At the end of each year I pull up my analytics to see what search terms actually brought people to this blog because it’s incredibly confusing to everyone involved. 2012 was no exception and I’m sharing a few of my favorite google searches that brought you all here (in order of # people searching that term). Never change, weirdos…
2012 Strange Google Searches That Brought People to The Bloggess.com:
“Knock knock, motherfucker” ~ 3,308
“Sasquatch sightings” ~ 2,086
“This chicken will cut you” ~ 490
“Thanks for ruining batman” ~ 403
“I have no idea what I’m doing” ~ 288
“No one’s going to be able to relate to a corpsey chocolate vampire and his gay bird lover” ~ 99
“Feet must be covered while sleeping” ~ 79
“Hamster erections” ~ 79
“What size shirt should my cat wear?” – 69
“Chupacabra cobra death match” ~ 59
“zombie chicken porn” ~ 49
“What to do if your wife is obsessed with unicorns?” ~ 40
“What size shirt does a 20 lb cat wear?” – 35
“Nathan Fillion shirtless” – 32
“Green poop at Disney World” ~ 31
“Dead whores” ~ 29
“World of Warcraft blow job” ~ 16
“National Vomit Day” ~ 14
“I hate it when I’m eating and a t-rex steals my chair” ~ 14
“Shit that shouldn’t be” ~ 10
“Meth in vagina makes sex better” ~ 5
“hey my name is rebekah what’s yours? i really like baked cheese and bears and such hahahahahahha i can type without looking at my key board” ~ 4
“Unruly vagina hair” – 4
“How did the hamsters even get jet lag?” ~ 3
“Do predators on To Catch a Predator get paid to be on tv?” ~ 1
“One letter is in my name is misspelled on my meds so will they take it at the airport?” ~ 1
“Cute tabby kittens saying misspelled things” ~ 1
“Nazi outfit on a weasel” ~ 1
“Raccoon albino with mange” ~ 1
“Raccoon albino without mange” ~ 1
“Cheese is funner” ~ 1
“Would a picture of fork tines sticking out someones butt be considered art?” ~ 1
“Anteaters dressed like people” ~ 1
“bunnies aren’t just cute like every body supposes, they got them hoppy tails and twitchy little noses, and whats with all the carrots, what do they need such good eye sight for any way, bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies” ~ 1
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In unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap up.
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- HAPPY EVERYTHING shirt. Perfect for birthdays, holidays, funerals, and Tuesdays..
- Brand new Calendar
What you missed on the internets:
- I’M # 44! Also, you totally need to check out the video for # 27 because it’s one of the best things I’ve seen all year. (But will make you a bit sad maybe, so I suggest you have some happy nachos on hand to counter that.)
- I made it into Shelf Awareness
- My life in books
- Somebody wrote Bloggess fanfic. Really. The internet is eating itself.
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- The reviews are killing me. In a good way.
- Sloths.
- Two pipes.
- The Quiet Place
- Time Capsule Mansion Opened After 100 Years
- Abandoned p0rn (It’s 100% safe for work. Promise.)
- Yeah. It’s an a cappella, dub-step, Taylor Swift cover. And it’s awesome. Stop judging me.
This week’s wrap-up is sponsored by the lovely Masala Chica. From the author: “In Hindi, the word “Masala” means spice. I originally wrote a lot about growing up Indian American but most of the posts I write are universal, so the whole “Masala” thing doesn’t make as much sense. But I still like it. I write about family, politics, feminism, music, books and I bitch about a lot of random things. Disclaimer: I like gay people, immigrants and the homeless. Be forewarned.”