Stop telling me what to do, door.

thebloggess

11 years ago

I saw this on pinterest and it wasn’t attributed to anyone, which is probably good because it’s basically a picture of your door telling you what to do. Which is kinda fucked up. Because now you’re taking orders from a door.

Stop being so demanding. You're a fucking door.

Some people will say it’s a nice idea because positive suggestions are almost always a good thing, but I think if you’re at the point when you’re looking to your door for advice then you probably need more help than just the generic “Be more awesome.”

That’s why I suggest writing these on your doorjamb instead:

It's a little creepy, but sweet. Mostly creepy though.

This one's good because it has lowered expectations, and also because if you do fuck something up you can just blame it on your door forcing you to do things and no one will argue with you because you sound too unbalanced to engage with.

The original just said "Don't set stuff on fire" but then I changed it because this way it appeals to arsonists too, and I think door advice should be more inclusive.

And my personal favorite:

And in entirely unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap up:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

You need these. Mostly because they’d look awesome in bicycle spokes.

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up is sponsored by I Just Want to Pee Alone*, a collection of 37 essays from some of the funniest mom bloggers on the web. Each essay is the perfect length to read during a pee break, and if you leave the book in your bathroom you should finish it in approximately 37 pees. Hence, this book prevents urinary tract infections and possibly depression. Your bladder will thank you. This book makes a fabulous mother’s day gift.