Conversation with me and Victor: me: I just realized something: Spiders have eight legs and eight eyes, and humans have two legs and two eyes, and worms have no legs and no eyes. Victor: And? me: And cats have four legs…BUT ONLY TWO EYES. Victor: Um…yep. me: I mean, it doesn’t follow, does it? Are theyContinue reading “I think I’m onto something but probably not.”
Category Archives: conversations
I am tremendously easy to please and I’m not getting credit for it.
Conversation between me and my husband: me: My feet hurt Victor: Your feet always hurt. me: Because of all the ass I’m kicking. Victor: *raised eyebrow* me: And also because of my rheumatoid arthritis. Victor: That sounds more accurate. me: And I might need new shoes. Victor: *sigh* me: And a piggy-back ride. Victor: Hmm. me:Continue reading “I am tremendously easy to please and I’m not getting credit for it.”
Werewolves never get mosquito bites.
Victor: I am eaten up with mosquito bites. me: You totally are. You look like someone graffitied all over you with Braille. Or like you’re made of cat nipples. Victor: Those fuckers even bit me through my shirt. I have like 20 mosquito bites on my back. me: Do you have them on your arms?Continue reading “Werewolves never get mosquito bites.”
STITTING: You can’t do it and your cats can’t stop bragging about it.
Conversation with Victor: me: I think I have a problem. Victor: Technically you have lots of them. Which one specifically are you speaking of? me: Look at Hunter S. Thomcat. Victor: Yeah. He’s being a cat. What a bastard. me: No. I mean, he looks as if he’s standing on the stairs at full attention, but if you look behindContinue reading “STITTING: You can’t do it and your cats can’t stop bragging about it.”
In my defense, I’m just very lazy.
Victor: Maybe we should join a gym. me: Nah. I’m already extremely successful at failing to work out right here at home. No need to branch out, really. Victor: But we’d probably be more likely to work out if we had access to exercise machines. me: There are machines that exercise for you? Bloody hell,Continue reading “In my defense, I’m just very lazy.”
Just to answer your question in advance, I have a lot of small wigs because I thought they’d fit the dead weasels but then it turned out they were slightly too large and I hate returning things.
Victor: Why did you put a wig on the cat? me: Better question: Why do you always assume it’s me? I’m not the only one who lives here, you know. Victor: Hailey? Hailey: Yeah? Victor: Did you put a wig on the cat? Hailey: Why would I put a wig on a cat? me: ThisContinue reading “Just to answer your question in advance, I have a lot of small wigs because I thought they’d fit the dead weasels but then it turned out they were slightly too large and I hate returning things.”