This would be funnier if you were drunk too.

A morning in the life of me:

This morning I went to see Sisters at the movies with my friend Maile.  We were concerned that it might not be funny and we needed it be so we ordered drinks but the movie theater was like, “It’s illegal to sell you booze this early on Sunday morning unless you get food because Texas is weird” but then they admitted that the slice of lime they put on the side of my margarita counts as food, which was awesome because then we were lightly buzzed and also we weren’t going to get scurvy.  I had to pee halfway through the movie but I didn’t want to miss anything so I ran as fast as I could to the restroom, but on the way back I guess I was running too fast (and my feet shrunk because it’s cold here) so as I was running my shoe shot off my foot and flew into the air and when it fell it hit a stranger in the back.    And he was looking up at the ceiling like, “What just fell on me?” and I looked up the air, like I was also concerned that things were falling and said, “Whoa.  What just happened?” as I slipped my shoe back on (which sounds bad but my shoe barely hit him and it was really embarrassing so technically we were both victims) and then I ran back to my seat and told Maile we couldn’t leave because I hit someone with a flying shoe.  And she’s a good friend because she didn’t even blink.  Then this old lady beside us had to go to the bathroom but she lost her balance and almost toppled down the stairs but Maile grabbed her in a concerned man-handling sort of way and kept her from breaking all of her hips, so I think our karma equaled out.  (Saving old ladies > owning a shoe that kicks people in the back.) Like, technically I think we could even kick a few puppies and we’d still be up on the karma points.  Not that we would.  I’m just saying that we could, but we wouldn’t.  Which makes our karma even higher, I think.  Choosing not to kick puppies is a +2 to your karma score every day, y’all.  This is science.

So, long story short, I know this is gonna piss a lot of people off, but Sisters was way funnier than Star Wars.  Sorry, not sorry.

PS.  The booze may not have completely worn off yet.  Sorry.  For real.  Sorry.

PPS.  Also, our husbands and kids met us for lunch afterward and Victor ordered fish.  I think it’s supposed to be fancy but basically they just dropped a whole fish in the fryer which seems like the laziest way to make fish ever.  I usually don’t get why people post pictures of their food and drinks on the internet but I’m making an exception because THEY DIDN’T EVEN REMOVE THE TEETH.  I didn’t even know fish had teeth, so maybe they added them?  I don’t know how fish work.

PPPS.  Sorry again.  For all the stuff above.  The usual.

*******

And now, the weekly wrap-up:

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

• As requested, the 2016 Bloggess Calendar!  (It’s half off today if you use this promo code.)
• I made this for me but you can have one too.

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

• This gingerbread house makes your gingerbread house look like shit.  I thought mine was good until I saw that.  I’m just going to quit now.
• Publishers Lunch named Furiously Happy as one of the “Absolutely Best of the Best Books of 2015”
• The perfect underwear to keep people staring intently at your junk.