Conversation with me and Victor: me: I just realized something: Spiders have eight legs and eight eyes, and humans have two legs and two eyes, and worms have no legs and no eyes. Victor: And? me: And cats have four legs…BUT ONLY TWO EYES. Victor: Um…yep. me: I mean, it doesn’t follow, does it? Are theyContinue reading “I think I’m onto something but probably not.”
Category Archives: conversations
I am tremendously easy to please and I’m not getting credit for it.
Conversation between me and my husband: me: My feet hurt Victor: Your feet always hurt. me: Because of all the ass I’m kicking. Victor: *raised eyebrow* me: And also because of my rheumatoid arthritis. Victor: That sounds more accurate. me: And I might need new shoes. Victor: *sigh* me: And a piggy-back ride. Victor: Hmm. me:Continue reading “I am tremendously easy to please and I’m not getting credit for it.”
Werewolves never get mosquito bites.
Victor: I am eaten up with mosquito bites. me: You totally are. You look like someone graffitied all over you with Braille. Or like you’re made of cat nipples. Victor: Those fuckers even bit me through my shirt. I have like 20 mosquito bites on my back. me: Do you have them on your arms?Continue reading “Werewolves never get mosquito bites.”
STITTING: You can’t do it and your cats can’t stop bragging about it.
Conversation with Victor: me: I think I have a problem. Victor: Technically you have lots of them. Which one specifically are you speaking of? me: Look at Hunter S. Thomcat. Victor: Yeah. He’s being a cat. What a bastard. me: No. I mean, he looks as if he’s standing on the stairs at full attention, but if you look behindContinue reading “STITTING: You can’t do it and your cats can’t stop bragging about it.”
In my defense, I’m just very lazy.
Victor: Maybe we should join a gym. me: Nah. I’m already extremely successful at failing to work out right here at home. No need to branch out, really. Victor: But we’d probably be more likely to work out if we had access to exercise machines. me: There are machines that exercise for you? Bloody hell,Continue reading “In my defense, I’m just very lazy.”
Just to answer your question in advance, I have a lot of small wigs because I thought they’d fit the dead weasels but then it turned out they were slightly too large and I hate returning things.
Victor: Why did you put a wig on the cat? me: Better question: Why do you always assume it’s me? I’m not the only one who lives here, you know. Victor: Hailey? Hailey: Yeah? Victor: Did you put a wig on the cat? Hailey: Why would I put a wig on a cat? me: ThisContinue reading “Just to answer your question in advance, I have a lot of small wigs because I thought they’d fit the dead weasels but then it turned out they were slightly too large and I hate returning things.”
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Happy 50th birthday to this absolute legend. I love you, mister.
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Personalizing stacks of books today and having lots of feelings. So many people send my books to others who are struggling. They ask me to write specific notes to their loved ones and the requests are so beautiful that I want to share them but I won’t bc it seems too personal. But just between you and me, if you’ve written something lovely to someone you love and I get to transcribe it for you I feel very lucky bc your words touch me as well. I am warmed by your fire.
Apparently two of my books were used without permission to train generative-AI systems. So, that sucks.
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