Let’s Pretend This Never Happened ( A Mostly True Memoir)
I wrote a book and it only took me 11 years. (Shut up, Stephen King.)
You should probably go buy it right now, because it’s filled with awesomeness. And cocaine. But only if you hollow it out and fill it with your own cocaine. I’m not buying you cocaine. Because I love you.
And that’s why you should buy my book. Because I’m saving you from yourself. And from cocaine.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
I comes out in a few months and it’s available for pre-order at Amazon
Already pre-ordered? Awesome. Then click here to fill out the form to get your free, signed bookplate (while supplies last).
Book summary:
For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris-Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut.
When Jenny Lawson was little, all she ever wanted was to fit in. That dream was cut short by her fantastically unbalanced father (a professional taxidermist who created dead-animal hand puppets) and a childhood of wearing winter shoes made out of used bread sacks. It did, however, open up an opportunity for Lawson to find the humor in the strange shame spiral that is her life, and we are all the better for it.
Lawson’s long-suffering husband and sweet daughter are the perfect comedic foils to her absurdities, and help her to uncover the surprising discovery that the most terribly human moments-the ones we want to pretend never happened-are the very same moments that make us the people we are today.
Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir is a poignantly disturbing, yet darkly hysterical tome for every intellectual misfit who thought they were the only ones to think the things that Lawson dares to say out loud. Like laughing at a funeral, this book is both irreverent and impossible to hold back once you get started.
AUTHOR BIO: Known for her sardonic wit and her hysterically skewed outlook on life, Jenny Lawson has made millions of people question their own sanity, as they found themselves admitting that they, too, often wondered why Jesus wasn’t classified as a zombie, or laughed to the point of bladder failure when she accidentally forgot that she mailed herself a cobra. Her blog (www.thebloggess.com) is award-winning, extremely popular, and she is considered to be one of the funniest women alive by at least three people.
Praise and advanced reviews:
“The Bloggess writes stuff that actually is laugh-out-loud, but you know that really you shouldn’t be laughing and probably you’ll go to hell for laughing, so maybe you shouldn’t read it. That would be safer and wiser.”
-Neil Gaiman, author of The Sandman, Stardust, American Gods and Coraline
“There’s something wrong with Jenny Lawson-magnificently wrong. I defy you to read her work and not hurt yourself laughing.” -Jen Lancaster, Author of Bitter is the New Black, Jeneration X, Bright Lights, Big Ass
“Jenny Lawson will make you laugh again and again – at things you didn’t even know were funny. And what’s more, she can write. What she knows about pacing, punchlines, setups and surprises could fill a book. Lucky for us, it’s this one. - Katherine Center, author of The Bright Side of Disaster, Everyone Is Beautiful, and Get Lucky
“Jenny Lawson is hilarious, snarky, witty, totally inappropriate, and ‘Like Mother Teresa, Only Better.’”
-Diana Vilibert, Marie Claire
“Jenny Lawson’s writing is nothing less than revolutionary. Her humor is touched by humanity, her cynicism laced with self-deprecation. I say this without a hint of exaggeration: She may be one of the most progressive women’s voices of our time.”
-Karen Walrond, author of The Beauty of Different
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I preordered your book along with “Dick and Jane and Vampires” (yes it’s a real kids book) because it said at checkout that your book was often ordered along with the latest Harry Potter movie which I thought was odd. So now you have another interesting book to be paired with yours. You’re welcome.
So how do I get an *autographed* copy?
Good for you young one. Apparently occasionally being locked away for long periods of forced confinement were just what you needed to get it finished. I’m sure Copernicus is proud.
I’m so excited it’s really here!!!! Not to sound real or anything, but you are SO my mentor. I blog because I can. My dream is to be published. I heart you.
Karen Sanders recently posted..Failed Send
SO, who plays YOU in the inevitable movie?….
G
Deeeeeeeaaaaaaar Bloggess, I am torn here. I want to be sincere and I want to fit in on your big, wonderful piece on the bloggoshere. What I am torn about is that I freakin’ love you, from a distance, through the world wide wide, and not in a freaky way. I *want* that book. My only hangup is,…..sheesh, this should not be so hard. I am a Jesus lover, and I totally get that Jesus would seem like a zombie. And I love when peeps like Jim Gaffigan poke a little (or a whole shitload of) fun at Christians and the way Jesus would seem in just the human way, like when it was His birthday, what the heck do you buy for the Guy who dies on the cross for you? That’s all Jim’s, in case you are not a Gaffigan-kind of person and don’t know of his stuff. So, I really want that book, even though I have 5 other books, including and Anne Lamott book whom I also love, from a distance, that I have not finished in like, oh, say 3 years. I know. Stupid. But this internets pulls me in. But also, I can’t get the book if it really insults Jesus. Please don’t think I am too weird and ban me from your blog. I love commenting here. You have made more grooves in happy parts of my brain, so I must come back. But I want to be honest in all blog related matters. I mean, who would lie in a blog? That would make no sense because I feel that blogs are where everyone should really let all the shit-stained laundry out for everyone to see; ya know, the real truth. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the fucking too hilarious to not be true. Am I right? Anywhoooos, thank you, darling, for being funny-as-all-get-out you. And I still hope that asshole ovary is settling down. I’ll even shoot out a prayer if that doesn’t offend. James Garfield needs your ovary to heal ’cause no one loves him like you do.
FYI, while adding your forthcoming book to my spreadsheet of “Books to Read” (yes, I have a spreadsheet to list books I want to read. Don’t judge me.) I accidentally typed “Jenny Lawsome”. HA! Get it! It’s punny. From now on I will always think of you as Jenny Lawsome. BAM!
All the way down at the bottom of the world in New Zealand, I follow your blog. You are the best entertainment!! Love to get a copy of your book, but not sure if I can down here in the antipodes.
Jenny,
Will it be available for the Kindle?
Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted..You Had Me at Abnormal
Just ordered it for my Nook! Can’t wait to get it!!!
I love you people. I made this page and forgot I left comments open. What a sweet surprise to see people actually looking.
In answer to your questions, you can totally order it on Kindle. Just look on the amazon link.
Also, I know it’ll be available in Australia so I’m guessing New Zealand will have it too?
And finally, my guess is that Jesus would read this book and enjoy it in spite of himself, so I think you can buy it without feeling guilty. In fact, he’d probably give it to God for Father’s Day because he’s a giver. But God would already own it because I’m sending him an advance copy in hopes that he pimps it out to everyone. God is the Oprah of Heaven.
Jenny the bloggess recently posted..My cat ruined Christmas and this post.
Hey, you seem to have quite a following here in lil ole NZ. Am off to the Amazon store to see if I can indeed get a copy sent here. I don’t think it’ll arrive in time for my mum for Xmas, so I might have to give her a card with Copernicus on it, with “I owe you one book, here’s a hug in the meantime…” That way I’ll also be able to read it before I give it to her (carefully, so as not to crease the spine). “Gosh, international post is slow isn’t it?”
So, darling, wonderful Bloggess, you sooooooooooooo made my day by answering my question! Wow; I kinda feel like I met someone famous, a good famous person, like hmmmmmmmmm, well I love Mr. Rogers, but that is weird and he died. I don’t want to get political here, ’cause I already did the “discuss religion” thing. Let’s just leave it at the fact that you made my day, and you *are* famous, and you read my comment and answered. I am holding my jagged half BFF heart right now. Figuratively, of course. I am not *that* crazy. So I have a nook, and I will click on over to Barnes and Noble and see if your masterpiece is there. If not, Husband will have to share his kindle. Buying God a Father’s Day present would be pretty tough. It’s nice that you helped Jesus out with that. As always, you inspire, Bloggess.
Franny recently posted..What is this bloggy place?
I love love LOVE that Neil Gaiman is one of the pre-praiser/reviewers for this book. If there were a doubt as to whether I’d buy the book, it’s gone now!
JENNY. JENNY. JENNY. Can I get an autographed copy + a mouse keychain? Okay thanks! – @CarrieCrain aka Wildcat’s Wife
Wildcat’s Wife recently posted..My Holiday Decor has Gone to the Dogs
I’m still debating pre-ordering your book. I mean it comes out right before the whole end-of-the-world-2012-apocalypse thing and I’m afraid I won’t have time to read it before I die at the hands of my suddenly alive and demonic computer as I try to write one last blog post.
Surely, you can understand this dilemma, right? I truly want time to enjoy your novel. And untangle my brain from what I am sure will be many brain tangling passages.
Oh, hell. I don’t know what to do! I need your advice, Jenny. Help me make this decision…
(You should buy it because then I can die as “best-selling author, Jenny Lawson” instead of “that weird girl who said ‘fuck’ a lot.” Plus, there’s no reason to be saving for retirement since we’re all dying anyway so technically you could buy several. Everyone wins. And dies. How terribly depressing. ~ Jenny, bloggess)
Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity recently posted..LMFAO Uses Light Show From One Of Our Local Residents On The AMA’s!!
GOD IS THE OPRAH OF HEAVEN.
Well. I’ve been sitting in the audience a long time. I’m overdue for a new car and a two-hundred-dollar toothbrush or sommat.
Jett recently posted..What then, when your whole life is scripted as apology?
I can’t WAIT to read it. I have so few heroes, but you are one of them. You’ve inspired me to blog again, and to enjoy writing again, and let it all hang out honestly, and you seriously just rock! And further, I love that you put the wrong year on the Christmas ornaments. That is something *I* would do, and I LOL’d at it.
Can we put a rush on it? Pretty please?
Jules recently posted..Bum Knee… Appreciate Your Good Ones While You Have Them…
How does one “accidentally forget”?
Is it available in Europe?
Are you going to do a book tour? Can you come to Minnesota?
Lauraszoo recently posted..jenny, the blogess
I had in mind that I was going to buy Amy Sedaris’ book, “I Like You…”, so I could get the super shipper savings with the other orders I got going on Amazon, but once you were compared with the likes of David Sedaris, Amy’s bro, which I’ve been using his book on tape for “Me Talk Pretty Some Day” to lull me to sleep at night( Not because it is dull mind you, far from it, but it’s one of the only books on tape I have, and I’m sick of the relax into sleep tape-boring! I love his personal stories of his life-I just put the volume on low, and I think it’s cool to have David reading to me sleep! in case you were wondering), I know now I have to get your book as well! I already use your blog to help me feel like I had some laughs in my hectic responsibility-laden life. You remind me of all the crazy friends I had back in the day, and all the crazy things we had done. Aahh! Those were the days! And thanks for the referral to the song, “In My Mind”. Fuck Yes!!
Ok So why the hell is your book most frequently purchased with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (+ UltraViolet Digital Copy) (2011)? The paperback version maybe but not this one…….Anyway your blog has brought a lot more laughter into my life. I hope you do a book tour so I can come see you (in NJ) in person. Thanks to you my husband and hopefully husbands around the globe know to quake in their boots when they hear “Knock Knock Mother-fucker!!!”
I can tell you without hesitation that this book is so not made for children. I had no idea why people buy it with Happy Potter, but I’d like to think that they want to hide the cost of the book from their spouse so they buy both at the same time and when their spouse asks what the bill is for they say “It’s for a DVD FOR THE CHILDREN. STOP QUESTIONING ME.” Either that or people just really like Harry Potter. I can’t argue with that.
Jenny the bloggess recently posted..Are there sweeter words?
Why do you call it ‘laughing yourself to the point of bladder failure’? The bladder is SUPPOSED to make you pee. That is not failure, but unmitigated success. The bladder, in this instance, WINS.
In other news I WANT THIS BOOK SO BAD.
Bladder: 1
Okay okay okay okay…you’ve sold it to me.
Claire J recently posted..Dreadlocks: 4 Years And Counting
I will absolutely buy your book, but I would especially adore having an autographed copy. You should do a book signing tour where people stand in line at the door to book store restrooms, they hand over their books through the cracked door, and then you hand them back through the door. You could even use stunt hands!
releasing on my birthday!!!??? I know what i’m asking for… something else.
Cannot wait!
My 17 yo son is getting a Kindle for Christmas. This means I’m going to download this on there and blow. His. Mind. It’ll be awesome. Then I can read it on his Kindle while his melted brain reforms and we can all go on about our daily lives. Double win.
April seems so far away!
Jenny,
1. Your original post about Beyonce made a terrific “Happy 15th Anniversary” message to a friend of mine, who appreciates irreverent humor.
2. I learned today that FB does not allow the phrase “Douche Canoe.” Who knew?
Merry Christmas — whatever year you think it is.
I just added it to my To-Read (aka Stuff I Want to Read, But Will Probably Never Actually Read) List.
you should be honored.
You have no idea how bad-ass it is to finally see this book coming out. Congratulations on making it to the long, grueling end of publishing.
Now, when are you writing the next one? And it better not be a crappy contract filler a la Prince.
Matthew McGarity recently posted..Golden Grahams: The Currency of the Realm
Best Blogger ever, and I want the book!
Just preordered at Barnacles and Buttholes (it’s not in a barn nor is it noble). Thank you, Miss Jenny.
“She may be one of the most progressive women’s voices of our time.”
Let’s pretend that never happened.
Fine. I’ll still buy your book.
Just don’t even start with progressive voices and shit.
Hearing them is OK, though.
The new meds are fantastic, eh?
hogsatemysister recently posted..Waco’s Capt. Buttface and the Pink House
So yeah I totally pre-ordered… I don’t want the kindle version tho because I want to leave it out in odd places for my friends to find and go “what is this?” and then maybe blow their minds a little. Then they wouldn’t think I was so weird for laughing uncontrollably and, when asked why, only being able to stutter things like “jjj-James Gar-gar-garfield!”. Or when I call someone a douchecanoe. They need to join the crazy side, where we also have cookies just like the dark side, but ours are better because we also have milk. I’ve never heard anyone advertise the dark side as having milk. And cows are pretty weird so it makes more sense they’d be with US. I mean, have you seen those udders?
And I’d do just about anything for a signed copy. If I send a Beyonce to knock on random peoples doors would that get me one? How about putting my kid in a ballet dress and giving her a toy gun and putting her on top of a car, ready for the apocalypse?
I just got a Nook Tablet for christmas and this is going to be my first big purchase! I am soooooo excited!
Angelina recently posted..Random Observation of the day…
Oh my sweet fuck month of April you get here right now! It’s too long a wait!
Chris Illuminati recently posted..Photo
#1 recommended forum thread on Amazon for your book: Do you Know any great True Prison Stories?
I am so excited about the douchecanoe tag.
Also, YOU are a fucking rockstar, Jenny. I’m so happy for you.
Maria recently posted..I could listen to a three year old talk all day long.
Can’t wait for your book to arrive in my mailbox! I ordered it immediately with instructions that the UPS guy leave it on my front porch, ring the doorbell, yell “Knock Knock Mother Fucker”, and then run and hide behind the shrubs to see me open the door. And then see me furiously happily squeal with glee! HA! =)
Congratulations! I am so excited for you! Preordering as I type!
I can’t wait to read this. And did I hear you say on Twitter that you’re recording an audio version? That will be awesome. You are such a rockstar!
Susan (5 Minutes for Mom) recently posted..Hello Canvas Holiday Photo Contest-Enter YOUR Best Photo
When can we expect the book tour? And please wear your dead wolf carcass while signing my copy!!
Jenn @therebelchick recently posted..Get Your Free Subscription to American Baby Magazine
I preordered your book as soon as it was available, and I absolutely cannot wait to read it… my husband is completely sick of hearing me talk about it.
Him: How can you talk so much about a book you haven’t even read yet?
Me: Because it is awesome. That is the kind of power this book has. Besides, it will come out just in time for your birthday. I will get you a copy.
Him: My birthday is in August.
Me: I am getting a head start. I am trying to be motivated. Stop trying to stop me!
Christene recently posted..Stuff I Did
I’m going to make my boyfriend buy me this book. Mostly because I don’t have a job, and partly because that’s what boyfriends are suppose to do..
Bummed.
Have been told you are the funniest thing since sliced bread. Read the bloggess, and was hooked. Saw that you had a book, and went to Kindle. Not available until April 2012! Isn’t that like bait and switch?
who the hell are you????
Jenny I am so excited for you. Will there be trucker hats to go along with the book tour? Even if there aren’t, I will still stand in line like one of those crazed shoppers on Black Friday to buy your book. xxoxoxoxox
Michelle Jones Lamar (formerly known as WTM).
Pre-ordered for my Kindle – looking forward to it!
Jenny,
I have a Kobo. I’ve already researched and Kindle books can be formatted to work on a Kobo, but I am technically challenged and would probably screw it up. Will your book ever be an EPUB for Kobo? If not, I guess I’ll have to go the old fashioned way and actually hold a book to read it because I soooo want to read this. Thanks!
NEIL GAIMAN?!!! You got a review from NEIL GAIMAN!!!! Holy fuck.
Welcome back, Happy New Year & Congrats….. Glad you are feeling better… Hate for your angst to entertain us… but you know it is part of who you are…
haha Jesus isn’t considered a zombie because HE WAS TALKING ABOUT COMMUNION, you know, the little cracker and teensy weensy cup of grape juice? but Jesus DID like to mess with us that way haha… i can’t WAIT for your book!!!
This book will be required reading for my staff.
You’re my twin sister, separated by 13 months & a few miles, but deep down I know we share the same brain.
Thank you for the 11 year journey to complete this book.
You’re my hero for everything that you write about & I actually like you MORE now since I read your January 2nd blog.
I can’t wait for this to come to my door & be waiting for me to share with the world. That is my calling in life.
If you’re doing book signings somewhere in WI, IL, MN, IA – I’ll be there just let me know.
You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey . You’ll never know dear how much i love you. Please dont take my sunshine away.
Is it weird that cow’s vagina talk on twitter is what hooked me?
Mayor Gia recently posted..Mayor Gia Meme 2012!
DUDE. I totally preordered my copy this morning. It’s like I can read your brain or something. Or I’m IN your brain. Or something.
PS – It’s comfy cozy in here.
Can I just say how extraordinarily jealous I am that you’ve got Neil Gaiman’s name on there?
Also? Totally love you. Thank you for you.
Cheree recently posted..Track 7 Brewing Company
–>I can’t wait to read your book. Congrats Jenny on getting it finished and published.
Beyonce is so proud. I heard her clucking about it.
WebSavvyMom recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Friends Across the Ages
Jenny, You are my idol. There are days I find myself laughing at the absurdity of life after which I immediately question my sanity. The tales you tell – especially the conversations with Victor – make me feel perfectly good about myself. Oh, I know I’m not sane by any stretch of the imagination but that’s what makes me me! Rock on with your bad self!!!
Marci
p.s. You were part of the inspiration for me to start my blog: http://blognamedbrew.blogspot.com/ If any of the other commenters read this, please don’t judge me against the Jenny Lawsome (love it!) measuring stick. I will fail every single time. But I’m trying!
Marci recently posted..More food. But better this time!
Totally ordering this on my Kindle. Really hoping you do book signings in the future too. Though that means I will have to buy a second copy of the book. Which is fine, really. Because no one will be able to touch the autographed copy. It’s going on my shrine, right next to mini-Beyonce, my Star Trek USS Enterprise pizza cutter and other randomness my boyfriend doesn’t understand.
NewMommyConfessions (@NewMommyConfess) recently posted..My Kitchen Is Trying To Kill Me
I think I need to get one for everyone I know. If I mail it to you with a self addressed stamped envelope will you sign it and mail it back? or sign something and scan it so I can trace it in. or have Ferris mewler step on an ink pad and then walk on the first page? Either one really….
addgirl recently posted..Robots, Reflections and Resolutions.
I put in my pre order with Amazon a while back and am waiting (not so patiently) for it to show up. I can’t wait to read it.
I was looking at the “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought” section, because I figured I should spend all my holiday money on Amazon, and there’s “Hark! A Vagrant” by Kate Beaton, “Let’s Panic About Babies!: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, … Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being” by Alice Bradley and Eden M. Kennedy, Firefly – The Complete Series (Hi, Nathan Fillion!), and “I Can Do It Reward Chart: Blank Supplement Pack”.
You have the best followers.
So happy for you, Jenny! Congrats!
This reminds me – I found Beyonce’s cousin acting as a greeter in a local restaurant. True story. I’ll send the photo.
Kat recently posted..Elements of My Parenting
Congrats!!!! I received the preorder for Christmas! So am very excited to get my hands on the book. I am just not fond of the waiting game! I suck at waiting patiently!
Done! Hard copy, bitches!
Wow, I’m excited! Will it be available is South Africa?
how could anything you do suck? you’re jenny lawson.
i cannot wait to sit on my couch and read your memoir. i won’t get off the couch until i finish every single page. i’m a slow reader, so this is saying a lot.
congrats and kick ass!
Simone recently posted..Happy New Year… and you’re laid off
i just pre-ordered my copy. caaaaaaaaan’t waaaaaait!!
I cannot wait to read this book first and then get to be the one who recommends it to all my friends!!!
Emily S. recently posted..Plans change, yo.
When is it going to be on Audible.com. I listened to Samatha Bee’s book while cleaning the house. I’m going to listen to yours while shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Don’t make me sit somewhere and read it!
xoxo
Thank you for the ugly truths and superior humor and for connecting with so many of us that you will never meet.
Your rantings feel like home to me. You are a freaken delight.
I will be buying the physical book, because I’m really REALLY hoping for a book tour/autograph opportunity. (Key Largo is beautiful anytime of year! But Miami’s close enough too…just sayin’) I’m going though a very rough time right now, and your blogs, the funny and the inspirational, are bright spots for me. Thank you, again and again and again…
Hey all – Pre-order of the book can be done here – http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Lets-Pretend-This-Never-Happened-Jenny-Lawson/9780399159015. And it ships for free to HEAPS of locations (including NEW ZEALAND!). Sign me up!!
I want. I want so hard.
I just received my necklace…Never give up…I too suffer depression and anxiety and am so excited to wear this every day in the hopes that people ask me about it and I can share with them my story. I blot at http://emchristianson.blogspot.com/2012/01/never-give-up.html and plan to purchase your book. I love your blog and relate in so many ways. Keep writing…Emily
I am glad the author’s note said sardonic and not satanic because at first I read satanic and I did see a Jesus reference there, and it all got a little weird for me, but I realized the error of my ways, that I can’t read type this small, and that I need new glasses, probably bifocals. You go, Jenny Lawson, and I can’t wait to buy it.
Just Pre-ordered!!!!
Pre-ordered my copy yesterday. CANNOT WAIT! For other Kiwis wondering if it’s available in New Zealand, Book Depository have it with free worldwide delivery- huzzah! I even got you the link…. http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/Lets-Pretend-This-Never-Happened-Jenny-Lawson/9780399159015
Well done Jenny, you always make me laugh.
awesomesauce! can. not. wait.
Congrats
Annette Baesel recently posted..Enjoying the Bounty of the Market
I will be buying your book.
I will probably be buying several.
I will be doing this mostly for my hubster and two grown children.
I will hand them the book. I will command them to read it.
I will then say something like,
“See. My Barry Manilow fetish and penchant for screaming at Always commercials seems pretty normal, now, right? RIGHT???”
(Awkward pause)
“DON”T YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME, YOUNG MAN!!”
Someone who bought your book also bought a giant pack of toilet paper. Why does Amazon sell toilet paper?
I’ll see your giant pack of toilet paper and raise you a Hagen Catit Design Fresh and Clear Cat Drinking Fountain AND a pack of Lactaid Fast Act Lactase Enzyme Supplements.
I want to preorder the book but I want even more to run into my local Barnes & Noble and buy the first copy they sell. Happy early Birthday present to me.
Kara recently posted..Riley on Marketing and Food
Pre-ordered thru amazon!
I did, I admit, look at the other books that folks also bought with LPTNH. (Only books listed for me, no other cool merch.) I am now considering “Animals Behaving Badly: Boozing Bees, Cheating Chimps, Dogs with Guns, and Other Beastly True Tales.”
big congrats. can’t wait to read it. and of course, to pretend this never happened.
Anna recently posted..My reluctant experiment in going offline
I can’t wait for your book to come out.
I discovered your blog when you put up the Found Snake sign. I laughed so hard I could hardly stop. It still makes me laugh every time I think of it. I would love a copy of your book, but I’m trying to figure out a way to have a bit of fun with my local library. I live in a very conservative community where your book would create LOTS of controversy. There has to be a way for me to get the library to order it without them knowing how awesomely controversial it will be. Mwah hah hah, this should be great fun! Thanks for your fabulous life, and for sharing your book with us.
Jenny… you really need a review by Wil Wheaton.
Two things:
1. I read the advance reading copy of your book (one of the perks of owning my own bookstore where, ahem, one could order said book) and plan to suggest it with every purchase, sort of like super-sizing an extra value meal. “Oh, I see you bought “The Sense of an Ending” by Julian Barnes, so you like understated poetic prose. I think you’ll really enjoy the bit in this book about the cow’s vagina.” See? It really works for everyone.
2. Since I am a complete history dork, I have to point out that your paragraph about Abraham Lincoln dying because people put their grubby hands in his bullet wound sounded more like what happened to James Garfield. Lincoln – massive head wound
Garfield – superficial back wound that proved fatal after being probed for months. It even inspired Alexander Graham Bell to invent the metal detector to find the bullet.
Seriously, though? Loved the book.
Jarek Steele recently posted..Winter Institute Diary Entry # 1, wherein I confess my love for my profession
Do you know if your book will be available is softcover? I pre-ordered it from amazon.ca (Canada) but hardcover is the only option. Any thoughts? I am crazy looking forward to it’s release. I have been very sick lately with no access to your site (tear) so I am counting the days for the book release so I have a travel edition of your stories.
Thanks in advance.
Tell me there will be a book signing tour. Please? Love you!
Alison recently posted..Welcome!
I bought your book from Amazon. You’re Welcome! Seriously looking forward to it!
jennie jackson recently posted..Too comfortable?
I cannot wait to read your book!! Mostly so I can stop doing drugs. Do you think that maybe you should come up with a marketing plan specifically for drug dealers? Like maybe how they won’t get put in jail for reading your book which will give them so MUCH MORE FREE TIME. Then you could be like, “Look Obama, I saved the world from the war on drugs.” And then they would have no choice but to make you president. I am a GODDAMN genius!! It must be all the drugs. You’re welcome. President Jenny Lawson. And instead of Marilyn Monroe singing you “Happy Birthday”, we could get all the drug dealers. Because they would be so thankful.
I can’t wait to order your book. As someone who also suffers from the gruesome illness I find comfort in your blog in knowing I’m not alone
Emily recently posted..Now it’s my turn to meltdown
Oh, I think commenter #27 has it absolutely right!!! A book tour with you autographing copies in the restroom. That, would be perfect.
Will there be a way to get an autographed copy? Seriously.
Will it be on kindle? Oh please? The hump on my back is finally going away, because I now carry around 87 books on a tablet… or in it…whatever
Dear everyone commenting about Amazon or Kindles: how about sticking to places that have weird, wonderful, quirky staff who love books and reading? Right in or your near your own communities? In other words, INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORES. The places we’re determined not to let Amazon kill. You can even buy your e-books through them. To find your nearest (or to support any one of the amazing stores out there – Book People in Austin, who started the “Keep Austin Weird” movement, the wonderful Women and Children First in Chicago, Powell’s in Portland, Buffalo Street Books in Ithaca, A Room of One’s Own in Madison, Mood Makers in Rochester, NY, or heck, my Burlingham Books in Perry, NY, where I’ll have it on the shelf come April), just use the Indie Store Finder at IndieBound.org. Support independent stores everywhere!
http://www.indiebound.org/book/9780399159015
Chicken Buckaww, typically a paperback edition of a book comes out only if the hardcover sells well enough. A few publishers publish both types simultaneously, but not many.
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will you be doing a book signing tour?
I was needing a good laugh today…nothing on tv, nothing I feel like doing, then i remembered “Aha!!!” with maniacal glee and went to your website …as I always do on these days. I guess it must be a lower day because I’m still down in the dumps. And then I saw your book in the left corner or your website and I thought, “Yes! Oh this is awesome! Just what I need!!!” but boo, it’s not out til APRIL! I’m not sure how I will survive waiting
@ellen, if it’s on amazon (she states above), it’s available kindles. That’s where you get your kindle books.
I just bought your book.
April 17th. I feel like I am getting into another Twilight or Hunger Games series. 3 MONTHS!!
I already have to wait months on end for other books to come out, then I have to wait for those books to be turned into movies and then wait for those movies to be released.
I just thought you were better than those corporate assholes.
Wait, you are. Which is why I am going to shut up now and wait patiently for your book.
Until April 17th.
Plus 3-4 days because I was too cheap to pay extra shipping.
So really, like, April 21st. Or maybe longer because there could be a holiday somewhere in there or god forbid another national weather emergency.
If that is the case, I will be convinced that the world is not going to end and that in fact, the world is just conspiring against me so that I cannot read your book.
Which is kinda how I feel already.
I am dragging, mostly because my boyfriend pissed me off tonight and by sitting here typing, he thinks I actually have a life and that I am not thinking about how pissed I am at him for being a tard bot.
Lucky me, I am the only one who knows that I really don’t have a life. Well me and you and whoever else might, unfortunately, happen to scroll down and read this.
Sincerely,
Your biggest fan.
PS This thing needs spell check.
I just got my ARC through work (I work at an independent bookstore in Michigan), and am having flashbacks to visiting yooper cousins as a kid. Also, I keep snorting a lot on my lunch break, leading everyone in the office to ask “What’s so funny?”
Basically? Brilliant and hilarious.
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PS. I will still be buying a hardcover, because books this fancy deserve to be in the best possible format. No paperbacks and none of that e-book bullshit.
PPS. Is that one of your father’s taxidermys (?) on the cover?
Lincoln recently posted..Thoughts on covering Dylan
Pre-ordered at BAM, you’re there too.
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Oh dear god there IS a Kindle version! But what the F am I going to do with the bookplate. If I put it on my KIndle it kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?
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Bloody hell I may have to get both the hard cover and the Kindle version. THANKS. And don’t tempt me with the Audio CD…is it really YOU reading it? Oh no you di’nt!
JBMONCO recently posted..All Roads Lead To-From-To Rome
Just pre-ordered. April 17 is actually my birthday, so happy birthday to me! And very heartfelt confratulations to you, Jenny. I am sure the book will be a wild success.
Son of a bitch! I totally forgot I read this last night and wanted the book plate and preordered for Kindle. I think I’ll go cancel that and buy the paper one.
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I preordered for Kindle. I asked for a bookplate anyway. I don’t know if I’ll get it, but if I do, I’m going to put it inside some completely random old book so in like 1000 years archaeologists will be super confused.
Jenny, I’ve been reading your hilarity for years, but I can’t get the signed bookplate because I live in Canada? We’re friendly here… Beautiful land, clean lakes, Rocky mountains, free health care, American retail stores, different coloured money, above average education, stable banking system, hockey, and Tim Hortons. Admit it…everyone wants to live in Canada! Yet, I can’t get a signed bookplate from my favorite blogger because I live in Canada? I’m pre-ordering your book anyway, but I hope you re-consider your love for your northern allies.
So I pre-ordered your book with our big local book seller up here in the Great White North and I have to wait until early April! Gawd I hate waiting. Waiting is for, well….waiters. Also since I’m Canadian and apparently the book plate distributor people are still bitter we won the War of 1812 I can’t get a signed bookplate. Send more love our way.
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Yeah preordered! Because it occurred to me that I should try preordering it through my Nook rather than the B&N website. I’m new to this.
Jenny, you are an absolutely beautiful woman! You look great! And so does Wolf Blitzer.
Have to say, it’s at least 4 people that think you’re the funniest person alive! Pre-Ordered, and can’t wait to read it.
PS, can you make a shirt with the rattlesnake sign? I would totally buy it, or a Poster, that might be better. You could do a collage on a poster
I got my hubby a Kindle Fire for xmas this year, and when he found out his gift was going to be pricey, he was all “IF IT IS EXPENSIVE AND CAN’T BE USED BY ALL OF US, THEN I AM RETURNING IT!!!!” An then I was all “YOU ARE A TIGHT WAD DOUCHE BAG!” Then he got the kindle on xmas day, and he loves it, and he sucks at sharing. To make a longs story longer.. Before I found out that he is a sucky sharer, I preordered your book on the kindle. He found out tonight that I ordered it, and is all mad that I will be hogging the kindle for a few days after it comes out. This is why I need to buy a tape recorder. Evidence is the only way to prove how right, smart, or innocent I am. Also, I might end up with good blackmail material. Probably the second choice is my best argument, since we both already know that I am never wrong.
How much bribery would it take to get a bookplate shipped to Canada? I can see if I can find some strange taxidermied animals for you? Put a mini-Beyonce on a Canadian landmark and take photos?
Send you my first born?
I am highly anticipating your book, which “drops” on my birthday! This will be the best gift I’ve had in a long time. Keep up the fabulousness. I finally don’t feel so alone in my head…and I just realized I ordered a bookplate after I pre-ordered your book for my Nook. I think I’ll decoupage it onto my coffee bowl (not mug, bowl) so I can remember to read your book every morning.
And, Happy Birthday Lisa! Were your birthdays always worked around Easter and the first day of Trout Season too?
Pre-ordered! I am now giddy and cannot freaking wait until April 2whatever when it arrived!!!
I went to review your book on Librarything, but it’s only available in the US. When will it be released to those of us in the rest of the world?
i find it no coincidence that your book is being released on “National Cheeseball Day.”
no coincidence at all.
can’t wait!
can’t wait for the book, i mean. not “National Cheeseball Day.” well, maybe.
Okay, question? So what about those of us who pre-ordered the Kindle edition? No offense, but we’re feeling kinda left out of the whole “free, signed bookplate” thing.
Can’ t wait. And I’m not sayign that just because i’m drunk.
I just ran across your blog and have to tell you that you will be my first Blogger to follow. I don’t really get into the blogging thing, but you crack me up!!!! Thanks for the entertainment!
Mai Lee
Mai Lee recently posted..UPDATED: Weasel algebra
Yea! just ordered your book from Amazon, Can’t Wait to hurt myself laughing…. again….
I preordered this book.. I can’t wait to read it!
Please open a Book Blog for when the book comes out!
I would love to get online and laugh/share moments of this book!!
And just a note: this world needs more Giant Metal Chickens and Stuffed Weasels!
Thanks for bringing the fun back!
Gutted not to be able to get a signed bookplate – due to being a reader across the pond in the UK – but SUPER excited to have pre-ordered your book. (I will totally have forgotten all about pre-ordering it when it arrives in the post so I am already excited about getting the best ‘surprise’ ever!) Yours in ardent admiration, the Accidental Londoner.
Accidental Londoner recently posted..An Accidental Londoner Abroad
Ooh! I pre-ordered from Amazon! Can I get a signed bookplate, too? Yay!
I was going to order the Kindle version of your book, but decided to get the HC edition so that I can share it with my wife. <3
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I wanna signed bookplate!!!!!! Ordering on Amazing… <–typo. I'm ordering on Amazon, but because you are Amazing, I believe I'll allow it.
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Your click here to get a bookplate button is broke
I need one since this is the first hardcover book I have ordered in almost 2 years.
(Try again. It works for me and there are still a few hundred left so it hasn’t been shut down yet. ~ Jenny)
I pre-ordered ages ago… can I get a book plate? Pleeeaaaasseeee?
Jenny…..Do you have a schedule yet of book signings?
Eeek! I just pre-ordered the book and the link for the bookplate won’t work for me either. Wah!!
Are you getting an error message? Will it let you look at the link at all? It’s a google form and I can see it so you should be able to order. I see new names coming in. Just lemme know.
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I preordered on Amazon, does that count? Can I get a bookplate?