Victor: Maybe we should join a gym.
me: Nah. I’m already extremely successful at failing to work out right here at home. No need to branch out, really.
Victor: But we’d probably be more likely to work out if we had access to exercise machines.
me: There are machines that exercise for you? Bloody hell, man. Why didn’t you say so? BUY ONE IMMEDIATELY.
Victor: It doesn’t quite work like that.
me: Are there also robots that ignore deadlines for you, and cyborgs that fuck shit up more efficiently? Because I’m fairly good at that, but honestly? I think there’s room for improvement.
Victor: Oh, you’re being too hard on yourself. You’re amazing at fucking shit up.
me: I know. It’s the only art I’ve almost perfected. Frankly, it kind of blows my mind a little.
Victor: Mine too, honey. Mine too.