I screamed “ME TOO” at more than half of these.

Yesterday I used twitter for what it was made for: admitting mortifying true statements which you’d only ever admit during slumber parties or when really, really drunk.

me: “True story: I always thought that Smurfette and Loni Anderson were related because they had the same hair.”

I expected crickets, but instead a flood of people came to my aid to admit incredibly embarrassing stuff they had once believed as well.  And it was beautiful.  Just a few of my favorites:

“I thought Gorbachev’s birthmark on his head was a tattoo of the USSR. I thought he was just super patriotic.” ~ @GriggioDC

“I used to call the back of my knees “kneepits.” You know, like armpits.”  ~ @joannerjoanner

“I have a friend who though cemeteries were in alphabetical order until she was in her 20’s.” ~ @cmamerson

I thought rhinos and hippos were the same species, Hippos were the girls and rhinos were boys.” @oreo_borealis

I thought that there was a planet named Goofy since there was one named Pluto. When it still a planet, that is. ~ JennKirscher

“I thought “voidware” was a thing & wondered why it was prohibited. (Radio promotions: void where prohibited)” ~ @paula_londe

“I used to think it was “the curve” and not “the curb,” because it was curved.” @Joannerjoanner

“I thought “Jet Airliner” was “big ole Chad in the line-up, don’t carry me too far away.” Because, really, please don’t.” ~ @RevAmyZ

“For years I thought chickens were female turkeys b/c my mother always bought chicken breasts (hello, female)” ~kellyg49

“I thought Luby’s was an oil change place.” ~ @KellyBundysTwin

“I thought round hay bales grew up out of the ground that way” ~ @Thrushiebaby

“I thought “No Parking Anytime” signs meant we couldn’t park anywhere, not even in our garage, and we’d have to drive forever.” ~ @kravenswood

“I always thought Jesus’ middle name was Harold (Jesus H. Christ) because “Hark The Harold Angels Sing.” ~ @JennyL791

“I thought talk about euthanasia was talk about youth in asia. So many disagreeing with them.” ~ @Trivialtee

“I thought the song “Smooth Operator” was about a telephone operator.” ~ @melafina

“I thought the blue signs with the H on them pointed to where a hotel was.” ~ @MichellePlyem

“I thought ‘END CONSTRUCTION’ signs were protest pickets.” ~ @tadjemiii

“I thought ‘Exotic Dancers’ was a place I could take hula lessons.” ~ TiltedWorldView

“I used to think maxi pads were the shoulder pads in women’s clothing” ~ @Michaelrclair

“Friend once said “Wonder why there seems to be no French people in French Foreign Legion” Um, it’s French FOREIGN Legion.” ~ @Learusty

“I thought being cremated meant you were turned into body lotion for your relatives” ~ @killerbdesigns

“I thought as a kid that braces were just paper clips bent around your teeth…so I tried it. They’re not.” ~ @Melflynn0

“I’m still not entirely sure if reindeer are real animals.” ~ @jjoanning

“As a kid I thought the radio had all the musicians live and never figured out how they all fit in the studio.” ~ @WarPizza

“I thought cats were girls and dogs were boys, and they would mate to make girl kittens and boy puppies.” ~ @addiful

“I only ever went to the arrivals part of the airport, cause I was arriving at the airport.” ~ @Rustymarble

“Until last year, I thought Ming the Merciless was an ancient Chinese emperor known for his particular cruelty.” @laurinemily

“I thought the guards in The Wizard of Oz were chanting about Oreos.” ~ Azsunyx

“I used to think that Manfred Mann sang “wrecked up like a douche”. Asking my Mom to explain provided no clarity.” ~ @AlanKercinik

“I thought road runners only existed in cartoons. Like rabbits in drag.” ~ @Missy_Ann_Tx

“I thought Kosher pickles had no pork in them. Which made me wonder about all other kinds of pickles.” ~ @ocularnervosa

“I thought it was weird that Mr. and Mrs. Floyd named their son Pink.” ~ @sarrup

“I thought signs that said ‘To Let’ were for the bathroom and were just misspelled.” ~ @imommygame

“I thought the Corner Furniture store in my town only made furniture that went in the corner.” @florabell444

“I thought that all of the companies with 1-800 phone numbers were in the same city.” @jas508

“I always thought radio antennae were just towers to hold up lights, and the lights were there so planes didn’t hit the towers.” @thecarie

“I thought salt and pepper were opposites, so if you used too much of one, you could just add a little of the other.” ~ @sassafrass584

“I believed there was some arcane connection between cantaloupes and antelopes. (Like, they grew in the same places)” ~ @fullofstars

“I thought Don Quixote was a story about a donkey named Hotey.” ~ @afternoonNapper

“My first day of school, I expected the ‘restroom’ to be filled with cots for naptime. I was very disappointed.” ~ @Ohhh_Snap

“I thought that Roy Orbison was blind because he wore those sunglasses. Only found out this year that wasn’t true. I’m 35.” ~ @Kelly_Grayston

“I thought Planned Parenthood was called Planet Parenthood and had some connection to Planet Hollywood.” ~ @StevenOblander

“I thought the band was called “The Pet Schmode” & always wanted to know where you could buy one. #DepecheMode” ~ @ Blackswanmuses

“I thought some of my family were ‘distant cousins’ because they lived in a different town.” ~ @tonyinabag

“I thought writing in cursive was how you communicated with Spanish people.” ~ quill_intheink

“I thought signs saying “Trespassers will be prosecuted” meant they would be killed.” ~ @nwkmom

“I thought going “cold turkey” involved deli meat until I was 20.” ~ @rocket_tan

“I thought there was some central location where people monitored traffic and switched the lights from green to red.” ~ @barbaramcthomas

“I thought snails were slugs who found homes.” ~ @LaurenCentrella

“When I was little I thought that too! Once I put a slug next to a shell from the beach & said ‘There you go!'” ~ @PanyaV

“My daughter liked slugs better, so she  peeled snails to free them. 🙁 ” ~ @KKerns

“I thought my crayon box was made in some town called Sharpener. Because it said, “Built in sharpener” ~ @jrHeadbox

“When I was young I thought that the past had actually been black & white. I asked my Mom what it was like when they got color.” ~ @wench

“I thought Moody Blues song was “Knights In White Satin”. I couldn’t understand why the knights wore white satin & not armor.” ~ @Ottawagrrl

“My daughter thought seagulls grew up to be eagles.” ~ babsbeaty

“I thought TBA was the name of a very popular local band.” ~ llexuus

“I thought Christ was Jesus’ last name. Mary Christ. Joseph Christ.” ~stateofchangekc

“I thought married people were ‘awfully wedded’.” Iheartconsumer1

“I thought you couldn’t be out of money if you still had checks.” ~ @GW_HPFF

“I thought my Aunt Yvette was named Auntie Vet till I was 18 and added her on fb.” @tyler_kalin

“I thought skunks lived on the side of highways because that’s the only time I ever smelled them.” ~ @authenticalex

“I told my mom to make my brother a boy cheese sandwich because I thought I always ate girl cheese sandwiches.” ~ @spicedrum

“Signs said “It is a crime (misdemeanor) to consume alcohol on premises.” Thought misdemeanor was Spanish for “crime” til 15.” ~ @Lemonberry32

And my personal favorite:

“@TheBloggess reading all of your responses today, makes me realize that I’ve found my tribe. My odd, widely dispersed, Internet tribe. ~ @BroccoliDoc”

Welcome home, y’all.

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And in entirely unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap up:

This week’s wrap-up is sponsored by the wonderific folks at ZERT, a site where people can join and enter giveaways for free every day, 24 times each day.  They also have Quick Draw giveaways which last a few days, and Featured Giveaways which are given away each month.  You should probably check them out.