their window mostly because I couldn’t even find a brick but I placated myself by telling myself they probably didn’t have anything worth stealing anyway.
PS. I still have more to write about embarrassing myself at Blogher but my head hurts so I’m putting it off until later, which always ends well. Hey, remember when I wrote “My trip to Puerto Rico, Part 1” and I wrote it in April of 2008 and then I got distracted and I never posted anything again about Puerto Rico ever again? That was awesome.
Comment of the day: I would totally rob their houses with you if we were neighbors. Except instead of stealing their crap, we’d just swap it all around between houses. ~ Keeley