People keep asking me what’s up with the Ebay thing since I never really wrote about it properly and I’ve had insomnia this week and I’m too wonked out to come up with a real post so I’m just going to write about this. So this doesn’t count as a real post. It’s more of an explanation of how my life gets ridiculously complicated when unnecessary robots get involved.
So I mentioned on Sunday that I was selling a camera that ghosts broke on Ebay and then all hell broke loose. Basically I posted this auction:
I’ve had this camera for like 5 years but it was recently broken by ghosts. True story. I was at a haunted hotel and it flew off the bathroom counter and the part that keeps the battery in got broken so I had to duct-tape it to get it to work again. It was awesome though because when I told my husband that I had to get a new camera because mine was broken he was all “WTF?” and I’m all “Ghosts did it” and then he couldn’t really complain because how are you going to complain about ghosts? You can’t. I can’t control ghosts, dude. It’s pretty much the best excuse ever. You can have that one for free.
So now I have to get rid of my old camera and it still totally works so I thought I’d put it on ebay. It’s a Canon EOS digital rebel with a zoom lens (18-55 mm) and it works great as long as you duct-tape the battery door and then push the battery door really hard with your thumb so that the battery makes contact with whatever the battery needs to make contact with. It takes practice but it’s a good workout for your hands. Plus, no one else can use your camera because only you know the trick of how to make it work. Also, there’s toilet paper taped to the flash because it’s like a home-made diffuser. You can take it off but I wouldn’t because it’s awesome and also it’s double-ply so yeah, it’s pretty f-ing luxurious.
It also comes with an extra battery but that one’s old and only stays charged for like 15 minutes and I was going to throw it away but then I started thinking about how when people see aliens they always want to take a picture but their battery is dead so I carry that one in my glove compartment just in case I need it for aliens. I also wrote “4 aliens” on it with a sharpie because it’s good to stay organized.
This bidding starts at $5 and I think that’s probably a pretty good price but I’m also throwing in an angry cross-dresser lego mini-fig that Lego sent me just to sweeten the deal. It’s probably totally rare. Or possibly not. I really have no idea. I’d put a link to the lego story here but I don’t know if ebay lets you do that. Just google “So I got a box in the mail filled with 80 body parts” and you’ll find it.
PS. The camera in the picture is the one for sale. I took that picture for cleavage day. Camera doesn’t necessarily give you cleavage but it couldn’t hurt. Cat not included in sale. Probably. I guess it depends on how much you want the cat. Make me an offer.
Hugs. ~ Jenny (the bloggess dot com)
Then Ebay started sending me letters yelling at me for referencing my blog and they were all “Hey, you totally can’t do that. This is your warning” and then 3 seconds later they followed it up with another letter deleting my whole auction so I think that makes that first email less of a warning and more of an unnecessary taunt. Also, I’m pretty sure that these are all done by robots because that’s the only way to explain why Ebay would delete my whole auction based the fact that they were mad that I was selling my cat without giving them a cut. True story:
So I re-listed the auction and clarified that Ebay was not getting a cut of my cat profits because the cat is not for sale and I also told everyone on twitter that I was sorry that all the bids got deleted but to make it up to them I’d include a free autographed copy of my cleavage picture, which I thought would be weird because probably it would sell to someone that doesn’t follow me on twitter and who just wanted to buy the lens and then they would wonder why someone put a picture of boobs in with his broken camera. And then bidding exploded. Or perhaps Ebay is just fucking with me. The latter is more logical.
**I’m having to relist this since ebay ganked it when they accused me of trying to sell my cat without giving them a cut. This is all true. I couldn’t even make this stuff up, y’all.**.I’ve had this camera for like 5 years but it was recently broken by ghosts. True story. I was at a haunted hotel and it flew off the bathroom counter and the part that keeps the battery in got broken so I had to duct-tape it to get it to work again. It was awesome though because when I told my husband that I had to get a new camera because mine was broken he was all “WTF?” and I’m all “Ghosts did it” and then he couldn’t really complain because how are you going to complain about ghosts? You can’t. I can’t control ghosts, dude. It’s pretty much the best excuse ever. You can have that one for free.
So now I have to get rid of my old camera and it still totally works so I thought I’d put it on ebay. It’s a Canon EOS digital rebel with a zoom lens (18-55 mm) and it works great as long as you duct-tape the battery door and then push the battery door really hard with your thumb so that the battery makes contact with whatever the battery needs to make contact with. It takes practice but it’s a good workout for your hands. Plus, no one else can use your camera because only you know the trick of how to make it work. Also, there’s toilet paper taped to the flash because it’s like a home-made diffuser. You can take it off but I wouldn’t because it’s awesome and also it’s double-ply so yeah, it’s pretty f-ing luxurious..It also comes with an extra battery but that one’s old and only stays charged for like 15 minutes and I was going to throw it away but then I started thinking about how when people see aliens they always want to take a picture but their battery is dead so I carry that one in my glove compartment just in case I need it for aliens. I also wrote “4 aliens” on it with a sharpie because it’s good to stay organized..This bidding starts at $5 and I think that’s probably a pretty good price but I’m also throwing in an angry cross-dresser lego mini-fig that Lego sent me just to sweeten the deal. It’s probably totally rare. Or possibly not. I really have no idea. I’d put a link to the lego back-story here but I don’t know if ebay lets you do that. Just google “So I got a box in the mail filled with 80 body parts” and you’ll find it..PS. The camera in the picture is the one for sale. I took that picture for cleavage day. Camera doesn’t necessarily give you cleavage but it couldn’t hurt. Cat not included in sale. Probably. I guess it depends on how much you want the cat. But for God’s sake DON’T make me an offer because first of all I’m just joking about selling my cat on ebay and also because ebay doesn’t understand sarcasm. My cat is not for sale, ebay. Please stop trying to make money off of her. She’s like a little person in a cat suit and she’s really upset by this whole implication..Hugs. ~ Jenny.PPS. When I said “little person” I didn’t mean “dwarf”. I just meant that she’s really small. I’m not sure if I have to clarify this but I really don’t want ebay pulling this ad because they think I’m trying to sell dwarves without giving them a cut. I would never do that, ebay. I swear this is all on the up-and-up. I’m selling a camera that was damaged by ghosts. That’s it. Please stop judging me.
